charleesavedme

FMFT, I'll think of you as I drive up that way later this month. I don't think my sister is a big fan of track season because of the traffic, but Saratoga is a beautiful town. My niece passed her driver's test. I'm very excited for her.

I had a good quick trip home. Spent quality time with my parents in the short time I was with them. Now the house is quiet since our son is not here, but I'm glad that he and my parents will have time together. I took my daughter to the movies on Sunday night when I got home and last night she came in my bedroom and talked with me for quite a while. It nice to have some alone time with her. My husband and I continue to try to move forward and at least that's a positive rather than negative.

Hope everyone is doing well. Nomis, if school is ending and you have some tough times ahead, please know that I'm thinking of you. VeryReady, I hope you've had some good rides since your Durango trip. FMFT, hope the stress is manageable this week. Dee, hope all is well with you on the other side of the world!

Take care, everyone.

ForMeForThem

Charlee- Glad to hear you had a nice trip. Enjoy your quiet time - I'm jealous Maybe this time will be good for you and your husband as well, I'm sure it's very hard to work through (and exhausting). All you can do is try. Proud of you for staying sober through it.

Nomis- As school ends I know you'll be facing some difficult times with tough discussions and decisions. Thinking of you. Lean on us if you need to. I'm proud of you too for staying sober through it all too.


Dee and Veryready and any other Novie seeing this...

ForMeForThem

Happy Father's Day Veryready! You are giving your boys the best gift...a sober dad! Enjoy your day!

charleesavedme

Yes, VeryReady - Happy Father's Day!

veryready

Thanks guys. Hope you had a good weekend. Just did some yard work, which I like a lot.

Nice to see some posts in here now once in a while. Glad you guys are doing well with your not drinking. Logged in this morning to read a few re-lapse stories. Always solidifies my commitment. Always sad reading.

XXOO

charleesavedme

Good morning, (this is going to be a long post and a vent so please bear with me)

I'm struggling right now. VeryReady, I read those posts about relapse too and they do make me sad. But, yesterday, my AV just went into overdrive. There's one particular thread here that just sent me over the edge. Common sense would say that I should just not read that thread and it won't bother me. Apparently, I'm not big on common sense right now. It's like I can't stop thinking about it.

My relatively new administrative assistant at work has been sick. She called in sick again yesterday. I got so angry. I am so tired of doing her job and not being able to get my own work done. Then, I feel terrible for being mad at her for being sick. After that, the negative voice in my head just takes over, "I'm a terrible manager; I can't even hire good employees; I'm fooling everyone at work; I'm terrible at my job; I don't deserve it etc." It goes on and on. I have a good job. But, I have a lot of responsibility and while most of the time I handle it well and am grateful for stable employment, right now if I cold get in my car and drive far away I would.

My dad is also sick. We don't know what is wrong yet. He had a CT scan yesterday. Apparently, his blood work was not good, but I'm not sure yet what that means. My dad is a life-long smoker, has been a heavy beer drinker (although not so much lately) and worked for the power company for his entire career so he was exposed to a lot of coal ash and other things. Again, common sense would say that I should not worry until we know what's going on, but truth be told, I am really scared. He's not really taken care of himself and that catches up with you someday. He's only 66.

I'm not going to drink. I know that even with these difficulties, my life has gotten so much better in every single way since I stopped again. My marriage is better, I feel better, I've lost weight. My husband told me that I've got my radiance back and that meant so much to me. And considering that I really thought our marriage was un-saveable just two months ago, it would be completely stupid to not correlate sobriety to the fact that we are in a much better place now.

I'm trying to figure out what I need to do to stop obsessing about drinking. I had a good cry this morning and that helped.

Thanks for listening. I know life is going to be hard sometimes. Drinking is never going to be the solution.

ForMeForThem

Hugs to you Charlee. I hope you get some answers about your Dad soon. And I hope things settle down at work. I know that negative voice and the voice of worry all too well...I used to drink to quiet them. Not anymore and I'm glad you aren't either. I'm learning how to quiet them all on my own now. It's hard sometimes to deal with all life throws at us. I'm really proud of you for seeing the positives in recovery. It was a huge relief in my life, when I finally stopped the pattern of drinking as a "solution" or a way to "forget" my problems. Hoping you feel better soon

charleesavedme

I need to work on quieting those voices on my own too. I have so much to be thankful for in my life. My family is small but close and my sister is my best friend. We’ll be able to face whatever is going on with my dad together and what a blessing that is.

