EternalQ

Well put Kadi: I like that image too!

foolsgold66

Jaynie, productivity and lack thereof has been an issue in my life for a long time now. I have a tendency to take on situations that require a tremendous amount of work without being realistic about my capabilities, time, etc. In the heat of the moment I feel like superman, but over time reality sets in and I become frustrated and discouraged, and resentful of the situation itself. The way such things can overwhelm and monopolize my life is very discouraging.

I've tried to drink it away and that doesn't work. I know I need to learn to be more patient with myself, be more wary of how much I take on, and learn to cut my losses. I need to learn not to feel like a failure over these things.

It's a lifelong process for me, sober or not, it's really an aspect of the excesses of my personality. Perhaps I'll get it all figured out right before I die.

w2r

Out of 31 days, I consumed wine on 6.
I'm thrilled to have 25 days of healing. I'm on day 4 again now.
Get home from work, chat with wife and son, after dinner long bike ride, then we are watching episodes of breaking bad. then in bed by 10:15.

The weekends have been the problem. Tomorrow starts another, and I'm mentally preparing myself to fight back against the AV and win this time.

Serenity1972

w2r - Weekends are a huge trigger for me. I drank nonstop from the time I got off from work until early Sunday evening. I even woke up drunk on Monday mornings on many occasions and had to call in sick. I now make plans in advance for the weekends and I always get my shopping and To-Do-List ready on Thursday. I have to stock up on sugar and flavored sparkling water. Those two combined seem to shut my AV up most of the time. I also jog on Saturday and Sunday mornings now and the feeling I get from running in fantastic.

Can you make a plan today for the weekend ahead? You will win this time if you plan accordingly. I am cheering for you!

Serenity1972

Kadidee - How did your appointment at the dentist go today? I have been thinking of you.

Elseware - I am glad you are hanging in there. Seeing your doctor for a health assessment is a good thing. I hope all turns out well for you. I had to laugh at your comment about your yoga pants. Keep up the awesome work.

________________________

I am a bit high strung and anxious today trying to get all my ducks in a row for this weekend. I think I am just scared that the AV will come on even stronger this weekend that it did last Friday. I am utilizing AVRT and HALT and it has helped. It just seems the longer I go without drinking the more vicious the voice becomes. I know I will come out of this a stronger and a better person if I don't drink, but damn getting through it as a
b!tch. I am just glad I have SR to lean on if I feel I can't handle the urge. I just hate dealing with it. But, I think we all do.

Stay strong everyone and lets make this another sober free weekend. I will be thinking of all of you.

merchantsun

I could have written this myself! I can totally identify with this behavior. Glad we're on the right track now!!

Viperidae

So I drank and remember nothing.

Not good here. Slept for the majority of the day yesterday. My meds that saved my life are now useless. It's like your HIV meds just stop working and you start to die. Thats how bad this is.

I'm feel utterly hopeless and in despair. MY psychiatrist is not calling back. I called yesterday at about 4 so he may call later.

I had to cancel the trip to Florida. I feel terrible about it, my friend was really looking forward to going and I wanted to get out of here. Even though disney is not my style, it would have been nice and then we were going to the beach and I wanted to do that.

If I had insurance for more than 3 days inpatient in a hell hole I would check myself in to a Psychiatric hospital.

Serenity1972

johnny - I am sorry to hear about your slip. It is just a bump in the road. You need to pick yourself up and keep on driving. The road eventually gets smoother.

That is to bad about your Disney trip. Is there a reason why you had to cancel it?

Elseware

All of you! Keep fighting the good fight! There are no words to say how much I'd like to put my arms around all of you. I KNOW all these feelings. The negative thoughts, the excessive personality, the laying around in bed from depression, the wishing you could just check out, the self medication, self recriminations...I don't know what to say to make anybody feel better. I just want to be here for you. I read every post. And I miss some who are not posting anymore. Today is day 13 for me. I saw a doctor today. A psychiatrist who prescribed an antidepressant. I am shamed to say I did not tell the truth. I lied by omission. I mean I really lied like a pro. (which I am I guess). I am just too ashamed to tell the truth. But I don't lie here and I don't lie to my husband.

Sheknits

Johnny: sorry you are suffering. Please don't be hard on yourself, just expect more next time.

Elsewhere: thanks! I really love your positive energy and your caring way.

It's the 12th today so I'm officially ONE MONTH sober! I think this is the longest I've gone without even a sip of alcohol since I was probably 15 or 16. I'm 30 now. Thats half my life! Yikes!

