Class of September 2013 - Part 14
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,303
Dee, I am so grateful for you (just like everyone else on SR). You are just an incredible beacon of light in what is a dark place for a lot of people. I am seriously just in awe of you. And I'm sober so I'm not "drunk-embellishing" either. 
Perpetual Optimist
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: LA
Posts: 1,371
I've been craving sweets like a madwoman today!! Just checked my calendar, and the cravings are right on schedule!! 
It's suuper late and I have no business walking to the corner store for ice cream or a snickers (or both
) but the cravings are starting to distract me from my reading!! Time to brace myself for the next 1.5 weeks and make sure I stay above ground and out of my isolation hole!
Damn you, hormones!!!
It's suuper late and I have no business walking to the corner store for ice cream or a snickers (or both
) but the cravings are starting to distract me from my reading!! Time to brace myself for the next 1.5 weeks and make sure I stay above ground and out of my isolation hole!Damn you, hormones!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,733
Just woke up absolutely swarmed with worry. Mostly worries about other people. Their health problems, their predicaments. This is part of the codependent obsession I've been trying so hard to get out of my system?? I truly feel like I care and wish I had the power to help.
-- my little sister is allowing her boyfriend to move in with her and a good friend of mine. Her boyfriend has gotten them evicted in the past by stealing her rent from her and not paying the landlord. She hasn't told my friend. I haven't said anything.
-- a good friend of mine is recovering from the loss of his wife of ten years to lung cancer. He suddenly is plagued with a cluster of health problems and his beloved tog has a tumor.
-- my DF. And "friends" that associate with her and do not understand why we're not talking and clearly think it's my fault because DF is out there talking about me and spreading poison. Meanwhile, she's killing herself with drinking. Everyone else except me just acts like everything is normal around her. She is deteriorating. I'm the only one who's been frank with her.
I know these issues aren't really about my drinking, but they're thoughts that I would numb out with drinking. Hard to escape right now. I do not know what to do about number 1 up there though. I feel like somehow I should say something, but I don't want to throw my sister under the bus and I don't want to meddle. If anyone has an opinion either way... I'd be so glad to hear it Thanks for your patience with this late and loud post. I needed to get it out somewhere. Plenny
-- my little sister is allowing her boyfriend to move in with her and a good friend of mine. Her boyfriend has gotten them evicted in the past by stealing her rent from her and not paying the landlord. She hasn't told my friend. I haven't said anything.
-- a good friend of mine is recovering from the loss of his wife of ten years to lung cancer. He suddenly is plagued with a cluster of health problems and his beloved tog has a tumor.
-- my DF. And "friends" that associate with her and do not understand why we're not talking and clearly think it's my fault because DF is out there talking about me and spreading poison. Meanwhile, she's killing herself with drinking. Everyone else except me just acts like everything is normal around her. She is deteriorating. I'm the only one who's been frank with her.
I know these issues aren't really about my drinking, but they're thoughts that I would numb out with drinking. Hard to escape right now. I do not know what to do about number 1 up there though. I feel like somehow I should say something, but I don't want to throw my sister under the bus and I don't want to meddle. If anyone has an opinion either way... I'd be so glad to hear it Thanks for your patience with this late and loud post. I needed to get it out somewhere. Plenny
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 225
Hi Plenny. What a difficult predicament for you. I think you should talk to your sister and try and persuade her to be honest with your friend about her boyfriend's previous behaviour. I'm sure you have already thought of that but maybe need to put a bit more pressure on her? If you say nothing and a similar situation arises and your friend finds out, she wont thank you.
Be there for your grieving friend. You can do a better job of that if you are sober.
I'm not sure what a DF is, dangerous friend? She sounds like someone you should give a wide berth. You've tried to help her with her drinking, the rest is up to her. Truth will out, the friends who you truly value will not believe her lies.
Be there for your grieving friend. You can do a better job of that if you are sober.
I'm not sure what a DF is, dangerous friend? She sounds like someone you should give a wide berth. You've tried to help her with her drinking, the rest is up to her. Truth will out, the friends who you truly value will not believe her lies.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,733
Thank you Clemence, for being there in the middle of the night.
Yes, my sister knows how I feel and I've told her to be honest but she's young and codependent as all get out. Our parents really screwed her up. She insists "he's changed." She gets upset with me when I don't accept him. I just can't. She won't be honest with my friend. I haven't said anything yet. I feel like I have to.
DF I guess is a bit derogatory. She's my AF. My Alcoholic Friend. The thing about the lies she's spreading: she's utterly convincing. In the past, she pulled the wool over my eyes about the last wave of people who hated her drinking. They weren't there to show the truth. I believed everything she said and jumped to her defense. Now, I'm the one who's not there to represent myself. She's bitter and jealous and so so convincing.
Thanks again very much.
Yes, my sister knows how I feel and I've told her to be honest but she's young and codependent as all get out. Our parents really screwed her up. She insists "he's changed." She gets upset with me when I don't accept him. I just can't. She won't be honest with my friend. I haven't said anything yet. I feel like I have to.
