Class of October 2013
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: South East US
Posts: 426
Is it for me?
Thank you all so much Tobies (and Septembers) for helping me to find more clarity in the meaning of my quest for sobriety. (I posted this with Septembers as well).
I was up late again last night on day 5 pulling a typical me. Disquieted and questioning everything including motivations for sobriety. Fearful that if not done for self, then I was destined for failure. Thanks so much to all of you who so kindly took time to help me find my way through this. (I’ve saved your posts in a personal word document. I know I’ll need them in the future for my bag of sobriety tricks…I tend to ruminate even when I have answers. They’ll be a useful reference. )
So what have I learned:
Yes, it may be true that if I lived alone (say, on a mountain – thanks for that visual ctrl!), then I would probably still be drinking (and suffering quietly). BUT THESE ARE NOT MY CIRCUMSTANCES. I do not live alone atop a mountain.
Instead, I am married to a lovely and loving wife who is 24 weeks pregnant with twins (I’ve changed my avatar for the night to give you all a glimpse if interested. This is us 2 weeks ago. It seems appropriate to show for now but I’ll go back to Felix the Cat tomorrow).
These will be our first children (a girl and a boy, can you believe that!?)
I have always felt blessed with a wonderful family that I dearly love and I know love me. I am fortunate with my in-laws as well. I especially love the little ones. I’ve have 23 nephews and nieces (big family) ranging from 35 years to 3 months and I’ve always enjoyed a role of favorite Uncle (and my wife, favorite Aunt). I consider that a badge of honor.
So what’s the point? My take home from all of your responses is the critical reminders that I am connected and important to my family. And they are to me. We value each other. THESE ARE MY CIRCUMSTANCES.
So, this effort is for self. Sobriety will allow me to be best connected and better at something I value…my wife, my soon to be little ones…My Family. AND THAT IS FOR ME. AND ENOUGH FOR ME.
“Duh”, right?
Sorry, all...now it seems so obvious but the mind plays tricks (don’t we all know?). I really needed to work through it so I could move forward feeling more at ease. Wish I did more processing like this for the wife years ago. What’s done is done. I’ll take some solace in the fact the she stuck with me and it’s never/not too late.
ctrl, Dee, KateeDidnt, ItsViolet (LilianGish , Kaneda888, Renarde and others from September) thanks so much for taking your time.
I was up late again last night on day 5 pulling a typical me. Disquieted and questioning everything including motivations for sobriety. Fearful that if not done for self, then I was destined for failure. Thanks so much to all of you who so kindly took time to help me find my way through this. (I’ve saved your posts in a personal word document. I know I’ll need them in the future for my bag of sobriety tricks…I tend to ruminate even when I have answers. They’ll be a useful reference. )
So what have I learned:
Yes, it may be true that if I lived alone (say, on a mountain – thanks for that visual ctrl!), then I would probably still be drinking (and suffering quietly). BUT THESE ARE NOT MY CIRCUMSTANCES. I do not live alone atop a mountain.
Instead, I am married to a lovely and loving wife who is 24 weeks pregnant with twins (I’ve changed my avatar for the night to give you all a glimpse if interested. This is us 2 weeks ago. It seems appropriate to show for now but I’ll go back to Felix the Cat tomorrow).
These will be our first children (a girl and a boy, can you believe that!?)
I have always felt blessed with a wonderful family that I dearly love and I know love me. I am fortunate with my in-laws as well. I especially love the little ones. I’ve have 23 nephews and nieces (big family) ranging from 35 years to 3 months and I’ve always enjoyed a role of favorite Uncle (and my wife, favorite Aunt). I consider that a badge of honor.
So what’s the point? My take home from all of your responses is the critical reminders that I am connected and important to my family. And they are to me. We value each other. THESE ARE MY CIRCUMSTANCES.
So, this effort is for self. Sobriety will allow me to be best connected and better at something I value…my wife, my soon to be little ones…My Family. AND THAT IS FOR ME. AND ENOUGH FOR ME.
