Class of September 2013 - Part 29
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
Kane, for what it's worth, my thoughts are that your allegiances rest with your wife above and beyond all others (two became one), especially others who want to hide the fact that they're hurting those they've promised to love. I'm so sorry you're in this position. 
Congrats to Grace!!!! Yay for you!!!!!!
Good for you, Rochele, for working out! I came down with a cold a couple weeks ago and it interrupted my workout schedule ... but I'm going back to the gym tomorrow morning at 5am. I've done well with my eating in that time, so I haven't gained any weight. And that's GOOD.
Dh bought 4 beers the other night, which I'm totally okay with as long as they're gone by the time he goes to bed so they don't tempt me during the night. He drank 2, and didn't really want the rest, so he dumped them down the sink. That's why he's a normie. I don't even LIKE beer, but I could have NEVER done that! I told my AA group that the thought went through my head that, "It would be nice to be able to drink a beer." But ... that's not true. It would be nice to be able to drink a fifth! Which is further proof that I am NOT a normie.
I read a couple books on the physical side of alcoholism, which I find fascinating and empowering. When I take even that first sip of alcohol, I experience a euphoria. A dopamine rush unlike any other. I need more, and I lose the ability to make rational decisions about how much I'm consuming. In essence, I become insane. There is no moderating, at least for any length of time. Knowing that makes it easier to not take that first drink. It's a physical thing, similar to an allergy. But, if I just don't take that drink, I stay sane. I know this now.
I've been so productive lately, too! I think I'm finally beyond my need to sleep tons, and now I'm catching up on projects, sorting, cleaning, and all kinds of things that had been slacking for years. I dumped and/or donated over 10 garbage bags of stuff this weekend. Yay for purging! It feels good. It feels free.
Congrats to Grace!!!! Yay for you!!!!!!
Good for you, Rochele, for working out! I came down with a cold a couple weeks ago and it interrupted my workout schedule ... but I'm going back to the gym tomorrow morning at 5am. I've done well with my eating in that time, so I haven't gained any weight. And that's GOOD.
Dh bought 4 beers the other night, which I'm totally okay with as long as they're gone by the time he goes to bed so they don't tempt me during the night. He drank 2, and didn't really want the rest, so he dumped them down the sink. That's why he's a normie. I don't even LIKE beer, but I could have NEVER done that! I told my AA group that the thought went through my head that, "It would be nice to be able to drink a beer." But ... that's not true. It would be nice to be able to drink a fifth! Which is further proof that I am NOT a normie.
I read a couple books on the physical side of alcoholism, which I find fascinating and empowering. When I take even that first sip of alcohol, I experience a euphoria. A dopamine rush unlike any other. I need more, and I lose the ability to make rational decisions about how much I'm consuming. In essence, I become insane. There is no moderating, at least for any length of time. Knowing that makes it easier to not take that first drink. It's a physical thing, similar to an allergy. But, if I just don't take that drink, I stay sane. I know this now.
I've been so productive lately, too! I think I'm finally beyond my need to sleep tons, and now I'm catching up on projects, sorting, cleaning, and all kinds of things that had been slacking for years. I dumped and/or donated over 10 garbage bags of stuff this weekend. Yay for purging! It feels good. It feels free.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
We had a party to attend this evening, for a confirmation. I have not been to parties much at all in the months since September, but when I have been, I think I slipped or relapsed soon after. And, since those times, maybe since the holidays, I have not had any parties, amazingly. I avoided one event. Seems we get fewer invites since back then.
Anyway, I did not drink at this party and do not want to drink now. I do feel wired, as I often do, after a few hours of that chit chat. Like my head is abuzz with activity or sensory overload. I used to feel the need to drink more to wind down and get tired. Tonight, I will just read, and maybe take a benadryl. Very occasionally I do use Benadryl to sleep, but I figure it is better than drinking. But I do not want to drink, so I feel like that is good. Typically, I may feel frustrated or resent that I cannot drink.
