Class of March 2013 part 25
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Good morning Marchers 
Toots' picture is just right for you Babs, all we need to add is "Soon to be" at the beginning of the words. Hugs sweetie. Bimini you amaze me, you've done so well and you've got such a can-do attitude.
Life how are things going for you sobriety wise?
It's another Scottish day here and I'm waiting on the phone to speak to my bank about the eftpos machine, keep your fingers crossed for me.
Have a good day peeps.
Toots' picture is just right for you Babs, all we need to add is "Soon to be" at the beginning of the words. Hugs sweetie. Bimini you amaze me, you've done so well and you've got such a can-do attitude.Life how are things going for you sobriety wise?
It's another Scottish day here and I'm waiting on the phone to speak to my bank about the eftpos machine, keep your fingers crossed for me.
Have a good day peeps.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
There's a little green light on my comp that usually suggest i'm on face-time...or something to that effect. I'm sure SR doesn't allow for that, but it's a little weird as I type, I can't dra my eyes off it. I was bored and playing on the tram with my phone setting today and obv did something wrong...i'm such an IT ****, no doubt it'll take me another month to work out how to change it....i'm still g=trying to figure out how to read members blogs after all.
My little green light is scaring me, best I go.......checking in though. Great to had your fab stories........some funny, some wise,some challenging (wrk, etc) and, some just to do with sobriety.....ALL on the right course, respect. xxx
My little green light is scaring me, best I go.......checking in though. Great to had your fab stories........some funny, some wise,some challenging (wrk, etc) and, some just to do with sobriety.....ALL on the right course, respect. xxx
D
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Originally Posted by Dee74 
If it's a green light under your avatar, that simply means you're online here at SR.
D
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
How ya all doing? I read so I actually kind of know. So far anyway.
5 is getting there Sassy! Keep going up!
I'm kind of feeling guilty from all the talk about eating healthy and exercise. I've been a big slug here lately. And I'm a 9 now so I have no excuse. I sleep great. Wake up great. Work all day great. Don't feel like I could fall asleep the minute I get home no matter how long I've worked great. Just ain't too interested in my diet exercise plan right now not great. Oh well. I'll worry about that come summer shorts season when the cellulite on my thighs says I should have cared.
Hi Babs! Soon to be 4 months is right. Keep looking forward. Do certain things trigger a want a drink response? Stress? I was just wondering. I sent a text to my brother to call me the other day and I had that reaction to go drink pop up. It went away quick but it popped up. Just a reaction. I blame him. jk
Sorry to hear about your foot Budd. Foot trouble is right up there with back pain too. Feet and backs. Kind of important parts of our skeletal system really. Be really bad if both were going on at the same time. Eeek.
I was pondering yesterday...when I was without Internet because I didn't pay my bill. Ooopsie. How I handle clean up stage and still don't want to drink. I have a lot of things going on that aren't great. Money..lack of mostly. Behind on some bills. Budget completely thrown off if I even had one. Wet carpets. No job. New job. Mf relationship kind of hitting a stale patch. Facility where my dad lives squawking about how I owe them some more money...but still...I don't want to drink. I never have an ef it moment. If I get a thought it just comes out of more of just a new feeling I haven't dealt with for a really really long time.
My brother told me I need to forgive myself for being angry. I said what??? He said it's okay to be angry at him and angry at my parents. I didn't volunteer for any of what I got but it got dumped on me. He said who wouldn't be angry? Just a feeling. Okay to be angry. Now be angry and move on. I think he's right. I had a lot of anger I suppressed. So I said it out loud to him. I'm pi**ed that all this got dumped on me. Him and my parents. There. FU..all of you. Thanks for dumping on me.
Then I had a brief reaction to drink. It passed as fast as it came. And then I didn't feel angry anymore. That was 2 days ago. I feel released from it. I feel really good. Like a burden was lifted.
It didn't kill me to blab out I was angry. I just needed to say it. To him. I will never say it to my dad. Ever. Telling brother is enough. Yes. Shock. He's talking to me when I ask him to call me. We actually talk.
Later. xoxo
5 is getting there Sassy! Keep going up!
I'm kind of feeling guilty from all the talk about eating healthy and exercise. I've been a big slug here lately. And I'm a 9 now so I have no excuse. I sleep great. Wake up great. Work all day great. Don't feel like I could fall asleep the minute I get home no matter how long I've worked great. Just ain't too interested in my diet exercise plan right now not great. Oh well. I'll worry about that come summer shorts season when the cellulite on my thighs says I should have cared.
