Class of April 2014 Part 2
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Japan
Posts: 147
Topspin,
I think that many of us used to justify our drinking with some backwards ass thinking. Good food? Drink! Good movie? Drink! Bad movie? Drink! Good day at work? Bad day at work? Day off work? Exercised? I'm so ready to be done with letting myself dull the feelings that I should have been experiencing for the past decade. I choose to REALLY taste the food, watch and follow the movies and books, and feel every emotion from here on. No more rationalizing. No more false justifications.
I think that many of us used to justify our drinking with some backwards ass thinking. Good food? Drink! Good movie? Drink! Bad movie? Drink! Good day at work? Bad day at work? Day off work? Exercised? I'm so ready to be done with letting myself dull the feelings that I should have been experiencing for the past decade. I choose to REALLY taste the food, watch and follow the movies and books, and feel every emotion from here on. No more rationalizing. No more false justifications.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Midwest U.S.
Posts: 1,049
Just checking in on the way to work today. Feel good today, some trouble falling asleep but then slept well so feel rested and clear minded.
Trying not to future trip but I know my downfall has been the end of the workday. It had become a daily habit last workweek so need to change my after work routine. I plan to treat myself to comfort food or at least a good cup of tea at the train station. Then I plan to go straight home and read in bed.
Also will post here later if even think about a drink!
Enjoy the day! We can do this y'all!
Trying not to future trip but I know my downfall has been the end of the workday. It had become a daily habit last workweek so need to change my after work routine. I plan to treat myself to comfort food or at least a good cup of tea at the train station. Then I plan to go straight home and read in bed.
Also will post here later if even think about a drink!
Enjoy the day! We can do this y'all!
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Omaha,NE
Posts: 372
Sad to report I drank this weekend. I also have a vacation coming up next weekend. I'm not going to go off on a bender this week, but I'm not sure where to go from here. I didn't do anything too stupid, but I know that potential remains. Stay strong everyone.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 891
JimJim, welcome back. I was with you in Class back in March last year. I've had more slips and practically been in more classes than my entire schooling years. Nonetheless, as much as I stumble, I refuse to crumble. Half way through my second week this time......determined to keep on going. You can do it JimJim, stick around, post no matter what you're thoughts, just type and hit send.
Sorry to all of you who are struggling out there, but fantastic for facing up and getting right back on the sober train. Every hour, minute, second is the beginning of a Day 1 for somebody somewhere. Wouldn't it be great to know that your final Day 1 hour, minute, second has been ......and .........forever gone. We can do this folks.
HI to all. Oops, I only got up to go to the loo, then thought i'd take a wee sneak peek in at SR.
Nitey nite. Catch up later folks. LP
x
Sorry to all of you who are struggling out there, but fantastic for facing up and getting right back on the sober train. Every hour, minute, second is the beginning of a Day 1 for somebody somewhere. Wouldn't it be great to know that your final Day 1 hour, minute, second has been ......and .........forever gone. We can do this folks.
HI to all. Oops, I only got up to go to the loo, then thought i'd take a wee sneak peek in at SR.
Nitey nite. Catch up later folks. LP
x
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 154
Day 3 for me. After posting for the first time late last week and then reading on the site for a few days…my brain seemed to make some sort of shift. It’s hard to explain. Maybe it has to do with confessing my dependence on alcohol, for the first time. Dunno.
One sad thing I realized, over these few days, is that a long term friend of mine is not healthy for me. She is addicted to prescription medications. Cant remember all the names, but one of them is Xanax and the others are from the same category of drugs. I was well aware of the addiction, that’s not news…but the conversations with her are all the same. Why she has to take (be addicted) to these drugs, detailed plans of cutting back and getting off of them (which never happens). And she is stuck in life….just stuck….it’s been the same set of problems for years and years and years.
The realization about my friend came about as a realization about myself. I too have been going in circles with the same issues for awhile now. I often like to think I am superwoman and try and tackle the world in one giant leap. Talk about setting myself up for disappointment!
