Class of September 2013 - Part 24
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Mentium, I am sorry you are struggling. 
I have no advice, as you have had better success than I, since beginning this journey. But do know, you can certainly post here all night long if it helps you not to drink. I do it many a night!
It is a very difficult time o fyear, Brooksie and mentium. At another forum, several of us have been revealing and discussing depression, and this month is terrible for many. My daughter is also an exapmle of that. It certainly adds a layer of challenge to recovery, wherever you are on the journey, but drinking definitely only makes depression worse. That is 100% for sure.
Never have I popped out of bed after a day of drinking eager to get my list done. More like, I would have put it off to tomorrow... Can you drag yourself ot the gym today, Brooksie. if you are at all like me, and there have been days where I actually cried on my elliptical, you *will* feel much better once you have done some solid exercise, and for you, it gets you out. My exercise equip. is in the house. I very much identify with your issues with weight gain, not feeling your best self, and lack of exercise as part of the bigger picture of feeling blue, or having depression swings.
Is there a career center where you can go to get assistance with a job search?
I have no advice, as you have had better success than I, since beginning this journey. But do know, you can certainly post here all night long if it helps you not to drink. I do it many a night! It is a very difficult time o fyear, Brooksie and mentium. At another forum, several of us have been revealing and discussing depression, and this month is terrible for many. My daughter is also an exapmle of that. It certainly adds a layer of challenge to recovery, wherever you are on the journey, but drinking definitely only makes depression worse. That is 100% for sure.
Never have I popped out of bed after a day of drinking eager to get my list done. More like, I would have put it off to tomorrow... Can you drag yourself ot the gym today, Brooksie. if you are at all like me, and there have been days where I actually cried on my elliptical, you *will* feel much better once you have done some solid exercise, and for you, it gets you out. My exercise equip. is in the house. I very much identify with your issues with weight gain, not feeling your best self, and lack of exercise as part of the bigger picture of feeling blue, or having depression swings.
Is there a career center where you can go to get assistance with a job search?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Thank you all for your advice.
Dee: Do I believe in what I am doing in recovery? I'm not sure is the honest answer. I can't identify a 'higher power' other than my AA group - and the simple answer to whether it really *is* a higher power is ambiguous to day the least. I believe I want to be sober and I know I am unhappy drinking. I also know that going to AA has led to the longest periods of sobriety that I have had. So I guess for me it is the only game in town. I have not started to 'work the steps' as they say though. Perhaps that is something I should think about. I don't read their stuff either. So maybe I am just attending some sort of 'group therapy' with only half hearted results.
Rochele: R.e. jobs - I was made redundant a couple of years ago and qualified for early retirement. I had a senior sort of job and I don't need to work as we are financially pretty OK. It is a mixed blessing though - which I know sounds ungrateful.
I shall go to AA tomorrow guys (there's no local meeting today). And I shall stick this out. I'm meeting an AA friend later today. I was going to type here that I will share my 'secret' but I really can't. Sorry if that sounds dishonest. If I don't crack this I will though.
Dee: Do I believe in what I am doing in recovery? I'm not sure is the honest answer. I can't identify a 'higher power' other than my AA group - and the simple answer to whether it really *is* a higher power is ambiguous to day the least. I believe I want to be sober and I know I am unhappy drinking. I also know that going to AA has led to the longest periods of sobriety that I have had. So I guess for me it is the only game in town. I have not started to 'work the steps' as they say though. Perhaps that is something I should think about. I don't read their stuff either. So maybe I am just attending some sort of 'group therapy' with only half hearted results.
Rochele: R.e. jobs - I was made redundant a couple of years ago and qualified for early retirement. I had a senior sort of job and I don't need to work as we are financially pretty OK. It is a mixed blessing though - which I know sounds ungrateful.
I shall go to AA tomorrow guys (there's no local meeting today). And I shall stick this out. I'm meeting an AA friend later today. I was going to type here that I will share my 'secret' but I really can't. Sorry if that sounds dishonest. If I don't crack this I will though.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,426
I understand not being sure.