I also ended up doing 30 minutes on my elliptical *twice* today. Figured I would give it an extra go and have a good meal at the party. Good thing because it was heavy food, like lasagna, and meatballs, and cake. I had some salad too. I did not overeat, but I did enjoy the food, as I never eat pasta anymore.
So, a good night. Had some nice conversations, saw a few people I have not seen for a long time.
Anyway, I did not drink at this party and do not want to drink now. I do feel wired, as I often do, after a few hours of that chit chat. Like my head is abuzz with activity or sensory overload. I used to feel the need to drink more to wind down and get tired. Tonight, I will just read, and maybe take a benadryl. Very occasionally I do use Benadryl to sleep, but I figure it is better than drinking. But I do not want to drink, so I feel like that is good. Typically, I may feel frustrated or resent that I cannot drink.
I also ended up doing 30 minutes on my elliptical *twice* today. Figured I would give it an extra go and have a good meal at the party. Good thing because it was heavy food, like lasagna, and meatballs, and cake. I had some salad too. I did not overeat, but I did enjoy the food, as I never eat pasta anymore.
So, a good night. Had some nice conversations, saw a few people I have not seen for a long time.
Velveteen Rabbit
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, Cali
Posts: 2,661
Rochele, that's terrific you went to the party and stayed sober. I know that buzzy feeling you reference. I get it. Last night I went to a family game-night at my sister's house. Five hours of games - every adult but me sitting around a table drinking screwdrivers with way too much vodka in them, or glasses of wine. Watched some people get really loaded.
I was doing ok until the kids started playing a card game where they were slapping cards really hard on the counter....after about 45 minutes of that I yelled at them to please stop that slapping!
It was either get them to stop or have a glass of wine to calm my nerves.
Major introvert thing with me.....I get overwhelmed with too many people, too much social interaction and too much noise. By 11:30 last night I craved something to make the buzz stop in my head.
Decided to excuse myself after my outburst, even though everyone thought it was pretty funny I blew my stack all of a sudden. I'm not really a screamer, but that slapping made me jump every time they did it and it was annoying the heck out of me!
Calming myself down without a substance takes some effort, and I'm still learning. Deep breathing helps. And just good old fashion quiet.
I was doing ok until the kids started playing a card game where they were slapping cards really hard on the counter....after about 45 minutes of that I yelled at them to please stop that slapping!
It was either get them to stop or have a glass of wine to calm my nerves. Major introvert thing with me.....I get overwhelmed with too many people, too much social interaction and too much noise. By 11:30 last night I craved something to make the buzz stop in my head.
Decided to excuse myself after my outburst, even though everyone thought it was pretty funny I blew my stack all of a sudden. I'm not really a screamer, but that slapping made me jump every time they did it and it was annoying the heck out of me!
Calming myself down without a substance takes some effort, and I'm still learning. Deep breathing helps. And just good old fashion quiet.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,303
Originally Posted by LillianGish 
I saw this and thought of my wonderful September class....
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
~Food For Thought ~ Thank God It's Monday Edition~
~Preparing to Succeed~
~Note~
Had a great but challenging weekend, my AV was talking loud this weekend and presented some challenges for me. I believe its the beautiful weather and the people starting to circulate and missing the social casual drinking environments I used to frequent. I must say that I miss that socialization but not the hangovers and the behaviors that resulted from it. I've come to the realizaton that I've so many dreams and aspirations to accomplish and they will require a laser focused dedication and deliberate action and planning to attain them. This "New Normal" is different and very challenging but I can't allow the old actions, environments, people and practices to sabotage the new journey, so I'm heading off the old me at the pass. The "My New Normal" continues ....#StayingVigilant #GettingPrepared2Succeed
~The Monday Meal~
Welcome to the start of a wonderful week and the day that will begin to solidify your future! Today’s Daily Word is dedicated to being ready!
On your quest for achieving your dreams and aspirations there is no shortage of opportunity. What is usually missing is the will and discipline to do what is necessary to either find the opportunity or to turn that opportunity into tangible success.
