360shoes

Good job DD!
I think you are doing great. Actually you sound textbook fabulous. Facing all that fear and pain but by golly..you did it! I know you got a lot of therapy to go before you do any marathons or anything but jeez. You put in a plan and you did it!

Oxy schmoxy. Stupid dumb pills ain't got nothing over you. They served their purpose. Time for them to taper off into the sunset.

You rock!

360shoes

Thanks We. I feel better knowing it's not just me. Not that I'm happy about anybody struggling when winter hits. Just feel better knowing it's just another passage.

I will get off my butt and figure out a winter wonderland plan. I take on my last 2 doctors next week and then I'm full load. From then on I'm over new girl status at work. I've been waiting for that so I can just wear my workout clothes on Tues Wed and hit gym either lunch or right after. Sounds weird I know but I have to take on one routine at a time.

Yes! Yellow walls!! Life's too short for white walls.

digdug

Shoes - you are too kind. I wish I was as awesomely strong as you make me out to be. I'm feeling scared right now. If dropping down to 10mg makes me feel like this, how am I going to deal with going down to 5mg on Sunday. Or taking my last pill on Tuesday? It's bringing back some really bad rehab/detox memories. I remember when they gave me my last benzo. God I was scared out of my mind at the time. And now, I keep getting flashbacks. Posting in that woman's thread in the newcomers forum has helped a bit.

I need to keep telling myself that this is a different situation. My mind always makes these unrealistic associations. Stupid PTSD. So I'm worried that I'll be a bit dope sick for a seminar I have to attend on Monday. Or how will I survive the trip up to NYC on Thursday to see my surgeon just 2 days off the meds?

Ugh. Mind over matter. It's all in my disease-ridden, alcoholic brain. I can and will do this. Worst case, I have to sneak into the bathroom and call my sponsor sobbing. That's not toooo bad. lol.

tootsl1

Marcher sorry about hubby's diagnosis, though everything sounds quite positive. I know you are relieved to be sober to be dealing with this.

DD I think you are awesome, you talk about your fears, and how scared you feel, but you are not running away from your feelings you are taking them head on. That is what makes you so awesome in my eyes. And that is why you will deal with all of this. It is ok to be scared, keep sharing if it helps. I'm sending you some cyber strength.

Shoes;shoes, summer work shoes, winter work shoes, boots sandals and girly shoes.

Gilmer

I know it's extremely difficult, but try to live only in the moment, DD. I am confident that things won't be as bad as you anticipate. You will get through.

Marcher, I'm sorry about your husband's diagnosis. I'm relieved that it seems easy to treat. If it's got to be cancer, it sounds as though this is one of the best kinds to have.

Gilmer

Usually DC is three degrees warmer in winter than Philly, but yesterday we got up to 70 Fahrenheit (21 C). What a blast! I can tell it's going to be warm again today, too (though rainy). Sounds like Australia weather!

Saskia

Good morning, Peeps!

Marcher, so sorry to hear about Mr. Marcher's diagnosis. I'll hope that he has the typical very slow-growing kind. There's a doc who has written extensively about his opinions on "overdiagnosis" and what that means. In addition to books, he's had op-Ed pieces in the NY times (Dr Gilbert Welch). He talks a lot about how, as tests get more and more sensitive, they find more and more "disease". The question becomes whether or not that pseudo-disease, as he calls it, would ever cause a problem. He says the same is true for some types of breast cancer. Sometimes the cure really can be worse than the disease. It's still a very controversial topic in medicine but very thought-provoking. I also had him as a prof for a statistics and epidemiology class.

DD, I understand that the pain med thing is very scary! I'm not trying to minimize that when I say that I believe you will get through this. From all I've read, it sounds like you are an amazing guy with much determination.

As far as the winter blahs so many of us apparently have, all I can say is "welcome to my world!". My therapist diagnosed me many years ago with SAD. I used lights for a long time along with antidepressants. When my last set of lights gave out, I thought I could manage without. Well, I can't so I followed my own advice and got my new lights in the mail yesterday and started using them this morning. Perfect time to get caught up on reading SR and doing my morning post. Lights just auto turned off :-). Apparently the lights suppress the production of melatonin for about 4-6 hours afterward so we don't feel so sleepy and washed out.

Have a great day to all :-)

Saskia

Ps. With so many of us apparently having the winter blahs, it makes me wonder if there is a possible physiological connection between alcoholism and winter blahs. Or perhaps it's simply that when we feel the winter blahs, we are more likely to drink out of boredom?