I decided the most logical place to start is staying sober. Maybe some of these other things will take care of themselves if I am not half-corked all the time…..
One sad thing I realized, over these few days, is that a long term friend of mine is not healthy for me. She is addicted to prescription medications. Cant remember all the names, but one of them is Xanax and the others are from the same category of drugs. I was well aware of the addiction, that’s not news…but the conversations with her are all the same. Why she has to take (be addicted) to these drugs, detailed plans of cutting back and getting off of them (which never happens). And she is stuck in life….just stuck….it’s been the same set of problems for years and years and years.
The realization about my friend came about as a realization about myself. I too have been going in circles with the same issues for awhile now. I often like to think I am superwoman and try and tackle the world in one giant leap. Talk about setting myself up for disappointment!
I decided the most logical place to start is staying sober. Maybe some of these other things will take care of themselves if I am not half-corked all the time…..
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: london
Posts: 377
Hey everyone, just checking in to see how all my April friends are. I sense that we are all really struggling.
I am so impressed by everyone's honesty. Noolan- well done for opening up and being honest too.
I am doing ok, but finding the struggle tough and have almost given into the AV a few times. It is difficult to keep my will together at times, and I find myself questioning whether I really 'want' this at the moment. Then I realise that is my AV talking, but god is it exhausting keeping on your toes for that sneaky bugger all the time.
Ultimately however I believe in all of us and know if we keep posting here, every day, we will get through.
Stay strong everyone, thinking of you all.
I am so impressed by everyone's honesty. Noolan- well done for opening up and being honest too.
I am doing ok, but finding the struggle tough and have almost given into the AV a few times. It is difficult to keep my will together at times, and I find myself questioning whether I really 'want' this at the moment. Then I realise that is my AV talking, but god is it exhausting keeping on your toes for that sneaky bugger all the time.
Ultimately however I believe in all of us and know if we keep posting here, every day, we will get through.
Stay strong everyone, thinking of you all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 158
Mid-day for me and checking in between outside commitments.
Welcome back, Laura, Pinot and Noolan. So glad y'all are staying with us. Almost everybody messes up on this journey, but not everyone gets up, brushes of, and gets right back to work. I think that's as much of a predictor of ultimate success as daycount, especially this early in the game. Let's DO this thing!
And you, too, JimJim and pams. Welcome to April '14.
I am, among other things, an activist for social and economic justice issues. The meeting I have tonight, for example, is a study group sponsored by the city I live in through a grant to look at prejudice and bias in our community. Our group is very diverse and it's being an eye-opening experience for me. I hope it results in some positive long-term change in the way we do things around here.
That being said, some of what you wrote got me thinking, Topspin. I have a knack for seeing so many things that are very wrong in the world and that can lead me to a place of despair if I'm not careful. I've had to back off on reading the blogs on my fave website here recently for just that reason. Injustice makes me crazy, but I think sometimes the way I react to that is not in my own (or anybody else's) best interest. Specifically, I think that when I'm not sober, I often react in ways that are contrary to my ultimate goal of helping to make the world a better place. You've given me something to ponder, my friend, I've a feeling that there's enough tangibility in this issue to culminate in a piece or two being added to my sobriety plan. Somehow the serenity prayer seems to fit in here. Anyway, thanks for listening to this stream-of-consciousness that you've sparked.
Off to the next thing, stay well everyone, see ya next time.
Welcome back, Laura, Pinot and Noolan. So glad y'all are staying with us. Almost everybody messes up on this journey, but not everyone gets up, brushes of, and gets right back to work. I think that's as much of a predictor of ultimate success as daycount, especially this early in the game. Let's DO this thing!
And you, too, JimJim and pams. Welcome to April '14.
I am, among other things, an activist for social and economic justice issues. The meeting I have tonight, for example, is a study group sponsored by the city I live in through a grant to look at prejudice and bias in our community. Our group is very diverse and it's being an eye-opening experience for me. I hope it results in some positive long-term change in the way we do things around here.
