Dee74

welcome Takoda

D

trudgingagain

Welcome to the group, Takoda! Was your wife sober when you shared a meal? How do you feel about her? Do you think that you would like to get back together? Yes, one day at a time seems to be the focus that is getting many of us through....I am 3 months sober today....and it seems that I can focus more on the bigger picture....how about you? JL...sounds as if you would like Costa Rica My husband wants to do stand up paddle boarding soon....we have been zip lining and white water rafting...still want to go to the waterfalls, but have no desire to do ATVs...lol...

DoubleDragons

Welcome Takoda! As hard as it is, I think I would just continue to focus on your sobriety and take your relationship with your wife as it comes . . . At this point in our sobriety, I think it is just about learning how to stay solid and not get complacent.

Congratulations on three months, Trudging!!

DoubleDragons

My dad bought a couple of ULIs for the kids to do when visiting their grandparents at the beach. The ULI is the paddleboard thing that you stand on, Trudging. The kids love them! Interestingly they are deflatable (they don't look like they would be as they seem to be like a giant surfboard) and pretty expensive. My husband tried it and said it is fun and a really good workout.

DoubleDragons

So, I went to book club last night with my tea in hand. I would say only about a third of the women go to town on the wine. (that would have been me a year ago!) However, one of the ladies' husband is opening a craft beer brewery that won't even serve food and everyone was talking excitedly about having book club there. Errrr. These are the times that my AV wants to trick me and says, "well, you could have one drink and just never buy it for inside the house." Yeah, right. It wouldn't be long before my AV would be telling me the good reasons to have it in the house. There was so much joking about drinking going on. I just feel so unnatural in that situation now because I no longer find the overdrinking thing funny or interesting. But again, I also feel like a giant fuddy-duddy and so out of my element being a non-drinker. It is still so new to me . . . . .

DoubleDragons

So, over the holidays my employer's daughter called me and said she was setting up a Girls Night Out for her mom. I am very good friends with my employer. She is about 10 years older than me and she has had an extremely stressful year. Her brother, who she is very close to, is dying of throat cancer. So, anyway, the girls night out is on Saturday. My boss knows that I have quit drinking and I immediately offered to be designated driver, so I would have no temptation. However, this will be the first time I ever go to this type of venue and not drink. I am wondering how I am going to feel. Bored?? Tempted?? Resentful?? or maybe I will still have a really good time?? This is part of the sobriety experiment for me, I guess.

DoubleDragons

One other interesting thing about book club . . . . one of the ladies is an avid runner. She just ran a race and Barefoot wine was sponsoring the race. So she brought us all Barefoot wine bags and wine stoppers. This is when I get so frustrated with society!! A winery sponsoring a race?!? WTF?!? I feel like my sobriety is getting a little tested these days. (I am sober 109 days today.)

TempeBrenn

Welcome Takoda. I've seen your name in the 24 hour club. DD is very wise...your sobriety is first and foremost the important thing for you right now. Understand your own sober feelings. Then see what may or may not happen with your wife. All in its own appropriate time.

WhoDey

Takoda ... Welcome! I'm glad you joined our nice group. Sounds like a difficult situation with your wife and alcohol certainly doesn't help. Stay strong and continue to post.

DD ... I have a friend who is BIG TIME into craft beer brewing and I feel like such a stick-in-the-mud when I go over, he offers me a taste of his latest creation, and I pass. Ugh. It will continue to get easier, however, so keep your sobriety between the lines and keep driving!

LS ... Thanks for the encouragement. I have always been intrigued by long distance walking and would love to do the AT. My personality makes me want to do the entire thing at once (no section hiking) ... is that another symptom of an addictive personality?! I have always been an outdoor adventurer and have done lots of exciting things, but all of that was taken away by alcohol. I have a goal this year of returning to my roots and getting outdoors. I've been a serious walker the last couple of months and it feels great to see the physical and spiritual transformations.

Anyone care to post a QOTD?

DoubleDragons

Whodey, you start us out with the question!

JL2013

Welcome Takoda,
I put my chalk mark with DD, and the others. You take the best care you can of you while recovering. You'll be better able to be the best "you", for your life, and someone else if that's the case. Congrats on staying sober ! I'm on about 10days. Haha. Before I met these folks, I couldn't break 7.
NO ONE here is a fuddy-duddy. Even if it was so (and it's not), it would still be better than a slobbering drunk. Off to sack time. Night 1 of 4, licked.

WhoDey

QOTD ... Alcohol has taken so much from us. Share a hobby or passion that you would like to reclaim in 2014. I already mentioned that I would like to get back to my outdoor adventurer roots. A start would be some day hiking followed by short backpacking trips. Friends used to call me "Wilderness" because of my adventures. I haven't heard that nickname in quite some time.

Bilr44

I edited my original question and now screwed it up.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be and why?

