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Class of April 2014 Part 9

Old 05-23-2014, 01:35 PM
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UP, I definitely have unexplained low moods. Exercise always shifts me back to a more positive state.

I also agree, high energy music can help, especially something that I can try to sing to (but that's probably because my singing just makes me laugh).

I have also been known to tell myself a really corny joke while looking in the mirror then making myself roar with laughter. I know this sounds a bit weird, and do be mindful of the neighbours, but it works for me when I just need to surprise myself with a bit of eccentricity.

Please let us know how you're doing, if it doesn't pass soon, I have some more extreme ideas, but I'm hoping you won't need to stoop to my really bizarre "banish the low mood" strategies.
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Old 05-23-2014, 01:43 PM
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I feel a little better. to quote Godsmack: "Knowing I...I just needed to realign"
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Old 05-23-2014, 01:48 PM
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Back at day one.

Trip sucked. Just about 2000 miles in the car with two kids.
The AC broke on the second day. Youngest threw up all over the car twice wed night on the way home. I drank a few times while I was gone, and I drank last night. I didn't drink enough to get real drunk or have hangovers. It would be easy for me to feel proud that I have been "controlling" myself but I would be lying to myself . I know it's like Russian roulette and I haven't magically learned how to drink normal. Every time I drank, I wanted to drink more than I did. Luckily I was able to stop myself. Luck, more than self control. And what is the point of drinking if I am left feeling unsatisfied? Honestly, I wanted to get wasted and forget about everything.

My mom has been bleeding out of two places in her colon. They did a biopsy but don't have the results. So they don't know exactly what they are yet but she lost a lot of blood today, and they are doing laparoscopy again and will try to cauterize them. This is happening right now. If it does not work they will remove part of her colon. This is on top of her liver and kidneys not working. I am a nervous wreck. I hope to God the cauterization works and I hope that it is not cancer. My poor dad. He has so much guilt. She was sick for a long time and he couldn't make her go to the doctor. He tried. But he now wishes he would've some how forced her. I have the same guilt. But no one imagined it was this bad and when she went down hill she went fast. I wish there was more. I could do. I am relieved that they are now in one of the worlds best hospitals but there is only so much that can be done.

I like to drink when I'm stressed. I can't do that anymore. I'm starting over. Thank you everyone for the support. Maybe if I would've taken the time to log on here more during the past week I wouldn't have made bad decisions. If I would've just stopped and thought about it and talked about the urge instead of acting on it.

I'm still way out of the loop on the thread but hopefully within the next few days or so. I can make time to read up on how things are going,
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Old 05-23-2014, 01:52 PM
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UP
Are you familiar with Dethklok? They have a show metalocalypse on adult swim.
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Old 05-23-2014, 01:59 PM
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No but now I am going to have to check it out. Glad you are back, we missed you.
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Old 05-23-2014, 01:59 PM
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If you like metal and/or coffee, you will love Dethklok's Duncan Hills Coffee jingle


Dethklok - Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle (full version) - YouTube
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Old 05-23-2014, 02:01 PM
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That's great UP.

I was thinking the other day that you seem to always be able to give us all so much positive support and encouragement, but perhaps there might be times when you yourself could do with a little more support and encouragement. I'm remembering your friends quote that you posted a while back about the strong person, and giving freely.

So I just want to remind you that you're on a hero's journey, with the rest of us fools... And youre making progress day by day.... And life is fixing itself, even if it seems a bit slow at the moment.

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Old 05-23-2014, 02:08 PM
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Solli, I'm sorry that your mum is still so poorly. Glad you're able to check back in with us now.

Well done for getting back to your beautiful sober self today. Staying clear headed will be so important.

Hope things improve soon for you and your family.
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Old 05-23-2014, 02:10 PM
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Thanks Soli that was funny.
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Old 05-23-2014, 02:25 PM
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Welcome back Sol

Up - you've had a hard week - I think it's perfectly reasonable to expect you'll be up and down in mood?

D
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Old 05-23-2014, 02:45 PM
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UP - I agree with the environment change working sometimes. I hope things are looking, well, UP. If you're able, maybe pick a movie in awhile and wind down for the night and early to bed?

Sol - Welcome back to us. Sorry about your mom, but we can be here for you too. I slipped last weekend and am stronger than ever though I can't imagine how'd I feel in your shoes. I hope you find some strength, like I did, in realizing again that the drink isn't even really fun nor helpful anymore.

I know I really want to go to bed early for this earlybird race tomorrow - I hope my kids will cooperate. As I said, thank goodness the wine will be gone the night before the event but I'm not sure how these Snickerdoodles are going to help that I just made.
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Old 05-23-2014, 03:23 PM
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Just found out my mom has to get a surgery on Tues and there's only 20% chance of survival. If she does make it she'll have to poop through a bag the rest of her life. I can't even process this. I am going to lose my sh**
I am not good at expressing my feelings and I don't want to talk about it with anyone. People keep trying to call me and stuff and I can't take it. I'm doing my best to hold it together. I'm scared to let this sink in. I might lose control. It scares me how little I've cried. There is a sharp ball in my throat. I need to keep it together. My life is so effed up right now it's surreal.
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Old 05-23-2014, 03:30 PM
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Originally Posted by Soliloquy View Post
Just found out my mom has to get a surgery on Tues and there's only 20% chance of survival. If she does make it she'll have to poop through a bag the rest of her life. I can't even process this. I am going to lose my sh** I am not good at expressing my feelings and I don't want to talk about it with anyone. People keep trying to call me and stuff and I can't take it. I'm doing my best to hold it together. I'm scared to let this sink in. I might lose control. It scares me how little I've cried. There is a sharp ball in my throat. I need to keep it together. My life is so effed up right now it's surreal.
im sorry <3 I know that feeling all too well <3 I send a digital hug, i don't have much to say but that I'm sorry and care <3 I have my hopes high for you, and I love dethklok
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Old 05-23-2014, 03:36 PM
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Sol. I'm sorry for whats going on with your mother. I know it must all be very hard to process.

My thoughts are with you.

D
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Old 05-23-2014, 03:43 PM
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My thoughts and prayers are with you Soli.
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Old 05-23-2014, 04:01 PM
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I'm sorry Sol. You and your family are in my thoughts.
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Old 05-23-2014, 04:30 PM
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Soliloquy, I'm glad you're back, you were missed. I'm so sorry for what's happening with your mom, and how hard it is on you. All you can really do in a situation like this is to take care of yourself, and I really hope you do.
Have you ever heard of Bach's flower remedies? They've been around for more than 50 years, and work on a vibrational level. I know how ridiculous this sounds, but they really do work, and there's one in particular that might really be helpful for you called rescue remedy. It comes in several forms, but the pastilles are what I would recommend. They have no alcohol in them, and are so subtle that even if you took them all at once, you'd be fine. They are incredibly helpful for anxiety and stress, and are safe enough for kids as well as adults. They work wonders for me, even after all the opiates I took, and I think could be really beneficial for you. You can get them at health food stores if there are any where you live, but I just checked, and amazon has them, too. It's an add on item there, so you'll have to get a few of them, or order something else, too, but I think they could really help you right now.
I'm hoping for the best possible outcome for your mom, and also for you. Please take care of yourself, and vent on here as much as you need to.
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Old 05-23-2014, 04:45 PM
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Hi! Sheepishly back at day one. More like almost day two. And what a long long day it's been.

And I'm so sorry to hear it Soliloquy!
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Old 05-23-2014, 04:47 PM
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Glad to have you back Rockstonic

D
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Old 05-23-2014, 05:05 PM
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Yea, glad your back rocks. We were worried about you.
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