Class of July 2013 Pt 5
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Class of July 2013 Pt 5
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 227
But recovery should not be that painful - if it is, I think you need to consider you've been doing it wrong.
Think about your support - is it enough?
Have you made enough changes in your life, or are you still stuck in a life that unrelentingly reminds you of drinking?
They're tough questions, but I think you need to answer them, if only to yourself
Dee, you never cease to amaze me in your ability to cut straight to the issue. I am constantly amazed at the way you seem to able to respond to posts in a concise and insightful manner. You are really good at this, and I thank you for doing it.
Think about your support - is it enough?
Have you made enough changes in your life, or are you still stuck in a life that unrelentingly reminds you of drinking?
They're tough questions, but I think you need to answer them, if only to yourself
Dee, you never cease to amaze me in your ability to cut straight to the issue. I am constantly amazed at the way you seem to able to respond to posts in a concise and insightful manner. You are really good at this, and I thank you for doing it.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,993
Hey Misterritter, , John,
I'm sad to hear of developments, hope you will indeed still be posting here, and tomorrow will indeed be a new start for you. Please post even if you feel on the edge of a cliff, we might just be able to talk you back, it's worth a try, and has helped others.
I'm sad to hear of developments, hope you will indeed still be posting here, and tomorrow will indeed be a new start for you. Please post even if you feel on the edge of a cliff, we might just be able to talk you back, it's worth a try, and has helped others.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Originally Posted by Leshar 
Hey Misterritter, , John,
I'm sad to hear of developments, hope you will indeed still be posting here, and tomorrow will indeed be a new start for you. Please post even if you feel on the edge of a cliff, we might just be able to talk you back, it's worth a try, and has helped others.
I'm sad to hear of developments, hope you will indeed still be posting here, and tomorrow will indeed be a new start for you. Please post even if you feel on the edge of a cliff, we might just be able to talk you back, it's worth a try, and has helped others.
I woke up this morning after a horrible dream, that basically reminded me of what I'd missed out on because of alcohol. I've cried my guts out and been close to rage this morning, angry at myself and wishing I could undo some of the ridiculous lies I told myself about this thing.
Now I'm reading your struggle John and I'm crying all over again. This thing is evil, it's disgusting how it breaks people and makes us do things we don't want to do....would never have conceived of once doing.
I hate this beast.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Sydney Australia
Posts: 4,225
Sorry, reread my post.
Correction: I was not close to rage this morning, I did feel absolute rage this morning and berated myself and alcohol out loud for all the stupidity created.
Hugs to everyone....all these ups and downs. Blurghh.
My eyes are red raw, but I'm going out in the sunshine anyway and try and suppress my Tourette's-like attack. You guys are lucky there is no full on swearing here, your eyes would be bleeding if I could write what I blurted out this morning.
Correction: I was not close to rage this morning, I did feel absolute rage this morning and berated myself and alcohol out loud for all the stupidity created.
Hugs to everyone....all these ups and downs. Blurghh.
My eyes are red raw, but I'm going out in the sunshine anyway and try and suppress my Tourette's-like attack. You guys are lucky there is no full on swearing here, your eyes would be bleeding if I could write what I blurted out this morning.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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I drank down a lot of rage for a lot of years - by the end I didn't even realise it...
when I got sober its ferocity stunned me...but it didn't last...
I found there was a heck of a lot of things to be grateful for in the world Crois
be gentle on yourself and others
D
when I got sober its ferocity stunned me...but it didn't last...
I found there was a heck of a lot of things to be grateful for in the world Crois
be gentle on yourself and others
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Well, I had quite a Saturday.
I got a late start working on my truck suspension issues.
Anybody that has ever done any work on suspensions know how miserable, rusty, dirty frustrating work it can be.
Had to make a trip back to my shop for some tool I had there.
Told that AV to shut the hell up on my way there and back. Yeah it was a tough day but, I didn't need to drink.
Then before heating a bushing to remove I decided to get the water hose. Didn't realize a bee hive was under the siding there. Got stung in the hip.
Reason to drink yet....hell no!!!
I didn't get the job finished, but, I'll be ready to get to it first thing in the morning. Take care everybody, have a nice sober Sat. night!
I got a late start working on my truck suspension issues.
Anybody that has ever done any work on suspensions know how miserable, rusty, dirty frustrating work it can be.
Had to make a trip back to my shop for some tool I had there.
Told that AV to shut the hell up on my way there and back. Yeah it was a tough day but, I didn't need to drink.
Then before heating a bushing to remove I decided to get the water hose. Didn't realize a bee hive was under the siding there. Got stung in the hip.
Reason to drink yet....hell no!!!