That being said, some of what you wrote got me thinking, Topspin. I have a knack for seeing so many things that are very wrong in the world and that can lead me to a place of despair if I'm not careful. I've had to back off on reading the blogs on my fave website here recently for just that reason. Injustice makes me crazy, but I think sometimes the way I react to that is not in my own (or anybody else's) best interest. Specifically, I think that when I'm not sober, I often react in ways that are contrary to my ultimate goal of helping to make the world a better place. You've given me something to ponder, my friend, I've a feeling that there's enough tangibility in this issue to culminate in a piece or two being added to my sobriety plan. Somehow the serenity prayer seems to fit in here. Anyway, thanks for listening to this stream-of-consciousness that you've sparked.
Off to the next thing, stay well everyone, see ya next time.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,414
Originally Posted by Noolan 
Sad to report I drank this weekend. I also have a vacation coming up next weekend. I'm not going to go off on a bender this week, but I'm not sure where to go from here. I didn't do anything too stupid, but I know that potential remains. Stay strong everyone.
D
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
Hi everyone, and welcome Jim and Pam.
I spent a lot of time yesterday and the day before reading about addiction, relapse and codependency, and by the time I was done, had worked myself into quite a state. I was feeling like the lowest form of irredeemable scum, and felt really discouraged.
I called a friend I never thought I'd have the nerve to talk to about this, which is stupid being that he's a long recovered heroin addict and a drug counselor. After talking to him, and participating in a few other discussions on here, I am feeling a lot more solid today. One of the most important things that was reinforced for me is that this really is an entirely individual journey, and forging your own path is valid. My drug counselor friend also said that current research is indicating that the success rates for people using rehab, 12 step or equivalent programs, or doing it on their own terms are exactly the same. No one approach is proving to be more successful than the other.
He also said he knows me really well, and if he was working with me, he wouldn't have concerns about me relapsing, which made me cry. His confidence in me means a lot.
Then we started talking about a friend who died from his heroin addiction, who relapsed after 11 years clean, and he said what kept this friend from getting it back together after his relapse was his despondency over feeling like he had lost those 11 years. That somehow this relapse had erased all the time he'd spent fixing his relationship with his daughters and moving forward with his life. He was so focused on this guilt, that it kept him from looking at it as just a blown weekend, after which he could have just started over, and instead made him feel like he'd just blown the rest of his life.
I see a moral in this story, though I'm not sure that I can articulate it. Something along the lines of messing up doesn't erase the progress that has already been made, and guilt is self defeating. We can all be redeemed.
I have confidence in all of us.
I spent a lot of time yesterday and the day before reading about addiction, relapse and codependency, and by the time I was done, had worked myself into quite a state. I was feeling like the lowest form of irredeemable scum, and felt really discouraged.
I called a friend I never thought I'd have the nerve to talk to about this, which is stupid being that he's a long recovered heroin addict and a drug counselor. After talking to him, and participating in a few other discussions on here, I am feeling a lot more solid today. One of the most important things that was reinforced for me is that this really is an entirely individual journey, and forging your own path is valid. My drug counselor friend also said that current research is indicating that the success rates for people using rehab, 12 step or equivalent programs, or doing it on their own terms are exactly the same. No one approach is proving to be more successful than the other.
He also said he knows me really well, and if he was working with me, he wouldn't have concerns about me relapsing, which made me cry. His confidence in me means a lot.
Then we started talking about a friend who died from his heroin addiction, who relapsed after 11 years clean, and he said what kept this friend from getting it back together after his relapse was his despondency over feeling like he had lost those 11 years. That somehow this relapse had erased all the time he'd spent fixing his relationship with his daughters and moving forward with his life. He was so focused on this guilt, that it kept him from looking at it as just a blown weekend, after which he could have just started over, and instead made him feel like he'd just blown the rest of his life.
I see a moral in this story, though I'm not sure that I can articulate it. Something along the lines of messing up doesn't erase the progress that has already been made, and guilt is self defeating. We can all be redeemed.
I have confidence in all of us.
