Class Of February 2014 Part 4
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
Originally Posted by GreenEggsAndHam 
@ITE - your other thread got me thinking about something a girl in rehab said yesterday. She is an addict (not alcoholic) and said she really admires those of us in the group who are alcoholics. She said she was thinking about how much harder it must be for us since alcohol is so socially acceptable, is so easy to get, is served in so many places - we will always be confronted with it right in our faces - our whole lives. I thought that was nice of her to say. Not sure if that makes it harder for us to quit, but it is something that we have to deal with and it sure isn't easy!
Welcome, Carejoy!
Welcome, Carejoy!
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Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
Originally Posted by InTheEnd
@GEAH - hmmm....Maybe she has a point. Maybe thats what keeps us drinking so long, the justification of it not being illegal and everyone is doing it. I have to wonder, if it had been an illegal drug, would I have tried to quit a long time ago?
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: United Kingdom
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Originally Posted by forabetterlife
Good morning, for those of you who may have caught my desperate post last night, you can imagine that I am not having a very good morning. I must go to work and "pretend" that everything is fine, when I literally feel like I am falling apart. I did drink some last night, but it's even beyond that. I am addicted to this person in my life just as much as I am alcohol. I thought I had it beat, I thought I was over it, just like alcohol, but somehow it is now just as strong as it was and I am feeling so out of control, of even my own feelings and thoughts. If I read this post 2 months ago I would be able to relate, yet feel so happy to be beyond all of this craziness. I wasn't even trying, I was just over it. I don't know how this happened. Does it matter? I just want to get back to where I was. I know alcohol fuels my thinking and drama, but it's not the sole answer. I'm sorry guys, I have no where to turn. No one could possibly understand or even believe that I am sinking this low in my real life. I feel so alone, so scared, so confused. I know that the first step is not to drink today, but I have a long day ahead of me with work and kids and responsibilities. This is not the person I am, the person I was becoming and I don't know how I got here again.
Most of us here have long days with work, school, kids, responsibilities, bills, etc.
Sounds like you're creating an excuse already so you can drink AGAIN tonight.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
Originally Posted by GreenEggsAndHam
Right, or have so many people who enable us? I know my family would NEVER enable meth use, for instance. Or have friends who pressure us to relax and have just one hit off the crack pipe? I don't mean to discount how hard it is for addicts to quit and I'm not doing that at all. It just made me think about how interesting it is that since THIS drug is legal, it's ok and even encouraged while others are not.
My fam is full of drinkers throughout the years. My dad has been through rehab and is sober. Brother just put it down on day almost 15 years ago, never to look back. Sister clean and sober after rehab for drugs years ago....though she's slipped a few times. Mom was a wino like me, but she was never a mean drunk....always pleasant and happy, even when drinking (she was the "normal" drinker in the family)! And I led everyone to believe I was "normal" too, or atleast tried to.
You would think with all these people rehabbing or cleaning up around me, I would've atleast tried but we're a funny bunch, don't like to get in each others business.....so they didn't say anything, but I also made quite an effort on hiding the amount I drank too....it was exhausting living like that!
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,131
Originally Posted by GreenEggsAndHam
@ITE - your other thread got me thinking about something a girl in rehab said yesterday. She is an addict (not alcoholic) and said she really admires those of us in the group who are alcoholics. She said she was thinking about how much harder it must be for us since alcohol is so socially acceptable, is so easy to get, is served in so many places - we will always be confronted with it right in our faces - our whole lives. I thought that was nice of her to say. Not sure if that makes it harder for us to quit, but it is something that we have to deal with and it sure isn't easy!
Welcome, Carejoy!
Welcome, Carejoy!
Thanks for sharing your discussion from rehab....I believe that what she said is absolutely true. We have a 12 hour (9 to 9) window to get any kind of alcohol we want. And if it's past 9, anyone can go to a bar to drink or buy a 6 pack.
I like the point that was made in the you-tube flick "Alcohol will kill you" (I think that was the one) about why or how is alcohol any different than cigarettes and the negative impact it has on your health. And take in into the consideration how many traffic deaths occur every year because of people drinking while driving.
It sure makes life difficult, but what else can you do except surround yourself with people of like minds and illness like we do here.