I did pretty well with the group here at SR as my kind of higher power I guess - but I really had a burning desire to be sober, and I used the group here everytime I felt like I was slipping.
I really think you have to give it your all - it's that kind of total commitment.
It took me some building up to that.
I'd tried to get sober before, and while I was quite genuine in that desire I wanted to get sober without changing anything in my life.
I couldn't get that to work
I guess a little part of me resented having to give up drinking...I wasn't really convinced of the necessity until I had nearly pushed things too far.
That way works - but it's kinda like setting a forest on fire to light your cigarette.
I think there are easier ways
have a good day gang
D
I did pretty well with the group here at SR as my kind of higher power I guess - but I really had a burning desire to be sober, and I used the group here everytime I felt like I was slipping.
I really think you have to give it your all - it's that kind of total commitment.
It took me some building up to that.
I'd tried to get sober before, and while I was quite genuine in that desire I wanted to get sober without changing anything in my life.
I couldn't get that to work
I guess a little part of me resented having to give up drinking...I wasn't really convinced of the necessity until I had nearly pushed things too far.
That way works - but it's kinda like setting a forest on fire to light your cigarette.
I think there are easier ways
have a good day gang
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Sorry, mentium. i was disorganized in my post. I was addressing brooksie with regards to getting a job. She had been talking about that struggle of late. My apologies.
I myself, do not have a job outside of the home. I have not worked since having my kids. I have enough to do, but, I find that I am quite isolated from adult compnay, or relationships outside of children-related activities. This is not helpful to my happiness. Good I do not have the pressurs of juggling it all, but a mixed bag as well.
I myself, do not have a job outside of the home. I have not worked since having my kids. I have enough to do, but, I find that I am quite isolated from adult compnay, or relationships outside of children-related activities. This is not helpful to my happiness. Good I do not have the pressurs of juggling it all, but a mixed bag as well.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
Originally Posted by Br00ksie 
I had a pretty bad day today. I isolated and shirked on my commitment at my Thursday meeting.
I can't believe how dark today was. I slept all day and had a dream that I was looking for a liquor store but it was closed so I went into pharmacy and really wanted to buy a bottle but they only had cheap wine and then I saw a whole section of hard liquor. I didn't have my phone to call anyone to talk about how I was feeling and didn't have my sponsors number committed to memory.
I woke up before I bought anything and I don't know if I would have bought the bottle or not. The last thing I remember thinking was that I was almost at 60 days and did not want to start my day count over.
My allergies were really acting up today so I took Benadryl and that is probably why I slept a lot, but still. I woke up before the meeting and then just went back to sleep.
Why the self-sabotage? What is wrong with me? I had no real reason not to be productive although I'm sure being as broke as I am has something to do with it. I guess I am just depressed. But like Diesel said, I have to keep moving forward, even if it's a crawl.
A dark day indeed.
Just sharing so that it's not all cooped up in my head. I will try to start my day off with a meeting tomorrow.
I can't believe how dark today was. I slept all day and had a dream that I was looking for a liquor store but it was closed so I went into pharmacy and really wanted to buy a bottle but they only had cheap wine and then I saw a whole section of hard liquor. I didn't have my phone to call anyone to talk about how I was feeling and didn't have my sponsors number committed to memory.
I woke up before I bought anything and I don't know if I would have bought the bottle or not. The last thing I remember thinking was that I was almost at 60 days and did not want to start my day count over.
My allergies were really acting up today so I took Benadryl and that is probably why I slept a lot, but still. I woke up before the meeting and then just went back to sleep.
Why the self-sabotage? What is wrong with me? I had no real reason not to be productive although I'm sure being as broke as I am has something to do with it. I guess I am just depressed. But like Diesel said, I have to keep moving forward, even if it's a crawl.
A dark day indeed.
Just sharing so that it's not all cooped up in my head. I will try to start my day off with a meeting tomorrow.