Staring to notice that i have more energy day by day. Took the kids on a super long bike ride with bike trailer (that means pulling 70+ pounds behind me!) and it felt so good! I wish we weren't coming up on winter. Thank goodness for the treadmill. Maybe I can start to burn off some of the junk I've been eating.

Elseware

Thought I'd change my Avatar. He's giving everyone a headache. And I don't feel like that anymore. I feel like getting ready to bloom.

jaynie04

I love it Elseware!!! I am digging the color...you brighten the whole board!!!!!

Viperidae

Well serenity I've been in bed for days. I'm exhausted. This is not run of the mill depression I have. It is really bad. I was feeling better when I went to Vermont and I really didn't do anything. I need to get my meds right. It's hard

kadidee

Johnny, I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling so bad. My heart hurts for you and I wish I could just give you a big hug so sending one from cyber space. Did you mean by your post that your insurance will cover 3 days in an inpatient facility, but only ones that are really horrid hell holes? I'm not sure what that would look like, but would it better to be in a not so good facility just to get a handle on things? Or would that be even more depressing? Please keep up updated on how you're doing.

Foolsgold--I could have written that myself about taking on too much and then getting overwhelmed, etc. Personally, I'm starting to lower my own standards for myself. I'm not sure if that's a good thing, but until I learn how to balance and be honest about what I'm capable of doing given time and the way I work, I'm trying not set myself up for failure...

w2r, Serenity, and merchantsun--I'm sending you strength vibes for the weekend. I drank every night, lol, so the weekend was not super special, just meant I could drink more and later into the night. I love the weekend thread that mecanix or weasel starts on Friday morning. We can get through this weekend together!

Elseware--Love your new avatar. Don't feel ashamed for lying by omission--you got anti-depressants, not vicodin. But I bet that you certainly wouldn't be the first one that doctor has met who got addicted to something else. She/he probably wouldn't bat an eye.

Andrea--that bike ride sounds fantastic. I have been super slacker on the yoga/exercise front for about a week and I've got to get back to it. I don't know why it's so hard to make myself do something that feels so good.

Jaynie--one of the last posts I read last night was you saying that you'd hit a new low and were in bed eating brownie mix with a spoon. I was giggling to myself in bed, lol. And I was wondering if it was the kind that had chocolate chips in it too, ha.

Thanks for asking about the dentist, Serenity. It was more than fine. The hygienist was understanding when I told her about my history, and she said that she was not surprised...others had told her the same thing. She said that people break down and cry in her chair all the time. Grown-ups!! I felt so relieved. I only had one meltdown and it was over quickly. The dentist said that the gum area around the tooth I was worried about was not near as bad as I feared, and that it would be fine to just watch it for awhile.

SeanMc

Morning folks, best wishes; Sean

George3334

Went out to a restaurant tonight for dinner.... While waiting to be seated, a waiter passed by carrying an ice cold glass of beer on a tray. My alcohol voice said, "That beer looks so good."
It's just over a month of sobriety for me, today. And the site of the beer was tempting, but I didn't drink alcohol. The people I arranged to have dinner with are sober. So, thankfully, no increased temptation at the dinner table.
I guess that's why I'm here. Stopped by SR to read uplifting comments about sobriety, and it helps me stay on track.

Dee74

I'm out of action with pain issues.
Wishing everyone well here - hope to be back soon

D

EternalQ

Johnny, for what it is worth, before I quit alcohol, I had grown accustomed to feeling hopeless and wishing I didn't have to go on. I wished I wouldn't wake up and have to drag myself through another day.

Even though I was on antidepressant I still felt like that.

But ever since I quit drinking, I have never once wanted my life to end. Not once. I went from feeling chronically hopeless and at times wishing to die, to never feeling that way. And the only thing that changed was no alcohol.

I stopped pouring a liquid depressant down my throat and it changed my life. Plus with no change in med or dosing the antidepressant started working like it was meant to. I am flabbergasted how much alcohol contributed to my depression. I would never have believed it till i saw it for myself. I would have told you all the reasons and stressors i endured that were causing my depression.

But without alcohol over 19 months time i have slowly one by one changed them. If i still drank i would not have changed anything. Just food for thought is all.

Ornithology

I lived with chronic pain for a period of time and I wish there was something I could do for you.
Your posts have helped me so much and I have missed them recently.

foolsgold66

Feel better soon Dee!