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Diary of a Mad Cow part 2

Old 09-28-2013, 08:20 AM
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Jaynie, you speaketh the truth!
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Old 09-28-2013, 11:32 AM
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Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
 
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Alright you crazy old heifer, you have given me no choice. You have backed me into the stinky barn and now I'm gonna bring out the big guns.

How about this - my BFF talks to dead people. Kinda like that Long Island Medium lady but not really. I have told her about you. She said she would be honored to give you a reading. Diehard skeptics are her favorite.

Maybe a good finger wagging slash miracle from your momma is exactly what you need to snap you out of this.

What could you lose ?

And just in case you are wondering what it costs - it's nothing. It's free. She doesn't charge.
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Old 09-28-2013, 11:43 AM
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Who needs mind altering substances with a thread like this?
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Old 09-28-2013, 01:24 PM
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Originally Posted by jaynie04 View Post
Who needs mind altering substances with a thread like this?
I agree!
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Old 09-28-2013, 01:29 PM
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Well, then, in the spirit of "Who needs mind altering substances with a thread like this?" -- George, what IS that monkey doing to your ear?
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Old 09-28-2013, 01:42 PM
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I read this thread sometimes, but I don't like it. Not one little bit. Cow, take all this creative energy you use up being a funny online personality, and instead use that energy to make a plan for sobriety and work it.

You cow fans may now all throw rotten vegetables at me if you like, I'm far past the stage in life where I care if my opinions are popular.
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Old 09-28-2013, 01:45 PM
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Originally Posted by Johnny152 View Post
Well, then, in the spirit of "Who needs mind altering substances with a thread like this?" -- George, what IS that monkey doing to your ear?
HA! Thanks for asking.
Alcohol has been the monkey on my back. The photo is a constant reminder of how many times It has screwed me and helps me avoid temptation to drink when I get the cravings.
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Old 09-28-2013, 02:26 PM
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[QUOTE=foolsgold66;4207572]I read this thread sometimes, but I don't like it. Not one little bit. QUOTE]

Kind of like trying to drive past a car accident without looking. Can't keep your mind off of Cow. Long as you keep coming back the ratings will remain high.

Cow has only been honoring SR with her creativty since August.

Known as Ima Cow on Facebook, Cow has been posting for years.

If you don't like reading Cows post here there is a lot more not to read on Facebook.

Take your Cowmuffs with you if you have sensitive eyes. Much of Cows humor is for adults only.
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Old 09-28-2013, 02:54 PM
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AO, There one very specific thing you friend could say to me from my momma that would make me believe. Bring it.

Foolsgold, um, this my actual personality. Sorry! I cannot help but to be funny and creative. Always have been. But I not a 'light' person. I really quite unpleasant inside. What I trying to say is, other enjoy my 'creativity' and see it as funny, but from inside I not experience it that way. I can assure you, sobriety is life and death to me. I have taken big step lately with AA and reaching out to other. And yes I get big laugh at AA meetings too! But I not go their to do comedy, okay? I just being me. Anyway, no throwing of fruit or veg, my friend, Cow not bother by you speak you mind. I even maybe give it some consideration. How 'bout that.
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Old 09-28-2013, 03:00 PM
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Originally Posted by foolsgold66 View Post
I read this thread sometimes, but I don't like it. Not one little bit. You cow fans may now all throw rotten vegetables at me if you like, I'm far past the stage in life where I care if my opinions are popular.
Frankly, you're opinion of our involvement in this thread isn't any of our business.

Originally Posted by foolsgold66 View Post
Cow, take all this creative energy you use up being a funny online personality, and instead use that energy to make a plan for sobriety and work it.
But your suggestions about recovery are.
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Old 09-28-2013, 03:21 PM
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@Cow - Fair enough
@Johnny - Fair enough - I'm a careful reader.... I enjoy your signature each time I see your posts.
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Old 09-28-2013, 07:09 PM
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Originally Posted by foolsgold66 View Post
@Cow - Fair enough
@Johnny - Fair enough - I'm a careful reader.... I enjoy your signature each time I see your posts.
Fools Gold, not sure if I understood your original post right, but I will put my hat in the ring and say I have felt this thread was too heartbreaking to read at times, and that Cow perhaps wasn't listening or reading others posts, it was just well, really sad. I also didn't know if Cow appreciated how hard we are trying to stay sober then she posts...oops, got coffee, now I'm drunk.

And some people just thought it was funny, rather than seeing a poor soul struggling with this foul disease. The repeated gotta get sober, then coffee....oh and then....after promising all this sobriety...drinking again.

You can't control Cows journey, none of us can. Is she taking her sobriety seriously? There's no way I can know. All I know is it's her journey, she's entitled to share it in her own way here and no one else can control it.

The only thing you can control is your own choices, and that includes what threads you choose to read (honestly, I say that with kindness). Sometimes I hate this thread, sometimes I love it.....but then again, some days I feel like drinking, others I don't, just like Cow!
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Old 09-28-2013, 10:43 PM
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Originally Posted by Cow View Post
AO, There one very specific thing you friend could say to me from my momma that would make me believe. Bring it.

Foolsgold, um, this my actual personality. Sorry! I cannot help but to be funny and creative. Always have been. But I not a 'light' person. I really quite unpleasant inside. What I trying to say is, other enjoy my 'creativity' and see it as funny, but from inside I not experience it that way. I can assure you, sobriety is life and death to me. I have taken big step lately with AA and reaching out to other. And yes I get big laugh at AA meetings too! But I not go their to do comedy, okay? I just being me. Anyway, no throwing of fruit or veg, my friend, Cow not bother by you speak you mind. I even maybe give it some consideration. How 'bout that.
In my youth, when I was far prettier, thinner, etc...I dated a comedian. He was then kinda sorta famous (over 25 years ago), now he is crazy famous. He was a funny, funny guy if there were more than two people around. When it was just the two of us, this guy was one of the darkest, most depressed people I've ever known, didn't talk, was terribly insecure, just grim. But give him an audience and it was like a light switch went on. You sound similar Cow. I still love you though!