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by Adnamaeel
......He also said he knows me really well, and if he was working with me, he wouldn't have concerns about me relapsing, which made me cry. His confidence in me means a lot.
Then we started talking about a friend who died from his heroin addiction, who relapsed after 11 years clean, and he said what kept this friend from getting it back together after his relapse was his despondency over feeling like he had lost those 11 years. That somehow this relapse had erased all the time he'd spent fixing his relationship with his daughters and moving forward with his life. He was so focused on this guilt, that it kept him from looking at it as just a blown weekend, after which he could have just started over, and instead made him feel like he'd just blown the rest of his life.
I see a moral in this story, though I'm not sure that I can articulate it. Something along the lines of messing up doesn't erase the progress that has already been made, and guilt is self defeating. We can all be redeemed.
I have confidence in all of us.
To me , it's a very , very dangerous way of thinking, ...about "losing" all your time clean. By that reasoning , the risk go exponentially higher every new year under your belt , . therefore , more loss , ;...and despondency.
Amanda , I'm really sorry for your loss.
.....probably never mentioned it , but I have 100% confidence in you , and everyone in our class.
well , maybe except that tree huggin' Ms Okra
101%, for you
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Midwest U.S.
Posts: 1,049
Originally Posted by Mrsbee
Day 15 today...I know it's not the longest stretch, but I'm really proud for making it this far! Hoping I can keep this roll going Best wishes to everyone else in their journey towards sobriety
Best wishes to everyone else in their journey towards sobriety 
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 684
Yes MrsBee, congrats on day 15, and to everyone else, congratulations on wherever you are, too.
Topspin, you cracked me up. And thank you for both the confidence and condolences. That friend has been gone a long time. And I forgot, it was eggs, spinach and feta. Not too exciting.
Noolan, just keep moving forward. You'll get there.
Ms Okra, I love that you do that kind of activism. It's not easy to make the world better, but there isn't much as worthwhile. You're dinner sounds great, and would have gone so well with the vegan biscuits and gravy I got today at the local hippie biodiesel gas station and organic convenience store. The demographics here are a bit unusual...
DancingDiva, if it keeps getting easier during the week, it probably will get easier on weekends too. Progress...
I hope you slept well Lifetplant.
Pam's, I know what you mean about your brain making a shift, I thought about quitting all the time, but one day I actually did it.
Surf, I hope you do all of that. Shine your light, baby!
I hope you had a good day 4, Areyoukittenme.
Grateful, good thinking on your after work plans. It's always a good time for a cup of tea.
Chasing, it is hard, and you're doing it anyway. Good job.
MrsBee, I forgot to mention, I'm familiar with the skin care line you mentioned. It's very good. Are you going into business?
I'm headed into my studio, which I've neglected too long. I have a big out of town show in a couple of weeks, and barely enough time to fill my booth, so no more slacking here.
Have a good night or day everyone.
Topspin, you cracked me up. And thank you for both the confidence and condolences. That friend has been gone a long time. And I forgot, it was eggs, spinach and feta. Not too exciting.
Noolan, just keep moving forward. You'll get there.
Ms Okra, I love that you do that kind of activism. It's not easy to make the world better, but there isn't much as worthwhile. You're dinner sounds great, and would have gone so well with the vegan biscuits and gravy I got today at the local hippie biodiesel gas station and organic convenience store. The demographics here are a bit unusual...
DancingDiva, if it keeps getting easier during the week, it probably will get easier on weekends too. Progress...
I hope you slept well Lifetplant.
Pam's, I know what you mean about your brain making a shift, I thought about quitting all the time, but one day I actually did it.
Surf, I hope you do all of that. Shine your light, baby!
I hope you had a good day 4, Areyoukittenme.
Grateful, good thinking on your after work plans. It's always a good time for a cup of tea.
Chasing, it is hard, and you're doing it anyway. Good job.
MrsBee, I forgot to mention, I'm familiar with the skin care line you mentioned. It's very good. Are you going into business?
I'm headed into my studio, which I've neglected too long. I have a big out of town show in a couple of weeks, and barely enough time to fill my booth, so no more slacking here.
