Class of April 2014 Part 5
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 2,804
Hi all,
Topspin, thanks for your post, my gremlin says exactly the same things but I can never remember it when I need to, so it's really helpful to see it written down. In fact I might just write down these thought as they occur, then refer back and laugh at them when the mood passes.
Chickchick, it's difficult to keep focused if your OH does not realise the importance of being alcohol free. Is it worth having a real heart to heart with him to make sure he really knows how important this healthy choice is for you, so that he's totally on your side and not inadvertently causing doubt in your mind? It's something I have to keep reiterating to myself and my OH.
Our hot water boiler has broken down, so I can't shower this morning. I'm boiling the kettle for some hot water to wash with, strange how little I've appreciated the boiler over the years, a bit like how I've neglected to look after my body. Funny how when these everyday things go wrong they suddenly become the most important thing in the world.
Reboot, I totally agree, "IT IS A VERY GOOD DAY TO BE SOBER",
Have a great day everyone.
Topspin, thanks for your post, my gremlin says exactly the same things but I can never remember it when I need to, so it's really helpful to see it written down. In fact I might just write down these thought as they occur, then refer back and laugh at them when the mood passes.
Chickchick, it's difficult to keep focused if your OH does not realise the importance of being alcohol free. Is it worth having a real heart to heart with him to make sure he really knows how important this healthy choice is for you, so that he's totally on your side and not inadvertently causing doubt in your mind? It's something I have to keep reiterating to myself and my OH.
Our hot water boiler has broken down, so I can't shower this morning. I'm boiling the kettle for some hot water to wash with, strange how little I've appreciated the boiler over the years, a bit like how I've neglected to look after my body. Funny how when these everyday things go wrong they suddenly become the most important thing in the world.
Reboot, I totally agree, "IT IS A VERY GOOD DAY TO BE SOBER",
Have a great day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 361
Thanks for the advice Compass! I took a quick walk, regrouped and then asked him if he'd come help me with dinner. He finally stopped grumbling 
I think sometimes I don't realize how hard it is on him to be on this roller coaster with me because I'm so busy grumbling!
The last time I tried to stop Solilquy I too tried a month! And lasted two weeks... because if I was just taking a short break, a month, two weeks, what's the difference. Sometimes it is like a devil and angel! Or as I like to think of it Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde... It's the damnedest thing how your mind plays tricks and goes back and forth. I guess that what's you mean by ambivalence Topspin!
I don't know whether to say goodnight or good morning with all these time zones, so both! I myself am hoping for some "restful" sleep.
I think sometimes I don't realize how hard it is on him to be on this roller coaster with me because I'm so busy grumbling! The last time I tried to stop Solilquy I too tried a month! And lasted two weeks... because if I was just taking a short break, a month, two weeks, what's the difference. Sometimes it is like a devil and angel! Or as I like to think of it Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde... It's the damnedest thing how your mind plays tricks and goes back and forth. I guess that what's you mean by ambivalence Topspin!
I don't know whether to say goodnight or good morning with all these time zones, so both! I myself am hoping for some "restful" sleep.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
Hey gang, Day 3. I had an awful nights sleep, anxiety has been off the hook during the night times the past few days. I got about an hour before I had to get up for work so I'm not exactly mr jolly today. At least I'm not hungover. The Monday bank holiday gives me a chance to catch up on sleep and recover so I'm back fully fit for Tuesday.
I'm anxious about a lot of things at the moment but the wedding at the weekend is one of them. I've made a plan and I'm going to go to the ceremony and then get the hell outta there, will not be going to the reception on day 4 of sobriety! Anyway we all have hotel rooms booked together and I've told a family member I'm not drinking anymore. I plan to spend the evening relaxing in the hotel with a book, maybe use the gym. People may be disappointed but frankly at this stage me staying sober is FAR more important than trying to people please. None of them are heavy drinkers that I know of, itl be a few drinks each for them lot I imagine, which is EXACTLY why I can't drink. Have a good sober day all MrG
I'm anxious about a lot of things at the moment but the wedding at the weekend is one of them. I've made a plan and I'm going to go to the ceremony and then get the hell outta there, will not be going to the reception on day 4 of sobriety! Anyway we all have hotel rooms booked together and I've told a family member I'm not drinking anymore. I plan to spend the evening relaxing in the hotel with a book, maybe use the gym. People may be disappointed but frankly at this stage me staying sober is FAR more important than trying to people please. None of them are heavy drinkers that I know of, itl be a few drinks each for them lot I imagine, which is EXACTLY why I can't drink. Have a good sober day all MrG
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
Made it through to the end of day 7.