Nevertheless, I'm Neverthought checking in on day (11)....Thanks for coming!
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
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And welcome New-bees......and I feel for you FABL and DigginIn. I also experienced what you are going though many, many years ago. As soon as I read your post, I immediately flashed back to that time. I'll give you the "canned" statement that you need to do what I right for you, but it has to more. I suggest you find something to occupy yourself outside of this relationship. If you are worried about this, we are worried for you!
Can I ask how this came about?
Can I ask how this came about?
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,131
And for me, we are supposed to get hammered with another snow storm.....Major trigger for me.
Snow reminds me of skiing and drinking, partying and just plain-out enjoying winter. It has always been associated with smoking week and/or drinking. I haven't smoked for 9 years now, but that drinking, well, it's always been. And this winter in the northeast has been a drinking crutch for me....
So, this will be tough. Hopefully it pushes off of the coast or something...
It might sound crazy, but a trigger is a trigger!
Snow reminds me of skiing and drinking, partying and just plain-out enjoying winter. It has always been associated with smoking week and/or drinking. I haven't smoked for 9 years now, but that drinking, well, it's always been. And this winter in the northeast has been a drinking crutch for me....
So, this will be tough. Hopefully it pushes off of the coast or something...
It might sound crazy, but a trigger is a trigger!
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
Work is a huge trigger for me (among, many many other things). I work at home and start drinking in the morning to get through it. So tough to work when all I can think about is how nice it would be to have a drink and work is not something I can avoid. We practice meditation in therapy so I try to focus on breathing and not thinking while I work. I do repetitive, mindless work so I can do this.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 402
Hi folks, hey I made Day 2. Amazing...
My wretched management want to see me for yet another showdown in the morning- they must be mad. My contract finishes June but...
So it's another tough day tomorrow...
The drinkers former drinkers on this forum are some of the nicest people to meet on the internet- interesting observation I think...
My wretched management want to see me for yet another showdown in the morning- they must be mad. My contract finishes June but...
So it's another tough day tomorrow...
The drinkers former drinkers on this forum are some of the nicest people to meet on the internet- interesting observation I think...
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: NY
Posts: 95
@lonelyshadow - I'm sorry you got so far down last night; but I'm glad you didn't drink. Be kind to yourself today and take care of the emotional you first.
FABL - some may debate its validity, but many say love/sex can become addictive to people with addiction-prone wiring. (I know many open AA meetings welcome sex addicts, not sure what their "official" stance is on it as an organization). I do think love can be an addiction. It all boils down to using something to fill a void inside yourself. Whether it's gambling, drinking, drugs, love - all are just band aids to make our hurts go away temporarily. I hope you can commit to not drinking again, and also commit to try and love yourself first. ((Hugs))
FABL - some may debate its validity, but many say love/sex can become addictive to people with addiction-prone wiring. (I know many open AA meetings welcome sex addicts, not sure what their "official" stance is on it as an organization). I do think love can be an addiction. It all boils down to using something to fill a void inside yourself. Whether it's gambling, drinking, drugs, love - all are just band aids to make our hurts go away temporarily. I hope you can commit to not drinking again, and also commit to try and love yourself first. ((Hugs))
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
Is it normal to still have bouts of shakiness at 4 days sober? I don't shake all the time, just have, like, episodes where I will for a while, then it doesn't seem too bad, then my hands will shake again, off and on like this all day. Wondering if it's anxiety...
I normall do shake every morning and a drink stops the shaking but I figured I wouldn't be shaking by now. I work with my hands (seamstress) and keep jabbing my fingers! Ergh.
eta: Oh about the family history thing. I'm the only alky but they all have their own addictions - mostly food addiction (which I had/have too but I had weight loss surgery). I got so pissed at my mom yesterday because had to pick up my kids from school and was here when i got home from IOP. She asked, "So how was it today? Constructive?" For some reason this made me rage inside. She's sitting there all superior acting like she doesn't need therapy when she's the one who royally screwed up her two daughters. My sister is worse off than me and has been in therapy and on meds for a few years now. She can't even work. But my mom just pretends everyone else is screwed up and she's just fine.
