dirk626

Greetings All. They brought in BBQ and a keg of beer this afternoon at work to reward and thank everyone for their hard work on a big project the last couple of weeks. When they first tapped the keg I got a little nervous. I stayed in my office and finished up a few things trying to stall a little. I then decided that I should join everyone and mingle. I took a bottle of ice water out with me and began to chat people up. The next thing I know it's an 2 1/2 hours later, I've had some good BBQ, lots of laughs and it's time to head home. Not a single craving! I feel really good about this. I specifically focused my attention on the food and conversation. I made it a point to be fully engaged in every conversation and story. I focused on the people and the personal interaction of the group, and by doing that didn't even think about the drinking.

peanutty

Day 8. Finally on the plane home from the business trip. Stayed sober thank God. My FIL had another low blood pressure episode -- he has COPD and associated heart failure -- and is in the hospital on life support 1,000 miles away from where DH and I live. They are readying to take him off life support. No hope of survival. DH is so sad. Complicated relationship with his dad that can now never improve. Last time I saw him cry was when our aimlessly wandering daughter told us she was pregnant. He could hardly squeeze words out, just "come home." Didn't have the guts to ask him if he drank/was drinking. I so hope not. We will need to work with his sibs to arrange some living situation for my MIL with dementia. FIL was the mental strength, she the physical. She isn't safe to live alone but is scared to death to acknowledge it because she won't be able to take her dog to assisted living and that's her only remaining pleasure in life. Alcohol won't make this better. I know that intellectually. Hope DH does too and that we won't forget through all of this.

Dee74

I'm so sorry peanutty.

D

Gilmer

Very sorry, Peanutty.

Dirk, congratulations on gliding through the "keg party."

Siesta

Feeling for you Peanutty. That's a lot to be going through.

Dirk, great job, I don't know if I could have been as strong as you in that situation. My Christmas work party was Thursday and I didn't show up out of fear of how much they might be drinking.

Checking in on a rainy Saturday morning. Maybe a movie theater day??

peanutty

OMG Dirk, seriously? Keg at work? Sounds like you handled that with so much grace. Thanks for the kind thoughts everyone. I ended up getting home late, late last night and guess what? DH had a cup of tea beside him and there was an empty can of perrier in the recycling area. No beer bottles anywhere. I can't describe how happy I am about that.

My FIL died at 5:00 yesterday. Waiting for word on the funeral arrangements.

Gilmer

Sorry, Peanutty.

Vedette

Thinking of your family Peanutty. Dirk, You have inspired me. I'm going to a Patriots game tomorrow and have passes to a VIP tailgate party with open bar (booze/beer/wine.) When I first got these tix back in Sept, I had it all planned out - Drink at the party and save $$ by not buying inside stadium, have wife drive home. Plan now is to not drink (oh temptation) but to eat a lot so we don't have to buy food inside.

CactusJill

My husband has a work party coming up. At a bar. He is a restaurant manager so drinking is a big part of the culture there. Needless to say, I am not going. But then again, the bar scene was never for me. I never liked drinking with strangers or acquaintances - too embarrassing.

It is not going to be fun watching him go without me and then (no doubt) come home half or fully in the bag. If it bothers me too much I will sleep on the couch to avoid seeing him or smelling it.

Sigh.

dreamr

So sorry about your FIL, peanutty.

peanutty

Day 10. Getting on a plane at noon today to go to WI for my FIL's funeral and to help figure out a living arrangement for my MIL. She has dementia (may have already said that) and can't live alone. FIL did quite a bit to keep her safe. Could be very tough as we're not sure she realizes she can't live alone.

Went out to dinner last night with DH. Both of us acknowledged we really, really wanted to order booze. We got nonalcoholic wine and it was nasty. I couldn't go more than one sip. Will stick with sparkling water. I miss the taste of wine. I also know that I can't just drink it for the taste. I can probably have one glass with dinner one night but by the next day/week it'll be right back to where I was and then racing to the bottom and escalating from there. This is know without a doubt to be true.

Strength and sobriety to all of us during this holiday season. Being drunk and then hung over isn't festive. Need to keep remembering that.

Siesta

Peanutty,
So sorry about your FIL. Try to remember that alcohol only makes every bad situation so much worse.

