Class of September 2013 - Part 20
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by rochele 
Thanks Dee and Lillian.
Not really a failure, but behind. I don't drink at all like I used to, and really, even with slips I have had, I don't identify with young recovery, withdrawals, and all the angst of newly giving it up. I do post in December a bit, but it is hard investing the time to get to know another group. I am attached to you guys, here.
Not really a failure, but behind. I don't drink at all like I used to, and really, even with slips I have had, I don't identify with young recovery, withdrawals, and all the angst of newly giving it up. I do post in December a bit, but it is hard investing the time to get to know another group. I am attached to you guys, here.
I was looking at the number of threads of other classes and we definitely get the award for most talkative class!
I thought all classes were as active as us.
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
Originally Posted by Plenny
I had stopped by my landlady's house on my way to dinner at my friend's. Something had dropped in the oven and there was smoke swirling everywhere. I just tried to ignore it but my landlady asked her son's girlfriend to check. It was really a lot of smoke.
The woman said she saw nothing, perhaps something just dropped in the oven. I said, "Well, ______, as long as there are no orange flames, we're cool."
The woman is recovering from a house fire she was in just six months ago. Her hair was burned off, and her body was covered in 3rd degree burns, and she almost died.
And that's what I said on thanksgiving. And that's what's keeping me up tonight. There, I said it, I think I just used this forum to dispel some guilt, I thank you guys for bearing with me. I just can't get it out of my head.
It's like when my mother said to my deceased ex-boyfriend's grieving mother, "At least they were wearing their seat belts!"
I don't want to turn into my mother.
The woman said she saw nothing, perhaps something just dropped in the oven. I said, "Well, ______, as long as there are no orange flames, we're cool."
The woman is recovering from a house fire she was in just six months ago. Her hair was burned off, and her body was covered in 3rd degree burns, and she almost died.
And that's what I said on thanksgiving. And that's what's keeping me up tonight. There, I said it, I think I just used this forum to dispel some guilt, I thank you guys for bearing with me. I just can't get it out of my head.
It's like when my mother said to my deceased ex-boyfriend's grieving mother, "At least they were wearing their seat belts!"
I don't want to turn into my mother.
It's not like you said, "I hope your house doesn't burn down again!!"
You were just saying that there was a lot of smoke, but it probably isn't a fire. The way you wrote it, you didn't sound offensive. If I get that, she probably did too.
What can you do to change the channel on your obsessive thoughts?
Watching something mindless on TV helps me sometimes, so does reading and escaping into a story. Glad you caught yourself when your mind started to run away with you and posted about it! I hope you feel better!
From what you've posted, you don't sound like you are ANYTHING like your mother! xo
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,303
Plenny, it's not like you said something dismissive about the house fire. You were talking about Thanksgiving dinner. That isn't the same thing.
When my baby died a lot of people made dismissive comments because they didn't want to deal with it or they wanted there to be a tidy, sensible conclusion/closure. I can't expect people to never talk about babies again or loss in normal conversation. Those are different things.
When my baby died a lot of people made dismissive comments because they didn't want to deal with it or they wanted there to be a tidy, sensible conclusion/closure. I can't expect people to never talk about babies again or loss in normal conversation. Those are different things.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Iowa
Posts: 464
Originally Posted by GotGrace
This: "what is surprising is that my reaction is not one of gratitude for the positive changes I've experienced but envy at witnessing an earlier version of myself unencumbered by the burden of abstinence. I sat in a suite at the Savoy hotel, in privilege, resenting the woeful ratbag I once was, who, for all his problems, had drugs. That is obviously irrational." I am so glad he wrote this! "The burden of abstinence." I get that. Rochele, this kind of ties in to my thoughts when you expressed a little disappointment with your record earlier today. When I read that someone has slipped, I sometimes feel envy because that person drank. "That is obviously irrational." But it is true for me. Thanks for sharing this, Kellbell. And Rochele, you have helped me in more ways than you will ever know. And you're here. For that, you are a success.
I also liked his many mentions of one day at a time. It's simple but it's not easy. Yea. Exactly.
I think I've had like 79 sober days in the past 80. And I've done it one day at a time. Simple? Yes. Easy? Heck no!
