Class of July 2013 Pt 8
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 563
Well my friends yesterday was not a good day with my BF. Day started off fine, we were awfully proud of ourselves for throwing a successful get together. BF wanted to fix a couple of things and went to the hardware store. Then BF is working in the garage for most of the morning going through boxes his brother had stored for him and had brought down. Meanwhile I've settled in for a day of football on TV.
Then BF decides comes inside. Clearly he has been drinking. Oh boy. Then he decides that he wants to make an omelette - but we don't have enough eggs. So out to the store he goes (yes he shouldn't have been driving.) Meanwhile I check the garage fridge to see if he's been drinking the party leftovers. Well maybe only one beer gone (can't be sure because I didn't actually count them beforehand) but certainly not enough for him to be as drunk as he was. I suspect he purchased hard alcohol on his morning trip to the hardware store.
This of course upsets me so I relocate myself upstairs to try to continue my football viewing. BF returns from the store and I can hear him banging around in the kitchen. Then a big crash! I go downstairs to find him by the kitchen fridge attempting to pick up the pieces of the shattered butter dish (from my now out-of-production dish pattern, grrrr), and then I see that he's also apparently dropped some eggs on the floor as well right by the stove. Which I point out to him. I ask him to pick up the big pieces of the butter dish and clean up the eggs and that I would run the vaccuum later to get any little bits of stoneware (I'd already planned to run the vaccuum to get up crumbs from the party.) And I went back upstairs because I didn't care to watch him stumble drunk around the kitchen.
When I went back down about 30 minutes later he is snoring away on the living room couch. The kitchen is a mess. Although he did pick up the bigger pieces of the butter dish he did not clean up the dropped eggs. Instead he put the trash can on top of the spill. Since we have a huge ant problem, I clean everything up. He woke up when I was running the vaccuum. I asked him why he didn't clean the eggs up, reminding him that we have had several ant infestations. This was his reply: "Volleyball" (go ahead, laugh a little, it's ridiculous!) I said "what, I don't understand". So then he said "volleyball" again and some other gibberish I couldn't make out.
So at this point I really want nothing more to do with him and go back upstairs. Later I heat up some leftover lasagne for my dinner and he wakes up again. I decided to try to have a conversation with him about what's going on. I said that I hadn't been drinking for a few months, but that I had drank at my aunt's Christmas party and that I know that drinking is a problem for me. And that it's a problem for him. I suggested that we make a New Year's Resolution not to drink and start it a few days early. And he said he couldn't do it. Not because he thought if he made the resolution he'd be afraid of not keeping it, but that he just wasn't interested in making the resolution at all.
So there we have it. I did say I'd like to talk more about it when he's sober, which he agreed to but only because he didn't want to talk about it then - I'm guessing he won't want to talk about it sober either.
I am so angry with myself right now. I should have never agreed to move in together until he had more sober time. He is just not ready to give up drinking. And now I have to deal with it in my home. Until our lease is up that is. I won't be renewing it with him that's for sure.
And when I came downstairs this morning to feed the cats there was an empty beer bottle on the counter. Don't know if it was from last night or this morning before he left for work. It doesn't really matter. It was quite a statement to me though.
NCG
Then BF decides comes inside. Clearly he has been drinking. Oh boy. Then he decides that he wants to make an omelette - but we don't have enough eggs. So out to the store he goes (yes he shouldn't have been driving.) Meanwhile I check the garage fridge to see if he's been drinking the party leftovers. Well maybe only one beer gone (can't be sure because I didn't actually count them beforehand) but certainly not enough for him to be as drunk as he was. I suspect he purchased hard alcohol on his morning trip to the hardware store.
This of course upsets me so I relocate myself upstairs to try to continue my football viewing. BF returns from the store and I can hear him banging around in the kitchen. Then a big crash! I go downstairs to find him by the kitchen fridge attempting to pick up the pieces of the shattered butter dish (from my now out-of-production dish pattern, grrrr), and then I see that he's also apparently dropped some eggs on the floor as well right by the stove. Which I point out to him. I ask him to pick up the big pieces of the butter dish and clean up the eggs and that I would run the vaccuum later to get any little bits of stoneware (I'd already planned to run the vaccuum to get up crumbs from the party.) And I went back upstairs because I didn't care to watch him stumble drunk around the kitchen.