Also, remember how you choose your words Brooksie, if you say that you are depressed you will bring on the symptoms and keep on perpetuating the ills of depression...words are powerful things. As with all of us you are just going through a challenging period right now, you need to get out to a meeting or speak to your sponsor or journal out your feelings to make you feel a bit better. The last thing to do I suggest is to self medicate and cut yourself off from the world because what you resist will persist.
Remember, that it is darkest before the dawn...but the greatest things must be birthed in the dark so your greatest self is being born in the dark Brooksie. But after the dark there is always light....ALWAYS LIGHT!!! So walk towards it we are here to aid you.....
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
~All great points Dee, I apologize for carving up your points but I found it was the best way for me to address them without having to abuse the quote button. great points and thanx for sharing them~
I really think you have to give it your all - it's that kind of total commitment.
~I'm finding as in sobriety, as so in life that no real results come without total commitment..that's what it will take...partial will not do~
It took me some building up to that.
I'd tried to get sober before, and while I was quite genuine in that desire I wanted to get sober without changing anything in my life.
~I'm finding that to be the ultimate delusion, wanting to get sober but not wanting to change the habits, situations, thinking, places, environment and people that have assisted in getting us to the place we are in concerning alcohol. We can't delude ourselves any longer~
I couldn't get that to work
I guess a little part of me resented having to give up drinking...I wasn't really convinced of the necessity until I had nearly pushed things too far.
~Sometimes that resentment leads us to losing too much in terms of finances, relationships, career, self-potential, your true destiny, time....time...time (sorry that was important lol) It is our hope that we deal with our sobriety before we push those things too far~
That way works - but it's kinda like setting a forest on fire to light your cigarette.
~Very great analogy..so true~
I really think you have to give it your all - it's that kind of total commitment.
~I'm finding as in sobriety, as so in life that no real results come without total commitment..that's what it will take...partial will not do~
It took me some building up to that.
I'd tried to get sober before, and while I was quite genuine in that desire I wanted to get sober without changing anything in my life.
~I'm finding that to be the ultimate delusion, wanting to get sober but not wanting to change the habits, situations, thinking, places, environment and people that have assisted in getting us to the place we are in concerning alcohol. We can't delude ourselves any longer~
I couldn't get that to work
I guess a little part of me resented having to give up drinking...I wasn't really convinced of the necessity until I had nearly pushed things too far.
~Sometimes that resentment leads us to losing too much in terms of finances, relationships, career, self-potential, your true destiny, time....time...time (sorry that was important lol) It is our hope that we deal with our sobriety before we push those things too far~
That way works - but it's kinda like setting a forest on fire to light your cigarette.
~Very great analogy..so true~
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
~~~Food 4 Thought ~ Friday's Edition~~~
~~~#Things2Keep~~~~
Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words.
Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior.
Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits.
Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values.
Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.
"Mahatma Gandi"
~~~#Things2Keep~~~~
Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words.
Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior.
Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits.
Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values.
Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.
"Mahatma Gandi"
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 579
A bit of old news from me this morning. I've been remiss in addressing others for a few days.
1step, you are terrific! Many heartfelt congratulations for 3 months. Honestly, you impress me very much with your behavior and attitude about sobriety and life itself, and I truly believe many good and wonderful things are in your future.
Worko, I was sad to hear about your dad's relapse. It's a stark warning to us all how we can never let our guard down. I've "known" that in my head for a long time, but complacence has always seemed to slip in. I pray that he will be back on track and that you will not be tempted to pick up either.
Fish, have a safe trip to Florida, and enjoy your folks and the cruise. It really doesn't have to be about alcohol. Be present and real in every moment, good or bad. These are memories you will have for the rest of your life, so make 'em count for something good. It's not a deprivation, not that you cannot drink. It's that you CAN not drink. Best wishes dear Fishy.
Lil, what's wrong with a few pics of the Navy guys???!!!
Hope you got through everything all right, but I'm sure that you did.
Diesel, I feel for you in your situation with your lady friend. You got some really great feedback from others, and I realize I had nothing to improve upon that. Stay in the fight, don't give up on the process, and you will triumph over alcohol.