“Duh”, right?
Sorry, all...now it seems so obvious but the mind plays tricks (don’t we all know?). I really needed to work through it so I could move forward feeling more at ease. Wish I did more processing like this for the wife years ago. What’s done is done. I’ll take some solace in the fact the she stuck with me and it’s never/not too late.
ctrl, Dee, KateeDidnt, ItsViolet (LilianGish , Kaneda888, Renarde and others from September) thanks so much for taking your time.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: South East US
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by Obladi 
In any event, I am determined to make this my month.
Sorry for your loss friend. Hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: auckland
Posts: 99
back after over a year
Am trying desperately to stop drinking again. I had a 6 month stint sober in 2011. Since then my alcoholism had deteriated again. I cant do this by myself. Hopefully SR can help me start y journey again as nothing else seems to work
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Aliso Viejo, CA
Posts: 863
Obladi,
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you stick with us. Seems like there are some great people already in this class who are full of advice and support. I have so wanted to give up already, but the thought of this class keeps me from it.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you stick with us. Seems like there are some great people already in this class who are full of advice and support. I have so wanted to give up already, but the thought of this class keeps me from it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 678
Originally Posted by cairns87
Am trying desperately to stop drinking again. I had a 6 month stint sober in 2011. Since then my alcoholism had deteriated again. I cant do this by myself. Hopefully SR can help me start y journey again as nothing else seems to work
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 678
Originally Posted by Obladi
Pamel, I'm right here with you, determined to never quit until we get this right. Your will gives me hope. Driver, I think the idea of making this a "selfish" thing is that sometimes you simply must do what's best for you even if it might inconvenience, irritate or otherwise be bothersome to someone else. Being selfish doesn't need to equate being boorish, you know? I lost a dear friend and coworker yesterday. He'd been in a terrible accident two months ago and put up a good fight, but the injuries were finally too grievous to overcome. We had warning the previous day that he had taken a turn for the worse, and somehow. . . I took that harder than when he actually passed. I'm still in denial, I think. Anyhow, I'm not/haven't been drunk. Nor am I sober. But I do feel a strong pull to stay connected to this community; to maintain my commitment to turning my energy to positive change. Sent from my iPod touch using SoberRecovery
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 678
Happy sober Sunday class! It's the morning of day 4 for me. I finally got a full sleep with no sleeping pills last night. Still tired but feeling a lot better.
Waking up this morning I wonder why alcohol has to be everywhere? When I'm home with my family I feel really safe and don't have to think about alcohol. As soon as I step out into the world, there are bars and restaurants and beer ads and people drinking everywhere. What's worse is the social aspect. 'Going out for drinks' is something I hear constantly or 'we should get a Beer sometime'. It's not that I feel tempted all the time, I just get tired of it being in my face all the time.
Waking up this morning I wonder why alcohol has to be everywhere? When I'm home with my family I feel really safe and don't have to think about alcohol. As soon as I step out into the world, there are bars and restaurants and beer ads and people drinking everywhere. What's worse is the social aspect. 'Going out for drinks' is something I hear constantly or 'we should get a Beer sometime'. It's not that I feel tempted all the time, I just get tired of it being in my face all the time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Suwon
Posts: 17
Hey everyone, almost made it to a week with no drinking! Today is my true test, it is the only day that I have to myself. Many, many times I'd resolve to "start the week fresh" by not drinking on Sunday. Or, failing that, "only have 3....in the afternoon....which doesn't count as drinking". Needless to say, those three would turn into 6, 9, 12. Almost every Monday would start with the a heavy hangover, unlaundered work clothes, and a strong sense of self reproach and loathing.
This time MUST be different. It's the first really passionate craving I've had all week, honestly, it's killing me. I know that if I can make it through today, the rest of the week will be relatively plain sailing. I'm staying on here for moral support by reading your threads. Wish me luck SR!