When I went back down about 30 minutes later he is snoring away on the living room couch. The kitchen is a mess. Although he did pick up the bigger pieces of the butter dish he did not clean up the dropped eggs. Instead he put the trash can on top of the spill. Since we have a huge ant problem, I clean everything up. He woke up when I was running the vaccuum. I asked him why he didn't clean the eggs up, reminding him that we have had several ant infestations. This was his reply: "Volleyball" (go ahead, laugh a little, it's ridiculous!) I said "what, I don't understand". So then he said "volleyball" again and some other gibberish I couldn't make out.
So at this point I really want nothing more to do with him and go back upstairs. Later I heat up some leftover lasagne for my dinner and he wakes up again. I decided to try to have a conversation with him about what's going on. I said that I hadn't been drinking for a few months, but that I had drank at my aunt's Christmas party and that I know that drinking is a problem for me. And that it's a problem for him. I suggested that we make a New Year's Resolution not to drink and start it a few days early. And he said he couldn't do it. Not because he thought if he made the resolution he'd be afraid of not keeping it, but that he just wasn't interested in making the resolution at all.
So there we have it. I did say I'd like to talk more about it when he's sober, which he agreed to but only because he didn't want to talk about it then - I'm guessing he won't want to talk about it sober either.
I am so angry with myself right now. I should have never agreed to move in together until he had more sober time. He is just not ready to give up drinking. And now I have to deal with it in my home. Until our lease is up that is. I won't be renewing it with him that's for sure.
And when I came downstairs this morning to feed the cats there was an empty beer bottle on the counter. Don't know if it was from last night or this morning before he left for work. It doesn't really matter. It was quite a statement to me though.
NCG
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Well that's that then !
You know where you stand now.
Don't beat yourself up about moving in together as the woman in you , thought he could change .
Alas we know that's not gonna happen.
He actually sounds a lot worse than i imagined NCG . He really needs help.
The volleyball gibberish would have been emanating from some bizarre drunken dream , no doubt .
Sigh ...he just isn't ready to fix himself , but you are .
Looks like you are gonna have to leave him behind love., I'm amazed how you are managing still whilst he drinks .
I don't know what else to say other than , its sad ;-(
And good luck , my friend xx
You know where you stand now.
Don't beat yourself up about moving in together as the woman in you , thought he could change .
Alas we know that's not gonna happen.
He actually sounds a lot worse than i imagined NCG . He really needs help.
The volleyball gibberish would have been emanating from some bizarre drunken dream , no doubt .
Sigh ...he just isn't ready to fix himself , but you are .
Looks like you are gonna have to leave him behind love., I'm amazed how you are managing still whilst he drinks .
I don't know what else to say other than , its sad ;-(
And good luck , my friend xx
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Sorry you had to deal with all the BS, NCG.
Sounds like your BF is pulling the same crap I used to do. Make an excuse to go somewhere and then buy a bottle to stash. Sounds like it's hard stuff as well.
Anyways, so glad you're able to not fall into the trap your BF is still struggling with.
I must admit, I did chuckle at the "volleyball' statement. Definitely blackout there. Sadly, I'm sure I've said some really stupid things during my black outs.
I have this week off and once in a while I'll get a slight urge to do something dumb.
But, I just shrug it of and go on with my life.
I've been having some shoulder and neck pain recently. Not sure why but, it is keeping me from getting anything done that I wanted to during my time off.
Never had any issues before this.
Anywho, I hope everybody is having a nice sober Monday.
Hope you are all prepared for a sober and happy New Years!
Sounds like your BF is pulling the same crap I used to do. Make an excuse to go somewhere and then buy a bottle to stash. Sounds like it's hard stuff as well.
Anyways, so glad you're able to not fall into the trap your BF is still struggling with.