Brooksie, sorry to hear you're still not feeling so great. Maybe you are suffering from clinical depression? And I also get the body image issues. Oh, yes, I do. I almost think it's inherent in the brain chemistry of women. Why else so pervasive in our world, and not just our society? I think these issues can start to form a vicious circle in which they are chasing their tails in our brains all the time, whether in active consciousness or just below the surface. And it undermines our self-esteem, without which we don't function very well. Sorry if I'm coming on as an armchair psychiatrist. Not trying to diagnose you at all, just wondering if my experience and history resonates with yours.
Rochele, I hope your daughter is feeling better. I can so empathize with her, too. You're a great mom, and she's lucky that you can understand the adolescent pitfalls.
Renarde, get over this stinkin' sickness, OK? I wish you could have a bit more down time to rest and recoup before school begins again. Good thoughts for kiddo's sinuses.
Mentium
Bless you for your courage in being honest. Dee gave great feedback (as always), so I'll just say I relate and I understand. Done the same thing many times. 
You're here, you're fighting, and that's crucial. May you find and realize what you need to take the next big step forward.
Grace, Lommey, Kane, Tallia, fifth, mama83, kellbell, Hooped, heropon: Thinking of you all, and proud to be riding this train with you.
Dee-thanks. Sounds so meager to say that, but there's tremendous feeling and gratitude in that one word.
1step, you are terrific! Many heartfelt congratulations for 3 months. Honestly, you impress me very much with your behavior and attitude about sobriety and life itself, and I truly believe many good and wonderful things are in your future.
Worko, I was sad to hear about your dad's relapse. It's a stark warning to us all how we can never let our guard down. I've "known" that in my head for a long time, but complacence has always seemed to slip in. I pray that he will be back on track and that you will not be tempted to pick up either.
Fish, have a safe trip to Florida, and enjoy your folks and the cruise. It really doesn't have to be about alcohol. Be present and real in every moment, good or bad. These are memories you will have for the rest of your life, so make 'em count for something good. It's not a deprivation, not that you cannot drink. It's that you CAN not drink. Best wishes dear Fishy.
Lil, what's wrong with a few pics of the Navy guys???!!!
Hope you got through everything all right, but I'm sure that you did. Diesel, I feel for you in your situation with your lady friend. You got some really great feedback from others, and I realize I had nothing to improve upon that. Stay in the fight, don't give up on the process, and you will triumph over alcohol.
Brooksie, sorry to hear you're still not feeling so great. Maybe you are suffering from clinical depression? And I also get the body image issues. Oh, yes, I do. I almost think it's inherent in the brain chemistry of women. Why else so pervasive in our world, and not just our society? I think these issues can start to form a vicious circle in which they are chasing their tails in our brains all the time, whether in active consciousness or just below the surface. And it undermines our self-esteem, without which we don't function very well. Sorry if I'm coming on as an armchair psychiatrist. Not trying to diagnose you at all, just wondering if my experience and history resonates with yours.
Rochele, I hope your daughter is feeling better. I can so empathize with her, too. You're a great mom, and she's lucky that you can understand the adolescent pitfalls.
Renarde, get over this stinkin' sickness, OK? I wish you could have a bit more down time to rest and recoup before school begins again. Good thoughts for kiddo's sinuses.
Mentium
Bless you for your courage in being honest. Dee gave great feedback (as always), so I'll just say I relate and I understand. Done the same thing many times. 
You're here, you're fighting, and that's crucial. May you find and realize what you need to take the next big step forward.
Grace, Lommey, Kane, Tallia, fifth, mama83, kellbell, Hooped, heropon:
Thinking of you all, and proud to be riding this train with you. Dee-thanks. Sounds so meager to say that, but there's tremendous feeling and gratitude in that one word.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 776
Originally Posted by Nuway2fly
A bit of old news from me this morning. I've been remiss in addressing others for a few days.
1step, you are terrific! Many heartfelt congratulations for 3 months. Honestly, you impress me very much with your behavior and attitude about sobriety and life itself, and I truly believe many good and wonderful things are in your future.
