One Year & Under Club Part 31
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
4/30/14 – Day 5 of 20 on ankle monitor house arrest:
A lesson in humility and gratitude:
Woke up early, as usual. Sober now, so the kitchen is clean and making coffee only requires pressing the start button. Coffee and water was loaded in a pre-bedtime ritual. All that remains until caffeine bliss is pulling a cup from the shelf and cream from fridg.
Not so fast, dude, you can’t get off that easy. A reminder from my drunken past sweeps this wave of emotions over me. So many non-matching cups to pull from. Today’s random selection…Very Special Dad. Now I have drank from this cup for years. When I ever had even a passing thought of its message, it brought a smile, then my thoughts moved on.
Not today. Today I looked at it and started thinking…Which of my girls gave me this cup? For what event? Did they really feel that way? If given the chance, would they take it back? Even though it was most likely given to me during my lengthy non-drinking time, why was I so self-absorbed that I can’t remember which of my beautiful daughter’s gave me this?
Am I even worthy enough to drink from it today as I sit here ankle bracelet bound?
Time to cry, albeit a short burst. Did I just regret the past, or reflect? I think I reflected. It’s just a coffee cup. Whenever it was presented to me they smiled warmly at me, we hugged, and I told her how I loved her gift and her so very much. It was a joyous time. I know at least that much, because that always happened.
So here I sit, enjoying my French vanilla brew from my old, but now new favorite coffee cup. Thank you for the gift of sobriety I feel today and the ability to feel that a few of those tears were tears of joy.
A lesson in humility and gratitude:
Woke up early, as usual. Sober now, so the kitchen is clean and making coffee only requires pressing the start button. Coffee and water was loaded in a pre-bedtime ritual. All that remains until caffeine bliss is pulling a cup from the shelf and cream from fridg.
Not so fast, dude, you can’t get off that easy. A reminder from my drunken past sweeps this wave of emotions over me. So many non-matching cups to pull from. Today’s random selection…Very Special Dad. Now I have drank from this cup for years. When I ever had even a passing thought of its message, it brought a smile, then my thoughts moved on.
Not today. Today I looked at it and started thinking…Which of my girls gave me this cup? For what event? Did they really feel that way? If given the chance, would they take it back? Even though it was most likely given to me during my lengthy non-drinking time, why was I so self-absorbed that I can’t remember which of my beautiful daughter’s gave me this?
Am I even worthy enough to drink from it today as I sit here ankle bracelet bound?
Time to cry, albeit a short burst. Did I just regret the past, or reflect? I think I reflected. It’s just a coffee cup. Whenever it was presented to me they smiled warmly at me, we hugged, and I told her how I loved her gift and her so very much. It was a joyous time. I know at least that much, because that always happened.
So here I sit, enjoying my French vanilla brew from my old, but now new favorite coffee cup. Thank you for the gift of sobriety I feel today and the ability to feel that a few of those tears were tears of joy.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Glee, thanks for that thoughtful solutions post, so sweet!!
Feel better BF
Hoping for a Mickey D's Happy Day, Gilmer
Thanks Mags
Courage and Toots have this thread "smokin"
Hum, are the Pen's and Bruins in round 2? Just 4 more wins a piece till a collision.
Feel better BF
Hoping for a Mickey D's Happy Day, Gilmer
Thanks Mags
Courage and Toots have this thread "smokin"
Hum, are the Pen's and Bruins in round 2? Just 4 more wins a piece till a collision.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I didn't go out yesterday, Carlos, so my husband graciously turned SR on for me--and it's still on! Bwa-ha-ha! I intend to venture out today (not to post) to Panera Bread because I've earned reward of a free smoothie, and I've committed to trying a kale and banana one. How ghastly can it really be? Even if I take one sip and hate it, I can feel confident about throwing it out, because it's free!
I love posting in the evening!
I love posting in the evening!
No quitting on yer quit eh!
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 3,869
Morning all.... haven't had much to write about, things are normal in my neck of the woods...
It's nice to see new names everyday in our group, also from what I gather, some regular ones popping in again to say hi! Getting to be far to many to recognize individually for a forgetful old fellow like me lol
I get up each morning, take Hank out to do his business, get back inside, give Bubba a kiss or two while we get our morning coffee, then read the Daily Reflections, log on to SR for my 24 hour pledge, catch up on all the goings on with my SR friends, shower, then off to work..... all with a clear head, life doesn't get much better than that!
Helper's dad is doing very well after his surgery last Wednesday! Mark is off to the city to bring him home today! I wish him a speedy recovery and good prognosis...
Seeding should be starting soon, I'll have time while going back and forth in the fields to catch up and comment on the progress of everyone....
Let's have a productive day my friends and quoting an Irish saying....