I didn't get the job finished, but, I'll be ready to get to it first thing in the morning. Take care everybody, have a nice sober Sat. night!
Breaking Thru
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,219
Originally Posted by resolute50
Anybody that has ever done any work on suspensions know how miserable, rusty, dirty frustrating work it can be.
I didn't get the job finished, but, I'll be ready to get to it first thing in the morning
I didn't get the job finished, but, I'll be ready to get to it first thing in the morning
Tr
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ma
Posts: 3,553
Originally Posted by trikyriky
Bob : I hear you . I do this for a living . Let me guess . Was it an upper bushing control arm ?
Tr
Tr
It's the rear leaf spring shackles.
I did them 12-13 years ago and they're already rotted out.
It's all that salt they use in the winter here in good Ole New England.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Hi everyone, how is it going?
I remember about this time in my sobriety the rubber was starting to meet the road. I was realizing I was going to soon have to walk the walk, and not just talk the talk. It's quite a different animal, but like anything new, a period of patient persistence will help you master it.
At my age being "new" with something was very uncomfortable. Keeping that beginner's mind insulted my ego. But too bad, as my ego got me into this mess. I couldn't trust it to get me out!!
And being new in sobriety is like walking around in a foreign country. Don't worry that feeling does not last. As long as you do not drink you will progress through it. Not as fast as you'd like, maybe.
But we want this to really stick for real right?
I remember about this time in my sobriety the rubber was starting to meet the road. I was realizing I was going to soon have to walk the walk, and not just talk the talk. It's quite a different animal, but like anything new, a period of patient persistence will help you master it.
At my age being "new" with something was very uncomfortable. Keeping that beginner's mind insulted my ego. But too bad, as my ego got me into this mess. I couldn't trust it to get me out!!
And being new in sobriety is like walking around in a foreign country. Don't worry that feeling does not last. As long as you do not drink you will progress through it. Not as fast as you'd like, maybe.
But we want this to really stick for real right?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,462
Not sure if it's the 3 day weekend, or the end of another month, or just that point in sobriety, past 30 days but not yet 60, but many of us are feeling tested, including myself. Misterritter, I felt EXACTLY the same way yesterday. The battle of not drinking at times gets old, boring, pointless, and seems just like the battle we have when we do drink. Hopefully you learned a valuable lesson and will pick up right where you left off tomorrow (not by drinking, but by jumping back on), lesson learned. Its not my witching hour right now so its easy to say this now, but I'd rather battle with staying sober than drinking and all the cr*p that goes along with it.
Ladybug, I hope your mood improved. I think sometimes we build certain events up in our mind and it only stresses us out even more. Maybe you did that with your dinner and I did it with this long weekend.
"Uncomfortable" is a good word for me right now. Unsettled is as well. Like many of you, I long to get to that point where I don't have a daily battle. Admittedly, it's not as strong as it was the first week or so, but the fact that there is more at stake (throwing away all those days) makes that struggle even harder in its own way too. By the way, having been a big relapser, I don't think we throw away all that sober time. There is something to be gained from it, and sometimes it may just bring us that much closer to permanent sobriety and finally realizing that drinking no longer belongs in our lives. I think once we get to this point where we know alcohol is a problem for us, we have made such wonderful connections with others who are similar (SR for me, AA for some as well), our relationship with alcohol will never be the same. Drinking will never be the fun, irresponsible, let loose experience it once was. We crossed a line somewhere, and it will never be the same. Because now we know better. We can't have the sober life that so many of us are enjoying and thriving in AND drink. Even moderation won't allow that. Its one or the other.
Sorry this post is all over the place. Every day we dont' drink is a good one... whether it's day one or day 45 or whatever. Stay close if you need to, I know that I do. You are all fabulous.
Ladybug, I hope your mood improved. I think sometimes we build certain events up in our mind and it only stresses us out even more. Maybe you did that with your dinner and I did it with this long weekend.
"Uncomfortable" is a good word for me right now. Unsettled is as well. Like many of you, I long to get to that point where I don't have a daily battle. Admittedly, it's not as strong as it was the first week or so, but the fact that there is more at stake (throwing away all those days) makes that struggle even harder in its own way too. By the way, having been a big relapser, I don't think we throw away all that sober time. There is something to be gained from it, and sometimes it may just bring us that much closer to permanent sobriety and finally realizing that drinking no longer belongs in our lives. I think once we get to this point where we know alcohol is a problem for us, we have made such wonderful connections with others who are similar (SR for me, AA for some as well), our relationship with alcohol will never be the same. Drinking will never be the fun, irresponsible, let loose experience it once was. We crossed a line somewhere, and it will never be the same. Because now we know better. We can't have the sober life that so many of us are enjoying and thriving in AND drink. Even moderation won't allow that. Its one or the other.