I normall do shake every morning and a drink stops the shaking but I figured I wouldn't be shaking by now. I work with my hands (seamstress) and keep jabbing my fingers! Ergh.
eta: Oh about the family history thing. I'm the only alky but they all have their own addictions - mostly food addiction (which I had/have too but I had weight loss surgery). I got so pissed at my mom yesterday because had to pick up my kids from school and was here when i got home from IOP. She asked, "So how was it today? Constructive?" For some reason this made me rage inside. She's sitting there all superior acting like she doesn't need therapy when she's the one who royally screwed up her two daughters. My sister is worse off than me and has been in therapy and on meds for a few years now. She can't even work. But my mom just pretends everyone else is screwed up and she's just fine.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: NY
Posts: 95
Originally Posted by InTheEnd
No way, I don't want to discount how hard getting clean from any drug is, illegal or not!
My fam is full of drinkers throughout the years. My dad has been through rehab and is sober. Brother just put it down on day almost 15 years ago, never to look back. Sister clean and sober after rehab for drugs years ago....though she's slipped a few times. Mom was a wino like me, but she was never a mean drunk....always pleasant and happy, even when drinking (she was the "normal" drinker in the family)! And I led everyone to believe I was "normal" too, or atleast tried to.
You would think with all these people rehabbing or cleaning up around me, I would've atleast tried but we're a funny bunch, don't like to get in each others business.....so they didn't say anything, but I also made quite an effort on hiding the amount I drank too....it was exhausting living like that!
My fam is full of drinkers throughout the years. My dad has been through rehab and is sober. Brother just put it down on day almost 15 years ago, never to look back. Sister clean and sober after rehab for drugs years ago....though she's slipped a few times. Mom was a wino like me, but she was never a mean drunk....always pleasant and happy, even when drinking (she was the "normal" drinker in the family)! And I led everyone to believe I was "normal" too, or atleast tried to.
You would think with all these people rehabbing or cleaning up around me, I would've atleast tried but we're a funny bunch, don't like to get in each others business.....so they didn't say anything, but I also made quite an effort on hiding the amount I drank too....it was exhausting living like that!
. You'd think with all that I would have steered clear, but nope.
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Join Date: May 2011
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,131
Originally Posted by dax501
@lonelyshadow - I'm sorry you got so far down last night; but I'm glad you didn't drink. Be kind to yourself today and take care of the emotional you first.
FABL - some may debate its validity, but many say love/sex can become addictive to people with addiction-prone wiring. (I know many open AA meetings welcome sex addicts, not sure what their "official" stance is on it as an organization). I do think love can be an addiction. It all boils down to using something to fill a void inside yourself. Whether it's gambling, drinking, drugs, love - all are just band aids to make our hurts to away temporarily. I hope you can commit to not drinking again, and also commit to try and love yourself first. ((Hugs))
FABL - some may debate its validity, but many say love/sex can become addictive to people with addiction-prone wiring. (I know many open AA meetings welcome sex addicts, not sure what their "official" stance is on it as an organization). I do think love can be an addiction. It all boils down to using something to fill a void inside yourself. Whether it's gambling, drinking, drugs, love - all are just band aids to make our hurts to away temporarily. I hope you can commit to not drinking again, and also commit to try and love yourself first. ((Hugs))
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 316
Originally Posted by dax501
Are we in the same family? Lol! My sister secretly drank until she literally ate a hole in her stomach, got sober. My dad was a functioning drunk for years, until he lost his job for having open vodka bottles in a company car. Almost lost their house, cars, everything. He quit a bit after that but got hooked on morphine and a slew of pills after a surgery. Once he lost all his teeth and couldn't walk because he was so emaciated, he quit those. Now he "just" smokes the weed my brother grows . You'd think with all that I would have steered clear, but nope.
. You'd think with all that I would have steered clear, but nope.My family didn't drink hardly at all. They had a couple of bottles of liquor in the cabinet, but they used to gather dust. I remember my cousin got in trouble in high school for drinking and, when my grandmother talked about it, she wouldn't even SAY the word beer out loud - she would spell it. Which makes me wonder...how did I get this way?
To LonelyShadow, InTheEnd, and FABL, I'm so sorry you are having tough times. I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to come here and talk about it. This feels like such a safe place to let things out that you can't to other people in your life. I don't really have any advice. Just want you to know we're all listening. When you feel like giving in to the Beast, come here instead. I know - easier said than done!