This time MUST be different. It's the first really passionate craving I've had all week, honestly, it's killing me. I know that if I can make it through today, the rest of the week will be relatively plain sailing. I'm staying on here for moral support by reading your threads. Wish me luck SR!
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Location: Australia
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Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: South East US
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by George88
Hey everyone, almost made it to a week with no drinking! Today is my true test, it is the only day that I have to myself. Many, many times I'd resolve to "start the week fresh" by not drinking on Sunday. Or, failing that, "only have 3....in the afternoon....which doesn't count as drinking". Needless to say, those three would turn into 6, 9, 12. Almost every Monday would start with the a heavy hangover, unlaundered work clothes, and a strong sense of self reproach and loathing.
This time MUST be different. It's the first really passionate craving I've had all week, honestly, it's killing me. I know that if I can make it through today, the rest of the week will be relatively plain sailing. I'm staying on here for moral support by reading your threads. Wish me luck SR!
This time MUST be different. It's the first really passionate craving I've had all week, honestly, it's killing me. I know that if I can make it through today, the rest of the week will be relatively plain sailing. I'm staying on here for moral support by reading your threads. Wish me luck SR!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 5,937
It hit 38 degrees F last night! October is hitting home now. Tonite we got railed out big time at work (ie very very very busy!). The line pretty much crashed and burned, it was an epic train wreck!
If it had happened a couple years ago I guarantee I'd have drank a few bottles of wine afterwards, but as it is I had a serenity and calm that surprised me. My new boss up to me as things were winding down and commented, "It's funny- everyone else is freaking out and you're just standing there totally calm!" Well, he was right. Not much to do at that point but just be present, aware, and let moment wash over me.
I read so often in posts at SR, people saying how ashamed and weak they feel, how powerless in the face of their need to drink. I actually am the opposite. Sometimes I catch myself thinking it's almost unfair that I should have escaped "so easily"...nevermind that I wandered lost for 25 years before I stumbled on the exit door. Why have I managed to lay the bottle down and walk away while others cannot?
Sometimes I wish there was more I could do, some secret that I've used that would make it simple and easy for everyone to get sober. The truth is there is no secret, just my realization that I've hit the end my rope with booze.
May October be the start of the beginning for you all! I hope this time it sticks for everyone.
If it had happened a couple years ago I guarantee I'd have drank a few bottles of wine afterwards, but as it is I had a serenity and calm that surprised me. My new boss up to me as things were winding down and commented, "It's funny- everyone else is freaking out and you're just standing there totally calm!" Well, he was right. Not much to do at that point but just be present, aware, and let moment wash over me.I read so often in posts at SR, people saying how ashamed and weak they feel, how powerless in the face of their need to drink. I actually am the opposite. Sometimes I catch myself thinking it's almost unfair that I should have escaped "so easily"...nevermind that I wandered lost for 25 years before I stumbled on the exit door. Why have I managed to lay the bottle down and walk away while others cannot?
Sometimes I wish there was more I could do, some secret that I've used that would make it simple and easy for everyone to get sober. The truth is there is no secret, just my realization that I've hit the end my rope with booze.
May October be the start of the beginning for you all! I hope this time it sticks for everyone.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Farmington, NY
Posts: 232
Hi all! I had family in town yesterday (and today for that matter, but they are still sleeping so I get to post).
So much activity yesterday. New members - welcome to the Tobies (I actually wrote all of your names down but the kids are stirring so I have to be quick).
Siesta- I know times are tough. This is sort of the accountability storm that has to be weathered early on...but you will survive it, and you will come out of it a happier person.
I totally agree that our culture includes lots of drinking. However, our point of view makes is focus on it, too. For example, I don't eat fast food (no offense to those that do). At all. Yet, there are endless commercials and opportunities. I don't feel sad that I can't partake in something that so many others enjoy. Eating fast food just isn't part of my of healthy platform.
That being said. Driver, something that helped me was to build what I wanted my healthy life to include from zero. I wanted love, nature, activity, growth, learning, and contribution. Drinking didn't even make the list. Drinking did nothing for any of those things. Changing my focus really keeps me from thinking that I have a constant battle with alcohol. There is no battle.
