Class Of February 2014 Part 6
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Originally Posted by Neverthought 
Thanks for sharing. It is amazing how changes in our lives and sacrifices that we all make eventually begin to put us in a mood of potential resentment. Both my wife and myself have resentments toward each other.
I think resentments, basically, they come down to a time in your life that you feel you cannot change or go back because whatever it was is no longer a viable option (loose analogy)
My resentment: I want play out in a band again or be more social, have friends over, spend more time with my family (even if they are dysfunctional). She's somewhat introverted and can only be around people she is comfortable around.
Her resentment: She wants a baby girl. I'm 44 and we are the verge of financial freedom. And our only son along with being a teacher has pushed her to her limits. She would have a nervous breakdown at her age of 40 with an infant, 7 year old, and full time job. But she still resents me! I think she is beginning to understand though that it could push her over the edge. She did mention about adopting a 3 year old girl?
Anyway, I can't imagine that within every marriage or partnership there isn't resentment. And maybe resentment is too harsh of a word!. The key is getting through it all.
I think resentments, basically, they come down to a time in your life that you feel you cannot change or go back because whatever it was is no longer a viable option (loose analogy)
My resentment: I want play out in a band again or be more social, have friends over, spend more time with my family (even if they are dysfunctional). She's somewhat introverted and can only be around people she is comfortable around.
Her resentment: She wants a baby girl. I'm 44 and we are the verge of financial freedom. And our only son along with being a teacher has pushed her to her limits. She would have a nervous breakdown at her age of 40 with an infant, 7 year old, and full time job. But she still resents me! I think she is beginning to understand though that it could push her over the edge. She did mention about adopting a 3 year old girl?
Anyway, I can't imagine that within every marriage or partnership there isn't resentment. And maybe resentment is too harsh of a word!. The key is getting through it all.
Have you thought of starting something new together - dancing lessons, golf???
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
Posts: 3,958
Lunch break check in.
I saw this truck on my way to work this morning.
image-2440856616.jpg
LS -- glad to hear that the victory was in securing the interview and doing your personal best.
DigginIn -- I know that sinking feeling of hearing the "happy couple"'s weekend plans. It's a sucker punch to the gut. March Madness is a good distraction. My husband is a UConn graduate, and this time of year is a big deal in our house.
Briggsy -- what music were you blasting? I'm picturing Metallica?
LB -- interesting perspective on counting. I'm on day 20+ but I have even trying to be sober for 40+ days. The time I've been working at it is almost double my number of consecutive sober days. If it hurts you to count, rather than inspire sobriety in you, counting might not be the right practice for you.
NT and SleepyDots - partnerships are difficult, and mourning about the could-have-beens breed resentment. It is what it is. We can't change the past, but we can resolve to make decisions that will make their lives more expansive in sobriety.
NT - in reading your post i had a lightbulb moment. My resentments have ratcheted up in recent years over feeling dead to the world but still getting dragged to kids sports. I would think "this is excruciating." You know what? I could have been doing my most favorite activities in the world and I still would have felt "this is excruciating" because I was hungover.
Hiding bottles. I never hid them, but it is freeing not to be reminded of the previous night's indiscretions by empty bottles.
Have a sober weekend, Febbies! I'll be around if anyone needs a friend.
I saw this truck on my way to work this morning.
image-2440856616.jpg
LS -- glad to hear that the victory was in securing the interview and doing your personal best.
DigginIn -- I know that sinking feeling of hearing the "happy couple"'s weekend plans. It's a sucker punch to the gut. March Madness is a good distraction. My husband is a UConn graduate, and this time of year is a big deal in our house.
Briggsy -- what music were you blasting? I'm picturing Metallica?
LB -- interesting perspective on counting. I'm on day 20+ but I have even trying to be sober for 40+ days. The time I've been working at it is almost double my number of consecutive sober days. If it hurts you to count, rather than inspire sobriety in you, counting might not be the right practice for you.
NT and SleepyDots - partnerships are difficult, and mourning about the could-have-beens breed resentment. It is what it is. We can't change the past, but we can resolve to make decisions that will make their lives more expansive in sobriety.