360shoes

That would be interesting to find out Sassy. I didn't realize till now that when faced with either going out in sub degree temperatures or sitting on my butt doing nothing would be so difficult. I don't like either choice.

And I thought I drank to numb the pain and responsibility of life. Ha! I also drank to be lazy. Who knew.

It's so darn cold out its hard to breathe. I guess I should be grateful I have a roof over my head and heat. I would not want to be homeless now.

Vitamin d and a light. I'm trying anything. And I'm wearing my thermal leggings today and going for total cold protection and not style. Don't care. Too flippin cold for anything else.

I got most of my house projects done. That may have been a problem. I don't have a home project to do.

How you doing Marcher???

digdug

Yeah. I think a lot of us drank out of boredom and stress. At least, I know I did. So the holidays can be stressful and lonely, and when it's cold out, there's less to do, so we're coop'd up in the house with nothing but blankets, TV and internet. In my alcoholic mind it was like, ok, drinking time because I'm damn sure not going outside, unless it's to get more liquor.

But on the other hand, I know of a lot of people who struggled this past summer. Especially the social drinkers (of which I was not one). Every time they passed by a party or a restaurant with outdoor seating, it was a major trigger for them.

I remember walking people home after Friday night meetings this summer so they weren't alone with all the partying going on at the clubs and bars.

So in conclusion, everything in the damn world is a trigger. Everything was an excuse to drink. So I'm glad I've been able to fill up my calendar with fun, sober things to do. I'm going to a sober house party on Sunday. Really looking forward to it. I also asked that girl I like out for coffee this weekend (as friends), but she never got back to me. Oh well. I'm sure she's just busy. Because the week before, she was telling me how happy she was that I was in her life. Girls are confusing.

Saskia

DD, good points! I guess just about anything, good or bad, can be a trigger if we let it. We need to learn to accept life however it shows up for us. It's too easy to compare ourselves to others and think we are worse off when in reality we don't know that. We all hurt in different ways and there are no extra points for one kind of hurt compared to another. Just my opinion.

tootsl1

I think nature designed us to become lethargic during the winter, as in caveman days there would have been less to eat so we needed to conserve energy. Living in the 21st century, we are going against our natural inclinations and trying to live life at the same pace as during the lighter days.
When I frst started drinking, it helped me to feit in and feel better about myself, so I have a lot of happy memories around drinking like sitting in the sunshine outside pubs, or sitting by big log fires on a cold dark night. Even in later years I had fun memories of pub crawling with A . It makes it difficult to find something to enjoy which doesn't have alcoholic overtones.

Gilmer

Humph! Let's just say that our "Australia weather" has gone back to Australia!

Marcher13

Good morning Marchers Thanks for your kind words all, every message is a little piece of comfort. Mr Marcher has an excellent outlook on this, we do understand that the progress can be very slow, there will now be a wait of several months and then they will do another biopsy. I think it's a matter of digesting the news and understanding exactly where we are. My own late Dad had prostate cancer for eight years prior to his death which was from a heart attack.

Sass thank you for the info re Dr Gilbert Welch, we intend to read widely and I've put this at the top of the list.

Re sobriety in winter: I did find it extra hard in July which is the middle of our winter but, because that was only four months for me, I put it down to the early stages of recovery. It will be interesting to see what you all find and I realise it's different for a number of you in higher latitudes.

Have a good and sober day peeps.

BuddinK

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones as far as winters go, we usually don't vary more than 20 degrees from highs to lows throughout the year. May get a few days in the 40's, but not that many. The days are shorter, but since I work nights mostly I really don't notice it that much.

I do still remember the brutal Chicago winters though, I absolutely hated them.

Dee74

I never got the winter blahs as my winter is not that different to the summer.
I got the summer heebie jeebies tho - everyone out in the sun, having fun, drinking....

I hope those struggling in the winter find some peace soon - and have a great weekend

D

Northlander

Hi Sober Marchers:

It was below zero today but very bright and sunny for our daylight hours which is of immense help to me. Long walk with dogs and maintenance shoveling even though the sidewalk really did not need it. Just good to be out in the sun despite the cold. I mostly work from home (independent contractor) so I get outside, which is a blessing.

Marcher, it is a big piece of news to digest and I hope you and Mr. M are adjusting okay. Big hug.

