shi

my daughter is 14 yrs old and i left her in the USA 5yrs ago. she was born there and due to my active addiction, i had to send her to live with her father to avoid the state from taking her away from me. i recently started talking to her over the phone from africa (i would call her rarely in the 5 yrs. i have been back in kenya) and i am having a terrible time having conversations with her coz i dont know what to tell her anymore. she lives with her step ma who has been with her since she was 8yrs. old and done a wonderful job with her. i feel that she can understand why i left her now that she is 14 yrs. so should i explain my addiction to her and ask her for forgiveness? hoping we can be friends and have a relationship???

TheAceFace

Morning all.

Jumping aboard on day two if I may. Having been on the January thread and up to day 32 earlier this month I had a slip and then tried to hop straight back on but it just didn't happen. Before I knew it, 8 days out of 9 involved alcohol, the secretive drinking was slowly starting to creep back in and I was soon my old self once again. I was really unwell with flu like symptoms at the weekend but still managed to drink 8 cans of beer, wtf?

I decided at that point that once again I needed to sort it out. I'd felt SO good for the whole of January, waking up every day was a buzz and I've lost that again in February. I was sleeping brilliantly before, now it's broken again, I had more energy which I've now started to lose and I've put on the weight that I'd lost last month.

So here goes for another attempt to get dry.

Have a good day everyone.

Dee74

Welcome back Ace

Shi - it's a hard one to give advice on, especially as I have no kids.

I would probably tend to wait a little bit longer, tho, until you have some sober time under your belt - you may find your head is a lot clearer and you're able to express yourself better.

Waiting a little while longer won't hurt. You have two weeks sober.

The worst thing you could do, I think, would be have this conversation and then relapse again (not that I wish that on you or expect it - I'm just saying...)

If you wait, she will be that little bit older too.

I'm not sure I could have handled the responsibility of having to deal with the knowledge of my parents addiction and also having to forgive my parent at that age?

D

forabetterlife

Shi, I'm sorry that you are having a difficult time connecting with your daughter. I have two daughters right around that age and you have to keep in mind all the changes that she is going through at her age as well. My girls rarely see or speak to their dad, but they seem to have this timeless love for him anyway. Without knowing too much about your situation, I would just say to keep calling her, even if it's just to talk about everyday stuff to let her know you care. Build up her trust in you and give her time. Hugs

Ace...I can relate. I am at 2 weeks sober now, and enjoying all the benefits of a sound mind, great sleep, and weight loss. But I know that all it takes it one drink to start slowly sending me spiraling down again. Good job at two days and just keep it going, it really does get easier the longer you are away from that last drink.

Made it through another weekend Thank goodness. I didn't get much sleep Saturday night (long story but nothing bad), so yesterday I was "off" and exhausted, which felt just like a hangover to me. I had to keep reminding myself that it was just lack of sleep, I had nothing to feel guilty about. Another busy week ahead of me, but busy is good, and eliminates opportunities for alcohol or even the consideration of it. I know I've said many times that weight loss is slow for me when I first stop drinking, but somehow I lost 8.5 pounds these two weeks. Yipee! I have really been watching my portions (following Weight Watchers loosely) and exercising quite a bit. Just one more thing to keep me motivated.

Let's have a sober Monday everyone...

Neverthought

Hello everyone.

Lost myself for a while.

Joining the February club. Starting again at Day (1). I Have to keep fighting the fight.

Thanks for having me!

SayAnything

Good day, all!

Welcome to all the newbies to this thread! I think there are almost too many to list, which is great that so many people are making a wonderful, life-altering choice and finding that they are by no means alone. Congrats to everyone else on having a sober weekend and fighting the fight. Hopefully, the we get even better at the fight.

Shi, I think Forabetterlife gives great advice. Just keep connected and get some more sober time for yourself. Get to know her more and then maybe you'll be able to recognize when she's ready to hear your struggles.

Sorry I've been AWOL this weekend. We were either busy or I was competing with my kids for computer time. I really need to get a laptop or ditch my ancient tablet. We spent Saturday running errands and then settled in for a family movie and popcorn. Then, after the kids bedtime, my husband and I watched some Olympics and then a movie. Anybody seen "Don Jon?" I'm not saying I don't cuss a little, but geez! It was an interesting movie though. I think I'm showing my age when I'm thinking, you know, Joseph Gordon Levitt looks good, but holy cow - Tony Danza's looking ripped! All this while enjoying a new tea - Twinings Orange and cinnamon spice. It's so good! My husband has joined me somewhat in this by only having a beer every now and then instead of a gazillion glasses of wine, which is helpful.

