Class of September 2013 - Part 23
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,303
Glad to hear all of your happy news 83mama 
Rochele, what did he request for dinner and his cake? I bet you made his day!
As for me - everything is packed/organized and baby is asleep. I hope I can sleep tonight. Talk to you guys tomorrow.
Rochele, what did he request for dinner and his cake? I bet you made his day!
As for me - everything is packed/organized and baby is asleep. I hope I can sleep tonight. Talk to you guys tomorrow.
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
Kaneda: I read it!! 
We are all different and I respect your process. You are entitled to your own opinion, but I have to say this:
I remember you mentioning a little while ago that you weren't happy with your sponsor? Perhaps changing sponsors would give you a new perspective on the program.
I have no idea how many meetings are available where you are. Are you close to a city? Living in a major city is much different and the diversity of AA people and stories are seemingly endless. I can understand getting bored in a place with the same meetings in the same place and same people all the time.
A guy with fourteen years qualified at the meeting I went to tonight and mentioned going through exactly what you are when he first got sober.
He said that he remained sober for two years without the program after leaving AA a few months in, but then picked up again and when he did return to AA, he realized that he had not done the step work required to stay sober and once he started working the steps, he stayed sober from then on.
Finally, I do not know a whole lot about Buddhism, but from what I do know about it and from what I know about AA, you tailor your program to your spiritual beliefs. I do not see Buddhism conflicting with step work-one of the steps is about meditation, after all- and I think the two might go nicely hand-in-hand.
Like Rochelle said, AA isn't going anywhere! You know what works and what does not work. You have remained sober thus far, no? Maybe the program is working in ways you don't realize.
I don't think you should stay in AA, but I do think that there are things you can do in order to have a more fulfilling program and I wanted to share.
We are all different and I respect your process. You are entitled to your own opinion, but I have to say this:
I remember you mentioning a little while ago that you weren't happy with your sponsor? Perhaps changing sponsors would give you a new perspective on the program.
I have no idea how many meetings are available where you are. Are you close to a city? Living in a major city is much different and the diversity of AA people and stories are seemingly endless. I can understand getting bored in a place with the same meetings in the same place and same people all the time.
A guy with fourteen years qualified at the meeting I went to tonight and mentioned going through exactly what you are when he first got sober.
He said that he remained sober for two years without the program after leaving AA a few months in, but then picked up again and when he did return to AA, he realized that he had not done the step work required to stay sober and once he started working the steps, he stayed sober from then on.
Finally, I do not know a whole lot about Buddhism, but from what I do know about it and from what I know about AA, you tailor your program to your spiritual beliefs. I do not see Buddhism conflicting with step work-one of the steps is about meditation, after all- and I think the two might go nicely hand-in-hand.
Like Rochelle said, AA isn't going anywhere! You know what works and what does not work. You have remained sober thus far, no? Maybe the program is working in ways you don't realize.
I don't think you should stay in AA, but I do think that there are things you can do in order to have a more fulfilling program and I wanted to share.
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
We're 3 pages in, huh? I have quite a bit of catching up to do!
I slept all day and then woke up at 6:30 to two missed calls from my land lord (I'm behind on rent). I was supposed to apply for this grant that pays back rent but I haven't so I was in a bad place.
The thought of smoking weed and being able to mentally "check out" for a while appealed to me for the first time in a really long time.
I got my paperwork together and called a sober woman and we made a plan of action to file the paperwork tomorrow and then I went to my favorite meeting and shared about my money/job woes and fellowshipped afterward. I feel much more at peace.
I am finally out of my isolation vortex and ready for action!
I am stressed, but I have done what I can today and have a plan to do the same tomorrow. I can't worry about after that right now.
I slept all day and then woke up at 6:30 to two missed calls from my land lord (I'm behind on rent). I was supposed to apply for this grant that pays back rent but I haven't so I was in a bad place.
The thought of smoking weed and being able to mentally "check out" for a while appealed to me for the first time in a really long time.
I got my paperwork together and called a sober woman and we made a plan of action to file the paperwork tomorrow and then I went to my favorite meeting and shared about my money/job woes and fellowshipped afterward. I feel much more at peace.
I am finally out of my isolation vortex and ready for action!
I am stressed, but I have done what I can today and have a plan to do the same tomorrow. I can't worry about after that right now.