NT - in reading your post i had a lightbulb moment. My resentments have ratcheted up in recent years over feeling dead to the world but still getting dragged to kids sports. I would think "this is excruciating." You know what? I could have been doing my most favorite activities in the world and I still would have felt "this is excruciating" because I was hungover.
Hiding bottles. I never hid them, but it is freeing not to be reminded of the previous night's indiscretions by empty bottles.
Have a sober weekend, Febbies! I'll be around if anyone needs a friend.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 174
Originally Posted by gleefan
Lunch break check in.
I saw this truck on my way to work this morning.
Attachment 21905
LS -- glad to hear that the victory was in securing the interview and doing your personal best.
DigginIn -- I know that sinking feeling of hearing the "happy couple"'s weekend plans. It's a sucker punch to the gut. March Madness is a good distraction. My husband is a UConn graduate, and this time of year is a big deal in our house.
Briggsy -- what music were you blasting? I'm picturing Metallica?
LB -- interesting perspective on counting. I'm on day 20+ but I have even trying to be sober for 40+ days. The time I've been working at it is almost double my number of consecutive sober days. If it hurts you to count, rather than inspire sobriety in you, counting might not be the right practice for you.
NT and SleepyDots - partnerships are difficult, and mourning about the could-have-beens breed resentment. It is what it is. We can't change the past, but we can resolve to make decisions that will make their lives more expansive in sobriety.
NT - in reading your post i had a lightbulb moment. My resentments have ratcheted up in recent years over feeling dead to the world but still getting dragged to kids sports. I would think "this is excruciating." You know what? I could have been doing my most favorite activities in the world and I still would have felt "this is excruciating" because I was hungover.
Hiding bottles. I never hid them, but it is freeing not to be reminded of the previous night's indiscretions by empty bottles.
Have a sober weekend, Febbies! I'll be around if anyone needs a friend.
I saw this truck on my way to work this morning.
Attachment 21905
LS -- glad to hear that the victory was in securing the interview and doing your personal best.
DigginIn -- I know that sinking feeling of hearing the "happy couple"'s weekend plans. It's a sucker punch to the gut. March Madness is a good distraction. My husband is a UConn graduate, and this time of year is a big deal in our house.
Briggsy -- what music were you blasting? I'm picturing Metallica?
LB -- interesting perspective on counting. I'm on day 20+ but I have even trying to be sober for 40+ days. The time I've been working at it is almost double my number of consecutive sober days. If it hurts you to count, rather than inspire sobriety in you, counting might not be the right practice for you.
NT and SleepyDots - partnerships are difficult, and mourning about the could-have-beens breed resentment. It is what it is. We can't change the past, but we can resolve to make decisions that will make their lives more expansive in sobriety.
NT - in reading your post i had a lightbulb moment. My resentments have ratcheted up in recent years over feeling dead to the world but still getting dragged to kids sports. I would think "this is excruciating." You know what? I could have been doing my most favorite activities in the world and I still would have felt "this is excruciating" because I was hungover.
Hiding bottles. I never hid them, but it is freeing not to be reminded of the previous night's indiscretions by empty bottles.
Have a sober weekend, Febbies! I'll be around if anyone needs a friend.
I'm a COUNTRY guy predominately. Also, listen to some of the R&B dance type of stuff.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Posts: 226
Checkin in all good here. Nice to read mostly good news.
Day counting is good, I think that one slip doesnt wipe out all the good. Thats kinda an attitude you get with AA. No credit given for harm reduction. Theres a difference between a slip and a relapse surly. I guess the danger with that though is knowing that can make it easier to slip.
Brigsey: What cards do you play is it Bridge or something?
Well done on the interview LS, fruits of sobriety for sure.
Thanks everyone, reading this thread is helping me a lot.
I need to find some sober interests and friends not sure how to do that. Any suggestions would be great.
Cheers all
G
Day counting is good, I think that one slip doesnt wipe out all the good. Thats kinda an attitude you get with AA. No credit given for harm reduction. Theres a difference between a slip and a relapse surly. I guess the danger with that though is knowing that can make it easier to slip.
Brigsey: What cards do you play is it Bridge or something?
