GreenEggsAndHam

Oh I am so like this! I worry and stress and bust my butt filling orders for customers because I think they are all going to complain about how long it's taking me when very few do.

Last night in a meeting someone talked about how the only problem is that we worry too much about the problem. In other words, we tend to worry about issues that don't even exist yet. This is something I'm trying to work on, but I'm a giant, walking ball of stress and anxiety so it's hard.

DiggingIn

Neverthought- we worked together in a small office and became close friends. Over the years I grew to love him, knowing at the time he didn't feel the same. But I was content with having even just that close friendship. I Invited him to do things with me and my friend who I know suspected my feelings for him. I lost a lot of weight, she started tearing me down and insidiously chipping away at my self esteem. In the end they wound up together and I was left on the outside, but having to work with both of them every day. I couldn't sleep thinking about them. But wine made me forget for a while and me sleep.

SayAnything

[QUOTE=GreenEggsAndHam;4497675]@SayAnything - I have no idea. She's a pothead and I used to pay her off in high school with weed so she would let me hang out with my adult male friends (I was 15 when I started buying her off). She was also a major rage-aholic and a bully and beat us as kids. I get along with her ok now and love her, but I still have so much rage inside when it comes to her.

/QUOTE]

I'm so sorry! I think I would feel that same rage. I can't imagine what you went through. I wouldn't know how to come to terms with that. At least now she's there for you (helping with your kids) and hopefully, she's changed and is a better grandmother than she was a mother. But I'm sure it's not ideal. It's good you're taking care of you so you can be a better mother. I know that's one of the main reasons I'm here.

BTW, on the shakiness. I don't think I had as much after I quit, but when I had gone back after my last attempt, the shakiness came right back. I was working at the book sale at my kids' school and when I went to make change for them, I had trouble separating the bills and change. That scared the crap out of me. I thought it can only get worse if I keep on. It's so much better now. I'm sure yours will get that way, too. I also had a few bouts (and did after I quit) of full body shakes - more like chills. That has lessened, too.

WBoarder

Still here, friends. Been busy with work and classes (chemical dependency).

One week ago tonight, I drank for the last time.

I am finding this easier than anticipated. But only because I am getting help for the social anxiety and PTSD that has truly been ravaging me. I admitted in group session last night (the first time I had opened up) that I would trade alcohol easilly for the comfort of managing a relatively normal life.

I'm sorta bargaining, and I don't know if that's healthy. But its working. So long as they assist me in making every day interactions FEEL normal (they always seemed that way to my counterparts, they didn't know the dread, despair, self-disappointment, and fear I felt every word I uttered, in the most casual of circumstances), then I am willing to make sacrifices of temporary pleasure.

Thanks for being here.

tornrealization

Dax good job on double digits!

Hang in there Gibbons. We are on the same day so let's stay that way. You are doing great.

SayAnything

OK, people. I have a disaster of a house, and instead I'm hanging out with you guys. Wish I could just stay on here, but responsibilities call. Boo!

LonelyShadow

Thank you all for the kind words and support, it really does help a lot, if I tried to reach out to other people they would bombard me with the most nonsensical advice, albeit well-meaning, I think they just do not 'get it'

I get a strong feeling that EVERYONE on here does get it, and that is a very encouraging thing to know.

Thanks again all!



(Oh and welcome newcomers, pleasure to meet you all)

Neverthought

...My wife constantly calls our house a disaster and it's not even close....but it's her OCD talking.

When things turned around for better last week, I told her that she has to remove the word "disaster" from her vocabulary because it stresses me out.

Now, I don't feel so bad.....Maybe it's a women, mom thing.

dax501

I always say men just don't see or care about dirt. My partner says I'm OCD too; I just would rather not walk on crumbs or have dirty dishes sitting in cold water for days. But he'll obsess about some tree 1/2 mile away that needs pruning. Dude! Worry about the nasty ring in the tub before the dumb tree!

Neverthought

People can be sneaky.

Apparently, she admires you and wants what you want. Pretty common with people with low self-esteem. And with people without a conscious that get what they want at any cost. Shameful.....

...hell with them DI. And work relationships typically don't work in the long-run.

Are you over the whole situation?

DiggingIn

No. I'm in counseling, but I still have strong feelings for him and I miss him because he is who I would normally have turned to. I don't generally desire to drink until close to bedtime and the the pain and anxiety sets in. I worry on nights when I don't have wine in the house. But if I do, I will drink it. This has been going on for not quite a year. I have periods of abstinence but never long.

Briggsy75

Hope everyone has a good day. I just got home from work. I haven't looked at my "I'm Done Drinking" app in a few days. Just looked at it and it say's I haven't drank 300 Beers!!!!!!!!!! Wowzers! They really add up fast. Okay, off to start squaring away my office, figured what the heck, I might as well get a head start on it. Oh we're expecting some snow tomorrow afternoon. Unlike many on here, I take these snow/cold days and turn them into Chili, homemade soup, or crockpot days, just saying. Can turn a negative into a positive. : 0

SoberLeigh

Stay close to us, FABL; we are in your corner and want so much to see you happy and succeed. You absolutely can turn to us; unload you want and need.

SoberLeigh

I can't tell you how happy I am that IOP and AA is going so well for you; your post really made my day.

Neverthought

I wouldn't call it negative.

I love the snow! If we get hit with this storm that we are expending, it will be the snowing season on record.

My tendency is to warm up with a cocktail, but I enjoy the hell out of it.

Bought a bad-ass snow blower this year. Instead of shoving for over an hour, I blast out drive-way clean in 15 minutes.

So, now I get to enjoy making snowman and taking journeys with my 6 year old and going skiing.

LonelyShadow

I'm with SoberLeigh on this GEAH, really glad the treatment is going well. It took a lot of courage getting that sorted and going along to it, huge amount of respect.

Neverthought

How are ya doing LS?

SoberLeigh

Neverthought - I covet thy snowblower.

GreenEggsAndHam

Thank you all. I'm positive but I still want to drink almost all the time. I just texted my husband that a 12-pack would be good right now. Today is one of those "crying all day" sort of days. This happened last time when I had 21 days sober. I'd cry and cry and cry for no reason on some days- other days I'd feel perfectly fine.

I'm trying a new meeting tonight - women's meeting. Anxious about it but Lord knows I need it!

Neverthought

Hear-hear....

My last blower was in need of some minor repairs. So, during the fall, I cleaned out the garage and just threw it out ...and because we only got 16" of snow last year. And I thought, at the ripe age of 43, I could use the exercise and beef up a little from shoving if need-be. Well, between being employed, a father, husband and chores....I couldn't keep up and even hurt my back from shoveling.

So, I threw in the towel and bought another.

So far, this is the 4th snowiest season in our area....This storm has the potential for 12"+....and we only need 10" (I think) to surpass....should be interesting....