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by Br00ksie 
Kaneda:
*I don't think you should stay in AA*, but I do think that there are things you can do in order to have a more fulfilling program and I wanted to share.
*I don't think you should stay in AA*, but I do think that there are things you can do in order to have a more fulfilling program and I wanted to share.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: North of England
Posts: 1,442
Good morning all! More two cents worth on AA. I had and still have severe reservations about the classic AA model. I am an atheist for a start plus I find the idea of a lifelong illness/helplessness/daily reprieve very dis-empowering.
However here in the UK at any rate the spiritual element isn't pushed and the peer support side is. I found an agnostic sponsor whose approach is that the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking - he really sticks to that. He doesn't push the steps and he is very open..and supportive.
I go because of the companionship and peer support. Most of our meetings are ten to twelve people and we all know each other well. There's a lot of mutual support, phoning and even socialising and that for me is the power (the higher power even) that AA provides. Occasionally a small group of us will share a car journey to an out of town meeting for a change of venue and of faces too.
Personally I could not so it on my own. I've tried without much success.
However here in the UK at any rate the spiritual element isn't pushed and the peer support side is. I found an agnostic sponsor whose approach is that the only requirement for membership is the desire to stop drinking - he really sticks to that. He doesn't push the steps and he is very open..and supportive.
I go because of the companionship and peer support. Most of our meetings are ten to twelve people and we all know each other well. There's a lot of mutual support, phoning and even socialising and that for me is the power (the higher power even) that AA provides. Occasionally a small group of us will share a car journey to an out of town meeting for a change of venue and of faces too.
Personally I could not so it on my own. I've tried without much success.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Strailya
Posts: 8,009
Hey Br00ksie
Thanks for your thoughtful post.
I am not sure whether its the variety, my sponsor, the AA philosophy, the Steps or all of the above. I am still trying to figure this out. All I am sure is that I dont miss going to the meetings right now.
As for the Steps, they are indeed helpful for alcoholism. However, I am thinking of something deeper. Maybe if I can interprete the Steps in a way that can suit me, it would be easier especially step 11 which I am rather unhappy with.
Getting back to my Sponsor, yes you are indeed correct. However, what I have figured out is that it isnt my Sponsor per se but rather that it is a guy. In chatting with some SR folks, I realised that all my therapists, counsellors and psychologists have been female ! I think thats why I am uncomfortable with discussing my personal things with my Sponsor. I am not accustomed to talking about intensely personal matters with another guy. Unfortunately, AA frowns upon having a sponsor of the opposite gender. That is a dilemma.
Anyway, I havent reached a final conclusion of any sort. I will be meeting my sponsor next week and will discuss. I will go to a few meetings this week and see if I am simply jumping the gun !
Thanks for your thoughtful post.
I am not sure whether its the variety, my sponsor, the AA philosophy, the Steps or all of the above. I am still trying to figure this out. All I am sure is that I dont miss going to the meetings right now.
As for the Steps, they are indeed helpful for alcoholism. However, I am thinking of something deeper. Maybe if I can interprete the Steps in a way that can suit me, it would be easier especially step 11 which I am rather unhappy with.
Getting back to my Sponsor, yes you are indeed correct. However, what I have figured out is that it isnt my Sponsor per se but rather that it is a guy. In chatting with some SR folks, I realised that all my therapists, counsellors and psychologists have been female ! I think thats why I am uncomfortable with discussing my personal things with my Sponsor. I am not accustomed to talking about intensely personal matters with another guy. Unfortunately, AA frowns upon having a sponsor of the opposite gender. That is a dilemma.
Anyway, I havent reached a final conclusion of any sort. I will be meeting my sponsor next week and will discuss. I will go to a few meetings this week and see if I am simply jumping the gun !
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
People have mentioned the Paleo diet. I did that a few years ago and it was not difficult and it changed my health a great deal!! ... Until I started smoking weed more and dropped the diet. 
I think I will go Paleo week 1 shopping on my next trip to the grocery store!!
1step - regarding the first step, my sponsor had me write out the answer to "what ultimately brought me to AA, what my experience was, and what made me decide that it was worth trying this time around?"