Well done on the interview LS, fruits of sobriety for sure.
Thanks everyone, reading this thread is helping me a lot.
I need to find some sober interests and friends not sure how to do that. Any suggestions would be great.
Cheers all
G
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,131
Originally Posted by SoberLeigh
NT, marriage can sure have it's ups and downs. Marriage is, also, a journey - one made by two separate people trying to navigate and share a common path.
Have you thought of starting something new together - dancing lessons, golf???
Have you thought of starting something new together - dancing lessons, golf???
Now, the tables have somewhat turned and I'm talking to her about things like, stop worrying what others think, and stop telling us to shush because we are loud at a restaurant and might draw attention to us, but mostly her...lol
She is very stubborn. But believe it or not since I've been abstaining over the past two years on and off and especially this last month, I finally am telling her how I feel rather than just going downstairs and drinking instead to avoid controversy.
And guess what happened yesterday.....Dun, duh
I finally got her to see her doctor for anxiety and her dr. put her on something until she can feel better.
We just have to start loving and caring for each other again. If I hadn't been working on a commitment to quit drinking we wouldn't be making headway.....I mentioned this to her after her appointment.
Eventually someone has to take an initiative when there is a wall building between.
And I told her how I have triggers after work. She said, "why didn't you tell me". And "I would never want to stress you out to the point that you would grab a drink"...
So, talk about a journey...
So, thanks for asking the right questions!!
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
I have the SR app on my phone. Auto correct is butchering some of my words. Thus the misspellings.
Gazza, I'd like to find some sober friends too. I've seen some people suggest AS meetings.
I also try to meet a current friend for walks and not drinks.
Then when there is a gathering, there are people who don't get sloshed and those who do.
I'm in the same boat. Not sure.
Gazza, I'd like to find some sober friends too. I've seen some people suggest AS meetings.
I also try to meet a current friend for walks and not drinks.
Then when there is a gathering, there are people who don't get sloshed and those who do.
I'm in the same boat. Not sure.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Originally Posted by Gazza
Checkin in all good here. Nice to read mostly good news.
Day counting is good, I think that one slip doesnt wipe out all the good. Thats kinda an attitude you get with AA. No credit given for harm reduction. Theres a difference between a slip and a relapse surly. I guess the danger with that though is knowing that can make it easier to slip.
Brigsey: What cards do you play is it Bridge or something?
Well done on the interview LS, fruits of sobriety for sure.
Thanks everyone, reading this thread is helping me a lot.
I need to find some sober interests and friends not sure how to do that. Any suggestions would be great.
Cheers all
G
Day counting is good, I think that one slip doesnt wipe out all the good. Thats kinda an attitude you get with AA. No credit given for harm reduction. Theres a difference between a slip and a relapse surly. I guess the danger with that though is knowing that can make it easier to slip.
Brigsey: What cards do you play is it Bridge or something?
Well done on the interview LS, fruits of sobriety for sure.
Thanks everyone, reading this thread is helping me a lot.
I need to find some sober interests and friends not sure how to do that. Any suggestions would be great.
Cheers all
G
which must invariably ensue).
In my early days of sobriety, I didn't have much time to hang with anyone at all but I think I would have found even non-problem drinkers difficult to be around. For the most part, I can now be around with them with no I'll effects.
Maybe sticking to non-drinking activities and places where there will be no alcohol would be helpful.
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,131
Originally Posted by DiggingIn
No plans for the whole weekend. My boss asked about everyone's weekend plans so I had to hear what the lovely couple are doing this weekend. That does not help me. It makes me ruminate on how I should be the one with him. This is going to be another rough weekend I'm afraid. Hope my family is around.
If you cannot, you should really move on.
And it might be an oversight too, but take a second and give a Thumbs up Thanks to all of you supporters...it's in the lower right corner. It means a lot to the SR community.
To me, it means that this community cares and it's nice to give something back.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Originally Posted by Neverthought
Thanks for your post. Yes, I agree it is a journey and I have no doubt, I wouldn't be were I'm if not for her. She pushed me early on and I have a very good career because of her.