If you really want your dream like you say you do, then it is imperative that you prepare for it like you know it’s coming! Preparation is the best way to getting any goal accomplished!Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to reach our goals at a certain time that we go into it without a definite plan or are not fully prepared to make things happen!
Opportunity comes to all who seek it but success comes to those who are ready, willing and able! Don’t lose out on an opportunity because you have not taken the time to plan accordingly!
The Four steps to achievement are:
Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively and Pursue persistently.
Effective immediately I need you to stop being in a rush and take the time to get ready for your dreams! They say practice makes perfect and even though perfection isn’t our aim, reaching for it has never done anyone wrong! Get ready then Get Busy!! This is your time! No excuse is acceptable!! And as the saying goes…. “if you don’t have time to do it right when will you have time to do it over?” NothingCanStopYouButYOU!!
~The Healthy Snacks~
“Before everything else, getting ready is the secret of success.”-Henry Ford
“Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing.”-Wayne Dyer
“Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.” -Leon Joseph Cardinal Suenens
“We are always getting ready to live, but never living” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire and begin at once, whether you ready or not, to put this plan into action.”-Napoleon Hill
“The door of opportunity is wide open if you are prepared.”-Unknown
“Spectacular achievement is always preceded by unspectacular preparation.”-Robert H. Schuller
“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.”-Abraham Lincoln
~Preparing to Succeed~
~Note~
Had a great but challenging weekend, my AV was talking loud this weekend and presented some challenges for me. I believe its the beautiful weather and the people starting to circulate and missing the social casual drinking environments I used to frequent. I must say that I miss that socialization but not the hangovers and the behaviors that resulted from it. I've come to the realizaton that I've so many dreams and aspirations to accomplish and they will require a laser focused dedication and deliberate action and planning to attain them. This "New Normal" is different and very challenging but I can't allow the old actions, environments, people and practices to sabotage the new journey, so I'm heading off the old me at the pass. The "My New Normal" continues ....#StayingVigilant #GettingPrepared2Succeed
~The Monday Meal~
Welcome to the start of a wonderful week and the day that will begin to solidify your future! Today’s Daily Word is dedicated to being ready!
On your quest for achieving your dreams and aspirations there is no shortage of opportunity. What is usually missing is the will and discipline to do what is necessary to either find the opportunity or to turn that opportunity into tangible success.
If you really want your dream like you say you do, then it is imperative that you prepare for it like you know it’s coming! Preparation is the best way to getting any goal accomplished!Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to reach our goals at a certain time that we go into it without a definite plan or are not fully prepared to make things happen!
Opportunity comes to all who seek it but success comes to those who are ready, willing and able! Don’t lose out on an opportunity because you have not taken the time to plan accordingly!
The Four steps to achievement are:
Plan purposefully. Prepare prayerfully. Proceed positively and Pursue persistently.
Effective immediately I need you to stop being in a rush and take the time to get ready for your dreams! They say practice makes perfect and even though perfection isn’t our aim, reaching for it has never done anyone wrong! Get ready then Get Busy!! This is your time! No excuse is acceptable!! And as the saying goes…. “if you don’t have time to do it right when will you have time to do it over?” NothingCanStopYouButYOU!!
~The Healthy Snacks~
“Before everything else, getting ready is the secret of success.”-Henry Ford
“Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing.”-Wayne Dyer
“Happy are those who dream dreams and are ready to pay the price to make them come true.” -Leon Joseph Cardinal Suenens
“We are always getting ready to live, but never living” -Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire and begin at once, whether you ready or not, to put this plan into action.”-Napoleon Hill
“The door of opportunity is wide open if you are prepared.”-Unknown
“Spectacular achievement is always preceded by unspectacular preparation.”-Robert H. Schuller
“Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe.”-Abraham Lincoln
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Originally Posted by LillianGish
Rochele, that's terrific you went to the party and stayed sober. I know that buzzy feeling you reference. I get it. Last night I went to a family game-night at my sister's house. Five hours of games - every adult but me sitting around a table drinking screwdrivers with way too much vodka in them, or glasses of wine. Watched some people get really loaded.