DF I guess is a bit derogatory. She's my AF. My Alcoholic Friend. The thing about the lies she's spreading: she's utterly convincing. In the past, she pulled the wool over my eyes about the last wave of people who hated her drinking. They weren't there to show the truth. I believed everything she said and jumped to her defense. Now, I'm the one who's not there to represent myself. She's bitter and jealous and so so convincing.
Thanks again very much.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
I was consumed with worries like that too plenny.
It took a lot of effort and a little time but I finally learned to let go of things that weren't actually my responsibility to worry over.
Melody Beatties books were a great help, if you've ever read any?
D
It took a lot of effort and a little time but I finally learned to let go of things that weren't actually my responsibility to worry over.
Melody Beatties books were a great help, if you've ever read any?
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,733
Yes I'm reading Codependent No More, it's something I'm chipping away at. It has been a tremendous relief though just to finally understand the concept of codependency. "Oh that's just my codependency flaring up." It's actually nice and gives the feelings less power.
However I suffer from this crippling internalizing of others' pain. One of the reasons I drank. I really feel it.
This sister thing is a doozy though. I just wrote her a long email and told her one last time that I hope she's honest with my friend. And if she isn't I'm afraid I'll feel obligated to say something.
It's New York City and if you recommend someone for an apartment you better mean it. Can't believe she put me in this position. I feel horrible.
However I suffer from this crippling internalizing of others' pain. One of the reasons I drank. I really feel it.
This sister thing is a doozy though. I just wrote her a long email and told her one last time that I hope she's honest with my friend. And if she isn't I'm afraid I'll feel obligated to say something.
It's New York City and if you recommend someone for an apartment you better mean it. Can't believe she put me in this position. I feel horrible.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,467
Hi everyone, been missing for a day or two but im ok and still sober, haven't had chance to catch up with the thread yet but I hope everyone is doing ok.
Its my birthday today,33 and it will be my first sober one since the age of 15, im still going to aa meetings and still speaking a lot to fellow alcoholics- it does help.
Still early days but getting through taking small steps one day at a time.
Its my birthday today,33 and it will be my first sober one since the age of 15, im still going to aa meetings and still speaking a lot to fellow alcoholics- it does help.
Still early days but getting through taking small steps one day at a time.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
It's really hard to let things go and let things happen, I know.
I don;t know these people, but your friend with the dog and health worries needs your support, and your prayer, if you're that way inclined. Worrying solves nothing.
Your AF? Not a lot you can do about that either. But the truth will out. It always does.
If you feel you should say something to your friend about your sisters bf, you're probably better saying something now rather than tearing yourself up over it....but having said something, you'll have put yourself smack dab in the middle of that three way situation, which means more stress.
None of this is overnight change plenny. If you're like me, you've been this way for decades.
Change is piecemeal and gradual,. but you'll get somewhere.
Until you do, I had to learn that if I couldn't let go I damn well better find a healthy stress release - I hope you can - maybe getting back into your art work could help that?
D
I don;t know these people, but your friend with the dog and health worries needs your support, and your prayer, if you're that way inclined. Worrying solves nothing.
Your AF? Not a lot you can do about that either. But the truth will out. It always does.
If you feel you should say something to your friend about your sisters bf, you're probably better saying something now rather than tearing yourself up over it....but having said something, you'll have put yourself smack dab in the middle of that three way situation, which means more stress.
None of this is overnight change plenny. If you're like me, you've been this way for decades.
Change is piecemeal and gradual,. but you'll get somewhere.
Until you do, I had to learn that if I couldn't let go I damn well better find a healthy stress release - I hope you can - maybe getting back into your art work could help that?
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,733
Also -- going and throwing my own sister under the bus and making her look bad feels so horribly wrong. It reminds me of my horrible mother. She constantly did things like that to me. Is this the same? Is this catty? Am I a horrible catty controlling *****? I am really struggling with this
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,733
Thanks Dee. I don't want to throw myself in the middle. Unfortunately I feel like she has put me in the middle. I endorsed her for this apartment. I said she was ok. Then she turned around and snuck her boyfriend into the equation. After I had explicitly said I would never be ok with that guy living in one of my friends apartments.
I've done so much to help her out. Now she does this.
It's really screwing up my head.
I've done so much to help her out. Now she does this.
It's really screwing up my head.
Administrator
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
If she doesn't give your friend the whole picture, she's throwing herself under the bus.
Nothing to do with you.
Truth will out there too.
Your call, as I see it, is do you get involved, or not?
D
Nothing to do with you.
Truth will out there too.
Your call, as I see it, is do you get involved, or not?
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 2,733
Originally Posted by Dee74 
If she doesn't give your friend the whole picture, she's throwing herself under the bus. Nothing to do with you. Truth will out there too. Your call, as I see it, is do you get involved, or not? D
Oh I can't wait for the day all these worries go away without booze....
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