Hi Babs! Soon to be 4 months is right. Keep looking forward. Do certain things trigger a want a drink response? Stress? I was just wondering. I sent a text to my brother to call me the other day and I had that reaction to go drink pop up. It went away quick but it popped up. Just a reaction. I blame him.
jkSorry to hear about your foot Budd. Foot trouble is right up there with back pain too. Feet and backs. Kind of important parts of our skeletal system really. Be really bad if both were going on at the same time. Eeek.
I was pondering yesterday...when I was without Internet because I didn't pay my bill. Ooopsie. How I handle clean up stage and still don't want to drink. I have a lot of things going on that aren't great. Money..lack of mostly. Behind on some bills. Budget completely thrown off if I even had one. Wet carpets. No job. New job. Mf relationship kind of hitting a stale patch. Facility where my dad lives squawking about how I owe them some more money...but still...I don't want to drink. I never have an ef it moment. If I get a thought it just comes out of more of just a new feeling I haven't dealt with for a really really long time.
My brother told me I need to forgive myself for being angry. I said what??? He said it's okay to be angry at him and angry at my parents. I didn't volunteer for any of what I got but it got dumped on me. He said who wouldn't be angry? Just a feeling. Okay to be angry. Now be angry and move on. I think he's right. I had a lot of anger I suppressed. So I said it out loud to him. I'm pi**ed that all this got dumped on me. Him and my parents. There. FU..all of you. Thanks for dumping on me.
Then I had a brief reaction to drink. It passed as fast as it came. And then I didn't feel angry anymore. That was 2 days ago. I feel released from it. I feel really good. Like a burden was lifted.
It didn't kill me to blab out I was angry. I just needed to say it. To him. I will never say it to my dad. Ever. Telling brother is enough. Yes. Shock. He's talking to me when I ask him to call me. We actually talk.
Later. xoxo
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: German Village, Columbus with my love ♥
Posts: 88,474
(Selfish post warning)
shoes ~ I keep reading your posts, and learning about you, and I am simply stunned at the parallels in our lives. We were both carers for our parents, and both of us have dads still alive (thank God) living in a nursing home. Both of us seem to be the main care-giver in this situation, and both of us have siblings that have caused some anger. It still amazes me that my relationship with my older sister is good now; we didn't speak for a long time.
Unless I have it all wrong, which is always a possibility.
It's weird, but the only thing that seems to trigger me re drinking is my family.
I go visit dad, and look after all of the things that need looking after, and I feel both exhausted and proud of myself, and on the way home there is this little voice that says let's get some wine...Huh?? I don't listen to it, but I DO get upset.
Maybe it's a conditioned response from the years I took care of both mum and dad.
At the end of every day with them, I would so look forward to that first glass of Chardonnay. Except that we all know what happened after that; I could never stop.
Maybe remembering that right now will help me next time I hear the little voice.
I wish it would go away though.
V xx
shoes ~ I keep reading your posts, and learning about you, and I am simply stunned at the parallels in our lives. We were both carers for our parents, and both of us have dads still alive (thank God) living in a nursing home. Both of us seem to be the main care-giver in this situation, and both of us have siblings that have caused some anger. It still amazes me that my relationship with my older sister is good now; we didn't speak for a long time.
Unless I have it all wrong, which is always a possibility.
It's weird, but the only thing that seems to trigger me re drinking is my family.
I go visit dad, and look after all of the things that need looking after, and I feel both exhausted and proud of myself, and on the way home there is this little voice that says let's get some wine...Huh?? I don't listen to it, but I DO get upset.
Maybe it's a conditioned response from the years I took care of both mum and dad.
At the end of every day with them, I would so look forward to that first glass of Chardonnay. Except that we all know what happened after that; I could never stop.
Maybe remembering that right now will help me next time I hear the little voice.
I wish it would go away though.
V xx
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Hey V. You are spot on. That was my life too. Except it wasn't years. It was just 2. I got a call out of the blue from my dad that mom was sick...after years of really not being close to anyone in the family and then boom. My life was turned upside down. Never to be the same again. I went from a selfish single shallow do whatever I want whenever I wanted to do with whoever I wanted to do it with drunk girl to what the h.e. double toothpicks is this sh*t. In all reality I hated everything about it. But because I always felt I could or should handle it all and fix everything I did it. I did not do it out of love. Even doing it was selfish and all about me.
And I wonder why I was so angry but never ever allowed myself to feel it. And I wonder why I use to beat myself up so much.