1 week sober.
It's been a long time since I could say that. Today was the toughest of all of them.
I am an alcoholic, and I know that, but I wish I wasn't. I wish I was normal and could go out tonight with normal people and have a drink or two. I know I can't but still the association with booze is tied up in so many memories, or war stories as we call them and I miss it.
The voice has become dormant again, but not eradicated.
I used comedy (I hope the class found some of that funny), books, walks, food and sleep to get me through.
My new teaching contract begins in August in Hong Kong, where I have been living for the past 6 years and the thought of going back to work and not having the space and comfort of home and being free from the stresses of work are now entering my mind.
Then again, as solitary thinker understands, it's easier when you create a cocoon and keep all the triggers away!
I'm scared and worried.....
Yesterday I was up with the thought of a week sober about to be achieved and my confidence was growing but perhaps again I have failed at really accepting this disease and the many ups and downs that can change in an instant.
In reality it's not funny at all.
I just skyped with my wife (teacher too in HK) and I'm angry with her. I don't even really know why. She really is my better half!
In the past on a Friday I would look for trouble with her or anyone really to justify the old ways of drinking on a Friday, of putting the bottle before anyone and justifying my actions by saying to myself, well nothing's working so may as well have a drink.
It's so selfish but it's such a learned pattern of behavior it's hard to change.
As Applekat says I never regret not drinking, but I wish for it now at 7.30 when all seem to be out having fun (facebook), but I'm here at mum's place trying to remain sober.
Enough of that........
Thanks to all the April fools for your support which has got me this far.
I know I'm not alone and that's very comforting.
Full respect to everyone in the team, no matter what day you're on.
I'm proud of myself but, well, um, I'm full of jealousy for those who don't share our problem. Off to bed to watch the football now, with more pasta and mineral water...!
1 week sober.
It's been a long time since I could say that. Today was the toughest of all of them.
I am an alcoholic, and I know that, but I wish I wasn't. I wish I was normal and could go out tonight with normal people and have a drink or two. I know I can't but still the association with booze is tied up in so many memories, or war stories as we call them and I miss it.
The voice has become dormant again, but not eradicated.
I used comedy (I hope the class found some of that funny), books, walks, food and sleep to get me through.
My new teaching contract begins in August in Hong Kong, where I have been living for the past 6 years and the thought of going back to work and not having the space and comfort of home and being free from the stresses of work are now entering my mind.
Then again, as solitary thinker understands, it's easier when you create a cocoon and keep all the triggers away!
I'm scared and worried.....
Yesterday I was up with the thought of a week sober about to be achieved and my confidence was growing but perhaps again I have failed at really accepting this disease and the many ups and downs that can change in an instant.
In reality it's not funny at all.
I just skyped with my wife (teacher too in HK) and I'm angry with her. I don't even really know why. She really is my better half!
In the past on a Friday I would look for trouble with her or anyone really to justify the old ways of drinking on a Friday, of putting the bottle before anyone and justifying my actions by saying to myself, well nothing's working so may as well have a drink.
It's so selfish but it's such a learned pattern of behavior it's hard to change.
As Applekat says I never regret not drinking, but I wish for it now at 7.30 when all seem to be out having fun (facebook), but I'm here at mum's place trying to remain sober.
Enough of that........
Thanks to all the April fools for your support which has got me this far.
I know I'm not alone and that's very comforting.
Full respect to everyone in the team, no matter what day you're on.
I'm proud of myself but, well, um, I'm full of jealousy for those who don't share our problem. Off to bed to watch the football now, with more pasta and mineral water...!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Cut yourself some slack Obosob - you've been at this a week
I'm willing to bet, like me, you drank for years.
It will take time for you to adjust, but you'll face new things and new challenges and you get through them and grow and soon there'll be a growing distance between who you used to be and the person you're becoming.
These changes are for the good. I know it's scary now but I hope you'll embrace them.
I really feel as if I've gotten my life back - and a 'me' back I'd actually forgotten existed.
I hope you, and the rest of the guys here, can one day soon look back at the life you've made sober...and marvel that all you had to do was give up drinking.
I still think it's a hell of a good deal guys
D
I'm willing to bet, like me, you drank for years.
It will take time for you to adjust, but you'll face new things and new challenges and you get through them and grow and soon there'll be a growing distance between who you used to be and the person you're becoming.
These changes are for the good. I know it's scary now but I hope you'll embrace them.
I really feel as if I've gotten my life back - and a 'me' back I'd actually forgotten existed.