May the sun shine all day long
Everything go right, and nothing wrong
May those you love bring love back to you
And may all the wishes you wish come true!
It's nice to see new names everyday in our group, also from what I gather, some regular ones popping in again to say hi! Getting to be far to many to recognize individually for a forgetful old fellow like me lol
I get up each morning, take Hank out to do his business, get back inside, give Bubba a kiss or two while we get our morning coffee, then read the Daily Reflections, log on to SR for my 24 hour pledge, catch up on all the goings on with my SR friends, shower, then off to work..... all with a clear head, life doesn't get much better than that!
Helper's dad is doing very well after his surgery last Wednesday! Mark is off to the city to bring him home today! I wish him a speedy recovery and good prognosis...
Seeding should be starting soon, I'll have time while going back and forth in the fields to catch up and comment on the progress of everyone....
Let's have a productive day my friends and quoting an Irish saying....
May the sun shine all day long
Everything go right, and nothing wrong
May those you love bring love back to you
And may all the wishes you wish come true!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: CA
Posts: 2,977
Matt glad to see you stopped by. Sounds like you're doing great! Have fun with all the races.
Carlos have a good day!
I woke up and checked the weather report bc I heard it was gonna be hot and we all know this girl HATES hot weather. And of corse my little beach city is supposed to be 97. Guess I don't get any type of real winter weather this year..
&& this dumb cold needs to leave already. Ok that's my rant for the day.
Well better get ready for work.
Carlos have a good day!
I woke up and checked the weather report bc I heard it was gonna be hot and we all know this girl HATES hot weather. And of corse my little beach city is supposed to be 97. Guess I don't get any type of real winter weather this year..
&& this dumb cold needs to leave already. Ok that's my rant for the day.
Well better get ready for work.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Ashburn, VA
Posts: 30,196
I drank the B-Green "power smoothie." The clerk tried to dissuade me, but I said, "What the heck? I'm not paying for it!" I can't say it was good, though fortunately I did taste a lot of banana. Kale will never replace spinach or broccoli for me, but I must say it did not make me gag.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Aliso Viejo, CA
Posts: 863
Morning all,
BF, hope you feel better. The wind and heat here are driving me crazy.
I guess I'm letting it add to my bad mood.
I don't think hubby is being honest with me about the plans for stepdaughter. I think he's just telling me what he thinks will keep me quiet about it. Looks like she is staying awhile longer. In the meantime, he is on the couch every night because we can't seem to get through a day without a squabble. I'm ready to just turn off from all of this and stop being involved for my own sanity.
Carlos, the golf thing was funny. It used to not bother me when he played. I love golf myself and used to go once a week with the girls. I miss those days. I've tried to pick it back up but my friends drink a lot while playing and I just can't handle it.
Gilmer,
I've tried a few of those juice drinks. I had a kale one at Whole Foods that I just couldn't finish. It was horrible and I like kale. The more fruit they put in to disguise the nasty veggie taste the better they are.
BF, hope you feel better. The wind and heat here are driving me crazy.
I guess I'm letting it add to my bad mood.
I don't think hubby is being honest with me about the plans for stepdaughter. I think he's just telling me what he thinks will keep me quiet about it. Looks like she is staying awhile longer. In the meantime, he is on the couch every night because we can't seem to get through a day without a squabble. I'm ready to just turn off from all of this and stop being involved for my own sanity.
Carlos, the golf thing was funny. It used to not bother me when he played. I love golf myself and used to go once a week with the girls. I miss those days. I've tried to pick it back up but my friends drink a lot while playing and I just can't handle it.
Gilmer,
I've tried a few of those juice drinks. I had a kale one at Whole Foods that I just couldn't finish. It was horrible and I like kale. The more fruit they put in to disguise the nasty veggie taste the better they are.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Needyfriend contacted me today by text and I'm all torn up over it, so I'm crowd sourcing it.
On the one side I feel bad becausw what I thought was "calm and rational", she took as a tongue lashing. In her defense I can be pretty harsh.
On the other hand, I suspect she is refusing to see my perspective and trying to manipulate me. On Sunday night first she said it was that she was worried about me, then that she was lonely and in need of a friend to talk to, then today that, if she came off as pushy because she was looking out for her son who doesn't have a lot of friends, has a low self esteem, and feels dumped my mildly autistic son (whose deficit is in forming meaningful relationships with others) -- hence my suspicion.
On the one side I feel bad becausw what I thought was "calm and rational", she took as a tongue lashing. In her defense I can be pretty harsh.
On the other hand, I suspect she is refusing to see my perspective and trying to manipulate me. On Sunday night first she said it was that she was worried about me, then that she was lonely and in need of a friend to talk to, then today that, if she came off as pushy because she was looking out for her son who doesn't have a lot of friends, has a low self esteem, and feels dumped my mildly autistic son (whose deficit is in forming meaningful relationships with others) -- hence my suspicion.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Hey Glee,
I would be happy to throw my two cents in. However, in order to do so, at least for me, I would like to have an idea on what would would consider the:
Perfect result?
or an acceptable result?
for moving forward.