That which does not kill us will only make us stronger. Amen.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Thanks for sharing that Kellbell. I also found he wrote very well of the inner dialogue we all have, though our individual drug and stories differ. I knew he was sober, but had no idea he had 10 years. wow. And it frustrates me to read he still struggles one day at a time, at times. I always hope someday it will be nothing to me, the desire to drink, ever, will be like the desire to eat lima beans. I never give them a thought. I do not dislike them, I do not particualry like them either, and I never cook with them, or buy them, or really, ever give them a thought. LOL. But I guess the AV never dies.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 5,554
Plenny, I agree with th eothers, that your oven-fire comment was not offensive at all. You were concerned about the smoke inthe kitchen, and it fits that context. I understand obsessive thoughts, howevr. I can do that too. Ugh. So does my daughter. It came up in her therapy after her depressive episode. Things were haunting her, like something she said in class at school, and things like that. Little nonsensical things. I felt so bad ot hear that, because I identified with it and it can be so upsetting to have that negative chatter in your brain.
I have tired to have a mantra for those times. I developed it after I had so many regrets about my health, but was moving forward to make changes. "I cannot change what is done, I can only try to be better, moving forward..." I just repeat that to myself a number of times in my head to replace the chatter. I may rephrase it and change it around a bit, but I focus on that and the meaning of it, over and over, to replace the negative obsession. Sometimes it really works.
Also, others don't obsess over things the way we do. Well, some people do, but I think most people do not, at all. More often, there are characters in life who say whatever pops into their brains without filter and never give it another thought! Good thing they have people like us who remember that too.
Just kidding!
I have tired to have a mantra for those times. I developed it after I had so many regrets about my health, but was moving forward to make changes. "I cannot change what is done, I can only try to be better, moving forward..." I just repeat that to myself a number of times in my head to replace the chatter. I may rephrase it and change it around a bit, but I focus on that and the meaning of it, over and over, to replace the negative obsession. Sometimes it really works.
Also, others don't obsess over things the way we do. Well, some people do, but I think most people do not, at all. More often, there are characters in life who say whatever pops into their brains without filter and never give it another thought! Good thing they have people like us who remember that too.
Just kidding!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Charlotte North Carolina
Posts: 1,195
Originally Posted by Br00ksie
I've been posting in November as well, but that thread hasn't bonded the way we have.
I was looking at the number of threads of other classes and we definitely get the award for most talkative class!
I thought all classes were as active as us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,742
Thanks guys. I do get mercilessly hung up on things like that. I do obsess. That's been around since I was very very young. Just feeling horribly guilty. I remember incidents where I'd obsess daily about something stupid I did and I'd just feel the guilt in my stomach. Sometimes I'd do the math and realize that I'd been feeling guilty and replaying an incident in my head for over a year. Punishing myself over it, too. Then one day I would think to myself that it wasn't that bad and though there would still be a dull sting when I remembered the incident, I could finally move on and think about other things. Until the next one. That's a memory from when I was 7.
I did get through the night because I voiced that one, I sometimes have to make public these thoughts so I can dispel their power over me. Sometimes other people, my husband included, think I'm annoying or nuts (the personality stigmas that have haunted me my whole life) because I say these things out loud, as if they're original thoughts that I stand behind. I quite literally have to vocalize thoughts to organize them. I wish I could explain that to the people in my life (yep I've tried).
Thanks for being my sounding board.
I did get through the night because I voiced that one, I sometimes have to make public these thoughts so I can dispel their power over me. Sometimes other people, my husband included, think I'm annoying or nuts (the personality stigmas that have haunted me my whole life) because I say these things out loud, as if they're original thoughts that I stand behind. I quite literally have to vocalize thoughts to organize them. I wish I could explain that to the people in my life (yep I've tried).
Thanks for being my sounding board.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,742
I remember realizing very early on that other people didn't punish themselves the way I did. I knew that it wasn't a necessary part of existence. Always wanted to shed that tendency but it often has a mind of it's own. All that wasted youth...
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Northeast, US
Posts: 1,052
Originally Posted by FishnHippy
I'm feeling much better I did go to the football game I found it boring being sober changes the dynamics of about everything.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,742
Renarde, it's crazy how people have no idea to react to a tragedy...
Some of the things people have said to me while grieving were horrible! I remember when my friend had a pretty early miscarriage, I tried to follow her lead... It was tough. It seemed like it comforted her to think about it clinically and detach, but not everyone feels that way!! You gotta follow the griever's lead, and let them do it however they need to until they can move on (within reason of course)
People project so much!! Even during the worst times! I'm sorry to hear it happened to you too. Context is so powerful....
Some of the things people have said to me while grieving were horrible! I remember when my friend had a pretty early miscarriage, I tried to follow her lead... It was tough. It seemed like it comforted her to think about it clinically and detach, but not everyone feels that way!! You gotta follow the griever's lead, and let them do it however they need to until they can move on (within reason of course)
People project so much!! Even during the worst times! I'm sorry to hear it happened to you too. Context is so powerful....
Plenny.
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