I hope you, and the rest of the guys here, can one day soon look back at the life you've made sober...and marvel that all you had to do was give up drinking.
I still think it's a hell of a good deal guys
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,315
Thanks Dee, my eyes started welling up reading that. I guess under the anger as always is pain.
Yes I drank for years and years, and heavily. I'm surprised sometimes I'm still alive or not in jail.....
You're a great leader of this group.
I can't thank you enough!
Yes I drank for years and years, and heavily. I'm surprised sometimes I'm still alive or not in jail.....
You're a great leader of this group.
I can't thank you enough!
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
Morning everyone.
Soliloquy I bet you are a lot stronger than you think. Hope you are able to push through.
Top I think we have all heard that same voice saying the exact same thing.
I love the way your mom put that.
You are right free, it is so easy to forget how important things are to us until we don't have them.
Night rocks, hope things smooth out there for you.
obosob glad you are fighting through with the comedy. I will try to remember to be strong like you if, should I say when, I get down. Congrats on getting through day 7. You will have no problem reliving those war stories in the future, I do it quite often with a friend when I'm feeling down.
MrG the nights will get better. Glad to see you have a plan for the wedding. Congrats on day 3.
Thanks Dee
Well on day 20 here, is it a good thing or bad thing that I have to look to see how long it has been? Guess it is good, not focusing on how many day but focusing on fixing me.
Hope everyone has a great day. Stay strong Fools.
Soliloquy I bet you are a lot stronger than you think. Hope you are able to push through.
Top I think we have all heard that same voice saying the exact same thing.
I love the way your mom put that.
You are right free, it is so easy to forget how important things are to us until we don't have them.
Night rocks, hope things smooth out there for you.
obosob glad you are fighting through with the comedy. I will try to remember to be strong like you if, should I say when, I get down. Congrats on getting through day 7. You will have no problem reliving those war stories in the future, I do it quite often with a friend when I'm feeling down.
MrG the nights will get better. Glad to see you have a plan for the wedding. Congrats on day 3.
Thanks Dee
Well on day 20 here, is it a good thing or bad thing that I have to look to see how long it has been? Guess it is good, not focusing on how many day but focusing on fixing me.
Hope everyone has a great day. Stay strong Fools.
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
MrG - Congrats on day 3!! Sounds like a great plan in place for yourself this week-end as you go to the wedding...Good for you
Obosob on 1 week
When I have those feeling like I'm missing out on something with the not drinking, I review my last handful of drunks & I know that is all my drinking brings me anymore. My desire to drink yesterday was BIG, but I was just so thankful when I layed my sober head on my pillow last night....to not wake yet again with the regret & loathing myself....I have to remember...thats what I "missed out on".
18 days - It is the "wee" hours & I am going to see if I cant get back to sleep - Great day to everyone
Obosob on 1 week
When I have those feeling like I'm missing out on something with the not drinking, I review my last handful of drunks & I know that is all my drinking brings me anymore. My desire to drink yesterday was BIG, but I was just so thankful when I layed my sober head on my pillow last night....to not wake yet again with the regret & loathing myself....I have to remember...thats what I "missed out on". 18 days - It is the "wee" hours & I am going to see if I cant get back to sleep - Great day to everyone
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Waco,Tx
Posts: 57
I kind of fell away too. Just want everyone to know that sometimes when we are not posting, we're glad someone else is there to give that support. Congrats April people- onward through the fog!
..." I have seen that in any great undertaking it is not enough for a man to depend simply on himself"...-Lone Man (Isna la wica) (late 19th century) Teton Sioux
..." I have seen that in any great undertaking it is not enough for a man to depend simply on himself"...-Lone Man (Isna la wica) (late 19th century) Teton Sioux
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Good morning my darling April Fools. I love how active this group can get!
Soliloquy - First - it's hard to write Soliloquy at 7 in the morning. LOL! Secondly - I think you and I are having some similar thoughts. I already posted about my upcoming weekend I am worried about. Something else I noticed is other late April people joining May instead and I had fleeting thoughts of that 'giving me an out'. Which is absolutely ridiculous. I have to stop making excuses!
Mr G - stick with your plan for the weekend. That's what I have going for me, too. Plan, and play the tape forward. Any relapses I've read about have decidedly not been worth it, physically and mentally. Stay strong friend.
SU - Day 20! Amazing. Don't ever leave us.
Eagles - 'Onward through the fog' - definitely an apt description of how I feel sometimes!
