sleeper1203

I've been waiting, like a school girl, for your suggestions! And my heartfelt thanks goes to each of you for your words. It's so helpful to hear everyone's perspective. Often, I tend to go within myself for protection when what I really need is to reach out. Not always easy to do since I'm a Type A control freak! That's where alcohol helped me to be a Type B, not give a hoot type of person. But there's a balance in there...just need to work on it. Relearn, rewire. I'm certain it will happen.

Croissant: I'm dusting that younger version off and looking forward to an amazing future. Just gotta take it day by day. I'm going to have to treat her with some TLC for awhile...she likes that it seems. : )

Feeling so much gratitude for Sober Recovery and to those of you who cared enough to respond. Hope I can offer the same to you or others. I am feeling so blessed and humbled right now. Thank you.

CaseyW

Glad you're back, SoberMarathon, and congrats on the sober vacation! I'm a few days away from day 53 myself, looking forward to it as that is the most sober time I've ever had since I first started drinking. I've had 53 days twice now, ten years ago and eight years ago. This time I'm not even sweating it. I have no doubts that I'm continuing this way of living.

Eleni58

Just checking in--forty one days sober today and feeling great--got my one month chip at AA last night

Dee74

welcome back SM and congrats Eleni

D

resolute50

Well, I have been known to fiercely defend my friends.
Glad to hear that you are doing well.
I'm looking forward to the weekend. It's pre-Friday soon.

EternalQ

NorCalgal I really admire your ability to travel for work and not drink. I've seen a lot of people get caught at that spot and really struggle. What are you thinking or doing that is helping you move through that?

Sleeper:, I have a similar drinking history, but probably a bit longer. And I have found my regret can seem a bottom less pit if I sit there and stare at it. For me it is a way I start down my self pity road which is a fast track road to drinking for me.

That doesn't mean I don't want to learn from it. But the best way I feel I can show genuine remorse is by not repeating the same behaviors.... I show remorse by really changing myself. That is also insurance against drinking and continuing the cycle of more regret.

I also have come to identify the chants of "look at those regrets-you're a horrible person- you don't deserve to be happy- you've messed up things you can never get back" etc as my Addiction's Voice taunting me. It may not be saying the next line "what's the point, you're demoralized, you might as well drink" but that thought is implicit and for me the regret road is my Addiction's trick.

It is a process. At this point let those thoughts go.... they will come back when you have more sober strength and are ready to deal with them a bit at a time.

NorCaliGal

EternalQ, that is a good question. I don't travel for work all that often. Maybe two or three times a year. So thankfully I haven't developed a pattern of drinking on business trips. Most of my travel is to attend classes so outside of the classes I am studying or keeping up on work while I'm out of the office. That being said this particular trip is one where the meeting attendees do tend to go out on the town in the evenings. But since my boss normally attends this meeting they don't know me well enough to know whether I'm a drinker or not, so if I establish a baseline "I don't drink" with them I'm thinking should be fine. I also don't want to have to report back here that my 47+ days went down the drain!

EternalQ

That makes sense Norcal. And I know I wanted to stay sober for my classmates too.

Croissant

Hahaha....this has crossed my mind a couple of times too.

Have had 2 unplanned visits to the pub in the last 36 hours. All is good. Yesterday was odd though as we ended up there for lunch and I was more interested in eating and completely (yes, honestly) forgot it was a pub. What I was not prepared for was the smell of the bar....all my senses suddenly physically peaking, a prickling sensation came over me...you know when you see a dog pulling on its owners leash to go for a walk? That's what it felt my body was doing....champing at the bit to get some of what I could smell.

I then calmly sat down and had my lunch. My whole physical reaction was involuntary...and I didn't even think, God I'd love a drink....it was just a totally physical feeling and I don't even know if I've described it properly.

Then tonight, one minute I was outside the office chatting to a friend, when she suddenly grabbed me mid conversation and said, lets grab a drink. We cross the road and are in the pub within less than a minute. The best thing was....I ordered lemonade and she said nothing. Later I did volunteer that I'd been having a break and alcohol really wasn't doing much for me....and she completely agreed she was feeling the same. As we left, we also passed an old watering hole of ours down the street that was full of colleagues drinking, and she said, 'see, I look at that and it does nothing for me'. I looked and I thought, yes, there's nothing there for me that I think I'm missing out on.

Those kinds of thoughts would have been inconceivable to me a few short months ago.

Life is good today.

Ladybug2

Hi everyone!

Day 35 and it has been a super busy week, so far. Busy is good for me right now. I struggle the most when I am home and have down time. Rushing around this morning to make an 11 appt so will share more later. Just wanted to say hi and wish everyone a great day! You all are doing so well and it inspires me everyday to come here and read your posts

CaseyW

Day 48 complete. Work was fairly slow and boring. Went to an eight pm meeting. It was a Big Book study that mainly focused on the last few pages of chapter seven titled "Working With Others." The main focus of those pages reminded me of this website quite a bit because the topic of these pages is something I see discussed here a lot. They are mainly about dealing with being around alcohol in sobriety. I don't remember ever having read these pages before and was glad I got to last night. There's some good stuff in there but, more than that, reading them with the group led to some outstanding discussion. I work around alcohol on a daily basis and so far it has not been an issue at all. I don't have the slightest desire to drink and don't care that others are still able to drink without facing the same consequences I would. That being said, I know that my situation demands constant vigilance.