Last night, we went to a local fundraising event for the food bank. Local artisans make hundreds of handmade bowls and tons of local restaurants make all kinds of soups. You get to pick a bowl to take home and you get to try as many and as much of the soups as you want, along with bread and cookies. They also have a beer and wine booth. I wasn't really tempted to have any. They had pitchers of water on the table, which was fine with me (along with the plates of cookies that I had my fair share of!) Anyway, it was amazing and I didn't have that terrible urge to get out of there and run home so I could start drinking for the evening.

Here's to another great upcoming week for everyone!

Ladybug2

Welcome back, NT! I am back on Day 9 myself. Just have to keep trying, right?

Neverthought

Hey LB2,

Yes!

Very nice to hear from you. I saw your earlier post and wanted to drop you a line, but had to get my son to school and get to work. And figured I'd catch up with you when I got work.

Thanks for the welcoming!

Things got a little out of control. I had a lot fun over the past month, but of course that came with consequences on how I felt (bad). So, just trying to get back on track.

gvrecovery

Just arrived on SR over the weekend, day 3, feeling a little better this morning, I like this thread it helps to point out there are lots of folks out there in a similar spot. I'm trying hard to stop isolating and be honest about my alcoholism!

Ladybug2

Welcome gvrecovery! You'll find this forum and thread to be very helpful.

Hey NT, does your wife know about your struggles or do you still do a lot of your drinking with her? I only ask because I found that once I came clean with my husband it became a heck of a lot easier to stay sober. It's no fun having to sneak around and hide my drinking.

Hope everyone is having a good day!

StraightAhead

I'm a week behind you Briggsy. This is my 7th day. Certainly this was the first weekend in forever that I didn't drink. Can't say I didn't miss it but there are so many benefits and I am just going to concentrate on those!

LonelyShadow

I'm totally in the same boat AceFace! Was totally energised and great for 31 sober days in January then went right back to old ways first day of Feb, felt AWFUL, currently on Day 3 and everything's returning to normal. I'm getting back to the docs this week to discuss support, I want to find a way to help me stop these relapses

Neverthought

Hi LB2,

She really doesn't drink. Maybe once a month or something.

Yes, she knows my situation and is very supportive. However, I can be defensive about my drinking. For example during my sober times, if I said something like "boy, I could use a drink", and she says, "well, you know blah, blah, blah". I will stop her right there and say something like "this is my problem and I'm handling it because she has no idea what it is like. I'm not very good at letting anyone help me. So, that is why I've come back here. Because people here understand and can help me.

For example, we went grocery shopping on Saturday and then I ran into the liquor store to grab a treat. She was in the car. She didn't say anything because it would have led to an argument. I'm responsible. I clean the house and do my deeds. So, I guess she thinks I have everything under control.

But that is not the case because I have such a huge tolerance, she wouldn't even know if I was drinking. It's the mornings that really hurt me and I'm not as productive as I should be and then I go right back at it. I don't drink at work though. So, I just have environment triggers at home.

What really brought me back here is that my son is very talented and I don't think I've been catering to him as best as I could. And I know the years will fly and I would hate to look back and realized he missed opportunities because of me.

So, hopefully that makes sense to you and anyone who reads this.

Thanks and have a great day everyone.

brazilian

Day 12.

Neverthought

I'm in the same boat guys and gals. It can really go down hill fast, right?

Hang in there!

LonelyShadow

Yeah it's crazy just how rapidly everything breaks down the second I take like one drink, wake up two weeks later like 'oh god not again!' still, every time I get a long sobriety stint under my belt I feel stronger so it's not all for nothing, just need something in place for when i'm in a low ebb and need someone to talk to!

Neverthought

I've been at this for 3 years and have accrued periods of 84 days, 63 days, 54, days and a few 30 day-ers....with minor stints in between.

I took one drink and it turned into (2) months!

I completely understand your situation and the getting stronger part too. It's surely a confidence builder when you can accomplish going 31 days. Keep it up, you're on the right track and at the right place.

Thanks for sharing.

gleefan

^ this!

gleefan

Shi is right. One is too much for me because there's never enough.

The hangover is a real problem for me, just like you. The sweating, dizziness, and racing heartbeat of hangovers give me anxiety attacks.

Thanks for the support Shi.

LonelyShadow

I was considering as well today, I'm currently studying to be a gym instructor, as I have a huge passion for strength training, in the past i've found it has been a very strong (pardon the pun) support for keeping me sober, the environment, the people and the healthy, productive feelings it endear. It's strange having these two opposing forces in my life, when I'm training hard I watch every calorie that goes in and train for hours a day, in terms of nutrition alcohol is the absolute antithesis for strength and muscle gains and the lethargy that goes with it is detrimental too, it makes it so much more painful and shameful when I drink, but having it my life always helps me recover. I'm hoping that soon, with the right support, I can commit to a lifetime of sobriety and let my love of the dumbell take over!