Hi everyone,
Just wanted to check in. It's almost been a month sober for me. Enjoying the serenity of not being in the vicious circle of drinking and being hungover, again and again. Being clear headed is such a fresh new feeling for me. Especially during this time of year.
Hope everyone is staying warm out there!

Gilmer

That's exactly what would happen if you limited yourself to one glass of wine. You'd be OK for that night, but you'd crave it again the next day, and the next day, and you wouldn't limit yourself to one.

Kiya

Evening everyone, I'm finishing up day 36 and I found it's been an extremely tough weekend for whatever reason. Really had a lot of cravings and arguments with myself over moderation. In my heart I know it wouldn't work but boy my head has been trying to convince me otherwise for the past 48 hours.

peanutty

Kiya, awesome on reaching day 36. I am having cravings today too. I'm gonna let my heart drop kick my head.

ClaireFraser

Hope everyone is well! Still here and sober after a very trying weekend. Well, one day of it, at any rate. Sunday was much better!

ClearMind

Checking in after a sober weekend. It wasn't very trying for me, but then again I was sick all weekend so I was hopped up on cold and flu medication (hopefully that doesn't count against my sobriety). Still lingering today.. but the important thing is, no alcohol.

Happy Monday everybody.

dreamr

I've been going through this, too. The trigger for me was knowing that my husband wanted to drink, but couldn't because he won't drink around me. Now I feel like I'm depriving him, plus I miss the good times we did have drinking together.

It's so hard not to be angry that I can't drink. I know it's my own fault for letting it become a problem in the first place, so I don't know why I let myself feel like a victim.

I'm a little scared now after I almost caved on the weekend. If my husband had given in to me and stopped at the liquor store, I would have. I'm glad that I stayed sober, but I'm really dreading future incidents. I don't want to be white-knuckling it for the rest of my life.

dreamr

Absolutely not! Never feel guilty for taking medicine when you're sick.

Siesta

Hi class,
Sounds like a few of us struggled with cravings over the weekend. I struggle with them daily. I have a list of defenses put in place though to battle the cravings when they pop up. First one is to get on SR. Sometimes just reading thru posts helps, and if I post or try to help someone else, it really takes my mind off of my cravings for the moment, which is all it takes to get past or "ride out" the craving. I'm not going to attempt cutting back my time on here until I know that I'm much more secure in my sobriety.
There are lots of other things I try besides SR. Any type of exercise works for me. Biking is my choice, but if I need to I'll just head outside and go for a quick walk to clear my head. I can't stress enough how important exercise is for sobriety.
I have lots of triggers, like not eating well, not getting enough sleep, stress, marital issues. I try to control all of these things, and if I can't control them, I can control how I let them affect me.

I noticed some talk of moderation on here.
Here's a warning tale of trying moderation:
In September, I let myself go down the road of thinking I could do moderation after 7 months of sobriety. I started with a beer that turned into 3. Told myself this was ok. Waited a whole week for another try. A few beers again. Fooled myself that I was succeeding at it. Then I had several nights of partying and hangovers. Right back where I was before, within two weeks. Then it got so much worse. The drinks didn't taste good. I was just trying to get them down. I felt like crap and looked like crap. Then when my husband left, because he found out I was drinking again, I slipped into depression and chaos. Drank and stayed up really late one night before work. Worked 12 hours, then drove home exhausted and hungover. Must have started falling asleep, because I drifted toward the oncoming lanes. Luckily the median stopped me and just flattened my tires without harming anyone. Big wake up call you would think, but not for this alcoholic.

Had a trip planned to Cabo with some old friends to take my mind off of my husband leaving. All inclusive drinks. Wow what a nightmare. Wish I had the trip to do over again so that I could enjoy it now without a drop of alcohol. It was all about the swim up bar at the pool from the morning to countless shots at night and not remembering taking cabs back to the hotel. All my friends told me I was totally normal and not an alcoholic. I really wanted to believe them, but now looking back I'm actually questioning whether some of them might have their own drinking problems. I don't live near them anymore but I got the impression that the amount of drinking they do is not just reserved for special trips.
After I got back from the trip (very hungover), I had had enough. I don't want to be sick anymore. I just want to be free of it and enjoy my life. There is no moderation for me. If I choose to have one drink, I'm choosing destruction.
Tomorrow is my one month anniversary and I'm very excited to rack up more and more sober time. It does get easier as long as we stay vigilant.