Now, the tables have somewhat turned and I'm talking to her about things like, stop worrying what others think, and stop telling us to shush because we are loud at a restaurant and might draw attention to us, but mostly her...lol
She is very stubborn. But believe it or not since I've been abstaining over the past two years on and off and especially this last month, I finally am telling her how I feel rather than just going downstairs and drinking instead to avoid controversy.
And guess what happened yesterday.....Dun, duh
I finally got her to see her doctor for anxiety and her dr. put her on something until she can feel better.
We just have to start loving and caring for each other again. If I hadn't been working on a commitment to quit drinking we wouldn't be making headway.....I mentioned this to her after her appointment.
Eventually someone has to take an initiative when there is a wall building between.
And I told her how I have triggers after work. She said, "why didn't you tell me". And "I would never want to stress you out to the point that you would grab a drink"...
So, talk about a journey...
So, thanks for asking the right questions!!
Now, the tables have somewhat turned and I'm talking to her about things like, stop worrying what others think, and stop telling us to shush because we are loud at a restaurant and might draw attention to us, but mostly her...lol
She is very stubborn. But believe it or not since I've been abstaining over the past two years on and off and especially this last month, I finally am telling her how I feel rather than just going downstairs and drinking instead to avoid controversy.
And guess what happened yesterday.....Dun, duh
I finally got her to see her doctor for anxiety and her dr. put her on something until she can feel better.
We just have to start loving and caring for each other again. If I hadn't been working on a commitment to quit drinking we wouldn't be making headway.....I mentioned this to her after her appointment.
Eventually someone has to take an initiative when there is a wall building between.
And I told her how I have triggers after work. She said, "why didn't you tell me". And "I would never want to stress you out to the point that you would grab a drink"...
So, talk about a journey...
So, thanks for asking the right questions!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Originally Posted by SleepyDots
Today is my Day 26, but I had to go to my calendar to figure that out, right now I'm thinking less about getting though each day (I've even had a couple of days where the thought of drinking did not occur to me at all, it was the days after that I looked back and realized that, and was so excited and happy!), but more about long term sobriety and changes I need to make in my life to support that. I feel very good, I still have urges where a glass of wine sounds so nice, but they are just thoughts to me, a want like many other wants that are unrealistic, b/c I know I cannot and will not drink.
It's funny because my husband has been gone these past couple of weeks, and you'd think that would've been really hard for me, but in fact it was the complete opposite, and now that he's back I'm thinking I'll probably get those drinking urges more often. I've started a journal to help me sort out my thoughts b/c sometimes I feel like my brain is either completely muddled or my thoughts race by so fast I can barely recognize them, but one thing I really need to work on in my sobriety is my marriage. One of my biggest triggers for drinking is irritation and frustration, and I feel this a lot with my husband. He is a good husband and father, but he irritates me to death so much of the time and I'm coming to realize that I have been blaming him for so much - from giving up my career to be a military wife, feeling isolated as a stay at home mom, moving all the time, etc, that it's progressed to the point of almost blaming him for everything "wrong" in my life. Not outwardly really, more in my head, like this seething resentment that I drank to suppress. Now that the fog of drinking is being lifted, I really want to explore why I do this, and work on taking responsibility for my own choices in life and being a grateful person, b/c I do have a good life! I think therapy might be helpful, but for now writing things down feels like a good start.
It's funny because my husband has been gone these past couple of weeks, and you'd think that would've been really hard for me, but in fact it was the complete opposite, and now that he's back I'm thinking I'll probably get those drinking urges more often. I've started a journal to help me sort out my thoughts b/c sometimes I feel like my brain is either completely muddled or my thoughts race by so fast I can barely recognize them, but one thing I really need to work on in my sobriety is my marriage. One of my biggest triggers for drinking is irritation and frustration, and I feel this a lot with my husband. He is a good husband and father, but he irritates me to death so much of the time and I'm coming to realize that I have been blaming him for so much - from giving up my career to be a military wife, feeling isolated as a stay at home mom, moving all the time, etc, that it's progressed to the point of almost blaming him for everything "wrong" in my life. Not outwardly really, more in my head, like this seething resentment that I drank to suppress. Now that the fog of drinking is being lifted, I really want to explore why I do this, and work on taking responsibility for my own choices in life and being a grateful person, b/c I do have a good life! I think therapy might be helpful, but for now writing things down feels like a good start.