I was doing ok until the kids started playing a card game where they were slapping cards really hard on the counter....after about 45 minutes of that I yelled at them to please stop that slapping! It was either get them to stop or have a glass of wine to calm my nerves.
Major introvert thing with me.....I get overwhelmed with too many people, too much social interaction and too much noise. By 11:30 last night I craved something to make the buzz stop in my head.
Decided to excuse myself after my outburst, even though everyone thought it was pretty funny I blew my stack all of a sudden. I'm not really a screamer, but that slapping made me jump every time they did it and it was annoying the heck out of me!
Calming myself down without a substance takes some effort, and I'm still learning. Deep breathing helps. And just good old fashion quiet.
I was doing ok until the kids started playing a card game where they were slapping cards really hard on the counter....after about 45 minutes of that I yelled at them to please stop that slapping!
It was either get them to stop or have a glass of wine to calm my nerves. Major introvert thing with me.....I get overwhelmed with too many people, too much social interaction and too much noise. By 11:30 last night I craved something to make the buzz stop in my head.
Decided to excuse myself after my outburst, even though everyone thought it was pretty funny I blew my stack all of a sudden. I'm not really a screamer, but that slapping made me jump every time they did it and it was annoying the heck out of me!
Calming myself down without a substance takes some effort, and I'm still learning. Deep breathing helps. And just good old fashion quiet.
I do think these are issues with sensory integration. I see manifestations of these sensetivities in both of my children. My son, especially, does not tolerate loud noise, and has begged and cried to leave performances in parks, like at Disney, due to the loudness in a theater. Also was bothered by a wonderful Djembe drum the leader used in our kiddie music group. We had to quit!
Even as a child myself, I would remove myself from the HUGE parties at my grandmother's house, and return to my own. We lived downstairs, so I could slip away like that. I enjoy being social, but I always need time to decompress. And it is hard to do that sober. Drinking's chemical effect was truly quite effective for that issue, but with a very high price of dependance and health issues.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 567
Originally Posted by Br00ksie
On the same token, for me there is a difference between relaxing alone and isolating.
When I'm relaxing I am still willing to go out and get dressed. I answer my phone and respond to texts. I wash my dishes and keep a tidy area. When I isolate, I do none of those things. I just stay in my bed and sleep and watch TV.
Guest
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 567
In my defence about doing nothing this weekend it rained, it shouldn't be an excuse in rainy Wales or I be isolating permanently lol anyways it's Monday now the sun is shining (typical now back in work) it's a start of a new week so bring it on healthy eating and exercise must begin or a will need a new wardrobe of clothes and not for a good reason :-(
Hope you all have a great day x
Hope you all have a great day x
Velveteen Rabbit
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, Cali
Posts: 2,661
Originally Posted by Nightswimming
Monday morning and feeling good here in Scotland. Trying to get the motivation up to put on the running shoes!
Go Go Go!!!
Velveteen Rabbit
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, Cali
Posts: 2,661
Originally Posted by PeanutButterCup
I read a couple books on the physical side of alcoholism, which I find fascinating and empowering. When I take even that first sip of alcohol, I experience a euphoria. A dopamine rush unlike any other. I need more, and I lose the ability to make rational decisions about how much I'm consuming. In essence, I become insane. There is no moderating, at least for any length of time. Knowing that makes it easier to not take that first drink. It's a physical thing, similar to an allergy. But, if I just don't take that drink, I stay sane. I know this now.
I've been so productive lately, too! I think I'm finally beyond my need to sleep tons, and now I'm catching up on projects, sorting, cleaning, and all kinds of things that had been slacking for years. I dumped and/or donated over 10 garbage bags of stuff this weekend. Yay for purging! It feels good. It feels free.
I've been so productive lately, too! I think I'm finally beyond my need to sleep tons, and now I'm catching up on projects, sorting, cleaning, and all kinds of things that had been slacking for years. I dumped and/or donated over 10 garbage bags of stuff this weekend. Yay for purging! It feels good. It feels free.