I must admit, I did chuckle at the "volleyball' statement. Definitely blackout there. Sadly, I'm sure I've said some really stupid things during my black outs.
I have this week off and once in a while I'll get a slight urge to do something dumb.
But, I just shrug it of and go on with my life.
I've been having some shoulder and neck pain recently. Not sure why but, it is keeping me from getting anything done that I wanted to during my time off.
Never had any issues before this.
Anywho, I hope everybody is having a nice sober Monday.
Hope you are all prepared for a sober and happy New Years!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Tuesday here Bob :-) New Year's Eve . I'm gonna be the life and soul of the party tonight !
Be in bed by 9 or 10 then hear the revellers honking their horns and drunken yells of HAPPY NEWWW YEARRRR emanating from the streets to the comfort of my bed .
Aaah sounds like a plan .....
Be in bed by 9 or 10 then hear the revellers honking their horns and drunken yells of HAPPY NEWWW YEARRRR emanating from the streets to the comfort of my bed .
Aaah sounds like a plan .....
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Hi NCG. I'm sooooo sorry. And yes, he's really out there with the drinking.
He does sound like he's not even bothering to hide it...maybe at first, then he thinks eff it.
Just hoping you are ok soon.
He does sound like he's not even bothering to hide it...maybe at first, then he thinks eff it.
Just hoping you are ok soon.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Oh, NCG, so sorry you are having to deal with this crap from your bf. You deserve better. Unfortunately, it sounds like you are on 2 different levels, with him being on a very dangerous level. I hope you are able to do what is best for you. You have come so far and need to put you and your sobriety first. If your bf does not respect that and is as insensitive as leaving a bottle out like he did then I think you need to move on without him, for now anyway. I'm sure you love him very much and this cannot be easy for you. Big hugs to you and just know we are here for you.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 563
Thamk you all for your support. It means the world to me!
Went out to lunch with a close friend, and one in whom I've confided about my BF's drinking. Was nice to get out and spend time with a good friend.
Then I went shopping. Well, it was really pre-shopping. I haven't really gone clothes shopping in quite a while so I wanted to look first. Almost bought a sweatshirt that actually said "NorCali"!! Treated myself to my favorite smoothie then came home.
BF was, and still is, sound asleep on the couch. Didn't hear me come in even though I wasn't very quiet and the couch is right by the front door. Second beer bottle has joined the first on the counter. Maybe these are decoys? As in "I'm not drunk, I've only had one beer with lunch." I did say something yesterday about the fact that clearly he was drunk yet I hadn't seen him drink anything - and he didn't respond to it. So now maybe he's doing some drinking out in the open? I'm not sure I should waste brain power trying to figure it out.
Doing some laundry and will read some on detachment. I downloaded a couple of books on my Kindle.
I know I will be fine. It may just take some time for it to play out.
Thanks again July-ers!
NCG
Went out to lunch with a close friend, and one in whom I've confided about my BF's drinking. Was nice to get out and spend time with a good friend.
Then I went shopping. Well, it was really pre-shopping. I haven't really gone clothes shopping in quite a while so I wanted to look first. Almost bought a sweatshirt that actually said "NorCali"!! Treated myself to my favorite smoothie then came home.
BF was, and still is, sound asleep on the couch. Didn't hear me come in even though I wasn't very quiet and the couch is right by the front door. Second beer bottle has joined the first on the counter. Maybe these are decoys? As in "I'm not drunk, I've only had one beer with lunch." I did say something yesterday about the fact that clearly he was drunk yet I hadn't seen him drink anything - and he didn't respond to it. So now maybe he's doing some drinking out in the open? I'm not sure I should waste brain power trying to figure it out.
Doing some laundry and will read some on detachment. I downloaded a couple of books on my Kindle.
I know I will be fine. It may just take some time for it to play out.
Thanks again July-ers!
