Uninvited

Please pour it out fishy.

If I had a case of beer sitting in my fridge I wouldn't be able to sleep either.

Uninvited

You know how everybody says to just "think the drink through to the end"? Well that never really helped me. Because I don't end up in a blacked out stupor buying drinks for the whole town and then sleeping on the neighbors lawn. And maybe I am actually different in some ways because I drank the same amount during the same time every day for many years. It really didn't seem to escalate in terms of amount consumed or behavior. What did escalate was how poorly my body reacted to the punishment and how isolated I became.

I have a point I'm getting to don't worry. I know I could drink today and it probably wouldn't end up in a calamitous disaster. I would stop after a bunch of drinks and pass out in bed. What is hard for me to stop is the pattern. If I drink today it's almost certain I will drink tomorrow too. And the next day. And that leads to a month or six months. What I know for certain is my body at my age cannot keep this up for long so at some point in the next year or so it will lead me back here. Miserable and desperate and fighting every hour of day 2. It's a certainty. The drink turning into an immediate disaster is not likely, but me trying desperately to regain sobriety again in the future is certain. And I really don't want to do this again. At 32 days it's still not easy.

So I'm using this to "think the drink to the end". It's a bit further out than perhaps most but it's the only way it works for me.

phoebe64

UI, I have a similar issue with resiting drinking. Really, the only big issues I have are the hangovers and a lost day. a lazy day, and of course remorse fo rlost time. However, my body has paid th eprice with diabetes, and liver damage. Many folks just never get a liver biopsy, but I did. So I know. All my liver tests are normal now. Completely normal. So, had I never had that biopsy, I would be thinking I was fine and my liver healed.

So, I really should not drink for health reasons and it is as simple as that. But then it gets to be like, well, I also should not eat candy, but i do once in awhile and I am okay. and sweets, in general. or bread. And even my liver doc said once in awhile, on the weekend, out with frinds, a little wine would be okay...

But yeah, it startes as a Saturday night. Then there is th eopen bottle I did not finish, so I have that Sunday night or Monday night. Thenm th enext week, well, the weekend really starts on Thursday, right? Have a few with hubby while we watch TV. and then we are at the weekend, and next thing, at least, I am drinking every weekend, a whole bottle of wine in a night.

It cannot be sustained alongside a good quality of life and with good health. It simply cannot go on like that.

To quote my regular doctor, "I htink it is just bets to get that right out of your life." Said with a sweep of her hand. It simply was not working for me and my health, even though many people have been heavier drinkers than I was.

phoebe64

Renarde, witht he thread split, I missed your post about your lost baby. I am so sorry for your loss and sorrow. You are very brave, and you should be proud to have made a huge change in your patterns and having spent your day feeling, and not drinking.

Big hugs to you. (((((Renarde)))))

Uninvited

Thanks Rochelle. Helps to hear I'm not the only one and glad to hear your health is better now.

FishnHippy

I think we lost sara lanter on the last thread split..

phoebe64

Fish, Fish, Fish! Dump that out, please! You had such a great time with your kids over the weekend and can have many more!

My mother also died young, 65. Years of poor health choices including: Smoking, drinking and food, and extreme inactivity.

We can change that, as opposed to repeating it. We are probabaly breaking their hearts by repeating their mistakes. I know it sickens me to imagine my children having this same struggle.

Uninvited

She's been posting in October which is better because I think she might still be tapering.

phoebe64

Geesh. All my typos make it look like I am drinking!

FishnHippy

Thank you everyone I do understand what everyone is saying I am mad did I let my addictions get to this uncontrollable point . For almost 20 years I drank high quality homebrewed beer without a problem I love my malty hoppy beers. But then for some dumb dumb reason I started drinking whiskey cinnamon Canadian whiskey or cinnamon vodka that stuff gets ahold of you I won't let go. I miss my beer I wish I could go back to the way it was but I know I cant. It seems unfair that some people can drink and smoke raise hell and have no issues with it. I am also a diabetic with high blood pressure and heart murmur so I do need to give it up

phoebe64

Yeah, you really do, Fish. It sucks, I know. I have a hard time letting go of the dream of a couple of glasses of wine.

But all those folks that look like they get away with it, I think we just do not know their inner issues. They likely have health problems, are on their way to health problems, or do not go for check ups. Or they have relationship issues related to drinking.

FishnHippy

I think I'm gonna have to take a drink just to understand you

phoebe64

So, I really hate my screen name! LOL. I signed on here years ago, and was at a weird time of life and wanted ot register quick and ask a few questions. I was so stuck for a name and came up with Rochele. It was something an old HS friend called me as a joke, related to something at the time. It was funny. But I just do not like it. It does not feel like me!

I have wanted to change it or re-register with a new name, but then nobody will know who I am! More like, a few old friends I have here.

Just a weird rant.

phoebe64

Now don't go blaming me!!

Tallia

Rochele if you contact Anna I think she can change your name for you

Fish and Renarde so sorry for your losses xxxx

GotGrace

Hi All,
Just a quick minute to check in.

Fish, thank you for telling us what is going on. I wish I could have my beer back, too. I really romanticize it and wish I could go back to the point, which I clearly remember, of telling myself "I know I shouldn't start drinking like this (mixing alcohols, starting earlier, etc.), but I can work it out if it becomes a problem." Stupid AV logic.

You are a strong person, Fish, not to mention completely delightful. I will be thinking of you today and praying that you have found a way to shake off the AV, get rid of that bottle, and find a distraction for your day.

Uninvited

Maybe you should call your sons fish.

Uninvited

I hate it too. Never remember how many "l" it has in it.

Clemence

Thanks Rochele and Uninvited. Your posts about just having a drink not being calamitous but what it would lead to being disastrous are exactly how I feel too.
And Fish, I'm sorry for your loss. But be strong and get rid of that bottle. You are doing so well. Remember the lovely weekend you just had xxx

Uninvited

Ruh roh. Old thread not locked.