Have a good night or day everyone.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by pams
....I decided the most logical place to start is staying sober. Maybe some of these other things will take care of themselves if I am not half-corked all the time…..
It's been that way for me, ... Take alcohol out the equation , and all the other stuff I desperately need to sort out, becomes easier ; ...as time goes by.
When I'm drinking , it seems I get caught in a cycle of procrastination , and my anxiety starts creeping in, little by little. Soon enough , all my big plans are just that , ;, ,,,....just unexecuted and unrealized plans.
Welcome to the April Class !
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Lowcountry
Posts: 2,762
Originally Posted by Adnamaeel
You're dinner sounds great, and would have gone so well with the vegan biscuits and gravy I got today at the local hippie biodiesel gas station and organic convenience store. The demographics here are a bit unusual...
.
.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 272
Day three complete. I had an appointment with my therapist today, which always stirs me up a bit, but I'm handling it ok, I think. I told him about how I've made plans so I'm not alone on the weekends, and he praised it as a good step in the beginning, but he also pointed out that at some point I will have to be able to be alone with myself. The idea of that made me cry for some reason.
Welcome back to all those returning. Noolan, I hope you start back on the recovery path right away instead of waiting until after next weekend. We don't know what will happen when we drink, and I hate the thought of something bad happening to you because you waited.
Thanks to all for your kind words. This is such an incredible place.
Welcome back to all those returning. Noolan, I hope you start back on the recovery path right away instead of waiting until after next weekend. We don't know what will happen when we drink, and I hate the thought of something bad happening to you because you waited.
Thanks to all for your kind words. This is such an incredible place.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 158
Diva, boy do I get it about therapy sessions that create some stir-up! I understand what he's saying, but I personally think that focusing on what you need now will help you when you get to what you need to do "eventually." If you don't get through the next few weekends sober, then you'll never get to the struggle he's saying you'll have to grapple with "eventually." So do what you need to, line up those friends, and when that eventuality come I'll bet dollars to doughnuts you'll have the strength when you need it. And YAY on day 3.
Topspin, dude, tree-hugger is sooooo 90's. I'm a modern dirty-hippie-get-a-job-taker. That means I hug food not bombs and messy stuff like that. But the people who scowl at me are still WAY jealous of my neon lime-green and aqua running shoes, go figure.
Adna, I love what you wrote because I was thinking I didn't lose the 12 days I was sober before Saturday and now I am building on them. Very different from the all-or-nothing attitude that I've had for most of my life, i.e. one screw-up = abject failure. Funny how I've held that standard for me, but not for anyone else. Y'all give me SOOOO much to ponder!
Speaking of therapists, once a wonderful one asked me, "What would you tell you're daughter if she told you about herself what you've just told me about yourself?" Well, what I would tell her was infinitely more loving than what I was telling myself. I need to remember to treat myself more lovingly, thanks for the reminder, Diva!
OK, beautiful souls. A little more prowling around here then bedtime. Have I mentioned that y'all are the greatest?
Peace.
Topspin, dude, tree-hugger is sooooo 90's. I'm a modern dirty-hippie-get-a-job-taker. That means I hug food not bombs and messy stuff like that. But the people who scowl at me are still WAY jealous of my neon lime-green and aqua running shoes, go figure.
Adna, I love what you wrote because I was thinking I didn't lose the 12 days I was sober before Saturday and now I am building on them. Very different from the all-or-nothing attitude that I've had for most of my life, i.e. one screw-up = abject failure. Funny how I've held that standard for me, but not for anyone else. Y'all give me SOOOO much to ponder!
Speaking of therapists, once a wonderful one asked me, "What would you tell you're daughter if she told you about herself what you've just told me about yourself?" Well, what I would tell her was infinitely more loving than what I was telling myself. I need to remember to treat myself more lovingly, thanks for the reminder, Diva!
OK, beautiful souls. A little more prowling around here then bedtime. Have I mentioned that y'all are the greatest?
Peace.
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