Shoes, when I was looking over the thread from inception I had to smile when I came across your tat - had forgotten about it! Hang in, my friend. I think I may take up ice skating again. Are you very active with winter sports? A friend advised me to dive into winter head first, be outdoors as much as I can and be active in winter sports. So time to get the skates sharpened.

Big love to all Marchers! Mick, please check in...

360shoes

Uh. I'm not into anything athletic I'm afraid North. I look like I should be I'm tall and can actually have a muscle if I picked something heavy up once in awhile. Do multiple shopping bags count? I'm 50% introvert 50% extrovert according to tests. Isn't that funny? So while I like people and enjoy being social, my batteries get charged in my alone time. I like swimming but I don't enjoy team sports. I can be the life of the party or I can sit in a corner and just talk to one person all night. I guess you could say I give 50% 100% of the time. Or I have multiple personalities. I pick A.

I just hate being cold! I will adjust. Last week we hit 60 and this week we hit 1. I don't know how that translates in Fahrenheit or Celcius sp?. Suffice it to say it was warm one day and freezing the next. And I saw sunlight last week and this week I didn't.

I bought my vitamin d btw. Hope it doesn't make me grow a mustache or anything weird like that.

I get it now. Summer is no big triggers for me because I like running around being busy and love sitting on a patio with friends whether they drink or not. I don't care. I love the warm sun. I can run from dusk till dawn. Winter. Hmmm. I don't cook, I don't watch tv, I live by myself, I'm too cold to go outside. A-ha! My trigger season! Freakin winter. And my first sober one to boot.

Oh well. I will not drink. I will just suck it up and figure it out. I will find some winter activity I enjoy. Don't know what but I will try.

Manfriend had a cold this week so I stayed away from him because I don't want his cooties. That might have had something to do with it. I can always hangout with him and he's entertaining. Or at least I can plop on his couch and read SR while he watches TV. I've done that a million times.

Sorry for the mini novel. I'm bored.

360shoes

Hey. I was going to ask everybody this. A friend of mine who doesn't drink either and I were talking and we found out that both of us are fast liquid drinkers. Doesn't matter what. Water, fizzy water, coffee, whatever. We both can and always could drink liquid fast. I personally can down a can of cocoa cola or fizzy water in seconds. I don't...not very lady like...but I can. I did do it once to prove to a friend how I can down a coke and belch the aria from la boheme.

Anyway. I'm polling. Anyone else fast liquid drinkers? And I don't mean just alcohol. I mean even before you ever drank alcohol where you a fast drinker?

wehav2day

north, thank you for calling me your friend :-) your friend gave the same advise, heehee. I have a little story on that diving into winter thing. ok, maybe two. I moved from California to ohio in august, 1999. two weeks later, started working at a nursery. I have always enjoyed working outside, but it was the hottest most humid thing I had experienced to date. then the fall was pretty at first. then, not even two months after my move I had ice on my truck in the mornings. I'd seen it before, but not daily! then, the next thing I knew I was trying to sell Christmas trees in a foot of snow. I was not happy. later that winter, I got my first "real job" in my field. after a meeting with a school principal, we got to talking about winter and I confided that I'd never experienced this weather and I missed san diego and surfing. in all her kind earnestness, she said, " well honey, that's no problem. you can just go to the beach (a smelly summer waterpark with fake waves) and you won't be homesick at all!" god love her, she meant it. I just wanted to cry.

about 8 years ago, I had to fill in for another naturalist and do a winter hike series. 5 Saturdays of 5 mile hikes, no matter the weather. when you lead a hike, you have to be happy and knowledgeable and confident. even if you are sick, tired, hate winter, don't know what you are doing and are freaking out inside. so I did those hikes no matter what, made sure the hikers had a safe and fun time, blah blah blah. by the end of the series I was SO glad I had to do them. it forced me to hike for miles with groups of people on days I would have tooooootttttalllly not gotten out of my flannel jammies. I work for a different park system now. so you know what? I lead the hikes for free, as a volunteer. forces me to get out of my head, off my a##, and "enjoy" winter. it helps a lot. they start after the new year. the first one is right when I get back from cali. beach on Thursday, breakfast in la then on a plane Friday, BOOM. Winter hike at the buttcrack of dawn with my boots and bootchains. and goofy raccoon hat so my "regulars" can find me. lol! the best part is this year I won't be nursing a hangover.

huh, that just cheered me right up. thanks for the topic, north!