Day 49 starts now. Going to work in a bit and then going to apply for an apartment. I have rotten credit including a fairly recent rental history blemish, so I'm hoping I can find a place that is willing to work with me now that I'm trying to live a good, honest life. I've been staying with my folks but while they love me, they also want me to move on. I don't blame them for that. I've mentioned this before, but the town I live in right now is one of the centers of gas/oil production in the country and has had a very strong economy for the last few years while the rest of the country was suffering. As a result, rent is high here. Worse comes to worse, there are a lot of people renting out bedrooms, etc., but I really want to find a place on my own.

And, of course, I'll make a meeting tonight. I'll say once again that those of you who haven't given AA/NA a shot should try at least a few meetings. The fellowship is amazing and if the higher power stuff offends you, just ignore it. Personally, I just think of my own higher power as the good person inside me and inside you and inside everybody else in the world that just wants me to lead a good, honest life where I don't hurt myself or others and live as much at peace as possible. The fellowship in this group is an example of that higher power to me.

Leshar

Hi all,

Just trying to muddle through, day by day. Into my third month, and its a struggle. I had really strong cravings last night. I ate ice cream and cookies before bed which isn't good for me.

Went to my yoga class this morning, and then read a magazine at the library. I just wanted to be around ppl. Being alone so much really gets to me.

Good luck with your accommodation hunt, Casey, I hope you find something suitable.

Croissant

Yes, Casey....I have AA or something similar on my radar. On my to do list this weekend. Will report back. :P

Good luck finding a new place....sending you good karma! Fingers crossed!

Leshar...yes, I'm alone here too a lot. Looking for ways to socialise in some way more. I live in a city, my work colleagues are all pretty hefty drinkers....in fact there is a huge drinking culture generally in this city. I'm going to have to join a knitting club or something! Lol.

Quick post cos I'm of to work. Friday!!!

Humbug

Day 58 for me and I haven't even reach two months yet and it feels like forever since I quit drinking. I'm go on vacation next week and I'm getting major cravings to have some beers and watch the game this Sunday. I just have to get out of the trap that makes me feel alcohol makes everything more enjoyable, and that I won't enjoy without it.
I'm going to enjoy watching Football this weekend and enjoy my vacation without alcohol or drugs.

Dee74

stay focused humbug - would those few beers you're dreaming of being worth going back to the stuff that bought you here to SR in the first place?

D

GwenCummings

Just been skim reading everything I've missed whilst I've been away camping. Well done to everyone whose still here. I've had a funny old time, some really old, some bad.

Mood swings.. Check

Tantrums.... Check

Anxiety attacks.... Check

Still sober on day 56..... Double check!!

I have had to eat my own body weight in chocolate but I am sober. :-)

resolute50

Day 41 is drawing to a close.
I can't believe how much I get done around the house now.
Even planning to create a "to do" list for myself.

Found this picture today. Makes sense.
Have a great sober Thurs-Fri.

Dee74

one of my favourite sayings Bob

D

Humbug

I won't drink but I was just thinking it is such a messed up thought that I'm thinking that I can only enjoy with alcohol. I realize this is wrong thinking an I don't need alcohol to enjoy anything it is a false thought.
I will enjoy my week vacation and watching football in Sunday more. And I will remember what happen during the game.
I got my employee evaluation two days ago. My boss wrote that my job performance has been great the past few months and that I've been doing above and beyond my work load. I'm not fight a hangover at the beginning of work anymore and not fight the rush to go home early to drink at the end of the end of the day.
I'm improving so much as a person now and to continue to improve and the only way to keep is not to go back drinking or doing drugs.

Ladybug2

Thanks for that pic, Bob! I am a huge worrywart and dweller of past mistakes so I needed that

Hope everyone is doing well. Had a close call today, but thankfully I came to my senses in time. Took my daughter to this great little historic downtown area to enjoy the beautiful fall day. We walked past this cute little bistro that had tables set up outside and my daughter really wanted to eat there (she is 3 1/2 BTW). Think she just liked the way the tables were set up Anyway, I had heard great things about this place and have been wanting to try it for lunch so we sat down. I immediately saw 2 ladies enjoying their glasses of wine and all of a sudden I REALLY wanted one. It was like someone else (AV, no doubt) took over my body/mind for a minute because I was seriously thinking of blowing my 35 days and ordering one. I kept thinking "I will and can just have one glass". Thankfully, I snapped out of it and ordered an iced tea instead. Just goes to show we have to have our guard up at all times! If I would have had that glass of wine I would have had "just one more" with lunch, then would have stopped at the liquor store on the way home so I could continue drinking into tonight. So glad I am here instead