adee

Hi everyone. Just to echo what's been said - it is so nice to check in here and read how you are doing. I look forward to my evening check in here.

Today was just as hard as yesterday and tomorrow will be even harder. I honestly don't know how I will get it all done, and a lot of people are depending on me, and some I think are maybe waiting (hoping?) I will fail. But. I'm kind of letting it go. Sort of. Let's say I'm marginally successful at letting it go, which is a huge improvement. I'm focusing on really paying attention to people. Stopping to talk. Tell a story. Write a thank you. Listen. Really listen. Today a friend stopped by and said "you look like you need something nice like chocolate or a cup of tea" and instead of dismissing her, I accepted her offer, and she brought me back the nicest tea and a pack of chocolate squares (so much for the diet). It helped so much - lifted my spirits, made me feel cared for. It is ridiculously rare that I accept help, but I'm trying. Who knows, maybe some day I will ask for help.

The other bright spot in my day was listening to In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts on my way to work. It is so moving. It both restores my faith in humanity and shakes it to its core. It really made me want to try to look at the people in my life beneath their surface and see beyond my annoyances and judgments and just accept them for our shared humanity. So that lasted about 5 minutes after I got to work.

So...strangely - better bad day. Someone joked recently "I'm doing the best bad job I can" and I feel the same. Some days the best bad day is pretty good indeed.

Day 53 done. Here's to another sober day everyone. Hope it's a good one.

adee

GCG - saw you had 7 days in the 24 hour thread. Way to go!

Emkay

Good Morning!
I agree, it's so encouraging to come here and read how everyone is doing. Reading about our struggles is just as encouraging, because it means we are coming here and getting through.
School is closed yet again and we are in for the day. I'm going to try to catch up on the laundry pile and do some cooking.

I've been feeling very tired and unfocused recently, so I'm going to try to change that by tweaking my daily routine a bit. While thinking about this yesterday it occurred to me that I've always dismissed anything beneficial for myself if it would cost extra time, any money at all, or any extra enerrgy. At one time all three were impossibly scarce commodities, but I think I wrote off the value of my own life a long time ago. I'm not exactly sure how to go about changing that perspective, but I suspect it might be a tad easier than living the way I have been.

Have a great day!

ArcticSA

Adee I know exactly what you mean. I HATE my new job, but I'm trying to get through it because people are depending me. I take care of a man in a wheelchair and I know its hard for him to adjust to new people and he just got used to me, so now I feel like I can't leave.

So yeah, yesterday work was a "better bad day".

The only other bad thing in my life right now is my fear of cancer in my mouth and waiting for the biopsy on the 27th. otherwise I just want to yell SLEEP IS FINALLY AWESOME!!

I forgot it was possible to lay down and drift into blissful unconsciousness and wake up 6 hours later deliciously groggy yet refreshed and still in dreamland!

halfvictory

good morning class! day 52 here. it looks like folks are hanging in there. congrats to everyone making the effort to stay clean. nothing much to say as I'm in a hurry but just checking in.

Pataphor

"You have done so well, so proud of you...2 months without a drink, Wow"

"You know, maybe you exaggerated the problem, a real alcoholic would have caved by now, you are so awesome!

"I am so glad you two are enjoying each others company again, going out for that nice dinner, well you deserve this!"

"look, they have that amazing Malbec you like...goes great with duck...you are celebrating a great victory, go ahead one really nice glass of wine to just celebrate you, really its a treat!

"Nobody has to know anyway...just the two of you like old times, that connection you both feel..go with it...just one..."

I am going to dinner tonight with my best friend/husband...and this is the conversation in my head at 8:55am....this is the only clue i have that I do have a problem...a nondrinker would not have this script playing with their morning coffee!

I am struggling now guys big time....

I don't want to sign the 24hour commitment thing in case I fail...that would keep me from coming back.

I am just being as honest as i think can be.

I do promise to check in tomorrow, that's the best I can do.

ArcticSA

""I am so glad you two are enjoying each others company again, going out for that nice dinner, well you deserve this!"

What does that mean? "again"
Like things got pretty bad when you were drinking and now that you are sober they are getting good again? It doesn't make any sense at all to celebrate that with drinking now does it?

Marymacsmith

AV is evil, evil, evil. What if you did sign up on the 24 hour commitment thread, and did something else on your date instead of going out to eat?

SunnySideUp13

Hey everybody, still here! I catch up at least every other day, if not daily. Just not much to say. Life is great, sober life is GRAND! 7 weeks today. I am still in awe. My routine has adjusted mostly. Morning prayer in the shower....can't wait to see my water and gas bill LOL. Evenings with homework, kids time, computer time, dinner, kiddos to bed, bible reading. Meeting new people that have really been speaking life into me. All in all, everything is smooth sailing. Chat meeting tonight, who's coming?