Obo - I wish I was "normal" too, but you are what you are, right? And I think being sober will make us even better people, inside and out. Speaking of insides I saw one of those notorious pictures of smoker's lungs vs non-smoker's lungs and it made me wonder what my poor liver looks(ed) like. They say it can be a forgiving organ.
Rocks - Jekyll and Hyde - love it - that's totally what is going on in my head many times a day! LOL!
Day 10 here! Up and at em with the kiddos. Story/song hour, lunch.....nap time attempt which has been SO failing lately (argh!). Etc. etc. Groundhog's Day here...
Soliloquy - First - it's hard to write Soliloquy at 7 in the morning. LOL! Secondly - I think you and I are having some similar thoughts. I already posted about my upcoming weekend I am worried about. Something else I noticed is other late April people joining May instead and I had fleeting thoughts of that 'giving me an out'. Which is absolutely ridiculous. I have to stop making excuses!
Mr G - stick with your plan for the weekend. That's what I have going for me, too. Plan, and play the tape forward. Any relapses I've read about have decidedly not been worth it, physically and mentally. Stay strong friend.
SU - Day 20! Amazing. Don't ever leave us.
Eagles - 'Onward through the fog' - definitely an apt description of how I feel sometimes!
Obo - I wish I was "normal" too, but you are what you are, right? And I think being sober will make us even better people, inside and out. Speaking of insides I saw one of those notorious pictures of smoker's lungs vs non-smoker's lungs and it made me wonder what my poor liver looks(ed) like. They say it can be a forgiving organ.
Rocks - Jekyll and Hyde - love it - that's totally what is going on in my head many times a day! LOL!
Day 10 here! Up and at em with the kiddos. Story/song hour, lunch.....nap time attempt which has been SO failing lately (argh!). Etc. etc. Groundhog's Day here...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 181
So much strength, so much wonderful advice in this thread! Don't tell the other classes but I think ours is the best. 
3 solid weeks sober for me. Reading people's experiences at 1 week (well done, obosob!) and 2 weeks really throws me back to how I felt such a short time ago and how different it is. Please hang in there guys, it gets very much better very quickly. The 1st week was awful. 1 weeks to 2 weeks slightly less so. From 2 weeks to 3 weeks felt like I was waking up from a long, bad dream.
I decided to give up on giving up coffee, though. I've had a tendency in the past to try to make too many changes at once and end up crashing and burning, and I sincerely want to avoid that this time. So, this morning I've got my 91 octane normal brew and everything seems fine. Maybe I'll circle back around and try that again some time down the road when I've got no other problems.
It's Friday, guys!
3 solid weeks sober for me. Reading people's experiences at 1 week (well done, obosob!) and 2 weeks really throws me back to how I felt such a short time ago and how different it is. Please hang in there guys, it gets very much better very quickly. The 1st week was awful. 1 weeks to 2 weeks slightly less so. From 2 weeks to 3 weeks felt like I was waking up from a long, bad dream.
I decided to give up on giving up coffee, though. I've had a tendency in the past to try to make too many changes at once and end up crashing and burning, and I sincerely want to avoid that this time. So, this morning I've got my 91 octane normal brew and everything seems fine. Maybe I'll circle back around and try that again some time down the road when I've got no other problems.
It's Friday, guys!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 3,241
Kitten - I feel for me, days 1-8 were euphoric and proud. Day 9 and today, day 10, there seems to be some latent anger or jealousy - sadness.
Here's to hoping that feeling subsides in a few days - unfortunate that it's appearing near the weekend. Trying to smack it down!!!
Here's to hoping that feeling subsides in a few days - unfortunate that it's appearing near the weekend. Trying to smack it down!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: Madison, WI
Posts: 181
I definitely remember that feeling, Kat. I felt resentful at not being able to drink like it seemed everyone else was able to do without problems. Like I'd been dealt a bad hand and I wasn't allowed to draw again.
I don't know what happened, but that feeling went away when I wasn't looking. If that's the same thing you're feeling, I hope it does the same for you. And sooner rather than later!
I don't know what happened, but that feeling went away when I wasn't looking. If that's the same thing you're feeling, I hope it does the same for you. And sooner rather than later!
Formerly ScrewdUpInDe
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: In the Nightmare in my head
Posts: 5,329
I'm not going anywhere kat, and remember this weekend we are there with you in spirit.
Good to hear Noolan
Congrats kitten, I don't know about you but it seems like it was yesterday I was coming up on 2 weeks now it is almost 3
Good to hear Noolan
Congrats kitten, I don't know about you but it seems like it was yesterday I was coming up on 2 weeks now it is almost 3
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