GEAH, great job on continuing the IOP and dealing with all of your other responsibilies. That must be so frustrating about your mother. My oldest is 24 and is married and a great mom, but sometimes, I wonder if she is so IN SPITE of my mothering, as opposed to BECAUSE OF it. (I was a single mom with her until she was 9, and probably not the greatest example. It's one of my biggest regrets.) Sometimes I wish she would just talk to me about it. Our family is not the greatest at sharing our feelings though. Is your mother just oblivious or does she choose to pretend it didn't happen?
Briggsy, thanks for the inspirational posts. I love that song, "Feeling Good." I have the old Nina Simone version. Very moving.
NT, don't let the snow do you in! It's freezing here and just waiting at the bus stop this morning had my face numb. When will it end? We're supposed to get an ice storm on Sunday. Though it doesn't make me want to drink - just jump up and down and scream.
Welcome, Carejoy!
Good job, Dax on getting through the day. Taking someone with you shopping was a great idea. Here's to another day!
Great job, SeanMc! Good luck on the meeting. Sounds awful. In my job, when they call me in, (I work in healthcare), I always think that I've made some huge mistake and a patient suffered somehow. Which has never been the case, but my mind always goes there for some reason.
I know there are more of you out there, but man, you guys are hard to keep up with! I think that's a great thing that there are so many of us here. Can't believe February is almost over! Sending out vibes of strength to all of you from me. Stay strong!
01-14-2019
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,217
Day 4 no drinking today.
I was reading the post's above and my whole family also has various addictions. So in highschool and until 21 I avoided booze. I would get mad if it showed up and sometimes dropped people who drank. I got told I was being a jerk and I probably was. Then 21 hit... I was odd man out. So I caved and tried drinks.
Being a jerk wasn't the right thing to do. Drinking led me to addiction. Now I want to be sober and not worry about others. Now that I'm older I don't act like then trying to win my way and force it on others.
I was reading the post's above and my whole family also has various addictions. So in highschool and until 21 I avoided booze. I would get mad if it showed up and sometimes dropped people who drank. I got told I was being a jerk and I probably was. Then 21 hit... I was odd man out. So I caved and tried drinks.
Being a jerk wasn't the right thing to do. Drinking led me to addiction. Now I want to be sober and not worry about others. Now that I'm older I don't act like then trying to win my way and force it on others.
Sober Today
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 779
@SayAnything - I have no idea. She's a pothead and I used to pay her off in high school with weed so she would let me hang out with my adult male friends (I was 15 when I started buying her off). She was also a major rage-aholic and a bully and beat us as kids. I get along with her ok now and love her, but I still have so much rage inside when it comes to her. Actually her advice to me to stop drinking is to just smoke weed instead.
Oh and congrats to all of you! Sucks starting over and being on day four when I had 11 days under my belt, but I do have 14 days sober which is half of this month! This is big for a daily, alllll day long drinker like me. I'll take it!
Oh and congrats to all of you! Sucks starting over and being on day four when I had 11 days under my belt, but I do have 14 days sober which is half of this month! This is big for a daily, alllll day long drinker like me. I'll take it!
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 316
Originally Posted by tornrealization
Day 4 no drinking today.
I was reading the post's above and my whole family also has various addictions. So in highschool and until 21 I avoided booze. I would get mad if it showed up and sometimes dropped people who drank. I got told I was being a jerk and I probably was. Then 21 hit... I was odd man out. So I caved and tried drinks.
Being a jerk wasn't the right thing to do. Drinking led me to addiction. Now I want to be sober and not worry about others. Now that I'm older I don't act like then trying to win my way and force it on others.
I was reading the post's above and my whole family also has various addictions. So in highschool and until 21 I avoided booze. I would get mad if it showed up and sometimes dropped people who drank. I got told I was being a jerk and I probably was. Then 21 hit... I was odd man out. So I caved and tried drinks.
Being a jerk wasn't the right thing to do. Drinking led me to addiction. Now I want to be sober and not worry about others. Now that I'm older I don't act like then trying to win my way and force it on others.