Worko, I was sad to hear about your dad's relapse. It's a stark warning to us all how we can never let our guard down. I've "known" that in my head for a long time, but complacence has always seemed to slip in. I pray that he will be back on track and that you will not be tempted to pick up either.
Fish, have a safe trip to Florida, and enjoy your folks and the cruise. It really doesn't have to be about alcohol. Be present and real in every moment, good or bad. These are memories you will have for the rest of your life, so make 'em count for something good. It's not a deprivation, not that you cannot drink. It's that you CAN not drink. Best wishes dear Fishy.
Lil, what's wrong with a few pics of the Navy guys???!!! Hope you got through everything all right, but I'm sure that you did.
Diesel, I feel for you in your situation with your lady friend. You got some really great feedback from others, and I realize I had nothing to improve upon that. Stay in the fight, don't give up on the process, and you will triumph over alcohol.
Brooksie, sorry to hear you're still not feeling so great. Maybe you are suffering from clinical depression? And I also get the body image issues. Oh, yes, I do. I almost think it's inherent in the brain chemistry of women. Why else so pervasive in our world, and not just our society? I think these issues can start to form a vicious circle in which they are chasing their tails in our brains all the time, whether in active consciousness or just below the surface. And it undermines our self-esteem, without which we don't function very well. Sorry if I'm coming on as an armchair psychiatrist. Not trying to diagnose you at all, just wondering if my experience and history resonates with yours.
Rochele, I hope your daughter is feeling better. I can so empathize with her, too. You're a great mom, and she's lucky that you can understand the adolescent pitfalls.
Renarde, get over this stinkin' sickness, OK? I wish you could have a bit more down time to rest and recoup before school begins again. Good thoughts for kiddo's sinuses.
Mentium Bless you for your courage in being honest. Dee gave great feedback (as always), so I'll just say I relate and I understand. Done the same thing many times.
You're here, you're fighting, and that's crucial. May you find and realize what you need to take the next big step forward.
Grace, Lommey, Kane, Tallia, fifth, mama83, kellbell, Hooped, heropon: Thinking of you all, and proud to be riding this train with you.
Dee-thanks. Sounds so meager to say that, but there's tremendous feeling and gratitude in that one word.
1step, you are terrific! Many heartfelt congratulations for 3 months. Honestly, you impress me very much with your behavior and attitude about sobriety and life itself, and I truly believe many good and wonderful things are in your future.
Worko, I was sad to hear about your dad's relapse. It's a stark warning to us all how we can never let our guard down. I've "known" that in my head for a long time, but complacence has always seemed to slip in. I pray that he will be back on track and that you will not be tempted to pick up either.
Fish, have a safe trip to Florida, and enjoy your folks and the cruise. It really doesn't have to be about alcohol. Be present and real in every moment, good or bad. These are memories you will have for the rest of your life, so make 'em count for something good. It's not a deprivation, not that you cannot drink. It's that you CAN not drink. Best wishes dear Fishy.
Lil, what's wrong with a few pics of the Navy guys???!!!
Hope you got through everything all right, but I'm sure that you did. Diesel, I feel for you in your situation with your lady friend. You got some really great feedback from others, and I realize I had nothing to improve upon that. Stay in the fight, don't give up on the process, and you will triumph over alcohol.
Brooksie, sorry to hear you're still not feeling so great. Maybe you are suffering from clinical depression? And I also get the body image issues. Oh, yes, I do. I almost think it's inherent in the brain chemistry of women. Why else so pervasive in our world, and not just our society? I think these issues can start to form a vicious circle in which they are chasing their tails in our brains all the time, whether in active consciousness or just below the surface. And it undermines our self-esteem, without which we don't function very well. Sorry if I'm coming on as an armchair psychiatrist. Not trying to diagnose you at all, just wondering if my experience and history resonates with yours.
Rochele, I hope your daughter is feeling better. I can so empathize with her, too. You're a great mom, and she's lucky that you can understand the adolescent pitfalls.
