Ladybug2

Hi everyone,

Just checking in on a rainy, cold Sunday. My mom took my daughter to Sunday school so I have a little time to myself I usually go with them, but decided to stay home and clean a little. I don't know about all of you, but feeling a little anxious about New Years Eve. We have always stayed home and had a low-key celebration, but I am so used to having a good buzz while watching the ball drop. I stocked up on some good sparkling cider and hubby isn't really a champagne drinker so there will be nothing in the house. My AV is fighting with me though saying "why don't you just get something just in case you get the urge". How stupid is that?! Sometimes it is like a security blanket? Having it hidden in my closet, just in case. I don't have to drink it, right? Wrong, past experience had proven that if it is in this house it will get consumed, whether I am craving it or not. So, I will not be visiting the liquor over the next 2 days. I do not want to ring in 2014 drunk and spend New Year's Day hungover.

Thanks for listening to me vent. I feel better now Hope everyone has a nice Sunday. NCG, hope you had a nice evening with your family. Let us know how it went!

resolute50

6 months, yipppyyy!!!!

Way to go, Snoozy!!! xxx
How awesome, love it!!!!

(((BIG HUG))))

SnoozyQ

Thanks sweetie :-))) xxx so glad i got here 6 months is a big deal to me . Makes me know i can get to a year xx

NorCaliGal

Hi All -

Big huge congrats to you Snoozy on 6 months!!!!

Great night last night! After some initial "clustering" into groups the families mixed together really well! Tons of food - almost everyone brought an appetizer to share - but still almost all the lasagne was gone!

BF was drinking beers but was not drunk, was very helpful and appropriate throughout. Whew! And helped clean up after. What a nice benefit of sobriety, that you can actually clean up after the crowd leaves and not have to wake up hungover to a mess!

Interesting watching my sister-in-law though. She and my brother brought 6 bottles of wine. My sister and her husband had also brought several bottles of wine. SIL, early in the evening, notices 5 unopened bottles on the counter and starts freaking out - "oh no we need to call B (my niece) and tell her we need more! We are going to run out. We need to call her. There isn't enough!" And on and on. I tried to tell her there was plenty, that my sister had also brought wine, it would be fine, etc. But she wasn't hearing it and my niece wound up bringing MORE. All of which she opened. Ugh. Had to pour some out at the end of the evening because of course not all were consumed. But she made a pretty good effort to drink it all herself! (We've long suspected she has a drinking problem but her frantic statements of corncern that we'd run out when there was plenty of wine pretty much confirmed it for me!)

NCG

NorCaliGal

Leshar, I'm sorry that you're down. But try not to beat yourself up over it (this coming from someone who is VERY hard on herself!) Sleeping in the afternoon is at least better than trying to drink the feelings away! Any time not drinking is time not wasted. So I think a little credit is due!

NCG

resolute50

Yah NCG,

That's a sure fire sign when somebody starts freaking about running out of booze like that. So glad everything worked out for you.
Had my fingers crossed.

Leshar

Well, thanks, NCG! Nice of you to put it that way.

I'm glad your evening went well!
Jeez, I don't know if I could be around that many bottles of wine, good for you!

I'm not sure what's going on, mood is either anxious or despondent. No point in me going on about it, I'm not going to drink over it, but I would like to feel some joy/direction some time soon!

Hey, Ladybug, tell that AV to take a hike! Nothing will be accomplished by drinking! And we're too old now to need security blankets! Sometimes though, I think my history of drinking has resulted in me being like a child, emotionally. I know it's time for me go grow up, although sometimes, I don't really know how to go about this. Well, dealing with life without booze is the first step I guess.

NorCaliGal

Well I tell you Leshar I honestly think the only reason was that I was in "hover" mode the entire time, making sure everybody else was taken care of. If I had been just a guest - like I was last weekend when I had my slip - I'm not sure I would have resisted the temptation.

Am concerned about having the leftover unopened alcohol (beer and white wine) in the house though. Especially since we don't have any New Year's Eve plans yet and may be spending it at home. Would just pour it all out if I lived alone but some - get this - was the BF's xmas gift from my brother and SIL (wonderful! But they aren't aware of his alcoholism) and really cost some money. If BF was sober I could talk him into at least re-gifting it but that's not going to happen as things stand right now. Sigh.

NCG

NCG

SnoozyQ

Thanks NCG and well done for getting thru it . Sometimes once you have had a slip , its so easy to continue down that path . But I'm so proud of you .

You have dusted yourself off , held you head high and just got on with it .
Putting all your energies into cooking and inviting the BFs family .

YOU are a really good person , my friend .

He is VERY lucky to have you .

You will continue to flourish , with that slip a long distant memory , well done girlfriend !!!!

Leshar , so glad you come to us when you are feeling low . You are doing the right thing and battling through .

I know you are finding it really challenging since you have given up , but from the amount of posts i have read in here , it truly does get better .

And I've found that the longer people are sober , the better life gets for them .

We all have to stick together in this and make a pact to get to a year .

