Imabuleva

Back on the wagon today.

Been off it since the end of September. I feel good, limited to no withdrawal symptoms. I learned from this last stint of drinking. I am either drinking or I'm not drinking. There is no in between. All the booze either ends up guzzled by the end of the night, or it goes down the drain out of shame that I can't control it.

Drinking isn't even fun any more anyways. I've just been romanticizing it. Or more appropriately, my AV has been romanticizing it.

SoberMarathon

Day 8 here we go! Work outing and dinner tonight. Can't wait for someone to offer me a drink...bring it on!!!!

Victoria74

Good work SM!

SoberMarathon

I'm on a train so I figured I would post. I have been thinking about when I realized I'm really an alcoholic. It was last December, we were hosting a big international conference in the town where I live, lots of people and friends visiting from overseas. My binge started on Friday afternoon with a colleague from the UK - we had 4 pints in a little over an hour before he left for his flight out. Then I went home and drank another 3-4 on my own. Saturday I was hung but functional. Next friend and I meet up for a run in the afternoon which felt surprisingly good. He was in from Canada. We started drinking at 7pm and it lasted till 5am. Sunday, woke up with a bad hangover, couldn't get off the couch. Started drinking at lunch and hit the pints all afternoon while acting sober for my kids. Sunday night, out for dinner with guests, beers till 2am. Monday morning meeting starts, I'm drunk. Barely attend and sneak out for beer and pizza at lunch. Afternoon I hit some talks and I'm slurring. Sneak out for 2-3 on my own just to stay functional. Social session begins, bring on more beer. Fancy gala dinner, I'm tanked...give me more booze. After dinner, double fisted in a hotel lobby bar. Pass out in cab on way home. Get out don't have any money. Go to bank machine, can't remember my pin. Call wife to come and pay taxi driver. Pass out at home. Tuesday filled with panic. Can't bring myself to go to meeting. I'm having a breakdown. Throwing up, can't function. Swear to my wife I'm ending the madness. A 4-day binge with 10+ drinks per day, probably closer to 20. Drink two drinks that evening to try and come down slowly and wean off.

And so that's where this journey began, 10 months ago. I simply couldn't stop until I was too weak to move. I still haven't reached my goal yet of permanent sobriety but I've been trying my best. This ain't ever yet and it's going to be a long road. I'm committed that it will work and I'll get there, even if I have some slips on the way.

Thanks for listening.

MythOfSisyphus

Being sober means one less lie for me. It used to be a real drag when I'd have to do holidays and other family get-togethers. Like most of us drunks it was very uncomfortable to actually remain sober during visits and hard to wait until everyone was in bed. So I would pour my wine into an opaque glass, or pretend to just be having one, and trying to act as sober as I could. It felt foolish as a grown man in my 40's to try to pretend I wasn't drunk in front of my parents, focusing hard to try not to slur my speech. And of course, I'd say as little as I could to maintain the ruse.

None of that for me now that I'm sober.

ctrl

Good morning Tobies!

Was crazy busy yesterday, same with today. Busy is good, though.

SM - I can relate. I have so many stories like that. Hate them.

DoubleDragons

Wow, Myth, wish I could say the same about having to pretend to be sober at family events, but sadly my extended family gets even drunker than I did. Christmas was always quite the scene. :P Even though I am middle aged, I have watched people be very careful with how much they drink and what they drink in front of their parents. That thought never crossed my mind! I kind of hope my children feel that way in front of my husband and I, some day.

Bilr44

Day 39 bring it on! I no longer view each day as a challenge not to drink, I just tell myself I won't drink today. I will worry about tomorrow when it comes. I have a dentist appointment where I'm getting a cavity filled and not looking forward to that. Tomorrow I have a job interview and I am looking forward to that. It's been a long time since I've been on an interview with out the "haze" of drinking the night before.

InsaneHeart

Good Morning all. Still sick, but feeling a tad bit better this morning. Day 19 sober!

KateeDidnt

Thanks to those of you who were available yesterday when I was in my crisis. Glad to say , I made it! Now on day 4. Man that snuck up on me and gave me a sucker punch. But I just took it and walked away. The thing that amazed me was how strong my emotions were. I am not one to cry but I was bawling like a baby!

I went to the party and it was awkward, but not because I didn't drink, but because I used to run the organization that the fundraiser was for and now someone else does. A full beer keg in the corner, and I drank my diet soda.

Bilr44

Way to go Katee! That was a huge win on your part.

Bilr44

Is anyone else annoyed by the Kiefer Sutherland Tequila commercial? Isn't this the same guy who's had substance abuse problems, DUI's, and other arrests? Simply amazing that he is allowed to hawk this stuff with his track record. I guess he has no conscious.

Victoria74

Katee, well done!!! Day four is a good day to be on!

DoubleDragons

Katee, good job!!! The next time a big urge happens, you will have this memory of strength and relief to fall back on.

Avra

Morning all, still hanging in there. I dont post much these days as I am feeling pretty quiet and introspective but i am reading lots and appreciate everyones posts. Hopefully will feel more like contributing later.

Hope everyone has a great and healthy day.

ejackson

Yes, this is me, too. It's why I'm here. I have finally realized there is no in between.

Thanks for everyone's wonderful posts.

EternalQ

I dont know if this helps anyone but I know in the beginning I wanted to rush everything. My attitude was I was sober and the rest of the things and people in my life should be caught up already!! Lol

It is nice to have an overall plan but like it or not we still have to do what's required day in and day out to get there. For most of those who've been addicted, patience and not expecting immediate gratification need a lot of cultivation. At least this was true for me. Patience and Acceptance, wow, did i really have to have those, I whined?

Turns out the answer was yes. Yes i did. But it took a long time....

ctrl

Great job Katee!!! You must feel awesome!

JoeinHouston

One week back on the wagon and I feel fresh and rejuvenated.

Gone? Hangovers, sour stomach, and general sense of feeling crappy. Not to mention almost 3 pounds of fat.

Down? My level of anxiety and apprehension about the future.

Up? My confidence, sense of well-being, productivity at work and optimism.

Sleeping 7 to 8 hrs with almost no interruption – and being able to go back to sleep even when waking up – is probably the single most positive development.

Yesterday I got word of a nice refund from Uncle Sam. Two weeks ago that would have prompted a liquor store run for some nice wine to ‘celebrate’. This time around all I did was to smile, do a little fist-shake and tell my wife about it. There will be no boozy celebration, courtesy of the IRS.

Thanks for your support! Regular visits to the forum have been eye-opening in many respects. Not least of all the feeling that you are not alone in this never-ending quest for sobriety.

fishoutawatta

Bilr44 - You'll survive the dentist (I did!). And you'll ROCK the interview! Just think of what you've ALREADY accomplished and take that confidence with you!

Fishy