And Cow! Today I went to the LA County Fair and I saw a baby cow being born! Poor mama cow, had to give birth with 30 people watching, but it was pretty amazing. Thought of you Cow. I hope it's a good day tomorrow. Enjoy this beautiful "Fall" weather...crisp at 78 degrees. Stay away from the Joe and the vino (no Hersheys either). Moo at ***** later Cow.
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Old 09-29-2013, 01:05 PM
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Tears of a Cow

I has to say, it really hurt me that anybody could read all my postings and describe what I has written as “oops got coffee, now I drunk” like it some juvenile frivolity to me and a disrespect to others who is struggling. Even though I mostly dead inside, I actual does know great empathy for other addicts. And I has make many efforts to describe my untenable battle with anhedonia and concurrent stimulant addiction, mania and alcohol addiction. I sorry if I get too ‘creative’ about it or allow my self to make fun of this insanity sometimes. If I did not have these few lighter attributes, which I actual like about my self and that make life survivable to me, I would has kill myself 20 year ago.

I did not intend for my journal to be frustrating roller-coaster of good intention follow by shameful, crushing failures, but that what happen, so I honest about it. Depth of my entanglement and failures is shocking to me. I thought many time about just disappearing, but that not gonna help me or anybody else who still has not yet find what they need to make it through. Is many day I feel that I just simply is ruined. Ruined. And that is end of my story. But I still wanna fight.

Anyways, I to maybe take break from forum for little bit. Go curl up and cry and feel misunderstood and sh*t. Anybody know way to Island of Misfit Drunks?

PS. I has experience great insights, encouragements, patience and the tough love, which I also need, from this forum and I have great respect for everybody here. Please not worry about Cow. I not emotional drinker so I not going off to brood and booze. I actual on a tiny bit of a sober streak, but I not gonna talk about it until it a little more substantial, cuz, well, see above paragraphs.
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Old 09-29-2013, 01:19 PM
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I could see peace instead of this
 
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That was someone's opinion/perception. We have no control over that. How you choose to express your truth is your business. I don't believe you can go wrong if you are speaking as honestly as you are able and from the heart.

In your voice I hear someone in the middle of an ocean grasping for a life preserver to keep from going under. Hang on.
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Old 09-29-2013, 01:20 PM
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Cowfriend, I get you. Don't be embarrassed or hurt. I don't know how to express to you how much your posts have helped me. Addiction is a very serious subject, I know but a little humor goes a long, long way in this world. Your persona is humorous yes, but a very poignant and powerful portrait of a real person struggling to find their way. I cannot begin to tell you how much you have touched me. You've helped me see that life is worth living even in the dark times. Because you, who've been struggling mightily and openly, have had the guts and dignity to post often and truly to your fellow creatures who are struggling also. I have been laughing and crying with you. Please keep fighting the fight and stay with us.
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Old 09-29-2013, 03:31 PM
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Cow, I wrote about 4 posts yesterday and didn't send. Sometimes this mode gets in the way. I feel like I am talking at people instead of to them, or talking about someone else as if they aren't there.....my flow feels a little stunted sometimes.

The gist of my posts were that I learned something really important in 9 years of CBT. I had an excellent therapist. I was waiting for some Botticelli-esque mode where I was transformed and carried out on a clam shell with little cherubs playing flutes.

Didn't happen. Instead I went in and talked about the minutiae of my life twice a week. Lord, the poor woman must have banged her head against the wall after I left. But change was happening, and it was predicated on a solid foundation. She refused to label things, and urged me to get comfortable with things being grey instead of black and white. She patiently guided me on how to take my power back. She could see the light at the end of the tunnel and her faith in me shored me up to start to believe in myself too.

Cow, you are fairly new here as are a lot of us. I don't see coffee/wine, coffee/wine. I see a lot of mental exertion. I see you pushing out walls and boundaries and finding your way. I admire your tenacity and your commitment to showing up. I feel privilege to be witness to the "before" and the "during".

And I have absolute faith that I will be there to witness the "after"!
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Old 09-29-2013, 03:39 PM
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I'm gonna shamelessly steal from my fellow Mod Ann here cos I think she said it best
Just a reminder to one and all that respect for all members is a requirement for posting here.

No need to debate when you disagree, no need to compare notes to see who is "right".

Just share your personal experience, strength and hope, and share your support for the person who began this thread...and remember that each of us is at a different stage of recovery and our experiences vary, so compassion and support are what matters most.

Thank you for understanding, now let's all get back to making this work.
All I can do is share my experience - my truth even - but I aim to share in a loving way, making sure I give the person I'm posting to the respect we all deserve.

If a thread sticks in your craw the best thing to do is not visit the thread

and now...lets get back to Cow
D
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Old 09-29-2013, 03:58 PM
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Cow, You are loved here and I hope you won't stay away from us for long.
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Old 09-29-2013, 04:43 PM
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Hevyn is right, dear Cow. you are loved here. I also use humor as a survival strategy. It's what keeps me from running, screaming into the night. maybe this is why I can see your pain, your struggles in your posts. Please keep posting. I see so much truth in wht you say.

Love from Lenina
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