Leshar

Hi folks,

This worries me. I'm hungry, i have an appetite, but I don't relish food, it all tastes bland, even when I spice it up. I look forward to ice cream, that's about the only thing. I've lost 5lbs in the past month, and I've always been a bit underwt anyway, I don't like it, makes me look gaunt, it's ageing. Trying to "graze" but really nothing appeals to me. Drinking lots of water.

My concern is that wine for me always went with the evening meal, I know it would make me enjoy food, enhance eating. I don't want to go there, but I don't like how I look, and its not getting better, I'm sitting here, hungry, there's food in the fridge, but I can't think of anything to make, nothing appeals. I'm sure this isn't helping with the fatigue. I was never this tired nor loosing wt when I was drinking.
Dunno what to do, taking vitamins regularly.

Tired, frustrated, disappointed.

Dee74

did you end up seeing the doctor about depression Leshar?
no appetite is always one of my 'tells'

D

Leshar

The thing is i do have an appetite, well I get hungry; if the food is consumed with wine, it has taste, I enjoy it, now I don't. I've had depression where I've lost my appetite, lost 20lbs in less than a month, skin and bones, very sick.

My psychiatrist can't do anything. I have no faith in my depression ever being manageable for the long term, it's not his fault, I've been on every ad known to man. But I'm prepared to stick it out without drinking but what if I get worse with wt loss?
Even if I had my own personal gourmet chef, it wouldn't taste any different. I really hope this will get better. It's been two months, there should be some hook to keep me invested, surely?
Yeah, I know I'm complaining, I just don't want to drink, so I'm posting, that's all.

Dee74

You're not complaining too much Leshar - this is exactly what these threads are for.

If depression is the problem and your pdoc is not helping, maybe you need a new one, or at least a second opinion?

If depressions not the problem, maybe your AV has convinced you you can't enjoy food without wine?

any ideas on how you could dispel that idea?

D

yoohoo

Day 51. Unbelievable...

trikyriky

Good morning mates , No plans except to not use. I thought about it last night and even had text my dealer , I know I gotta stop that . In the end I didn't follow up on the text and turned off my phone. I feel good about it today but am a little out of sorts. Anxious , sad . It'll pass and if it don't I'll post it. I want to get back to work , that ain't normal but I've had to many days off. Today is the fourth day off and don't have a plan for today .

I won't take the easy road and use no matter how bad I feel

Tr

Croissant

Man, when are you going to delete that number? X

(I know, I know....but you really SHOULD delete it)

Leshar....kind of get your thoughts about food. I get hungry, I can eat....but somehow the satisfaction isn't there???

I even ask myself, 'if you could really demolish a plate of something, what would it be'? Nothing really comes to mind. I love my healthy smoothies etc....but there's nothing I really crave to eat. On the flip side, I am eating really healthy and taking supplements, so maybe my body isn't 'craving' anything really?

Maybe the 'hunger' and satisfaction of food when drinking, was more the body screaming out for vitamins nd minerals and anything going in felt good? Not sue, but can relate Leshar.

trikyriky

Croissant : I can't delete , its burnt in memory. It'll be SR for me today , my lifeboat

Thanks
Tr

Croissant

Yeah, sorry.

When I'm having a good day....I forget....didn't mean to sound flippant.

Be kind to yourself....keep saying no, like sober you wants you to. If you get through these few weeks, you never have to do them again. That's what I keep telling myself.

CaseyW

Day 45 complete. Work was fine. Babysat my nephew all evening/overnight. Up way too early this morning.

Day 46 starts now. Work all day. Looking forward to a day off tomorrow.

Ladybug2

Hi everyone,

I've been sober for exactly 1 month today I don't ever want to do that first month over again. It is Labor Day here in the States and the only thing I keep thinking is thank god the liquor stores are closed here today. Not that I want to drink, but my in-laws are coming over today for my MIL's bd. They are a trigger so I am just glad I won't have the option of "running to the store". I think it is time to start figuring or trying to figure out why certain things are triggers - like my in-laws, hubby going away (being alone), boredom, beautiful sunny days, dreary rainy days, etc. Maybe these things will always be triggers and I just need to find ways to get through them?

Riky, hang on, friend. You are doing so well and as Croissant said - get through these first few weeks and you never have to do them again! I know that is what keeps me going. Stay close and keep talking to us

Leshar, hope you feel better today. Don't ever feel like you are complaining too much. That's what we are all here for

Hope everyone else is doing well and having a nice day!

Leshar

Ladybug, one month! Fabulous.

I think I'm going to go mad with social isolation. I feel miserable.

Ladybug2

Leshar - just a thought, but do you belong to a gym? If not, that may help? Most places have a lot of different aerobic/yoga classes that would be a good place to meet new people? I know I have met and befriended a lot of new people at my gym (and I am kind of an introvert).

trikyriky

No , dont feel that way , I'm alone too . I have panic every day . What'll i do ? How will i make it today ? I ask myself these questions everyday , but somehow i do. I will today. You will too. We have this site. We have each other

CaseyW

Congrats on one month Ladybug!

Leshar

Thanks, guys, yes I belong to a gym, need to get back to wts, I go to yoga classes there, haven't met anyone, ppl just leave when class is over.

I wrote a couple of emails to my sister, a friend about things, but its like everyone is too busy to pay attention, just got one line responses, hey just quickly, I've got x y and z to do, talk later! Kind of answer. It bugs me, I'm so fn angry with everyone. No one fn listens to me, sorry, of course, you guys do, but I'm angry at my hb too, I wanted kids, he didnt, my choice to stay with him, but he's gone.
I just get so mad that everyone reaches out to me when they're in need, when they're not they just F off.
F*****************k!!! Mad as hell, there's no answer, drinking isn't it, I know.
Wtf am I going to do with the rest of my ****** life!
Don't need answers from u guys, gotta just breathe, you're right, Riky, just get thru today.

Leshar

Hi Everyone,

I'm sorry, there's just no answers. I can't/won't drink, will just keep going day by day, what else can you do?

Croissant

Yes Leshar.....the alternative doesnt bear thinking about.

I felt ragey/damn angry over the weekend too. I know you don't expect any answers off us and just want to get things off your chest, but yeah, you aren't alone in your excessive use of the f word.

I hope also that mrritter visits soon.

Some days we are strong and some we are vulnerable, it is comforting to know we all care about each others journey.

Leshar

Hi Croissant,

Thanks, needed to hear that!

Boy, do I have quite the potty mouth when I get mad!!

Croissant

Oh, on that note, congrats Ladybug on one month! Good luck with the alcohol free in law experience! Xx

Day 39 here....even though its nearly 3am. Drunk neighbour woke me up. The irony....definitely time for loud music early tomorrow morning when I'm getting ready for work. Evil. Me.

Childish? Yes, and hey, in these early days....I'm giving myself the luxury of being cranky if I want to be. Not healthy to keep it on, right?