EternalQ

I think there comes a point in early sobriety where you realize, oh man, I'm still gonna have days where I feel flat or sluggish or disgusted or disaapointed or lonely or bored or..... and I'm going to have to deal with feeling that way without a drink. It can be a bit of a shock.

But what I hope people realize is sobriety isn't causing it. Sobriety is just letting you see it. It has been there all along.

You can just observe it till it passes, or distrsct yourself, or experience it move through you. But one thing is for sure. We will not learn how to deal with it in a helpful and healthy way if our response is to drink and /or judge ourselves.

Sobriety forces personal growth (and though sometimes it feels like I'm being carved to the bone by facing things without drinking) it has made me so much stronger. In just 19 months guys, me and my life are, and continue to be radically transformed. And me and my life were becoming a train wreck. If you don't drink there is really no way yours can't be transformed too.

kadidee

EQ, this rings so true! The other day when I was freaking out about going to the dentist and aggravated with the colleague, I was all anxious and emotional and weepy. Had I been drinking the night before, I would have thought I was just feeling a bit shaky and overreactive because of the hangover effect. But I hadn't been drinking, it was just me and my emotions. That realization was scary...

jaynie04

Kadidee...I scooped at the original B&Jerry in my college town in VT for a summer. I had no "dough" so I pretty much lived on ice cream....I thought I would get sick of it...never did!

EQ I wish I could figure out how to link your comment from the gratitude list to this site...It was amazingly powerful....about what the last 19 months has brought to your life....

EternalQ

Jaynie I'm glad you found something I wrote inspiring. Especially over things that I bore extreme shame over only a short time ago. Glad to think my journey out of shame helped someone.

But to be really inspired I can't suggest enough that people go to "The Stories of Recovery" section of SR and read.

In my first couple months, I did that after an SR friend kept bugging me to, lol, and I was stunned. Here is the link to that:
Stories of Recovery - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Elseware

EternalQ, thank you for the inspiring, wonderful post. I've been sitting here blaming everyone and everything for my miserableness. I realize now that these are normal "feelings". Everyone has aches and pains sometimes and gets bored etc. I just have to adapt to a new way of coping. And not let it get me down so much. I am learning a lot from reading thru different threads on here. Snapped me out of my pity party. I have a lot to be grateful for.

EternalQ

Elseware I get into self pity easily. That is why I post night & day on the gratitude threads! Lol

The Gratitude List - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Elseware

w2r. You are absolutely right about my diet. I need to start eating regularly. Good stuff. I have to or I'll never feel better. Thank you for that

Dee74

Hope everyone is doing ok - I'll catch up eventually

D

kadidee

Dee! So glad you're back. We missed you. Hope you're feeling better and better.

EQ--I meant to ask, how did the wedding go?

SeanMc

Morning folks, I'm still here; over five productive weeks for me. Sean

EternalQ

Kadi, it went fine. I had no desire to drink. The friend I went with asked if I'd mind if they had a drink (which I didn't mind at all.) When the champagne toast was poured they poured me seltzer instead. I basically just felt like someone allergic to seafood except I'm allergic to alcohol.

It did remind me that the idea of having one drink is so foreign to me. It would take so many more for me to numb out in the past and it would take just one drink for me to be back there again.

I'm glad the people who slip can get right back on the horse but honestly I'm afraid for me I could never come back to sobriety. That may be a delusion but it keeps me from drinking so why test it?

Viperidae

UGGGGGGGG!!!! JUST HIT THE BACK BUTTON TOO!!

Thought I would be remiss in ignoring SR today. I had a decent day. Prozac is doing something good. I may need to supplement it with something else.

WR2, right about the diet. Essential Fatty Acids in meat are key for my survival. More later. I just wasted a half hour by deleting my post. However I will say that meds are necessary in my case, and a good diet and a lot of other things.

w2r

Its 8:40 am.
just sitting here, feeling good. Got through the weekend with no wine. Finished some work, like putting our boat away for the winter, getting the hoist out of the water.
Enjoying the clarity of thought and feelings of motivation.

I was lucky to stumble on this site back in june. I had no idea what I was doing: "enjoying fine wine nightly" my "reward", a way to "unwind after a busy day".... what a load of crap.

Your stories, Elsewhere, Kadi, and Johnny have been really inspiring to me.

Thanks EternalQ again for your insight and being here with us.

