Dee74

last part here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...t-12-a-20.html (Class of January 2020 Part 12)

D

fishkiller

Thanks Dee!

In VA the smaller ones are puppy drum and the biguns are bull reds.

In my boat if they are between 18 and 26in they are called Dinner.🙂

Cityboy

I had a thought last night when I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. It's truly amazing how you can think about things no longer being drunk or hungover all the time. My nephew is about 30 now. When he was 3, he had surgery to remove a brain tumor. He's fine, but he has just always had a little difficulty learning to do things that require a lot of physical coordination. He has always looked up to me, an honor which I have often not deserved. I've taken him on a lot of fishing trips. As part of being sober now, I've worked a lot on being patient and not snapping at him for letting a fish get away, or not doing the anchor right, or whatever. Kind of like those florescent lights that finally come on after 20 minutes, it hit me last night that he is the one who has been patient with me all this time, and I was the one who couldn't figure things out. Thank goodness that part of my life is over.

fishkiller

The best part of these realizations is, in my case anyway, they make me want to be a better me even more.
It makes me look at other areas in my life to make sure my ego ain't getting in the way.

Thanks for posting

venuscat

Calling Mr Fish: your inbox is full.

fishkiller

I'm on it, sorry

venuscat

No worries.

fishkiller

Should be good now.

wow that was a blast from the past. I'd forgotten about many of the messages. Did not realize I had that many even though most were from 1 person.

fishkiller

Wow just realized yesterday was 33 months. Cool

Starting to level off from the insanity of recent events.
The resentment over the actions of the family member is starting to fade. I realize they will Never be able to admit to themselves they are wrong. They may never stop putting themselves first.
The anger was just eating me and I had to let it go.
That was a hard one though.
Gotdang I was angry. Just the sound of their voice would set my angry side off. I realized I cannot keep living that way. They aren't going away and I can't live with that kind of anger.
Honestly they just aren't worth it.

My sister is hanging in there barely. The youngest is also having a hard time. She has anxiety and depression already and just turned 21. Being a big drinking family I have warned her to be careful. I've explained the connection between drinking and anxiety and how it just makes it worse but I don't preach.
I only brought this up when she complained about her anxiety and was talking about only being able to be sad when drinking.

I'm hoping she works through it.

It does feel strange though. I don't want to seem like I'm trying to take her father's place but she has noone else and she does look up to me.

I hope everyone is well.

venuscat

It is admirable that you are mentoring your niece, dearest fish. ❤️

Cityboy

Young people certainly need all the positive role models they can get. Your niece is lucky to have you.

Good that you are working on keeping the resentment in prospective. This is something I have struggled with immensely.

Cityboy

I have a couple of cousins, unfortunately, with whom I will never be able to fully let go of the resentment I feel towards them. It doesn't burn at me the way it used to though, and I don't waist time and energy thinking of ways to get one over on them.

Cityboy

My nephew came over for the weekend and I took him and my son out in the little boat Saturday afternoon. The fishing was very slow, but they didn't want to go in. . We ended up with enough panfish for a couple of dinners and had a great time. The patience thing requires effort. I just try to focus on being the kind of uncle I want to be, instead of cranky hungover uncle.

Fishk, I hope your sister and her kids are managing ok.

venuscat

You are a terrific uncle, dear CB.

And where is Fish? Has he been posting in other threads?

fishkiller

here and yes 🙂

venuscat

s

fishkiller

I've been watching the kids most days so not much time for anything else but I pop in every now and then.

Patience
I caught myself being short tempered with the babies last week. Found I was letting other worries fester and when the kids acted up or didn't listen my patience was already thin and they easily wore through it.
Have to focus on them and not much else in order to keep it together the way I want.
It is difficult at times but once I see it I can work on it

Seems we have been put on the back burner by our builder so instead of stewing and having a temper with those not responsible I decided to take it out on him.
Seems to have worked.
I feel better and he has promised to jump back on our house full speed. We will see but I'm not gonna let it bother me too much.

Sister is doing OK. Gonna take time to get a new routine.

Baby had surgery last Thursday and they found and corrected some issues so hopefully she will start progressing more soon. Gonna be a couple months in the NiCU still so life is going to be hectic.

babies
house
I still have to install cabinets and flooring
2 big jobs lined up for when things settle.
Fish is not bored 🙂

fishkiller

Good work on the fishing trip!
Kids on a boat can be trying especially when it's slow fishing.

I am coming to terms with being imperfect.
I mean there are still many areas I'd like to improve but I am also trying to not let it bother me if I don't get exactly where I want to be.
This is difficult.

Example,
I try to be more mellow and relaxed but at times I need my anger and impatience to come out. So instead of trying to be chill 100% of the time and berating myself when I'm not I'm trying to make a conscious decision when to use it and when to be chill. If that makes sense.

I'm building cabinets for the 1st time and have made a few, well many mistakes, but for my setup and experience everyone that sees them says they are nice.
I cannot let mistakes kill my determination or self esteem but I do need to TRY to do better each time I go to the shop. Not expect perfection right out the gate.

Cityboy

Being more self forgiving, letting go of the idea of absolute perfection, has probably been one of the biggest changes in my mentality since I quit drinking. Still work to be done, but going from a 9.9 to an 8.5 is progress.

Relearning that social behavior of being kind and supportive vs when to go into abrasive mode continues to be a work in progress. It does seem to be a comprehensive thing. A major source of stress/anxiety is going to come out in other areas. Imagining the person I want to be seems to help a lot with this.

fishkiller

I don't want to jinx it but the surgery seems to have worked. Baby is eating and keeping it down and has started breast feeding even!

I have been pushing my builder to fix our horrible concrete floors in the new house for 5 months. He keeps having these guys come patch grind and hope I give up. Our entire house is covered in concrete dust from these clowns. They didn't even shut the bedroom doors when grinding. 🤬
Well last week I had the anger come out just enough to say stop this is enough. We ain't getting nowhere.
I found a company that polishes concrete floors in warehouses and they agreed to come help me out.
He did not like the price but I pushed the issue and he finally agreed. They are over 3 hours away and have been staying in a hotel so of course it won't be cheap.
I can't wait for him to come today and see the mess these guys made. Oh wait, there ain't no mess because these are PROFESSIONALS. Not the scabs he hires.
The interior floors are nice and flat.
They are working in the garage now. It won't be 100% flat because his guys did such a bad job but they offered to polish it to a shiny finish so I won't have to coat it with epoxy or anything else that will eventually fail.
Small consolation for the months of stress this has caused.

If I had been a drunk still I doubt I'd have pushed this hard. My self esteem was so low I probably would have given up early on.

Instead I was like a bulldog. Nipping at his ass until he finally had enough. Not the other way around.

Next step is making him pay for a thorough scrubbing of every surface in the house. That concrete dust ain't no joke. Amazes me the lack of care some people have for others and their families.

Chalk up another victory for sober fish.