Interesting about the dopamine rush. I didn't know that, but I'm not surprised. Over the years, I've decided that our brains and chemical reactions drive almost all behaviors. We beat ourselves up over moral character - perhaps ethical decisions are really recognizing our pre-dispositions and making conscience choices not to necessarily go with it. Human beings are animals, of course, but we alone can do the opposite of what nature tells us to do.
We are all little petri dishes of biochemistry experiments!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
Hi all, struggling tonight, not so much craving a drink but feeling low- no job, no car, no partner, not speaking with my dad, health problems, etc. etc. I know we should be grateful for the things we do have but I feel a failure at times.
Went to a 'As Bill See's it' AA meeting today and it went well, met up with a friend before it and had a good chat over coffee,, I then went to the alcohol support people who I contacted the other week when I was coming down, I told them I managed to get off the drink and am going to AA meetings, offered some counselling etc but could sense by the woman assessing me that she thought I wasn't a fully blown alcoholic and that by stopping on my own I was more in the 'binge drinker' category.
Just felt so lonely and confused, will anyone ever want to be with me? Just want to feel loved sometimes but I feel no woman would want an alcoholic as a boyfriend even one in recovery- Im sad to say that most men and indeed women that came in single in the AA rooms around here are still single and Ive got to be honest that scares me.
Went to a 'As Bill See's it' AA meeting today and it went well, met up with a friend before it and had a good chat over coffee,, I then went to the alcohol support people who I contacted the other week when I was coming down, I told them I managed to get off the drink and am going to AA meetings, offered some counselling etc but could sense by the woman assessing me that she thought I wasn't a fully blown alcoholic and that by stopping on my own I was more in the 'binge drinker' category.
Just felt so lonely and confused, will anyone ever want to be with me? Just want to feel loved sometimes but I feel no woman would want an alcoholic as a boyfriend even one in recovery- Im sad to say that most men and indeed women that came in single in the AA rooms around here are still single and Ive got to be honest that scares me.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,378
1step - I'm sorry you're feeling low. I can't agree you're a failure tho - material; things are things after all...you're fighting to make a better life for yourself - nothing weak or pathetic about that at all 
Those material things will come back to you in time as long as you stay in recovery - It's hard some days I know, but try and be patient
D
Those material things will come back to you in time as long as you stay in recovery - It's hard some days I know, but try and be patient
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
Originally Posted by 1stepup
Hi all, struggling tonight, not so much craving a drink but feeling low- no job, no car, no partner, not speaking with my dad, health problems, etc. etc. I know we should be grateful for the things we do have but I feel a failure at times.
Went to a 'As Bill See's it' AA meeting today and it went well, met up with a friend before it and had a good chat over coffee,, I then went to the alcohol support people who I contacted the other week when I was coming down, I told them I managed to get off the drink and am going to AA meetings, offered some counselling etc but could sense by the woman assessing me that she thought I wasn't a fully blown alcoholic and that by stopping on my own I was more in the 'binge drinker' category.
Just felt so lonely and confused, will anyone ever want to be with me? Just want to feel loved sometimes but I feel no woman would want an alcoholic as a boyfriend even one in recovery- Im sad to say that most men and indeed women that came in single in the AA rooms around here are still single and Ive got to be honest that scares me.
Went to a 'As Bill See's it' AA meeting today and it went well, met up with a friend before it and had a good chat over coffee,, I then went to the alcohol support people who I contacted the other week when I was coming down, I told them I managed to get off the drink and am going to AA meetings, offered some counselling etc but could sense by the woman assessing me that she thought I wasn't a fully blown alcoholic and that by stopping on my own I was more in the 'binge drinker' category.
Just felt so lonely and confused, will anyone ever want to be with me? Just want to feel loved sometimes but I feel no woman would want an alcoholic as a boyfriend even one in recovery- Im sad to say that most men and indeed women that came in single in the AA rooms around here are still single and Ive got to be honest that scares me.