NCG
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Originally Posted by NorCaliGal 
Maybe these are decoys? As in "I'm not drunk, I've only had one beer with lunch." I did say something yesterday about the fact that clearly he was drunk yet I hadn't seen him drink anything - and he didn't respond to it. So now maybe he's doing some drinking out in the open? I'm not sure I should waste brain power trying to figure it out.
NCG
NCG
I can't even begin to imagine, but as you say, you are waiting to see how it plays out. It's all awful and I can almost think the putting it in your face is again to fire up a 'break up' conversation like before he moved in. He does seem hell bent on drinking.
I admire anyone who can persevere through these kinds of things as sober partners. I know I would not have been the best partner towards the end. But my aim was to break up so I could drink whenever I wanted.
Logically now, I know that was wrong. But there's no reasoning with an active alcoholic, so you're not going to get the genuine reason from your bf....hence why trying to figure out whether his beers on the bench are decoys or not. It's just demoralising to you to try and even make sense of it.
Anyway no advice, just hugs. It sucks, I'm sure.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
I'm sober! Sparkling San Pelligrino for me. 
Well, did the trip to the bottleshop on the way home with visitors. Felt a little bizarre, then I briefly felt wistful... briefly, and not even fully. But then I was like, hang on this actually feels like a foreign land now!
Then I saw all the people buying alcohol and thought why would anyone want to be drunk and miss New Years. I like it when those thoughts come naturally, I feel like old pre-drinking me is back.
Not sure if I'll post later tonight it's nearly 6.30pm here in Sydney. Things will get hectic soon! Well, they already are outside! So happy New Year to the Aussies....and I'm sure I'll be back to see in the other New Years!
Well, did the trip to the bottleshop on the way home with visitors. Felt a little bizarre, then I briefly felt wistful... briefly, and not even fully. But then I was like, hang on this actually feels like a foreign land now!
Then I saw all the people buying alcohol and thought why would anyone want to be drunk and miss New Years. I like it when those thoughts come naturally, I feel like old pre-drinking me is back.
Not sure if I'll post later tonight it's nearly 6.30pm here in Sydney. Things will get hectic soon! Well, they already are outside! So happy New Year to the Aussies....and I'm sure I'll be back to see in the other New Years!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Enjoy your San pelligrino Crois ( knock ya self out ) lol
I'll be having my iced coffee, then an early night.
I have work at 6am . Working all New Year's Day and for once i will be not hung over ...oh geez ..the memories of how sick i was last year .
2014 is our year Julyers ...
I'll be having my iced coffee, then an early night.
I have work at 6am . Working all New Year's Day and for once i will be not hung over ...oh geez ..the memories of how sick i was last year .
2014 is our year Julyers ...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Happy New Year to all of you Aussies!!! 
So proud of you for staying sober. You set the bar high for our class
Just waking up here and feeling pretty good about ringing in the new year sober. I'm sure my AV will show up soon and try to convince me that it would be a good idea to swing by the liquor store, just in case. I think the fact that the stores will be so crowded today is enough to keep me away. That and the fact that by this time last year the stores were all out of those miniature vodka bottles. So, I will be sticking to Pelligrino as well and some sparkling cider at midnight (if I am still up). Hubby is complaining about staying up and wants to go to bed at our normal early time. He is not into NYE celebrations and I should be grateful for that this year, but for some reason I want to stay up and officially say goodbye to 2013 and ring in 2014. Maybe it is the whole idea of a fresh start and new year?
Anyway, will check back in later. Happy New Years Eve to everyone!
So proud of you for staying sober. You set the bar high for our class Just waking up here and feeling pretty good about ringing in the new year sober. I'm sure my AV will show up soon and try to convince me that it would be a good idea to swing by the liquor store, just in case. I think the fact that the stores will be so crowded today is enough to keep me away. That and the fact that by this time last year the stores were all out of those miniature vodka bottles. So, I will be sticking to Pelligrino as well and some sparkling cider at midnight (if I am still up). Hubby is complaining about staying up and wants to go to bed at our normal early time. He is not into NYE celebrations and I should be grateful for that this year, but for some reason I want to stay up and officially say goodbye to 2013 and ring in 2014. Maybe it is the whole idea of a fresh start and new year?