I chose Europe as I like the old world/new world mix. I also like that using a metro is standard practice. My wife and I fell in love with the old architecture there and it was a big adjustment when moving back here.

WhoDey

Let's table my QOTD and go with Bilr's!

WhoDey

QOTD: American Southwest. I grew up there and whenever I return I'm overwhelmed with a feeling of having come home. It's my spiritual home. The landscape and ancient history of the area resonates with me at a very deep level. Having easy access to awesome mexican food is a bonus!

trudgingagain

Wow...sooo much going on here...lol...You guys must be much younger and in better shape than I....lol...been pretty lazy in retirement! JL...thanks for saying we are not "fuddy duddies" although sometimes I feel like it as well! Tonight we are going to a "Save the monkeys" get-together on the beach...need to meet members of the community, so we are starting here. I am a little concerned about it as well, since most things seem to revolve around alcohol here in the tropics...but, that could be just me. I totally get the "beer tasting thing"...beer is a BIG drink here...never drank it til we moved here....Wow, DD....wine company sponsoring a race???!!! Seems pretty hypocritical to me...but maybe not for "normal" drinkers? You are smart to recognize the "voice" talking about having "just one"...never worked for me, anyway! As for where I would want to live....that's a tough one...definitely in the tropics...maybe the Caribbean...definitely somewhere with that turquoise blue water....and sun. Even though we live here, the ocean is not the same as the Caribbean...but it sure beats the cold Pacific off of California. We actually thought a lot about this question before retiring here. Living in another country really requires a LOT of adaptations....

DoubleDragons

I like the US. I have lived in PA, VA, NC and FL. I liked them all for different reasons. I do prefer warmer climates and even though my great great grandfather fought for the north in the civil war, I have always preferred the charm of the south. I like the East Coast, although we vacationed in Seattle and Vancouver and Victoria this past summer and I remember thinking I could live there. I think I could be happy just about anywhere. I think I would like to stay in FL but do a lot more travelling when our kids are grown.

LittleSparrow

Welcome, Takoda! I echo the others' sentiments. Your sobriety is number 1 and needs to be protected. You don't have to answer this here, but do you connect any of your drinking with your wife for any reason? Was drinking the only thing you found to do together, did you drink because she drove you up the wall about anything, etc? If so, you should probably be extra careful to get those thoughts/feelings out and taken care of first. I'm not saying you should or shouldn't be with her, I'm just saying that you should take some time to really make sure you're strong. That way, you'll be strongest for yourself if she was just doing some drunk talking, and you'll be strong for her too if you do get back together.

LittleSparrow

Trudging, congrats on 3 months! You rock!

I'm not sure where I'd like to live if I could live anywhere because I haven't seen enough of the world. I could probably love living somewhere in Europe with all the history. For now, though, I'll say Portland, Oregon. I love that you can get to mountains, forest, or the beach within a short time depending on which way you go. I love hiking around to see the waterfalls and valleys. It's such a gorgeous area. But I also love the city. I was born in a city and live in one now---I'm definitely a city girl and I couldn't give that up. There are so many trees right in the city. I'd combine my love of city and nature. Of course, I'm happy where I am in Chicago, but it seemed boring to pick the place where I already live

trudgingagain

Thanks, LS...ok...gotta fess up here...I feel like you guys have become "friends"....I am REALLY thinking about drinking RIGHT NOW! Waiting for this to pass....ugh! As you know, we are from California. About a year ago, I was notified that the Board of Equalization (through the tax board) was charging us for unpaid taxes on cigarettes purchased on-line...to the tune of about $4,000.00. OK...so we did buy them, and I figure we owed that....sooo I am paying them off and am almost done. BUT....I am asking them to waive penalties/interest and just received a denial letter....THEN, my husband is being audited for his contracting company by the Employment Development Department for 2004-2007. We thought that was FINISHED when we moved here, and just recently found out that they held a hearing in 2012 (that we didn't even KNOW about) and ruled against him to the tune of $57,000.00. We have been fighting that ever since, and JUST found out TODAY that they will schedule a meeting and a new hearing in March (when we plan to visit CA). That's good news, but is is just "pending"...another ugh! Finally, I have been teaching for a University since 2010...when we moved her I started teaching on-line....had a very rough class in August...students complained about grades and I was put on a "Do not Staff" list. Have been fighting THAT since September, as well. TODAY, I had to send a return-receipt-requested follow-up letter to the Provost, since she has basically ignored my grievance....I am totally filled with anxiety at all of this seemingly "impending doom". Although we do feel that we will ultimately win in all of these cases, I guess I just want them all over NOW. This is all totally fear-based...and I acknowledge that...but, man....just want it all to go away.

OK...rant over....thanks for listening (i.e. reading...lol)...and....I am NOT gonna drink over it....whew!