Renarde, get over this stinkin' sickness, OK? I wish you could have a bit more down time to rest and recoup before school begins again. Good thoughts for kiddo's sinuses.
Mentium
Bless you for your courage in being honest. Dee gave great feedback (as always), so I'll just say I relate and I understand. Done the same thing many times. You're here, you're fighting, and that's crucial. May you find and realize what you need to take the next big step forward.
Grace, Lommey, Kane, Tallia, fifth, mama83, kellbell, Hooped, heropon:
Thinking of you all, and proud to be riding this train with you. Dee-thanks. Sounds so meager to say that, but there's tremendous feeling and gratitude in that one word.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Feeling much more positive here. I met with a good friend froim AA this afternoon over a coffee. We planned a hike out into the hills on Sunday and talked about the early days and struggling. This is a guy who spent 12 months in rehab and suffered liver failure, so he got as close to ending it all with booze as you care to imagine. And yet a kinder, more supportive and gentle man you couldn't meet - and long term sober - well over a decade.
I will do this!
I will do this!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
Hi everyone, a huge thank you for all the kind messages concerning my 3months sobriety, I truly couldn't have done this without you all here.
Sorry your in a bad place Brooksie, I hope and pray happy days are around the corner for you. x
Glad your feeling better Mentium, I know how frustrating this illness can be, I drank after AA meetings in the past, I also went sometimes after having a drink, for me I needed to keep going and not lose heart and Im glad now I didnt, Im sure there isn't an alcoholic alive that has stopped at the first time of trying and the fact you go to the meetings and post here is the first process of recognising the problem and trying to change. I wish you all the best. You will do this! x
Sorry your in a bad place Brooksie, I hope and pray happy days are around the corner for you. x
Glad your feeling better Mentium, I know how frustrating this illness can be, I drank after AA meetings in the past, I also went sometimes after having a drink, for me I needed to keep going and not lose heart and Im glad now I didnt, Im sure there isn't an alcoholic alive that has stopped at the first time of trying and the fact you go to the meetings and post here is the first process of recognising the problem and trying to change. I wish you all the best. You will do this! x
Velveteen Rabbit
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: San Diego, Cali
Posts: 2,661
Brooksie,
I hear you struggling and I just want to send my thoughts to you. It makes me sad to see you sad, because you are such a bright shining star of energy usually. As was just said, this disease is really difficult.
And to use your words, Aint nobody got time for problems! But they happen. We all have money problems, job problems, family problems at one time or another. They are just easier to handle for healthy people.
But you're getting there! You have so much wisdom and knowledge...just keep moving forward.
Big hugs,
Lil
I hear you struggling and I just want to send my thoughts to you. It makes me sad to see you sad, because you are such a bright shining star of energy usually. As was just said, this disease is really difficult.
And to use your words, Aint nobody got time for problems! But they happen. We all have money problems, job problems, family problems at one time or another. They are just easier to handle for healthy people.
But you're getting there! You have so much wisdom and knowledge...just keep moving forward.
Big hugs,
Lil
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
Thanks everyone for the supportive/encouraging thoughts and posts. I did not work out today but I dragged myself out to meet someone for coffee and then I'm going to a women's meeting. I'm making a rule for myself that I have to be out of bed by 9 every day, even if I just go to the livin room. I think that will help.
I know what I need to do, I just haven't done it. I got overwhelmed and isolated/stayed in bed instead.
I know what I need to do, I just haven't done it. I got overwhelmed and isolated/stayed in bed instead.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,534
Friday evenings are still hard for me! I want to pour some wine more on Friday evening than any other time of the week. Rrrrgh. When will this stop? It makes me feel like I am just fooling myself. I know that 4-1/2 months isn't that long in the grand scheme of things, especially after 30 years of Friday night hi jinks. Just needed to get it off my chest.
I hope you all are having a great beginning to the weekend! I miss UI, Plenny, and Melina. I hope Hooped and his wife are doing ok.
I hope you all are having a great beginning to the weekend! I miss UI, Plenny, and Melina. I hope Hooped and his wife are doing ok.
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