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Class of September 2013 - Part 14

Old 11-01-2013, 09:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Uninvited View Post
No it's not autopilot. There is a conscious struggle that goes on for hours before hand. Much hand wringing and teeth gnashing. The real issue is there has been very little payoff so far. Nobody is offering me any raises or telling me I look great (grats fish), and I've actually gained at least 10 pounds. What the hell? Who actually gets a bigger belly when they quit drinking beer?!?! It's ridiculous.

I feel sort of mildly better about myself knowing I'm not drinking but mostly I've just gained boredom. And my house is a little cleaner. There is progress though. My slips in the past lasted for months not one day.

Hey, swimming buddy, that IS progress, I agree. Sometimes it's the little things. And I know what you mean when you wrote earlier about having SR in your mind. It's prevented me a few times from strapping on the booze bag. I know my SR Septie friends will help me up if I fall, but I like getting cheered on for staying sober better.

I sure wish you had some tangible signs of your progress. They are in the works though, believe me. All the healing your body is doing will manifest itself. It's too bad there isn't some set timeline for recovery signs, though. I get worried about how tired I get but then I notice I paid a couple bills on time, etc etc and I feel better. Its a balance. I wanted the universe to fart unicorns in my path for quitting drinking but I guess the universe has other plans

Anyway, hang in there. The miracle is close. The more we learn, practice sobriety and shore up our defenses, the closer we are to the obsession and desire to drink to be lifted. And THAT is the miracle of recovery I am committed to achieving.

xoxo, UI, swim swim swim!
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Old 11-01-2013, 09:12 PM
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Hey folks, just popping in.

UI, I'm sorry you don't feel many immediate benefits from staying sober. In ten years time your body will thank you. Do you think you might be depressed or benefit from some treatment for depression?

Not much happening tonight...quiet eve. I think I have what the baby is sick with. Ick. We went out for dinner and you UKers will be happy to know I had a "traditional Irish breakfast" for dinner. Eggs, rashers, bangers, hash browns, toast, and tomatoes. I ate it all and it was awesome.

Husband is letting me do my thing with sobriety, which i appreciate. He said tonight that he doesn't expect it to last. He didn't say it in a mean way, just matter of fact, and not that blunt either (I'm just too lazy to type any more than this) and I don't blame him, honestly, because I've tried to quit before and I often take up on fads, etc that don't last. I feel different this time and I have never gone 66 days before, so lets just focus on 67 days, and so on.

I saw some pictures of myself and man I have lost a ton of weight. It amounts to about ten lbs on the scale but looks like more to me. I didn't realize booze was inflating me. That is enough to never drink again!

Just want to encourage any of our members who are lurking to join back in.

Happy Friday lovies.
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Old 11-01-2013, 09:14 PM
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Melina, you sound so good. Fabulous on the sobriety and no cigarettes. I like how you said "the miracle is close." I also see a nice, contented life for myself if I stay sober. Nothing wrong with that!

I still feel so much relief when I wake up without a hangover.
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Old 11-01-2013, 09:51 PM
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Renarde, you had me at rashers, mmmmm. There's a guy who sells them at a farmer's market here in Chicago on the weekend and they are uhhmazing!

Secondly, when you mention all the weight you lost the first thing I thought is you must look like your user name now, a French fox! Ah-wooooooooo! Rawrr!

I bet your husband will get more on board with your sobriety 'fad' the foxier you get!

Keep on keeping on, you have us for support. I don't think people who aren't in the same headspace as us can really get it anyway... who knows, though.

I hope you feel better soon!

Some of our Septembers are on my mind, too. Come back, friends, nobody is perfect and we are all in this soup together!

xoxo,
Melina
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Old 11-01-2013, 10:12 PM
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Melina

Love the poster !
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Old 11-01-2013, 10:58 PM
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So, I had my party, and it was a really nice time. I had several women here and we had a great time chatting. My best friend in town, who used to be my neighbor, but moved across town, stayed until nearly 1AM! And, I nearly cried when my friend from England had to leave. ;( I miss her. She is so nice and we always had an immediate bond as we worked in the same profession. It is a bit like a sorority.

Time to confess that I had a few glasses of wine. I am not drunk, and there are no more open bottles. I have a problem when I entertain, or go to an event, that my head buzzes and I cannot get tired and get to sleep. I would drink more after coming home or after guests left, to get tired. I am done, I do not want to have more and to feel sick or have my heart racing after a few hours, but it is tempting to try to use it to get sleepy. And I did have one of those few glasses after the last guest left. And logged on here, rather than having more.

Both of my children have ADHD. I wonder if I do. Maybe that is part of this wound up feeling I have when I socialize. Anyone else have that. I feel so wired and the conversations run through my head for hours. It is like a buzz you have in your head after a loud rock concert.

So, I did drink, but not drunk, and well, it is done. I had a great time with the friends and actually did not drink until hours into the evening. I had fun sober. I just sort of ended up doing it out of habit and casualness. Like Kaneda was describing. It felt like I needed to, but it did not make the time any better. It really changed nothing. I just felt more like I fit in, but really, it didn't matter. A few ladies did not drink at all.

Oh well. Sigh. I wish I felt tired, though. I do not have a busy day tomorrow, so hopefully I can nap. I never can sleep late.
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Old 11-01-2013, 11:07 PM
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Rochele

Take it easy on yourself. Get some rest first. You can figure it out tomorrow when you're rested and your mind is clearer. The past is just that, the past. No going back so don't dwell on it.

Have a peaceful night's sleep.
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Old 11-01-2013, 11:13 PM
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Thanks Kaneda. Not even sure why I did it. I feel ordinary now, maybe a little buzz, but nothing amazing and not drunk or anything. I had to clean up so am up really late and not sleepy. Finally getting a little tired.

