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Class of January 2014 Part 9

Old 05-18-2014, 04:23 PM
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I'm good.

I went for a walk today and I found peace. I have been reading a lot of spiritual stuff lately.

Today I felt at peace. At one with everything. Present and alive in the moment.

Hope everyone else is good too!
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Old 05-18-2014, 04:29 PM
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What I'm noticing is how much difference a day can make and I think it's really an important thing for me to note and remember. 24 hours ago I was so so so burned out. I was angry and resentful to the point that I didn't even want to talk about it.

24 hours later and I feel a lot of peace and gratitude. I did some really nice things for myself and with my family and I feel like I fed my spirit a lot. Sundays are becoming my favorite day, which is funny because for a long time they have been my pre-Monday dread day. I have had the nicest day.

So...for all of us - the bad times can seem like they will never end and then just *poof*, there is relief. Not just relief, but restoration. And yeah - it goes both ways, because tomorrow I won't feel peace but I'm just going to live in the now.

Odelle, yes, I'm noticing that I'm losing the constant, constant AV chatter. The desire to escape is not gone, but that one is going to take a while I think. But I feel like the knee jerk "must drink" is definitely receding. It is wonderful.
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Old 05-18-2014, 04:58 PM
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Originally Posted by Odelle View Post
Hello everyone, I hope that the weekend has given everyone a much needed reprieve from life's demands. Sunday afternoon here, finishing chores and getting ready for another work week. One thing I have noticed is that thoughts of drinking are gone. Anyone else experiencing this welcome change? I know everyone's journey is different, but I wonder if it's a natural progression; the initial struggle to stop, fighting the AV for months and finally an acceptance that alcohol is no longer a part of my life.

Wishing you all a week filled with hope and happiness.
I feel the same way Odelle. I notice that Alcohol is not my first "go-to", coping mechanism as it was before. Every once in a while, it comes to mind, but less and less often. I guess that means we are building other coping methods for those situations that make us want to escape
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Old 05-18-2014, 07:09 PM
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121 days today. My husband is gone on a fishing trip. There is beer in my fridge. It would have been so easy to have "just one beer" after a long week. But I thought, why do I want to ruin what I have accomplished. I've made it 4 months without drinking, without waking up hungover, without that disappointed look on my husbands face when I didn't stop at one or two. I made it through the weekend and I am thankful. Good luck to all of you struggling with the same emotions. It is hard, but we can do it!
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Old 05-19-2014, 06:18 AM
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Hello Friends,

I went to church yesterday and to another meeting fairly close by. These meetings are small but this was a biggie, 16 people. There was a lot of good input. I do see that I may have a hard time choosing a sponsor as there are fewer women than men here, also. The oldtimers are the men. I guess I'll keep doing my work and pray that God will help guide me. I'm through step 1-3 and started my step 4 in FL with my sponsor there. Guess I'll try doing that on my own for now.

Halfvictory, how ya doing? Don't listen to that av.

Odelle, I'm glad to hear it is getting easier for you now. Stay focused and I know you'll do okay.

Adee and Finnie, remember to take breaks as you can and meditate some throughout your busy day.

Artic, what's your next step?

Dee, Have a great day. You keep us on track well.

I'm doing pretty well but do think abut drinking but not really about having one but more like where I've been and whats next. My pain level is down some and for that i am very thankful. I don't want to get wore down with that.

Have a good sober day and focus on the solution and not the problem.
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Old 05-19-2014, 11:32 AM
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My urge to drink has gone down a lot since I wrote out that history. It pops into my head (AV) and I SLAM it back down and I say "REMEMBER ALL THE BAD THINGS IT DID TO YOU!!" and that keeps it in check.

My next step? I dunno! I'm just living life. Without hangovers and guilt.
And trying to keep my insane-o moodswings and emotions in control.

I turn 30 next month and that's messing with me pretty bad. I am glad to be hitting that milestone sober. Urrghhh can you imagine the hangover from a dirty-thirty birthday party? NO THANK YOU
I'd probably flash someone or something just to prove I was still young and fun. :P
eck
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Old 05-19-2014, 03:52 PM
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Congrats startingnew

I'm glad the pain level is down Kris...and thoughts are thoughts. It's what we do in response that counts.

you're just a spring chicken Arctic...