I had some time to sit in the dentist office this morning while my daughter was getting her teeth cleaned and really think about why I'm struggling. I don’t really have the answers yet, but some of it is stress and how I react to situations that I can’t control. Like you said, FMFT, for so long the solution was to drink. Now that drinking is not a solution, I just have to figure out what coping mechanisms are going to work best for me. I’m determined to find them and I will.

Thanks again.

charleesavedme

Hi everyone...just wanted to check in and thank you for listening to me. Very often after I post, I can really think about things and get myself into a better place.

We still don't know exactly what's going on with my dad. My mom couldn't wake him up yesterday and she ended up calling the paramedics. When they got there, his vitals were all fine so they did not take him to the hospital. He ended up getting quite a few more tests yesterday after going to the doctor. Maybe we'll get some answers today.

I have stopped my pity-party about work and am just getting on with it. I really am grateful for my job.

Moving forward. Letting go. Gratitude. Kindness. That's what I'm working on and what will serve me far better than self-pity and whining.

Thanks again for listening.

ForMeForThem

Hi Charlee. I'm always glad to see your posts, they help me too. I agree it helps to get things out - puts things in perspective. I hope you get some answers on your dad, keep us posted. Thinking of you.

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

ForMeForThem

Congratulations on 2 MONTHS today Charlee!!!

charleesavedme

FMFT!

So glad I have not given in when the days seem long and the AV spoke loudly. Feeling more resolved than ever.

Still no concrete word on what's going on with my dad. My daughter and I head up to PA on Wednesday and then up to my sister's on Thursday with my parents and son. I'm trying to convince my dad to let me drive everyone, but he's pretty stubborn so he'll probably want to also drive. At least we'll be able to caravan together. I'm getting very excited about being with my family. Everyone knows that I've stopped drinking, so I'm not worried about that. But, I am taking favorite beverages with me so if anything crops up I'm ready. Husband will not be coming but things really are getting better slowly. Having our son with my parents has been good for everyone and we've had more time to focus on us and our marriage. Son has had a chance to be alone with my parents and with all that's going on with my dad, show a good bit of maturity in the way he's handled it. We've had good quality time with our daughter too. And, no kids fighting for almost three weeks now. Heaven.

I hope the weekend is going well for all of you. Thank you for being here!

nomis

Hey everyone!

Long time no talk. I've been laying low purposefully waiting to see how things turn out. Misses and I had a talk today, agreed that something had to change and we couldn't go through another year of this. She's going back to her home country to look for a job and may come back and go to school in a larger city. Where that officially leaves us is separated I guess.

Basically I didn't have the courage to ask for a divorce, but I THINK this way is better. Time will tell. Still lots could shake out between now and when she leaves next week.

Glad to hear your marriage is back on the right track Charlee, but sorry about your dad. That must be frustrating. You're doing awesome, BTW. Same with you FMFT.

Still sober and kicking.

charleesavedme

Nomis, I am sorry for what you are going through. Perhaps a separation is the best start and more permanent issues can be addressed later. I know it must be very hard. I'm thinking of you.

nomis

Thanks Charlee. Had a more in-depth conversation today. She apologized for not being the woman I need. Lots of tears. All very heart breaking. Still sober.

charleesavedme

I'm sorry, Nomis. Really sorry about the heartbreak.

I'm glad you are still sober. Are you worried about staying sober through this?

Dee74

I'm sorry for the news nomis but I think your attitude is commendable
You have a lot of support here

D

nomis

Thanks Charlee. I know I won't drink today. That's good enough.

Thanks for the support Dee.

ForMeForThem

Nomis - I'm sorry for what you're going through. I can imagine how painful it is. Take everything one day at a time and you'll be ok. Stay true to yourself. We're here if you need us.

charleesavedme

Ditto from me...