Sorry this post is all over the place. Every day we dont' drink is a good one... whether it's day one or day 45 or whatever. Stay close if you need to, I know that I do. You are all fabulous.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
So sorry you're uncomfortable.
I have a suggestion which may or may not help but it is worth a try.
About a month into sobriety I read the book "Alan Carr's Easy way to stop drinking". Honestly it completely took away my urges and positive associations to drinking for several MONTHS. And I'm not the only one who it worked for.
I still felt awful having to face life (you know, the one I was drinking to avoid dealing with) BUT I knew I had to face things a piece at a time because drinking was taken off the table as an option for awhile.
I have a suggestion which may or may not help but it is worth a try.
About a month into sobriety I read the book "Alan Carr's Easy way to stop drinking". Honestly it completely took away my urges and positive associations to drinking for several MONTHS. And I'm not the only one who it worked for.
I still felt awful having to face life (you know, the one I was drinking to avoid dealing with) BUT I knew I had to face things a piece at a time because drinking was taken off the table as an option for awhile.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Good morning, friends
Sorry to hear about your slip, Misterritter, but really hoping to see you back here today. The same thing happened to me at 48 days and the best thing I did was come right back here the next day. Sure, I was disappointed and felt like crap, but it was a whole lot better than facing up to it a week, month, year later. Because we will have to face it at some point. Otherwise, we will just drink ourselves to death or insanity and I don't think we want that, right? You made it to 50 days for a reason and you can do it again. No need to leave us, ok?
Had a nice dinner last night with my hubby. I think I was very anxious about it, hence my mood yesterday morning, but once we got there I was fine. Ate way too much and felt a bit sick afterwards, but ah well. It was so much better than excusing myself to the restroom 2 or 3 times so I could down those mini bottles of vodka. I felt like and seriously think I was the only person in the restaurant (it is very small) not drinking a beer, wine or martini. It's weird how "aware" I am now of what other people are drinking. Anyone else do that when they go out?
So, on to Day 31. It is a dreary day here. My mom is having us over, along with my brother and SIL, tonight for her homemade lasagna. Brother will most likely bring a bottle of red. Just can't get away from it. My side of the family loves to drink, but I am the only one who turned into an alcoholic. Sigh. Lucky me!
Hope everyone is having/had a nice Sunday. Can't believe it is a new month?! Let's all make it a great and sober September. Please keep posting. I have seen other classes fizzle out after a couple of months and I don't want that to happen to us
Sorry to hear about your slip, Misterritter, but really hoping to see you back here today. The same thing happened to me at 48 days and the best thing I did was come right back here the next day. Sure, I was disappointed and felt like crap, but it was a whole lot better than facing up to it a week, month, year later. Because we will have to face it at some point. Otherwise, we will just drink ourselves to death or insanity and I don't think we want that, right? You made it to 50 days for a reason and you can do it again. No need to leave us, ok?
Had a nice dinner last night with my hubby. I think I was very anxious about it, hence my mood yesterday morning, but once we got there I was fine. Ate way too much and felt a bit sick afterwards, but ah well. It was so much better than excusing myself to the restroom 2 or 3 times so I could down those mini bottles of vodka. I felt like and seriously think I was the only person in the restaurant (it is very small) not drinking a beer, wine or martini. It's weird how "aware" I am now of what other people are drinking. Anyone else do that when they go out?
So, on to Day 31. It is a dreary day here. My mom is having us over, along with my brother and SIL, tonight for her homemade lasagna. Brother will most likely bring a bottle of red. Just can't get away from it. My side of the family loves to drink, but I am the only one who turned into an alcoholic. Sigh. Lucky me!
Hope everyone is having/had a nice Sunday. Can't believe it is a new month?! Let's all make it a great and sober September. Please keep posting. I have seen other classes fizzle out after a couple of months and I don't want that to happen to us
Re-Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 7,909
Day 44 complete. I left the house on my bicycle at about 10:30 yesterday morning with a couple of goals in mind. First, I was going to head across town to my favorite local Thai restaurant for lunch. Well, I got there and the restaurant was closed. No note on the door or anything but I guess they were closed for the Labor Day weekend. Kinda disappointing.
Second, I was going to go to a noon meeting at an AA clubhouse that I rarely attend. I got there at about 11:30 and there were already a few men inside drinking coffee and gossiping back and forth with each other about politics and chess and other silly stuff. Twelve o'clock came and no one started the meeting. I had my Kindle in my pocket so I was reading from it, just killing some time. I was about to leave at 12:30 when these men finally turned their discussion to something alcoholism-related--they got in a debate about whether alcoholism is a disease or not. I guess that counts as a meeting of sorts, right? (My personal opinion on whether it's a disease or not is--who cares? I know that I can't pick up that first drink today or all bets are off.)