Just making it like a business problem (yea, I always called them problems and not "situations")
Then we have background, some facts and the desired result(s).
Others may not need this to respond...I would.
I would be happy to throw my two cents in. However, in order to do so, at least for me, I would like to have an idea on what would would consider the:
Perfect result?
or an acceptable result?
for moving forward.
Just making it like a business problem (yea, I always called them problems and not "situations")
Then we have background, some facts and the desired result(s).
Others may not need this to respond...I would.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Thanks Carlos. I would like to get together a couple times a month -- once for coffee during my lunch break, and once for a play date with the kids. I don't want her to go back to having free reign of my time and energy. I'd like to just move forward, with no day of reckoning for the "frustrating situations I have left her in over the years."
Oh and since we're talking ideally here, Id also ideally like to be scrubbed of the discomfort of facing this codependent relationship!
Oh and since we're talking ideally here, Id also ideally like to be scrubbed of the discomfort of facing this codependent relationship!
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,372
Just like I could never make my relationship with alcohol the one I wanted, I find I can't always make my relationships with other people the way I want either.
She sure sounds like a lot of work Glee....
D
She sure sounds like a lot of work Glee....
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: PA and Florida
Posts: 4,179
Originally Posted by Dee74 
She sure sounds like a lot of work Glee....D
She is a total piece of work!
My Dad would call me a piece of work a few times a year.
and...I sent you a PM with my 2 cents
GOOD LUCK!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Guys, thanks for making time for me.
I have the Codependent No More book, which is an absolute gem, and probably helped me come as far as I have. I didn't respond to her text yet. I wanted to show hubby and you all first. This evening while I waited for hubby to come home, I scoured the internet for literature on codependent friendships. Reading that my discomfort is a predictable result of making healthy choices in a toxic friendship neutralizes my big, uncomfortable feelings. And hearing responses from you makes me feel loved. I'm not going to drink over this.
I have the Codependent No More book, which is an absolute gem, and probably helped me come as far as I have. I didn't respond to her text yet. I wanted to show hubby and you all first. This evening while I waited for hubby to come home, I scoured the internet for literature on codependent friendships. Reading that my discomfort is a predictable result of making healthy choices in a toxic friendship neutralizes my big, uncomfortable feelings. And hearing responses from you makes me feel loved. I'm not going to drink over this.
p***enger
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 19,025
Just checking in --
DG, I'm glad the trip is still going well.
Gleefan, I think you should let Needy hang in some time and space. Don't worry that she thinks you gave her a tongue-lashing; my guess is she would interpret any firmly stated boundary that way. Wait until you feel comfortable to talk to her. I think it's too much to expect this will end with everyone satisfied. It may not end at all, just change in more-or-less tolerable waves. Or the relationship might completely end, with some mutual bitterness. For now, you've done well. I hope you rest peacefully, no second or third thoughts.
Babs, good job on 4 days -- come and tell us tomorrow all about Day 5!!!
Siesta, it sounds very stressful with your husband and stepdaughter. What are you doing to de-pressurize yourself? Do you go to AA? Exercise or meditation?
Gilmer, you're a brave soul at the smoothie counter. I just don't understand the attraction of kale.
abcowboy, thank you so much for the glimpse of your "normal day." It sounds lovely. The dog, the wife, the kiss, the coffee, SR, the seeding in the fields -- it sounds homey and honest and warm. Someday I'll get really ambitious and give you a taste of my city morning, just as a contrast.
DG, I'm glad the trip is still going well.
Gleefan, I think you should let Needy hang in some time and space. Don't worry that she thinks you gave her a tongue-lashing; my guess is she would interpret any firmly stated boundary that way. Wait until you feel comfortable to talk to her. I think it's too much to expect this will end with everyone satisfied. It may not end at all, just change in more-or-less tolerable waves. Or the relationship might completely end, with some mutual bitterness. For now, you've done well. I hope you rest peacefully, no second or third thoughts.
Babs, good job on 4 days -- come and tell us tomorrow all about Day 5!!!
Siesta, it sounds very stressful with your husband and stepdaughter. What are you doing to de-pressurize yourself? Do you go to AA? Exercise or meditation?
Gilmer, you're a brave soul at the smoothie counter. I just don't understand the attraction of kale.
abcowboy, thank you so much for the glimpse of your "normal day." It sounds lovely. The dog, the wife, the kiss, the coffee, SR, the seeding in the fields -- it sounds homey and honest and warm. Someday I'll get really ambitious and give you a taste of my city morning, just as a contrast.
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