Ladybug2

Hi everyone,

Day 102 and really struggling today, again. Just feeling down and negative about certain aspects of my life. I think I am the closest I have been to drinking so I can escape these feelings for just a day. I know it won't make things better tomorrow (will most likely make them worse), but it sure sounds good today. I even googled if liquor stores are open here today (since it is Veterans Day). Ugh. Just feel like I am losing my fight and resolve to stay sober. It is exhausting sometimes, but so is being hungover every day. Off to pick my daughter up from school and then have lunch with my mom. Maybe I will feel better after that? Thanks for letting me vent, again

Hope everyone is having a nice Monday.

Leshar

Hi all,

LLG, I'm sorry to hear what happened. How are you doing now? Hope you're ok.
This is indeed a battle, and we must be wary at all times, especially if you're around ppl who are drinking.

Ladybug, sorry to hear that you're feeling down/tempted. You've got so much time under your belt, it's SO not worth it to risk all the gains you've made. Why do you think it's building up at this point? I think I remember you saying that you and your husband would like to have another child, is that so? Well, think of how much healthier your body is now, and will continue to be!
Thinking of you and sending you strength and hugs.

Hi, Jkb, and welcome to this "class". I have found a lot of support from this group, I wouldn't have made it to 4 months without SR and this group.

I'm finding this dark/rainy/snowy weather here rather tiring, drains me of motivation, although I did go to the gym this morning. I think I'll go ahead and order a SAD light, will let you all know what I think when I've tried it.

Struggling a lot still with procrastination. If I want to move next summer, I need to start purging more stuff/getting organized, but I get lazy and distracted, something I know I need to work on in sobriety.

NorCaliGal

No way would this work for me - having a partner that drinks even just one in front of me so early in my sobriety. In my past relationship, my then-boyfriend basically ordered me to stop drinking in order for our relationship to continue. He himself did not stop drinking (even though he spent time every day at the local bar - sometimes multiple trips in one day - he "didn't have a problem") And at first he continued to drink in front of me. Even insisted we go to the bar where he would order his standard beers and expect me to order soda. Finally I think someone pointed out that it wasn't supportive and he stopped drinking in front of me. But the end result - I was angry and resentful of his drinking. Even his drinking when I was not there, because although he stopped drinking while I was around, he continued to drink when I wasn't. Eventually, it didn't help keep me from drinking when HE wasn't there. I just drank when he wasn't around, and of course didn't tell him.

NorCaliGal

Sorry to hear of your slip. Thank you for sharing. Your honestly is helpful to me, and to others!

I've found that in order to stay sober I must revise my definition of "fun." Social drinking is my downfall - which is why I was impressed by your previous trip to the bar where you stayed until closing. I would never be able to do this so early in my sobriety - perhaps I'll never be able to do this again! I spent too many nights on a bar stool closing down the local bar. Being back in that situation would be way too tempting to try to recapture whatever "fun" I had during those drinking days, which for me would include a beer (or a dozen.)

So, I must re-define "fun." Fun is having a conversation with someone that I will remember the next day. Fun is waking up without at the least "fuzziness" from indulging in alcohol the night before, and certainly waking up without a massive hangover the morning after. Fun is really tasting the food that I'm paying for in a restaurant, or that someone has put effort into preparing. Fun is not wondering what happened to all the money in my wallet (did I really drink enough to blow $100? How many drinks did I buy others? How much music did a play on the jukebox? How many rounds of dice did I roll and lose?)

In actuality, what I've found that I've had to work through (or to, really) is discovering what I was seeking from alcohol. Then try to find it elsewhere. My answer may be different than your answer, but what I'm coming to realize is that I was seeking a feeling of contentment, security and belonging. A safe feeling really. Like feeling I had as a child when both parents were alive, and home, and I felt totally safe and loved. Now, if this is a feeling I had as a child which certainly didn't involve alcohol, I can strive to achieve this sense of contentment as an adult without alcohol. Armed with this knowledge I know that alcohol is not going to ever provide me truly what I'm seeking from it, and I'm in a much better place to resist it.

That being said, I still wouldn't try hanging out at a bar.

Sorry if this is rambling...saying that you've touched a nerve really isn't expressing the right sentiment, but you've caused some strong self-reflection for me!

Leshar

Yes, I couldn't do it. I really admire those who are struggling on the sobriety path who have a partner or live with ppl who drink.
Living alone does have its advantages in this regard.

Leshar

Hi, NorCali,

Thanks for this thought provoking post!
I especially liked this:

I think striving for that feeling of contentment is one of the goals that is helping me on this journey. I know that alcohol has really stunted my emotional growth, I'm a middle aged woman, but I'm only beginning to grow up!

resolute50

The last time I visited a bar that I used to frequent while on the wagon:

1.)found out two bar"friends" had died since the last time I was there.(alcohol related)
2.) sat around being totally bored after getting the news "gossip" I had missed.
3.) sipped a ginger ale and left after 15 minutes.

Loads of fun. Just glad I didn't have to listen to a worn out story from some drunk while I was visiting. Funny how it seemed like so much fun while I was drunk.

I don't say to myself, when something needs to be done at the last minute "I should have done that instead of visiting the bar". What a waste of time and energy getting drunk was. At this point I would rather go home and rotate my tires than visit a bar. At least I could say I got something done.

Ladybug2

Thanks, Leshar Had a short talk with hubby and then lunch with my mom (who also knows of my struggle) and feeling a little better now. Also got a big hug from my daughter, which makes everything better Not drinking today.

Dee74

We continue here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...13-pt-7-a.html

D