Back to the city in a couple of hours then work tomorrow!

kadidee

w2r, so glad that you had a relaxing weekend. Those thoughts of 'reward' and 'unwinding' ring so true for me too. Even when the alcohol stopped working for me (if it every did), I continued to persist to try to get back to that place where it felt good. I did not see how crazy how I was until I started to saturate myself with stories here. Thanks for being you!

When I was getting ready for work this morning, I realized that my lipstick was getting low. Looked at the tube to see the name of the color. It's called "Pinot", lol. I just can't get away from it. No worries, it's not wine-flavored.

Elseware

Thoughts. Thoughts. It all begins with thoughts. It's 9:39 in the morning and I'm still abed. Looking out the window. It is a beautiful Indian Summer day. There is a humming bird flying around my new little blue spruce outside the bedroom window. Geese are flying over. I stayed up until 10:00 PM ( gasp ) last night and watched the latest "Breaking Bad" and the latest "Dexter". That was good because I was zombie tired from not sleeping. I went to bed and slept 10 hours. Solid. It felt so good. This morning I feel peaceful but with an aching back. This has been an amazing learning experience, this detox. One I hope I learned the first time around. I went in there and took a couple of Aleve. I know it will probably do nothing for this backache but I have to learn to cope without opiates. I'm suspecting I've had this back pain for a while. It was just masked by my opiate use. Everything looks so blindingly sharp. My mind feels sharp. Painfully so. And I have to learn to be here with it all. It crossed by mind that just one Vicodin would put this back to rights. But I really don't want to go there. I don't have any, anyway. I'm glad. I did not use opiates to unwind or relax. I used them to cover and cope with pain. Mostly fear and angst kind of pain. But physical, too, I'm thinking. Although I was not conscious of that at the time. I was fond of going around boasting that at 62, I was pain-free! Look at me! Look at all the work I can do! Yay! What me? Get old? Hell no! What a load of crap. Crap, crap and more crap. I'm big on telling others to go gentle with themselves but I see that I've been driving myself like a slave driver with a whip. I'm ripped to shreds. I literally do not know who this person is.

foolsgold66

Its so common to look at alcohol as relaxation and reward. Hmm, upset stomach, diarheaa, headaches, tension in my back and shoulders, ridiculous stress caused by not doing things when I was busy drinking. Doesn't sound like relaxation and reward when you look at consequences.

Serenity1972

I hope everyone is doing well. I haven't had a chance to log into to SR since last Thursday. I miss you guys. I have been very busy with work lately as we have a huge conference coming up in early October which increased my workload, but I am ok with it.

I just finished my 6th weekend sober and it was fantastic. I won't lie and say that I didn't crave a drink because I did Friday evening (again). At least the cravings have been more consistent lately which gives me a heads up and more fighting power. I don't have much to report other than I am still sober and loving every minute of it.

w2r - Glad you had a sober weekend. Wasn't waking up this morning sober and refreshed wonderful? I love my Monday mornings now.

Kandiee - Congrats on your sober time. 28 days is awesome.

EQ - Thank you for posting those links and hanging out in the class. You have helped a lot of us in our early sobriety. I can't thank you enough!

Dee - WELCOME BACK!

Elseware - I hope you get to feeling better. You should be proud of what you have accomplished so far. I am sure with time you will get back to your old self and get to know the person that you really are.

Linnie

Hi class! I just wanted to check in. I'm still sober, though it's still a struggle from time to time. "Playing the tape" is a Godsend for me. Also stepping back and evaluating whether I'm romanticizing (sp? I'm not even sure that's a real word) alcohol helps. I have trouble when the hubs and I go on a date. Is it really a special occasion or a fancy dinner without wine? Yes. Yes it is. And now I can trade the wine calories for dessert. Also the cooler weather. It's been beautiful here in Ohio. Clear blue skies, temps in the 70s and no humidity. Perfect hammock beer weather. Or perfect sober hike weather, sober bike ride weather, sober dinner on a patio weather. I know the conventional wisdom is the first year is the most awkward in sobriety. You have to relearn how to go through the seasons and whatnot. I'm still hanging in there, though. I hope everyone is doing well. I haven't read all the posts that I missed but I did see that Kadi had a big day at the dentist. I'm so glad it went well for you, lady. You're an inspiration for getting out of that traumatic abusive relationship and soldiering through the psychological aftermath. It's no small feat to leave an abuser. Go. Girl.

Elseware

Linnie! I remember your little Otter! So glad to hear you are doing so well. Keep it up. I hope you'll check in often.

SeanMc

Morning folks, up for a sober day today I think.