SereneEdition

>Dunno if you're driving standard or automatic, but if standard, do you find yourself hitting the door with your hand all the time?

lol. yes. I kept trying to get in on the wrong side of the car too.

V - I would love to post some photos. Hopefully I'll get a chance to sort out my lack of hard drive space here soon. Thanks for picking up on the sister bonding time too - it feels special.

liss - sorry I missed your post. Hope she comes back soon. Venus is spot on that you'll be more helpful not drinking.

SereneEdition

Fantail - Thanks for sharing your VERY touching story. We're very much pulling for you. Would you be up for doing a quick daily post this week? I really enjoy reading your posts.

For me drinking is a coping symptom, so the fact that you have clarity on what is causing that internal anxiety and unrest is a huge step in the right direction. well done!
Also, good chance that alcohol is making any underlying anxiety worse by artificially amplifying it - it took me two weeks till I started to notice.

It's just one data point, but I'm 35 and hands down I'm enjoying my 30s more than my 20s - I have both energy and wisdom to draw on

SereneEdition

Hi Venus - at the moment I'm watching the full moon rise over tower bridge in London as the sunsets - truly beautiful and would love to share with you.

Can't figure out how to upload from my camera tho!

Still, thinking of you and hope you feel better!

venuscat

Hi Serene ((hugs))), and hello to all the lovely Februarians ♥

liss ~ can't get you and your kitten out of my mind.... did you find her love?

Love to all,

V xx

venuscat

~Belly Button Birthday List~ (so far ♥)


liss Sept 22
1stepup Nov 5
Easyrider Dec 9
goose Dec 29
venus Feb 10
Mel Jun 3
wehav Jun 20
PreciosKitty Jun 22
Dee July 26
fantail Aug 4

So sorry we missed your milestone birthday fantail ((hugs)).

And we need to add you to the list Serene and Mvngon.
And anyone else... ?

Love V xx

PS. I want to apologise for all the drama re my health in the past couple of months.
It's actually quite embarrassing, because I do not like being a drama queen!!!
I now realise I need to put a lot more effort into taking better care of myself.
It's a fairly new concept after decades of treating myself so badly.

liss74

YES she came home the next night OMG prayed like I've never prayed before sorry for worrying u she's AOK sleeping right next to me as I type god I love her went away my cute lil kitty came back warrior princess Zena haha lil turd

venuscat

Oh so good to hear liss (((hugs))).

V xx

1stepup

Hi everyone, well this is the longest ive been sober in over a year! 32 days now, its been good, my mum enjoyed her visit and told my sister that she is happy that I am happy- so different to a year ago when she visited. Went to the races last Saturday and it seemed like everyone was drinking around me, there was one poor older guy who was lying on the floor totally gone and when he woke up he had the shakes, could hear and see people laughing and looking in disgust, it was a reminder of where one drink leads with me and I don't wont it back. He was helped out in the end poor soul.

Had a text from an old school mate on sunday saying 'Hi Bud fancy a beer?', I made an excuse saying I had work the next day so had to have an early night, Im felt guilty a bit after for not going but I knew where it would lead even if I went on the intention of drinking soft drinks its a big risk at this stage and one I cant afford to take. He text back the next day saying 'no worries', it shows how my thoughts make me saying no into a big deal and fear that he wont be a friend anymore, need to be aware of this in future.

In work today I had to help erect a huge marquee and drinks tent ready for a charity barbeque on Sunday, I cant attend though Im going to my friend from AA kids' birthday party that day with my girls.

Its just got me thinking, I was ok in at the races because I was there with my sister and her husband and they're not drinkers, but how long did you guys wait in sobriety before you could trust yourself in drinking environments?

Glad you're cats safe and well liss .

Enjoy London Serene, ive been a couple of times, once to watch Bruce Springsteen in Wembley arena and once at Hyde park- won tickets to see Live 8, I measured some vodka mixed with a thimble of lemonade which I proceeded to drop whilst running to get to the front- how I panicked when I realised!!!! Saw some great Bands though- My faves REM, and pink Floyd among others- sorry Im rambling!

And so happy and relieved that you're ok Venus.

Take care all and love and peace to you. x

venuscat

Hi 1stepup, so glad you had a good time with your mum and family, and congratulations lovely friend on your sober time....yey you.
Proud of you, happy for you!!! ♥♥

With regards to your question, I may well be very different from everyone else, but I DO NOT go into drinking environments at all.
I'm not comfortable. As for how long this will continue? I honestly don't know. I know that I have had months of sobriety in the past, and then gone back.
I don't want that to happen again.

Is this weakness on my part? I don't know that either. But I don't judge myself on this.
It's just what I need to do.

Tons of love to you, and hugs for everyone,

Venus xx

melissa6381

Hi everyone. In the airport on my way home from my trip. Had a great time overall. Spent time in Boston, bought my wedding dress, explored Brooklyn, and BBQed at a fancy hamptons mansion. Pretty good adventure overall.

Couple of things to mention.

1. My dad. It's tough to watch/be around. We sat down to dinner one night and he opened a bottle of wine. Within the 45 minutes we sat and ate he drank the whole thing by himself. He hardly ever leaves the house and just gets wasted by himself every single day. It's hard to think about my mom who doesn't drink putting up with that all the time. Their dynamic has changed since she retired this year so there was a different vibe than normal in the house. We went to a restaurant for lunch, it took the waitress a while to come over and his anxiety about getting a drink was triggering me. He ordered another beer just as the first one hit the table. I pick up on other people's emotions and feel them myself so I relived that alcoholic desperation in that moment.
Ugh. I dunno you guys. He doesn't think he's an alcoholic. Its strange- he can drink all day long and not black out but for me i black out after 6 drinks. If it is genetic why is my reaction so so different? In conclusion the whole thing is hard for me and I'm still processing- one of the real struggles of my lifetime is my relationship with him.