Anyway, will check back in later. Happy New Years Eve to everyone!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,987
Hi, NCG, I'm so sorry to read of all the turmoil you're having to deal with, with your boyfriend drinking. I can't imagine how you are coping. This is your home, and its like he doesn't respect it. I don't know what to say, I'm sure you love him and want to see him do well, but its hard for you now that you share a home.
Sending you hugs and strength, and I hope you look after yourself.
I'm still very very low. Don't know what to do with myself, but I'm not drinking. I reached out to my girlfriend, the one who leans on me for support re her dysfunctional relationship with her boyfriend. She's the only one of my friends who know that I'm not drinking. Called her, emailed her over the last couple of days, no response from her. Yet, she's on Facebook, commenting on the death of the husband of one of our provinces former ministers. Sadly, this man took his own life, having suffered terribly from depression. She wrote yesterday, "I worry about my friends who have depression". So, why don't you effing call me then?
I don't want to sound like a petulant child, but really? What is wrong with her!
She's dependant on FB. What about her real friends. I rarely reach out in need, but I feel terrible. It's all I can do to stop myself from emailing her in anger, help me guys, I know that would not be the right thing to do. I want to have some self respect and dignity.
Barely muddling through. I ordered a SAD light yesterday. Should get it in a couple of weeks. I do think there's some seasonal component to the depression right now.
I am so thankful for SR and all of you. We're struggling through together.
Sending you hugs and strength, and I hope you look after yourself.
I'm still very very low. Don't know what to do with myself, but I'm not drinking. I reached out to my girlfriend, the one who leans on me for support re her dysfunctional relationship with her boyfriend. She's the only one of my friends who know that I'm not drinking. Called her, emailed her over the last couple of days, no response from her. Yet, she's on Facebook, commenting on the death of the husband of one of our provinces former ministers. Sadly, this man took his own life, having suffered terribly from depression. She wrote yesterday, "I worry about my friends who have depression". So, why don't you effing call me then?
I don't want to sound like a petulant child, but really? What is wrong with her!
She's dependant on FB. What about her real friends. I rarely reach out in need, but I feel terrible. It's all I can do to stop myself from emailing her in anger, help me guys, I know that would not be the right thing to do. I want to have some self respect and dignity.
Barely muddling through. I ordered a SAD light yesterday. Should get it in a couple of weeks. I do think there's some seasonal component to the depression right now.
I am so thankful for SR and all of you. We're struggling through together.
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 807
NCG, sorry to hear of your troubles but really admire how you are handling them.
Aussie friends, happy New Year and way to set an example for those of us just heading into the celebration.
LeShar, I feel so deeply for you. One of the reasons I rarely post is that I am horribly depressed. I go through the motions of my days and that is it, I go to work but spend most of my time off sleeping as an avoidance technique. My house is a mess and I just don't care, or can't get motivated. I have always been a loner so really have no close friends. Had a few major family tragedies in 2013 that did not help. I wish there were a magical answer for us. We should both be proud that we are not turning to drink as the solution. I agree that the change of seasons is a contributing factor. I rarely get outside since it is regularly below zero and dark when I leave for work and when I get home. If we lived closer we could hangout, maybe I will move to Canada :-) Keep posting and hang in there, even though I don't post often I always read and I do care about all of my July classmates.
Aussie friends, happy New Year and way to set an example for those of us just heading into the celebration.
LeShar, I feel so deeply for you. One of the reasons I rarely post is that I am horribly depressed. I go through the motions of my days and that is it, I go to work but spend most of my time off sleeping as an avoidance technique. My house is a mess and I just don't care, or can't get motivated. I have always been a loner so really have no close friends. Had a few major family tragedies in 2013 that did not help. I wish there were a magical answer for us. We should both be proud that we are not turning to drink as the solution. I agree that the change of seasons is a contributing factor. I rarely get outside since it is regularly below zero and dark when I leave for work and when I get home. If we lived closer we could hangout, maybe I will move to Canada :-) Keep posting and hang in there, even though I don't post often I always read and I do care about all of my July classmates.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Leshar,
Hang in there. It's that time of the year where it's really easy to get depressed. As for you friend and FB. Sometimes it seems some people would rather talk than act. But,who knows.