D
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Old 05-20-2014, 05:33 AM
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Good morning all. What a difference a day can make! I woke up yesterday, tired and groggie, and progressively went down hill the entire day. Work demands were nonstop and my reaction, not so great. After work, I went home and checked online what the cancellation policy was for dropping the yoga class; couldn't find anything. I called my daughter to see if she was still going (we enrolled in a yoga class last week), she affirmed she wanted to go. We went and were the only two students there, so more individual attention, no problem. I must have tweaked my back because that all too familiar burning, aching sensation made it hard to sleep last night and I'm painfully aware of it this morning.

Okay, vent over. I've got to pull myself together and tackle this short week; looking forward to a long weekend to finally knock off some of the more time consuming home projects that I've been procrastinating on.

Let's keep moving forward, taking the bad with the good and learning to cope with everything else in between. I'll be watching for my pink cloud while driving to work!
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Old 05-20-2014, 02:42 PM
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Hope today worked out better odelle

D
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Old 05-20-2014, 04:20 PM
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Thinking of you all and wishing you a lovely evening of sober.
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Old 05-22-2014, 04:24 PM
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Ok. I am feeling great!

One problem. I dived into aa for the first 4 months. Got the chip and all. Lol. I just kind of lost it with going to meetings. I went nearly every night now it's only every week.
I left a meeting in my 'home' group half way through and I haven't been back. That was 3 weeks ago.

I am in contact with a long service member, he is actually an acquaintance of my fatherWe have gone to a couple of meetings together. Lots of text contact etc and some calls. He kinda advised me to lose my home group and start travelling. Fine, I understand, home group is very big, very raw and very edgy. He kept saying not everyone gets well here. So I travelled, but I have lost the want to go to meetings. He has gone a little cold. Little enough contact now.

Where do I go from here? It seems like I'm on a one way ticket out of aa?
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Old 05-22-2014, 05:28 PM
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Originally Posted by Finnie View Post
Ok. I am feeling great!

One problem. I dived into aa for the first 4 months. Got the chip and all. Lol. I just kind of lost it with going to meetings. I went nearly every night now it's only every week.
I left a meeting in my 'home' group half way through and I haven't been back. That was 3 weeks ago.

I am in contact with a long service member, he is actually an acquaintance of my fatherWe have gone to a couple of meetings together. Lots of text contact etc and some calls. He kinda advised me to lose my home group and start travelling. Fine, I understand, home group is very big, very raw and very edgy. He kept saying not everyone gets well here. So I travelled, but I have lost the want to go to meetings. He has gone a little cold. Little enough contact now.

Where do I go from here? It seems like I'm on a one way ticket out of aa?
Finnie, I am sorry to hear about your aa experience. Have you explored other options? In the mean time, hang in there, and continue to post as often as you need too
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Old 05-22-2014, 05:34 PM
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Hmm. I dunno if I'd want my mentor to tell me 'not everyone gets well here'.

That may be true, but I'd like to travel with guys who have good recovery - the sober and happy guys - and I know there are a lot of them in AA.

if you don't do AA what else are you gonna do for your recovery Finnie?
D
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Old 05-22-2014, 06:18 PM
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Finnie, just make sure to pray and ask God to show you where He wants you to be. And don't get complacent.

I kind of understand as I am back home now and live in a rural area. I am looking for a sponsor but at meetings with only a handful of women as prospects, the few who are sober any length of time are not willing to sponsor and live quite a distance away. I'm still hoping and looking into new meetings. My old sponsor is still in touch and we speak several times a week. I would like help in doing the steps though. I am praying for guidance and discipline.

Good luck and best wishes.

I hope everyone else is moving forward and feeling optimistic.

Congrats to all of us staying sober and looking for new ways to accomplish staying sober.