I do have one more confession: No ice cream in the house, so, I just got into the pumpkin cheescake and some salami and cheddar cheese! I was so busy serving and chatting, that I never ate much, and was hungry! Just a taste of each, not loads.
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Old 11-02-2013, 02:53 AM
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UI keep swimming youll find a downhill bt soon where you can float along wthout struggling.
Rochele a lot of the kids I work with have adhd and I have noticed a lot of the parents have too. Howd the wine make you feel did you get a buzz
Kane wish id blue skys here grey cloudy and rang . hey ho it is northern Ireland
Hope everyone has a good day
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Old 11-02-2013, 03:41 AM
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Originally Posted by Uninvited View Post
I had 8 beers in 4 hours which, even with my reduced tolerance now, is still pretty much nothing. I had a buzz, but not much of one. It made the night go faster. It wasn't extremely fun or anything though. Plus I got this whole website lurking in my brain the whole time I'm doing it which really makes it even worse. And I especially hated waking up this morning knowing it wasn't just a drinking dream.

But no hangover or nothing. And since I have hardly drank at all in the last two months the cravings aren't too bad tonight.
That's the 'thing' - Once we KNOW we have a problem with booze, we can't 'unknow' it, so it's never going to be a relaxing experience again.
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Old 11-02-2013, 03:47 AM
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I hope you're right Skye. I'm sure you are. I nearly drank wine last night. Just for a split second I forgot I'd given up. I realized immediately but then had the biggest craving ever. Forever seems so daunting. One day at a time doesn't work for me - if it's only today and I might drink tomorrow then why not drink today?
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Old 11-02-2013, 03:56 AM
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Clemence because then tomorrow would be full of horrible withdrawals and it's just not worth it

Xx
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Old 11-02-2013, 04:07 AM
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I feel like my sober muscles are getting a bit stronger. Yesterday I had a really long as stressful day at work. I was consumed with a production support issue for over 6 hours straight and by the time it was resolved I was feeling the desire to drink. This is the 'it's been hard day I deserve a drink' trigger. I was driving home with thoughts like 'I'm drink at dinner and I don't care' (yikes). But then without much thought I started seeing it all the way through. By this time I'm on the fence and I would decide I was going to drink or not at the restaurant. Fast forward to getting home, getting in the car and deciding where to go. I told my husband 'you choose'. He picked a restaurant that doesn't serve alcohol and I said 'sounds good'. And I was thinking 'good. No booze, no worries'

After dinner craving was totally gone.

I have tried to quit drinking many times. In 2012 I even went 3 months. I feel like this time is different. Something in me is changing. But with that said I know how easy it is to become complacent and stop working your program. So I fully intend to stay focused on my sobriety even though I'm feeling stronger.

I hope everyone has a great and sober weekend!
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Old 11-02-2013, 04:13 AM
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When it comes to sober muscles I probably look like Barney Fife..
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Old 11-02-2013, 04:37 AM
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Last night I dreamed that I had a job at Walmart tying people shoes. .. That's a lot better than that drinking dream I had the night before.
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Old 11-02-2013, 05:28 AM
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Originally Posted by lommey View Post
UI keep swimming youll find a downhill bt soon where you can float along wthout struggling.
Rochele a lot of the kids I work with have adhd and I have noticed a lot of the parents have too. Howd the wine make you feel did you get a buzz
Kane wish id blue skys here grey cloudy and rang . hey ho it is northern Ireland
Hope everyone has a good day
Lommey, I did feel it a little, not a full on buzz. I was too busy with guests and entertaining to drink that much to get drunk, but once I had one, I definitely saw that I never can stop at one. Never. I think I had 3 glasses. I did not count them. Not large glasses either. But, yeah, a little feeling there.

I am up very early on about 4 hours of sleep, by the time I cleaned up and got sleepy. And no headache or hangover, just very tired, of course. I worked very hard and was on my feel all night and have sore legs and a little stiffness in my back! My back is "bad" so I always feel it if I clean and/or cook alot or entertain. Husband and daughter had to go very early to a soccer game rather far away, so he woke me with his alarm and showering, etc... I am not a late sleeper, even when very tired, so will nap later.

So, I am not beating myself up, but do feel that it is impossible for me to ever be totally sober! Ugh. Why can I not do it? I am very sure I would have enjoyed the time just as much had I not had any wine. So, I guess that is good. I have learned something, I guess.

I have no regrets about the party at all, in general. it was a great time, and I had over some people i have never before and they had a great time. One of them was encouraging me to apply for a job at the schools, and to hand in my rresume. So, I feel like they like me, lol. Remember me worrying that I have no friends and people do not like me?

So, all in all, I feel the good outweighs the bad that I drank. I think I would have anyway, eventually. I always do. It is that which needs to change. Not sure how. I truly cannot avoid or remove every trigger in my life. But I do need to rework what I do when they are there and how to resist. Even when I once ad 4-5 months(I never counted then, it was before I joined here), I never stopped wishing I could drink.

How do I get to not wishing I can drink like a normal drinker?
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Old 11-02-2013, 05:40 AM
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Good Morning all. Feel like going to see the movie Ender's Game today. It's a book I loved and read a few times. I hope you have a blast tonight Brooksie.
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Old 11-02-2013, 05:57 AM
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I don't know the answer to your question Rochele. I truly wish, like you, that I did
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Old 11-02-2013, 06:06 AM
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An old sober fishin buddy of mine is meeting me at the lake today go take my little bass boat out for a spin.
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Old 11-02-2013, 06:09 AM
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That sounds like a good plan Fish! See you can enjoy your boat sober, with a sober buddy.
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