Happy New Years to the Aussie friends!!!
I'll be watching the ball drop in front of my TV tonight, eating snacks and drinking seltzer. We're expecting a good ole Nor Easter this Thurs-Fri.
For those that don't know, it's a BIG snow storm(blizzard) with extreme cold and wind. I have those days off so no biggie. Coukd get up to a foot of snow and in the single numbers for a temp.
Hang in there. It's that time of the year where it's really easy to get depressed. As for you friend and FB. Sometimes it seems some people would rather talk than act. But,who knows.
Happy New Years to the Aussie friends!!!
I'll be watching the ball drop in front of my TV tonight, eating snacks and drinking seltzer. We're expecting a good ole Nor Easter this Thurs-Fri.
For those that don't know, it's a BIG snow storm(blizzard) with extreme cold and wind. I have those days off so no biggie. Coukd get up to a foot of snow and in the single numbers for a temp.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Northern California
Posts: 563
Good Morning July-ers!
Leshar and LuLu, wish I had some magic words for you to help you through your down times. But it is no small thing that you have both avoided turning to alcohol during this time
It's the morning of New Year's Eve here. BF is off getting the brakes on his truck worked on. Asked me if I wanted to go with him and have breakfast while he waits - there is a little diner across the street from the shop. I declined, because a) I don't care for the breakfasts there and b) I want to go shopping. Also, would feel like I'm babysitting him, because the last time he had work done on his truck there he took a little (like 1.5+ mile) to the downtown area, drank at two bars, and started on a drinking tear that ended in a multi-day binge, and emergency room trip, and ultimately his attending the IOP program. So it is completely possible that after breakfast he will take this same walk and wind up drinking in the bars. But, not my job to prevent him from doing it.
No plans for tonight. Which is fine. I long ago stopped going out on New Years Eve - even when I was out at the bar drinking almost every night. New Year's Eve parties always seemed a little depressing, a forced good time. Staying in warm and comfy with a nice dinner is much more appealing. And less expensive. And much safer. Doubt that I will be awake at midnight, but will enjoy waking up in 2014 sober.
Saw something on Facebook that I thought was great. It said "What if the only resolution we make is to love ourselves a little more?" So simple, yet an all encompassing resolution. So, that will be my resolution, rather than ticking off details like continuing to be sober, eat better, exercise, etc.
Take care July-ers!
NCG
Leshar and LuLu, wish I had some magic words for you to help you through your down times. But it is no small thing that you have both avoided turning to alcohol during this time
It's the morning of New Year's Eve here. BF is off getting the brakes on his truck worked on. Asked me if I wanted to go with him and have breakfast while he waits - there is a little diner across the street from the shop. I declined, because a) I don't care for the breakfasts there and b) I want to go shopping. Also, would feel like I'm babysitting him, because the last time he had work done on his truck there he took a little (like 1.5+ mile) to the downtown area, drank at two bars, and started on a drinking tear that ended in a multi-day binge, and emergency room trip, and ultimately his attending the IOP program. So it is completely possible that after breakfast he will take this same walk and wind up drinking in the bars. But, not my job to prevent him from doing it.
No plans for tonight. Which is fine. I long ago stopped going out on New Years Eve - even when I was out at the bar drinking almost every night. New Year's Eve parties always seemed a little depressing, a forced good time. Staying in warm and comfy with a nice dinner is much more appealing. And less expensive. And much safer. Doubt that I will be awake at midnight, but will enjoy waking up in 2014 sober.
Saw something on Facebook that I thought was great. It said "What if the only resolution we make is to love ourselves a little more?" So simple, yet an all encompassing resolution. So, that will be my resolution, rather than ticking off details like continuing to be sober, eat better, exercise, etc.
Take care July-ers!
NCG
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