Sweet sober dreams to you.
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Old 05-22-2014, 07:12 PM
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Hi Finnie, although I haven't been to AA, I know it helps a lot of people. Like Kris suggested, are you open to exploring other recovery groups? I've read a lot of positive threads on Celebrate Recovery and googled it in the UK UK Locations. I don't know if there are any meetings near you, but you can read up on it to see if it is something you might want to look into.

Does your home group vary in attendees during the week? Maybe connecting with a group that meets certain days of the week?
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Old 05-23-2014, 06:13 AM
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So I went to the restroom at a gas-tation and it turned out to be very helpful! HA!
I had this huge flashback from the commercial air freshener smell in there and the echoe-y sound and the doors it all brought me back to the bathrooms in the bar and how everytime I went in there and it is relatively quiet and I'd have this little moment of retrospection and be really ashamed of what I'd been doing and saying out there. Then I would usually make myself a promise to make this my last time.
Also its where I came to slather on more and more and more eyeliner and lip gloss to try to look more appealing.
And it's where I came to make myself throw up when I was feeling to queasy to have fun!!

So I was just really, really happy and grateful that I was in that restroom sober and I could walk out clear headed and get on with my day.

4 1/2 months!!! New non-pregnancy related sober record!!!!!!!!!
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Old 05-23-2014, 06:18 AM
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Good morning everyone and happy Friday. I have had a strange and difficult week in one sense and a really good week in another sense. I'm learning to live with dissonance. Life is interesting.

I read this quote from Rilke yesterday:
Let everything happen to you

Beauty and terror

Just keep going

No feeling is final


I thought I'd share it here. All of it, but especially the "no feeling is final" really spoke to me. How many times have I drank over a feeling that was going to go away within hours? So, so many times.

Life is crazy and I have a lot of worries but I also have a lot of moments of joy and hope now. I'm starting to deal with some deferred maintenance over the last 10 years or so and it is sometimes freeing and sometimes depressing, but I feel good that I'm taking steps to move forward and repair. Yesterday that meant getting three fillings at the dentist - not glamorous, not fun, but necessary. Still have a LOT of work to do but mornings like this with the birds singing and the house quiet I do feel clarity that I'm on the right path. For so many years I have been on no path. What a difference.

AA is really helping me. Finnie - it isn't for everyone, but if it helps even a little bit and there aren't alternatives, I'd encourage you to keep going for now. If there are alternatives, try something else, but I do think just stopping something you've been doing for recovery without replacing it with other support is a worry. It kind of reminds me of when my main recovery support was running and I had to stop because of an injury. I felt a huge relief at first because I frankly was happy to have a break. But slowly anxiety and frustration and stress began to build that I was no longer giving myself an outlet to, and eventually I did drink again. Looking back a big, big factor was letting running drop and not replacing it with something else. Just don't get complacent. I need to tell myself that as well, of course.

Hope you are all doing ok - Odelle that you had a better day, Kris that your pain is improving, and everyone that you are keeping on keeping on.
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Old 05-23-2014, 07:06 AM
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I feel the same about the meetings Adee. The ones here are a bit different and farther to travel to. I still try to make at least 3 a week. If I can take anything away productive that is a good thing. They serve if nothing else, a reminder of where I was not that long ago.

Your quote from Rilke is thought provoking. Thanks for posting it.

And yes, Complacency is the devils workshop.

Wishing all of you a beautiful walk today in sobriety.
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Old 05-23-2014, 07:12 AM
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Thank you for the well wishes, Adee. The past few days definately were an improvement; problems and challenges at work were met with swift and accurate responses. Thank you God, I feel like my brain is beginning to function again. My boss thanked me several times for handling some difficult situations and I responded (without thinking) that it's easy when all pistons are firing, because that is how it felt.

Great post Arctic; reflecting on now versus then really affirms the benefits of sobriety and the tremendous progress we are all achieving. Go Class!!!!!
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Old 05-23-2014, 07:16 AM
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Good morning Kris, I hope your back is better! I'm still toying with the idea of going to AA. I really can't explain my hesitation, maybe I should just take a leap of faith and go! I took today off from work so as to extend the long weekend. I'll check the meeting schedule and see what's available today.
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