I used to think that alcohol made some moments better, so I would add it. It doesn't. Those moments are actually ruined. I have plenty of field studies to show for it :-). Plus, it ends up being all I focus on....there are other things my worthy of my attention.
Alright...kids are up...
Have a great day!!!
So much activity yesterday. New members - welcome to the Tobies (I actually wrote all of your names down but the kids are stirring so I have to be quick).
Siesta- I know times are tough. This is sort of the accountability storm that has to be weathered early on...but you will survive it, and you will come out of it a happier person.
I totally agree that our culture includes lots of drinking. However, our point of view makes is focus on it, too. For example, I don't eat fast food (no offense to those that do). At all. Yet, there are endless commercials and opportunities. I don't feel sad that I can't partake in something that so many others enjoy. Eating fast food just isn't part of my of healthy platform.
That being said. Driver, something that helped me was to build what I wanted my healthy life to include from zero. I wanted love, nature, activity, growth, learning, and contribution. Drinking didn't even make the list. Drinking did nothing for any of those things. Changing my focus really keeps me from thinking that I have a constant battle with alcohol. There is no battle.
I used to think that alcohol made some moments better, so I would add it. It doesn't. Those moments are actually ruined. I have plenty of field studies to show for it :-). Plus, it ends up being all I focus on....there are other things my worthy of my attention.
Alright...kids are up...
Have a great day!!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: USA
Posts: 678
Hi guys. Forced myself out the door for a run this morning...just a measly 4 miles but at least it's the first step back towards my usual routine. I was logging 30+ miles per week during my 10 weeks of recent sobriety. I had never felt faster or stronger or lighter on my feet. Although it had just been 9 days of no exercise, it felt like I was starting over completely. What a crappy feeling, especially when I'm running 13.1 in a big race next weekend. That's going to be a slow and easy one for me as I don't have the confidence to do any better than that. Oh well, binges and slips don't come without their consequences. Gotta get these kids outside before they drive us nuts. Try and catch up on all the posts later today. Have a pleasant sober Sunday:-)
Better when never is never
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
SoberMarathon, I also wish drinking wasn't always in my face. For me, it isn't the temptation it creates, but when someone says, "we should get a beer some time" all I hear is "if you were normal, then this wouldn't be a big deal". Of course, my brain tells me that with just a teeny, tiny extra bit of willpower I could drink normally. Nope, it's never happened.
MythOfSisyphus, I have always wondered about that secret to quitting. Intellectually, I understand it, just don't drink. It is the remaining committed to it that I struggle with despite the decades of evidence that I should just quit. I wish there was an easy way to teach someone how to make a decision and commit to it.
I hope everyone is doing well and made it through Saturday in good shape. I have another busy day with the kids and job hunting. Have a great day!!
MythOfSisyphus, I have always wondered about that secret to quitting. Intellectually, I understand it, just don't drink. It is the remaining committed to it that I struggle with despite the decades of evidence that I should just quit. I wish there was an easy way to teach someone how to make a decision and commit to it.
I hope everyone is doing well and made it through Saturday in good shape. I have another busy day with the kids and job hunting. Have a great day!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 1,450
Originally Posted by SoberMarathon
Hi guys. Forced myself out the door for a run this morning...just a measly 4 miles but at least it's the first step back towards my usual routine. I was logging 30+ miles per week during my 10 weeks of recent sobriety. I had never felt faster or stronger or lighter on my feet. Although it had just been 9 days of no exercise, it felt like I was starting over completely. What a crappy feeling, especially when I'm running 13.1 in a big race next weekend. That's going to be a slow and easy one for me as I don't have the confidence to do any better than that. Oh well, binges and slips don't come without their consequences. Gotta get these kids outside before they drive us nuts. Try and catch up on all the posts later today. Have a pleasant sober Sunday:-)
I find it it funny when I see people cracking beers after races. I never understood that.
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