Headed home, took a nap, and then went to work. It was fine but I didn't get home until just before midnight. It was kinda funny to see most of my fellow servers getting so antsy and starting to fret once closing time drew near because they were so anxious to get to the bar. I sure don't miss that feeling. I've only worked two or three evening shifts since I started this job at the start of the month so I'm not used to being there late so I'm a bit tired right now.
Day 45 starts now. Work this morning/afternoon. Not going to be able to make a meeting after work because I'm going to babysit my nephew overnight.
Second, I was going to go to a noon meeting at an AA clubhouse that I rarely attend. I got there at about 11:30 and there were already a few men inside drinking coffee and gossiping back and forth with each other about politics and chess and other silly stuff. Twelve o'clock came and no one started the meeting. I had my Kindle in my pocket so I was reading from it, just killing some time. I was about to leave at 12:30 when these men finally turned their discussion to something alcoholism-related--they got in a debate about whether alcoholism is a disease or not. I guess that counts as a meeting of sorts, right? (My personal opinion on whether it's a disease or not is--who cares? I know that I can't pick up that first drink today or all bets are off.)
Headed home, took a nap, and then went to work. It was fine but I didn't get home until just before midnight. It was kinda funny to see most of my fellow servers getting so antsy and starting to fret once closing time drew near because they were so anxious to get to the bar. I sure don't miss that feeling. I've only worked two or three evening shifts since I started this job at the start of the month so I'm not used to being there late so I'm a bit tired right now.
Day 45 starts now. Work this morning/afternoon. Not going to be able to make a meeting after work because I'm going to babysit my nephew overnight.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,993
Hi all,
Thanks EQ and FABL, both excellent posts.
I have to consider how I'm going to word an email regarding quitting my volunteer position.
This is where I'd love to have a friend to bounce ideas off, but as I mentioned the other day, I have to rely on myself, I don't have a choice and so I need to get more confident in myself. I imagine the volunteer leader will consider that I'm letting the clients down, and yes, I guess I am, but some situations are untenable, I can't contribute properly where others aren't open to new things and people. And it's a badly run program, but I don't think I'll mention that in my letter.
Guess I'm sad that my ex bf's sister in law has just completely ignored me, I know, I know, I said I wouldn't agonize over it! I just hate a mystery. Got thinking about it this am cos i deleted my text to her.
Action! Gotta cut my lawn, haven't done it in 3 weeks.
A new month, let's keep going.
Thanks EQ and FABL, both excellent posts.
I have to consider how I'm going to word an email regarding quitting my volunteer position.
This is where I'd love to have a friend to bounce ideas off, but as I mentioned the other day, I have to rely on myself, I don't have a choice and so I need to get more confident in myself. I imagine the volunteer leader will consider that I'm letting the clients down, and yes, I guess I am, but some situations are untenable, I can't contribute properly where others aren't open to new things and people. And it's a badly run program, but I don't think I'll mention that in my letter.
Guess I'm sad that my ex bf's sister in law has just completely ignored me, I know, I know, I said I wouldn't agonize over it! I just hate a mystery. Got thinking about it this am cos i deleted my text to her.
Action! Gotta cut my lawn, haven't done it in 3 weeks.
A new month, let's keep going.
Breaking Thru
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,219
Originally Posted by Leshar
I have to rely on myself, I don't have a choice and so I need to get more confident in myself.
I'm thinking the same , there's no one gonna right us , set us on the right path. Sure it's nice to have someone , but I see others that have that and are still not happy. It's gotta come from within , don't you think. We gotta like ourselves , entertain ourselves , then everyone else that touches our lives is just a bonus.
Today I'm happy , today I like myself.
And you too
Truly
Tr
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Originally Posted by trikyriky
Hello friend
I'm thinking the same , there's no one gonna right us , set us on the right path. Sure it's nice to have someone , but I see others that have that and are still not happy. It's gotta come from within , don't you think. We gotta like ourselves , entertain ourselves , then everyone else that touches our lives is just a bonus.
Today I'm happy , today I like myself.
And you too
Truly
Tr
I'm thinking the same , there's no one gonna right us , set us on the right path. Sure it's nice to have someone , but I see others that have that and are still not happy. It's gotta come from within , don't you think. We gotta like ourselves , entertain ourselves , then everyone else that touches our lives is just a bonus.
Today I'm happy , today I like myself.
And you too
Truly
Tr
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