Now....Now 1step, there is no such thing as failures here. Everything is an experience that we can all learn from no matter if they are positive or negative. This may not be what you want to hear at this point, but this is the time you need to get yourself together and address the situations that you mentioned earlier:
no job, no car, no partner, not speaking with my dad, health problems, etc. etc
As far as a partner, any woman worth her salt will want you if you take responsibility for your life and the direction of it and make the changes necessary to correct them. That takes strength and courage and those are all qualities that attract the types of women you want in your life. Believe me there are plenty of mates for you but you have to be worthy of their love and that means changing everything for the better. Spend you energy making your life better in those areas and I guarantee you will find someone(s) to share the journey with you. You have to get you together right now 1step and everything will fall into place. So lets kill the failure talk and get to work on the best 1step from here on. Only you have to power to shape or destroy your world, so don't operate from your past but from your present and future because you can't go forward driving in the rearview mirror.
I'm talking from experience so please don't take my comment as being unsympathetic to your current plight, I'm just giving real talk like it was given to me when I was in the same situation. Keep posting with your feelings and don't run to a bottle please, there are no answers in alcohol just more problems
Member
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: USA
Posts: 1,178
1Step, I think it's totally normal to have emotional days, especially in the first months of sobriety. I sure did. And I usually felt much, much better in the morning.
Can you maybe watch a movie or read a book to get your mind off everything, then get to bed early tonight? And eat something that will nourish your body. Take care of YOU.
Can you maybe watch a movie or read a book to get your mind off everything, then get to bed early tonight? And eat something that will nourish your body. Take care of YOU.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
Thanks Dee and BLKand Peanut, sorry to be on a downer just one of those days.....
I know that only I can change things, haven't been up to the farm in a few weeks and I miss it, got a lot of stuff tied in with it including machinery and a vehicle etc that I had planned to start business with but alas I messed things up by slipping a few weeks ago and its resulted in my father not speaking to me so staying at a relatives and I miss the space of the country, need to patch things up but hate confrontation and am trying for jobs in the meantime, might call up tomorrow and see how the ground lies....
Part of me wants to patch things up with my ex-the mother of my children but I suppose we split due to many reasons and not just because of my drinking. Heads all messed up tonight but at least Im sober.... I know that alcohol has caused me nothing but hassle and there's no solution in it just more agony. In a weird warped way I think it was the only thing Ive felt control over- 'if all else fails I can choose to drink', but in the end I lost the choice to stop once I started.
Im in bed now and only an hour til midnight so Ive got through another day!
On a more positive note the money that Ive saved not drinking Ive been able to pay for my eldests' daughters' ballet lessons and Im able to take them both to cinema this weekend so Ive got to be grateful for that.
I need to be patient, they say in AA 'easy does it, but do it' and think that applies to me right now.
I know that only I can change things, haven't been up to the farm in a few weeks and I miss it, got a lot of stuff tied in with it including machinery and a vehicle etc that I had planned to start business with but alas I messed things up by slipping a few weeks ago and its resulted in my father not speaking to me so staying at a relatives and I miss the space of the country, need to patch things up but hate confrontation and am trying for jobs in the meantime, might call up tomorrow and see how the ground lies....
Part of me wants to patch things up with my ex-the mother of my children but I suppose we split due to many reasons and not just because of my drinking. Heads all messed up tonight but at least Im sober.... I know that alcohol has caused me nothing but hassle and there's no solution in it just more agony. In a weird warped way I think it was the only thing Ive felt control over- 'if all else fails I can choose to drink', but in the end I lost the choice to stop once I started.
Im in bed now and only an hour til midnight so Ive got through another day!
On a more positive note the money that Ive saved not drinking Ive been able to pay for my eldests' daughters' ballet lessons and Im able to take them both to cinema this weekend so Ive got to be grateful for that.
I need to be patient, they say in AA 'easy does it, but do it' and think that applies to me right now.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
