GotGrace

Hey Everyone,

My husband and I went to the Packers game today, so I have been away from SR since yesterday. Lots has happened around here!

Fish, I am sorry you got served today. Keep checking in.

Brooksie, good job on the flush! Hope you made it to your meeting tonight.

Renarde, excellent work on the party! W00T!

Everyone else, I am blowing kisses. Going to snuggle in early tonight in anticipation of a crazy busy week.

Can you believe it's almost December? Let's finish this month strong!

Kaneda8888

What's going on ? Are you ok, safe ?

Kaneda8888

Grace

You cheeky monkey

workoholic

Thanks for the Holiday season heads up Kaneda.
Tried sleeping with some lights on tonight. Results were like expected, didn't fall asleep as easily, getting up was slightly easier.
It's really dark here at the end of the year.

LillianGish

Melina, I hope you are ok. ((((Melina))))

Renarde

I think I'm just nuts. But thank you! Haha

Renarde

What's going on Melina?

Grace, that game sounds fun! Was it freezing?

Fish where are you pal?

Mad bird, still thinking of you.

Br00ksie

LG this was eerily on-time. Yours was the first post I saw after spending the entire evening on the topic of selfishly thinking of myself.

I have been trying to be my own therapist for a very long time. It turns out that self-therapy is not the best idea if you're an addict who does not have a perspective outside of your own twisted thinking!

I spent three hours tonight doing inventory about being self-absorbed to the point of being STUCK in my own head.

A woman in AA I spoke with tonight said that one way to get out of my own self-centered thinking and out of my own head, particularly in terms of my recovery is to talk to and LISTEN to people who are newer to recovery than me.

I haven't visited the newcomers thread in ages. Guess who's paying a visit to that thread very soon???

Gonna look up some local volunteer work tomorrow as well!!


PS. I used to volunteer for an animal rescue organization when I lived in Savannah. That's how I met my kitty! I wish I had a farm to adopt unwanted rescue animals!!

Br00ksie

This was written way earlier but I'm just now reading it...

Today was an emotional roller coaster!!

Went to an AA meeting, then met with my sponsor to do step work and had my first real conflict/confrontation with her.

Then went to an MA meeting after having to admit that I couldn't handle supporting a good friend who was performing at a bar this evening (because it was at a bar).

Then after the MA meeting I came clean with my sponsor about popping an ambien last night before bed, which forced me to deal with my DEBILITATING problems with intimacy and vulnerability and which she also totally yelled at me and made me cry about.

Then I went to fellowship with MA members and had a lot of good convo, which cheered me up. (A boy who is new to the program tried to get my number, which was a little awkward.)

Then I came home and had a revelation about how similar my sponsor's method of tough love was to my deceased grandmother who, for most of my life I was closer with than my father, which stirred up feelings of grief and loss.

Then I had a breakdown (One of those loud wailing ones where I had to cry into the pillow so my neighbors wouldn't hear). Thoughts of my grandmother initiated it, but it was more likely about my grandmother on top of a whole bunch of other sh*t.

I have cried like that TWICE since getting sober. Before that, I medicated and sedated too much to allow myself to feel that much!

Then I had an hour-long convo with a fellow AA member about why my sponsor was frustrated with me and yelled at me (now I know).

Then I spent another hour on an inventory of the day. My eyes are puffy, but I feel much lighter.

Whenever I fall asleep, I'm gonna sleep so good!! (Not well, but GOOD)

It was a good day 1. This group is a HUGE reason it was good!

phoebe64

Wrok, I have seen a special alrm clock that wakes you with a gradula light. To simulate sunrise. It is in the same line fo "treatment" as those SAD ights. The gradual light occurring simulates sunrise and helps the body's circadiam rythms.

I have not read your specific problem, must have missed it. But if sleep and the dark mornings, are the issue, this is meant to help with that. My SAD light came and was not working right! I have to ship it back today. So, I have nothing to report with that, yet.

workoholic

Thanks Rochele, that's my problem, SAD alright. I'll look into those alarm clock lights.

phoebe64

Work, have you tried a regular SAD light? That is th eone where you just sit in front of it for 30 mins a day. I have not, but plan to try it. Checking a local store today. I do remember us talking about this here, a few of us. Just forgot your details in that. Sorry. So hard to keep everyone straight, we get so chatty, and no faces to help out!

I have to get up in the dark to get my teenager off to school. I feel bad for her having to get up so early. Not how a teen body operates.

Melina

Oh yes, thanks, Kaneda. I didn't mean to cause alarm. I am safe.

It was a difficult evening bc I was drinking. I've been a little overwhelmed at new job and with trying to distance myself from ex. So I've been drinking to numb it out and kill time. I'm not using any of the positive things I've learned since trying to get sober to deal with these things. I'm simply applying alcohol instead of facing things.

I woke up today and admitted to myself that's not going to work, just like it never worked before.

So I will try to make today Day 1.

I can't drink loneliness away, I can't drink the stress of new job away, I can't drink my apartment into magically being clean, etc etc and so on.

I know better.

phoebe64

melina. I kinda know the feeling. I hope you can find renewed strength this week. Today.

ChrisBen

Sorry to hear you are suffering Melina. Tough time of the year. Hang in there.

Nuway2fly

(((Melina)))

Renarde

(((Melina)))

Renarde

Good morning friends.

I have 90 days today. This feels like a big deal to me.

I would never have made it this far without your support - I am so thankful for you all.

Instead of killing myself in slow suicide, I am now living.

I'm going to celebrate by trying my first AA meeting.

Plenny

Xo Melina

Plenny

Congrats Renarde!!!