Motherhood and parenting can be challenging in many more ways than just caring for the children and home. Our "identities" take a hit also; if you are military and moving around, our support systems take a hit, also. It's so easy to become resentful when your husband gets to go out everyday and interact with people who speak in full sentences. I feel for you.
Keep your chin up; this is a stage; it will pass and those babes will grow up and give you grands one day (whose laundry you won't have to wash, and whose dipes you won't be soley responsible for changing, and whose teenage moods you won't have to endure for hours, etc.; you can simply enjoy them and then give them back to their parents.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Originally Posted by Briggsy75
LOL, Gleefan. I'm a COUNTRY guy predominately. Also, listen to some of the R&B dance type of stuff.
I'm a COUNTRY guy predominately. Also, listen to some of the R&B dance type of stuff.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
LS, way to nail that interview. I would definitely celebrate with some sweet goodies.
So far, so good today. Took my daughter to buy the Frozen movie and we are now curled up on the couch, eating popcorn and watching it together. Life is good today
NT, I, too, would often drink over frustrations with my husband, instead of talking to him about things. Communication is so important in a marriage or any relationship for that matter. We were really strong in that department until this disease took over and I began lying to him and hiding my drinking. We've only been married for 5 (almost) years and for the last 2 of it I have been battling this demon, ugh. It hasn't been easy, but I am hoping we will be stronger for it one day.
Anyway, my little one is getting cranky at me for being on my iPad instead of watching this movie so better run!
So far, so good today. Took my daughter to buy the Frozen movie and we are now curled up on the couch, eating popcorn and watching it together. Life is good today
NT, I, too, would often drink over frustrations with my husband, instead of talking to him about things. Communication is so important in a marriage or any relationship for that matter. We were really strong in that department until this disease took over and I began lying to him and hiding my drinking. We've only been married for 5 (almost) years and for the last 2 of it I have been battling this demon, ugh. It hasn't been easy, but I am hoping we will be stronger for it one day.
Anyway, my little one is getting cranky at me for being on my iPad instead of watching this movie so better run!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,859
Originally Posted by Ladybug2
LS, way to nail that interview. I would definitely celebrate with some sweet goodies.
So far, so good today. Took my daughter to buy the Frozen movie and we are now curled up on the couch, eating popcorn and watching it together. Life is good today
NT, I, too, would often drink over frustrations with my husband, instead of talking to him about things. Communication is so important in a marriage or any relationship for that matter. We were really strong in that department until this disease took over and I began lying to him and hiding my drinking. We've only been married for 5 (almost) years and for the last 2 of it I have been battling this demon, ugh. It hasn't been easy, but I am hoping we will be stronger for it one day.
Anyway, my little one is getting cranky at me for being on my iPad instead of watching this movie so better run!
So far, so good today. Took my daughter to buy the Frozen movie and we are now curled up on the couch, eating popcorn and watching it together. Life is good today
NT, I, too, would often drink over frustrations with my husband, instead of talking to him about things. Communication is so important in a marriage or any relationship for that matter. We were really strong in that department until this disease took over and I began lying to him and hiding my drinking. We've only been married for 5 (almost) years and for the last 2 of it I have been battling this demon, ugh. It hasn't been easy, but I am hoping we will be stronger for it one day.
Anyway, my little one is getting cranky at me for being on my iPad instead of watching this movie so better run!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: nairobi
Posts: 220
Originally Posted by Neverthought
. I've done the 84, 63, 54, 30's a few times...and many in between. Now, the number method doesn't work for me. I wanted to say back in the beginning of February, that my advice is to get it right the first few times or the number concept is going to lose its affect. I never wrote that because I didn't want to sound discouraging, but I think it is in good context to express this while we are on the topic
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Posts: 168
SoberLeigh, I love that you said you liked paper dolls and basket weaving. The other day I made a list of things I enjoy, I put anything i could think of, including back when I was a kid, so included on my list is paint-by-number pictures, lol.
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