Another day and I will have surpassed my longest attempt at sobriety in 5 years. Thanks for all the support here.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Maryland
Posts: 321
Originally Posted by dax501
Are we in the same family? Lol! My sister secretly drank until she literally ate a hole in her stomach, got sober. My dad was a functioning drunk for years, until he lost his job for having open vodka bottles in a company car. Almost lost their house, cars, everything. He quit a bit after that but got hooked on morphine and a slew of pills after a surgery. Once he lost all his teeth and couldn't walk because he was so emaciated, he quit those. Now he "just" smokes the weed my brother grows . You'd think with all that I would have steered clear, but nope.
. You'd think with all that I would have steered clear, but nope.It just took me a little longer to join the club.
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Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Nebraska
Posts: 233
@LS - Oh pleeease talk to a doctor or therapist about how you are feeling. There is a way out. You don't have to feel this way. My heart hurts for you. Oh I wanted to add that I've always felt abnormal. The only place I ever feel like I fit in is rehab and AA. This was a shocking realization for me. - GreenEggsandHam
What is normal? I used to hear this in AA meetings and I completely agree. If so many of us here feel "abnormal" could it be that abnormal really is normal? There is no such thing as normal.
I can relate and say I feel the same, but lately, as I slowly work my way through staying sober, one day at a time, what I have tried to do was be myself. It works. If someone doesn't like me for who I am, who cares? I am free to be myself this way and you know what? I think people like me better. It is far easier than pretending to be someone you are not. Much like alcohol when we are trying to be "normal" and we know deep down we are not. I am striving hard to live a life of being just who I am ... and I like it.
On another note, I am signing up for another 24. Day 4 for me. Today and only today, I choose to not drink.
Yesterday was a bit tough, starting out a new job, sweating hands, anxiety over how well I would do. Thought about drinking when the job was over and fought it off. I bought a candy bar instead. My new nightly treat for myself for staying sober that day. I get to pick a new one every night. It is a good reward for myself and it helps with cravings as well.
My biggest issue for staying sober is usually stress. I am starting a new business here and also working in another new (as I stated above) part-time job. Sometimes I feel like I meet myself coming and going. But I am working hard on handling it so that I do not drink over it.
I have a tendency to go "forward" to quickly. Even my customers and other people don't expect anything from we as quickly as I try to get things done for them. I don't know why I am like this. I think I always have been. Hurry, hurry, hurry and all I do is end up tripping over my own feet and backtracking at times because I moved to quickly again trying to sew everything up in a bow so fast. Is anyone else out there like this? I really don't know where I get it from.
Anyhow, glad to be here. Another day stretches out before me. Today I walk the sober path.
Thanks all.
What is normal? I used to hear this in AA meetings and I completely agree. If so many of us here feel "abnormal" could it be that abnormal really is normal? There is no such thing as normal.
I can relate and say I feel the same, but lately, as I slowly work my way through staying sober, one day at a time, what I have tried to do was be myself. It works. If someone doesn't like me for who I am, who cares? I am free to be myself this way and you know what? I think people like me better. It is far easier than pretending to be someone you are not. Much like alcohol when we are trying to be "normal" and we know deep down we are not. I am striving hard to live a life of being just who I am ... and I like it.
On another note, I am signing up for another 24. Day 4 for me. Today and only today, I choose to not drink.
Yesterday was a bit tough, starting out a new job, sweating hands, anxiety over how well I would do. Thought about drinking when the job was over and fought it off. I bought a candy bar instead. My new nightly treat for myself for staying sober that day. I get to pick a new one every night. It is a good reward for myself and it helps with cravings as well.
My biggest issue for staying sober is usually stress. I am starting a new business here and also working in another new (as I stated above) part-time job. Sometimes I feel like I meet myself coming and going. But I am working hard on handling it so that I do not drink over it.
I have a tendency to go "forward" to quickly. Even my customers and other people don't expect anything from we as quickly as I try to get things done for them. I don't know why I am like this. I think I always have been. Hurry, hurry, hurry and all I do is end up tripping over my own feet and backtracking at times because I moved to quickly again trying to sew everything up in a bow so fast. Is anyone else out there like this? I really don't know where I get it from.
Anyhow, glad to be here. Another day stretches out before me. Today I walk the sober path.
Thanks all.
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