I am learning that most of the work surrounding the steps is written. I put off writing that for two weeks until finally doing it this morning, and ended up writing about the days leading up to my first AA meeting. It was seven pages and ended with a sentence about how I realized that I could not control my alcoholism and needed help. Fuggin step one almost verbatim! Ha.
Writing it down, I recalled important details from that time that I had forgotten about. I know that I'm powerless over alcohol, I have done the reading and gone to meetings, but it is only now, after writing that experience down and reliving my thoughts and feelings on paper that I feel like I have truly dug into and completed step one. It feels inexplicably different after putting it on paper for some reason... Just wanted to share that.
Kaneda - I know quite a few (straight) people who have had sponsees/sponsored a person of the opposite sex. I've never asked why and it is not common, but some people truly work better that way. I definitely think it is something to explore.
Mentium - So many people in AA find their higher power (literally) in the rooms/ people of AA. I hear that a lot in NYC. I haven't read it yet, but I do that know there is a chapter for the Agnostics in the big book. I think it's great that you are getting something out of the program without being bogged down by a spiritual factor that you don't relate to!
I'm still awake because I slept until 6:30.
Hopefully, because I have kind of a busy day that starts in a few hours, I will be tired from the day and will be able to get back on a regular sleep schedule tonight or tomorrow!!
Renarde - I said a prayer for you, hubby and Kiddo tonight!!
Fishy, LG, Grace, Rochele, Fifth, Hooped, Lommey, Tallia, Dee, Nuway, Mama, Plenny, Hugs to you all!
I think I will go Paleo week 1 shopping on my next trip to the grocery store!!
1step - regarding the first step, my sponsor had me write out the answer to "what ultimately brought me to AA, what my experience was, and what made me decide that it was worth trying this time around?"
I am learning that most of the work surrounding the steps is written. I put off writing that for two weeks until finally doing it this morning, and ended up writing about the days leading up to my first AA meeting. It was seven pages and ended with a sentence about how I realized that I could not control my alcoholism and needed help. Fuggin step one almost verbatim! Ha.
Writing it down, I recalled important details from that time that I had forgotten about. I know that I'm powerless over alcohol, I have done the reading and gone to meetings, but it is only now, after writing that experience down and reliving my thoughts and feelings on paper that I feel like I have truly dug into and completed step one. It feels inexplicably different after putting it on paper for some reason... Just wanted to share that.
Kaneda - I know quite a few (straight) people who have had sponsees/sponsored a person of the opposite sex. I've never asked why and it is not common, but some people truly work better that way. I definitely think it is something to explore.
Mentium - So many people in AA find their higher power (literally) in the rooms/ people of AA. I hear that a lot in NYC. I haven't read it yet, but I do that know there is a chapter for the Agnostics in the big book. I think it's great that you are getting something out of the program without being bogged down by a spiritual factor that you don't relate to!
I'm still awake because I slept until 6:30.
Hopefully, because I have kind of a busy day that starts in a few hours, I will be tired from the day and will be able to get back on a regular sleep schedule tonight or tomorrow!! Renarde - I said a prayer for you, hubby and Kiddo tonight!!
Fishy, LG, Grace, Rochele, Fifth, Hooped, Lommey, Tallia, Dee, Nuway, Mama, Plenny, Hugs to you all!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Good morning all. I am up, showered, and ready to go! rare for me at 7:30 am. Need to go do soemthing at school today, before it opens.
Kaneda, I can completely understand your preferring female communication, as I find you to be more open, and sensetive, or expressive of your feelings in a way not typical of most American males. I say American, because that is my main frame of reference. There is s spectrum of communication styles and you really like to talk things through, out loud, is my guess, based on your posts.
before having children, I often reated more easily with men. I am not one of those women who are into cliquiness, gossip, shopping, and other typically "girly" things. I am usually direct, and to the point. Motherhood has made me long more for female companionship, however.
Anyway, I get the rules, and why they are there, but i bet there is some wiggle room for a new sponsor, and possibly a female. I only see female physicians myself, due to a comfort level with feeling they better understand my issues I may have with my body(not only female organs).
Good luck with your decision.
Ok, i gotta run.
Just need to add, Renarde, I will be praying for you and your kiddo today.