Pataphor

thanks ArticSA and Marymacsmith -

Good question about "again". Just been here before....feeling strong in not drinking and then go to celebrate the victory and ruin it by celebrating with wine. It is very strange.

I brought it up with my husband and we are on the same page, same fear...so we know we are not drinking tonight...maybe thats what we celebrate that we CAN have a good meal and not have wine, it doesn't ruin it, we can still enjoy the fine meal....its just ridiculous how this ever happened in the first place.

Its difficult to be a big snobby foodie and not drink!

I love how my post sits quietly and all are politely silent...if you don't have anything good to say right!

I think people expect me to fail.

I think I expect me to fail.

I am going to surprise us all.

Goldcoastgirl

Morning all, Saturday morning here. Just checking in before I start my day. Feeling a stomach full of anxiety today and talking in my sleep again. Going back to the start sucks especially after how far I'd come. Anyhow no point dwelling on things I cannot change.

All I can say Pataphor is don't pick up that wine glass, I don't want you to feel the way I did last Sunday after my slip. It definitely wasn't worth it! Have a good day my friends x

BradJustBrad

Pataphor, I don't expect you to fail. Au contraire, I expect you to have a great time with your husband and enjoy a wonderful meal and the company of your best friend.

Since you're both abstaining, have some fun and make a game of it. Whenever one of you gets the urge to drink, tell the other something you like about him/her. Since you're such good friends, you'll probably end up laughing your a$$es off.

Finnie

Hey gcg, you brought a smile to my face when you said its already Saturday morning where you are.
It's still only Friday night here!

(It's the little things)

Finnie

If you drink and you are an alcoholic you will destroy your life.

Would you drink rat poison?

You can do this.

Dee74

LOL you normally post when I'm asleep, Pataphor.

In any case, I don't expect you to fail at all.

In fact I think you need to go in with an attitude of 'failure/drinking is not an option'.

You're going out to dinner - good food, good company - you don't need wine.

If you feel particularly vulnerable, pick an unlicensed restaurant

D

Pataphor

hey BradjustBrad (thats awesome) by the way
I love your idea...he will love that idea...almost 30 years together we should be able to think of something we like about each other!
It would be easier to just not go.
I'm sick of easy...thats why I drank to take it "easy'.
and thanks Dee - I know your always around...in a good way!

startingnew2

35 days today! This is the first time I have felt sad that I can't drink anymore. It is my birthday today and I won't be having a glass of wine with my husband. I'm going out to dinner with friends tomorrow night and I won't be having a beer with my friends. I know why I can't and I won't. Because I can't stop at just 1 or 2 and I know it. But it makes me feel so abnormal. Why can't I just have one or two? What is wrong with me? Why can't I be a normal person with self control? I feel sad.

Pataphor

I know I know I know,starting new...its not fun.

Will1981

Coming to the close of my 39th day sober I have taken a few days to reflect on a number of things to do with my journey.

Thanks to all on SR who have helped and supported me. The honesty of everyone regarding their battles with alcohol has given me immense strength.

Since my journey began with a genuine fear for my health I now feel I am in a position where I could only have dreamed of on January 13th. I have lost some weight, feel much more energetic and refreshed. I'm exercising again and have faced up to all my dark health concerns and know I am 100%. None of this would be possible without being sober.

Do you ever return to drinking to attempt to be a social/controlled drinker? When I began I initially felt I would do but there was a sense at the back of my mind that I shouldn't tempered with a knowledge that I carn't. Lots of individuals on SR have come to the conclusion that having what I would term "just the one" is kidding yourself. Even a nice bottle of wine with a meal can so easily turn into another and then who knows what else. That makes things ok to carry on the next evening and before you know it that one drink could be several years of ( I struggle for the word, pain is too simple, lost years, stupid mistakes, health issues)
The poet Philip Larkin calls it brilliantly, "time torn off, unused"

On reflection I have some painful memories of the years I have drunk heavily which I would like to share but feel this discussion is not the place. If anyone wants to PM their views to me on this please feel free. I still feel there are benefits to getting this out in the open but not that far out as naturally there is a lot of regret attached.

I still have a number of other issues to resolve but one thing is clear. Attempting to resolve anything in life can only be made easier by not touching alcohol.

Thanks again to the amazing Class of Jan 14.

Dee74

If you feel it's unfair to share those thoughts here Will, fair enough - but you're welcome to start a thread elsewhere.

I'm not sure I get the gist of what these painful memories are tho - regrets or something more?

feel free to PM me anytime you like if you think I can help

D