I think things will change .

I've read it takes a year for the brain to fully recover after addiction.

Hang in there Leshar , you NEVER wanna revisit day one , you have been getting thru the worst ..it's behind you . Xxxx

I hope everyone has a lovely day / evening . I'm off to get my hair cut and coloured , with my daughter .

I'm gonna be a new Snoozy ..watch out !

;-) hugs all xxx

Leshar

Wow, NCG, that's a tough one! So your family doesn't know anything about your boyfriend having been in iop and AA? That would be difficult for you to deal with, imo.

Well, I just know that while I say I'm not going to drink over whatever, I also know that I couldn't have booze in the house; guess that sounds like a sort of contradiction. I wonder if that will ever change.
Good luck with whatever you decide re the unopened alcohol.

Leshar

Snoozy, thanks! You are so encouraging, whilst I sound so dreary!

Good luck with your haircut, hope you like it!

SnoozyQ

Thanks Leshar , you are just feeling a little down , never dreary .

Just remember you are not always gonna feel like this . Have you looked up PAWS . I have been reading a lot about it lately and i think you will find it very interesting xxx

Seeya , I'm coming back a " hot" Nanna lol

Eke ...that just sounded sooo wrong haha ..

Hugs love ya Leshar xxxxxx

Ladybug2

Glad your evening went well, NCG! What is/was your DOC? If it was beer or white wine then I would try and get in out of the house. I just know, from experience, that when wine or vodka is in my house it makes it a million times harder. It's as if my AV takes a permanent seat on my shoulder. Good luck with whatever you decide

NorCaliGal

Well gosh Snoozy now you've got me blushing! Thanks for your super nice comments.

Leshar no, my family and my BF's family are not aware of his iop and AA. My family has never seen him drink more than "anybody else", plus with SIL playing the role of the family member with the alcohol problem it's doubtful they'd notice at first if he did drink excessively around them.

His family apparently staged some sort of intervention at the request of a friend in 2009 - per my BF he'd already recognized he had a problem and had enrolled in an iop (the same program he just did - it was his second time through) just before their intervention. This always causes me to wonder what they think now when they see him drink. I've only really seen that one cousin seems to comment.

This last go round in iop he asked that he be the one to tell people. I agreed. It's his story to tell, not mine.

Eventually I confinded in some of MY close friends because I was feeling really isolated about the whole thing, and they have been supportive of me and whatever decisions I make. I do feel a certain level of guilt at not keeping things confidential though.

I think I'm going to have to come up with some what-if scenarios and planned responses while the alcohol is in the house. For example, what happens if someone drops by unexpectly and would like a beer - how do I ensure I stick to my sparkling water? I feel that it was one of the issues with my slip, lack of pre-planning on how to handle that situation.

NCG

liberated

Here for 24 more!

Ladybug2

Hope you start feeling better soon, Leshar. You sure deserve to

NorCaliGal

Ladybug my DOC was beer and red wine. White wine - which is what's here, not so much. So the beer is my primary concern. But beer is also something my boyfriend would drink - maybe he'll do me a favor and drink it quickly (how's that for sick twisted logic? Ugh!)

The pricey gift is is a seasonal small batch microbrew. HUGE bottle. Something you'd open and share with a group really. If it had been cold it probably would have been comsumed last night but unfortunately it wasn't so into the garage fridge it went.

NCG

Dee74

My house is alcohol free NCG. I struggled with that a while - isn't that rude? isn;t it my problem? do I have the right to tell other people what to do?...

I decided I did have the right.
my house is my safe place.

D

Croissant

Hi all. Glad everything went well NCG and I'm sure being sober helped too.

I believe this is true sometimes for me Leshar. Mainly about getting things done and setting goals. Which I'm trying to consciously work on. I call it my bratty voice, I think I've mentioned it before. For example, the other day, kitchen was a bit of a mess after lunch and I was thinking OMG...that's toooooo much to deal with now, I'll do it later. Typically, this is my alcoholic voice....ohoh....too hard let's sit down and relax with a drink, I deserve it.

I pulled myself up, cleaned the kitchen. It maybe took 5 mins maximum. I've become lazy at home because of drinking. Work like a demon, then justify it with a drink and relax at home. This was not what I was like before I drank, so I'm trying to correct that laziness. Rather than focusing on not being able to drink, I try (hard, I know), to focus on what work I need to do on changing my thoughts and approach to life.

I'm reading a few books at the moment and I can see slivers of the old me coming back in the last few weeks. Hang in there Leshar. We may cope in different ways,but we do all have our struggles.xx

Ladybug, I'm sorry New Years is sometimes slipping in and out of your mind as a challenge. I feel ok about it for specific reasons, so I don't feel any temptation to drink....long story. BUT I struggled with Christmas Eve....it started to scare me a bit. It's just a scary shadow, it can't hurt you. Dismiss it.....and remember we are all here rocking through midnight sober! Xx

Petecrab

6 months snoozy! Awesome! Well done!! X