Kaneda, I can completely understand your preferring female communication, as I find you to be more open, and sensetive, or expressive of your feelings in a way not typical of most American males. I say American, because that is my main frame of reference. There is s spectrum of communication styles and you really like to talk things through, out loud, is my guess, based on your posts.
before having children, I often reated more easily with men. I am not one of those women who are into cliquiness, gossip, shopping, and other typically "girly" things. I am usually direct, and to the point. Motherhood has made me long more for female companionship, however.
Anyway, I get the rules, and why they are there, but i bet there is some wiggle room for a new sponsor, and possibly a female. I only see female physicians myself, due to a comfort level with feeling they better understand my issues I may have with my body(not only female organs).
Good luck with your decision.
Ok, i gotta run.
Just need to add, Renarde, I will be praying for you and your kiddo today.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Charlotte North Carolina
Posts: 1,195
Hello friends I hope everybody is great this morning I'm doing real good I'm real happy I had the best sleep last night I slept for 8 hours that is unheard of for me.
Good luck Renarde
Brooksie you are such a bright positive person only good will happen to you good luck on everything.
Kane you seem to be a very enlightened person I'm glad you are a friend.
Grace did you get your family thawed out yet ? I wish the Packers had one so I can watch them get their b*** beat this Sunday.
Hello nu way how are you ?
Lillian you have peaked my interest in the paleo diet. Going to check it out.
Good luck Renarde
Brooksie you are such a bright positive person only good will happen to you good luck on everything.
Kane you seem to be a very enlightened person I'm glad you are a friend.
Grace did you get your family thawed out yet ? I wish the Packers had one so I can watch them get their b*** beat this Sunday.
Hello nu way how are you ?
Lillian you have peaked my interest in the paleo diet. Going to check it out.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Originally Posted by FishnHippy
My big problem with maintaining a good healthy diet and exercise is when I'm working I travel a lot there's a lot of bad food choices to be made on the road.
Of course, if I get back into drinking, it all goes out the window right there. one bottle of wine is likely at least 30 carbs, or more, a few beers would be 36 carbs or more. Then add food.
But travelling is very tricky. really, even if you stick to salads and protein, you still can get too many carbs in your dressings and marinades. But it is far better than pasta and baked potatoes, or french fries. it can be done if you eat at places that will adjust preparations for you. Disney parks, not so much.
I should read up on Paleo.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Hi Brooksie! You sound better today. You do seem to work your fellowship very well. It does seem there is a great benefit to the city life and variety of meetings and ability to be anonymous yet among familiar faces more easily than in a smaller suburb. You see the same faces, and can bond, but can also possible be in vastly varied social circles all at the same time. Very cool. It also sounds like there are lots of people readily around and available ot help out when you need it. I am proud of you for reaching out and getting support for yourself this week. That is very hard to do when you feel like hibernating and closing out the world. I know.
I really need to work on building stonger connections with real life friends. I have had some good frindships, but being attached to the raising of children, and meeting them through schools, and activites surrounding the kids, the friendships seem fleeting, or not long lasting. They come and go as the kids change and their friends change. Just because life is busy, and we tend to revolve life around the kids activities. So, I know people. But, I do not feel like I have anyone I can truly call on a bad day. No one. One friend I have who used to be like that, has drifted away from me a bit as our kids are less friendly. Just how it goes. And she works a lot. Same with another. They are just not very available.
Does not help that often times, I am a truly happy loner. I am quite content on my own much of the time. Not conducive to friendships, lol. It is very hard for me to reach out and invite someone to go out with me. I usually wait to be invited. Perhaps I come off as uninterested or aloof to others.
A job would help, as would maybe a class for a hobby or something.
I really need to work on building stonger connections with real life friends. I have had some good frindships, but being attached to the raising of children, and meeting them through schools, and activites surrounding the kids, the friendships seem fleeting, or not long lasting. They come and go as the kids change and their friends change. Just because life is busy, and we tend to revolve life around the kids activities. So, I know people. But, I do not feel like I have anyone I can truly call on a bad day. No one. One friend I have who used to be like that, has drifted away from me a bit as our kids are less friendly. Just how it goes. And she works a lot. Same with another. They are just not very available.
Does not help that often times, I am a truly happy loner. I am quite content on my own much of the time. Not conducive to friendships, lol. It is very hard for me to reach out and invite someone to go out with me. I usually wait to be invited. Perhaps I come off as uninterested or aloof to others.
A job would help, as would maybe a class for a hobby or something.
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