So I guess I learned just here lately to forgive myself and learned to really feel what I really feel...and that's okay. And now I don't feel angry anymore. Until the next time I feel angry about something. Then I go find some safe place to be angry with safe people where my anger won't hurt anyone and blab it all out and let it go.
This was new to me so it makes sense I would react with a thought to drink. Most of the first times of a lot of things did that too.
Maybe that's what works for me. New things. Happy hour use to do it. Moved on from that. As time goes on it becomes more about the deeper feelings. Anger is one I struggle with. Maybe your family causes a deeper feeling for you too that handling sober is not all that easy...at first. Or it takes us awhile to actually even really identify what it is we are really really feeling?
Thanks for sharing. That's helps me a lot. ((Hug))
Sharing what's going on with you or anyone for that matter is not being selfish
And I wonder why I was so angry but never ever allowed myself to feel it. And I wonder why I use to beat myself up so much.
So I guess I learned just here lately to forgive myself and learned to really feel what I really feel...and that's okay. And now I don't feel angry anymore. Until the next time I feel angry about something. Then I go find some safe place to be angry with safe people where my anger won't hurt anyone and blab it all out and let it go.
This was new to me so it makes sense I would react with a thought to drink. Most of the first times of a lot of things did that too.
Maybe that's what works for me. New things. Happy hour use to do it. Moved on from that. As time goes on it becomes more about the deeper feelings. Anger is one I struggle with. Maybe your family causes a deeper feeling for you too that handling sober is not all that easy...at first. Or it takes us awhile to actually even really identify what it is we are really really feeling?
Thanks for sharing. That's helps me a lot. ((Hug))
Sharing what's going on with you or anyone for that matter is not being selfish
Living and Loving Life at Last
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: gods own country
Posts: 12,166
Shoes, VC one of the hardest things for care givers it to acknowledge the anger, because then it triggers guilt. But the anger is still there, just repressed. And there is no need for the guilt anyway, you do over and above what ought be expected of you in time money and dedication, whilst other siblings get an easy ride. Fact is it isn't fair one sibling carries the can, but it happens, and the one blessing you get, is the good memories of the last years and the lightness after of knowing you did right by those who gave you to the world. I am in awe of you both, I am one of the siblings getting let off, though I have and will continue to offer anything financial when necessary. ( I know that isn't enough, but circumstances place me 3000 miles away. And I have my guilt to deal with, so I don't exactly get off scot free. ) xx
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
I get it! I have loads of anger and occasionally it still descends to rage. It is an automatic reaction from trauma when I was only 4 years old. It has been a major challenge in my life since it rears it's ugly head especially when I feel helpless and/or trapped. So when I took care of my mother during her last 4 years, one of my sibs started out splitting it with me but then got busy with other stuff and I had all of the day to day things. She still thinks that she did at least half. But I was the only one who lived nearby and got the nightly phone calls, etc, etc. Sigh! I only rarely dwell on those years and no longer feel that punch of anger in my gut anymore - and my mother died almost 17 years ago.
I think I've climbed to a 6 or possibly a 7 :-) I'm still taking at least one nap but think it's become a habit. I'm now having trouble sleeping at night so suspect it's time to ditch the naps! Now it's time to seriously work on dropping weight! My liver enzymes are normal but my glucose is starting to approach diabetic levels so I definitely need to get cranking!
I think I've climbed to a 6 or possibly a 7 :-) I'm still taking at least one nap but think it's become a habit. I'm now having trouble sleeping at night so suspect it's time to ditch the naps! Now it's time to seriously work on dropping weight! My liver enzymes are normal but my glucose is starting to approach diabetic levels so I definitely need to get cranking!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 6,224
Sass, I am sorry you had that experience.
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I am so damned sick and tired of trying to run a business with no phones or eftpos. I got a complete run around from the bank, from Telstra. I am one of 32,000 who have been affected but nobody is actually doing anything because, in these massive corporations, nobody is actually responsible for anything.
I will not drink the half empty bottle in the fridge because that will not make me feel better or make the situation better. I'll go and stand in a warm shower then I'll go to bed.
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I am so damned sick and tired of trying to run a business with no phones or eftpos. I got a complete run around from the bank, from Telstra. I am one of 32,000 who have been affected but nobody is actually doing anything because, in these massive corporations, nobody is actually responsible for anything.
I will not drink the half empty bottle in the fridge because that will not make me feel better or make the situation better. I'll go and stand in a warm shower then I'll go to bed.
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