2. When I was in the hamptons my friends outspoken father in law took it upon himself to let me know he used to be in AA for 10 years and could help me network to find meetings in Arizona. He was telling me all this with a glass of tequila in his hand. Apparently 7 years ago he decided he was ready to start drinking responsibly and made the conscious choice to start again. I found all of this really off-putting considering I had A. Not talked to him about my drinking (my friends husband must have told them because they kept offering me drinks) and B. he's telling me all this with a drink in his hand- to even put the thought that drinking is a future option into my head shook me up. I discussed this with my friend later on who said, "I've seen you drink and I've seen him drink and they are two different experiences... Whether he was actually an alcoholic or not- you definitely are- something happens to you when alcohol hits your body and its not normal- take this encounter as an experience that was meant to test you and you are going to pass"

3. Had my usual triggers of "I want a drink" when I got to an emotional state today because I was sad about leaving my mom. Made note of it- "you want to drink when things are hard- work through it" and the trigger faded.

4. Missed you guys- glad to be back. V, how are you feeling? Fantail- worried about you and that whiskey.... Are you going to yoga? Serene had some good advice about checking in daily- please stay connected to us.


Love you all, M.

melissa6381

I haven't been avoiding people who are drinking as much as I have been avoiding drunk people.

My coworkers like to go to sushi after work and have one drink apiece which I can handle but I haven't been hanging out at bars.

I will never drink again. I don't avoid out of fear of picking up but I find bars and drunk people annoying and socially uncomfortable. I now much prefer a quiet night at home.

It's a little strange for me because I sell alcohol for a living and so am always in "drinking situations" I am constantly opening bottles of wine at my tables and serving margaritas. I'm honestly really proud of my ability to control myself despite these constant interactions with alcohol.

I was reading a book on the plane today that had a passage that sums up what's this is like for me:

“When offered wine, Johnson declined, explaining, “Abstinence is as easy to me, as temperance would be difficult.” That’s me! I’d realized. Johnson and I were “abstainers” who found it much easier to abstain than to indulge moderately. I’m not tempted by things I’ve decided are off-limits, but once I’ve started something, I have trouble stopping. If I never do something, it requires no self-control for me; if I do something sometimes, it requires enormous self control"

SereneEdition

Liss - so glad Zena is back!

Mel - Welcome home. Sounds like an amazing trip! Thanks for updating us and kudos on how you worked through all the challenges. Congrats on getting your dress!

V - Self care sounds like a great focus. Like anything rewarding, health is hard work and takes foucs! Funny, I too thought for years that good health just 'happens.' If it helps, a saying from the dali lama helps me put the new mindset into practice - when confronted with a choice in daily life, he asks himself 'is this life giving, or life taking.' (btw 3 months in and I still seem to be absorbing vitamins like a sponge.)

1step - Congrats on 32 days! Sounds like you had a great visit too! I generally avoid the drinking places (even though I was an at home solo drinker). On strong days there is very little anyone could do to tempt me, but on weaker days there is a risk, and I'm not sure which days will be which.

One thing - I noticed that I stopped being concerned about the question once I set up a social life that met my needs outside of drinking environments, which I achieved by deliberately avoiding the drinking places for a period.

btw, so cool that you got to see the boss! I got tickets to see him in NY one year and then a hurricane prevented the show, so it's still on my bucket list!

Hi MV and Dee - thinking of you both!

SereneEdition

Btw, does anyone else get flash moments where they feel like they are 'seeing' the world around them for the first time (fueled by a shifting perspective that wasn't there when they were drinking)

For me it feels like de j'vou (spelling?) but of the eye opening, 'a hah!' sense, rather than a memory. The moments have a bit of a punch!

Soberpotamus

I'm in the April class but I had to respond to this... Yes! Glad to hear someone else is experiencing this

Sent from my iPhone using SoberRecovery

venuscat

Serene and Jenny ~ YES!!! Absolutely....

Don't even really have words for it, except to say that sometimes it's overwhelmingly lovely. On the flip side, I am also seeing some of the harsher realities with clear eyes, which can be disconcerting...the rose-coloured glasses are definitely off.

BUT...the good is way better: I am finding that I love with the passion I had when I was a child, before I got frightened of the world and started hiding from it.

If that makes sense....

Great to see you Mel ((hugs)).
Welcome home hun.

Love V xx

venuscat

Mel ~ I've been sitting here thinking about your post.
First of all, I'm still feeling lousy, oh well. Not fun, but not forever

I was thinking about your dad and his bottle, and your friends' comments and actions.
There is a powerful story in the Big Book about an alcoholic who stopped and then decided he could drink responsibly again.
I dunno, if that guy (your friend's dad) wants to play with fire, that's his prerogative.
But not really sure where he was coming from trying to set you up with meetings in his present state of mind? It would have made me angry.

Even if alcoholism is hereditary, there is no reason why you have to react the same way as your dad.
For one thing, alcohol is processed pretty differently by men and women.
And you are a tiny little thing anyway... Also love, if your dad has been doing this for what, years? Then he has built up a tolerance I would imagine.

I think you are brave and strong to be able to be around all of that.
My sister is an alcoholic in denial, and I can no longer deal with her when she is drunk.

Hmm, this is a little all over the place perhaps. Sorry.

Love you,

V xx

venuscat

Forgot to say thank you Serene for the dalai lama quote; it's very helpful! ((hugs)).

Off to bed with my book, or I should say my phone...great e reader app ♥

Nite and love to all,

V xx

SereneEdition

Night Night V!

Hi Jennie - stop by anytime!
I get those moments too - of the harsher reality.

melissa6381

Serene I first got this shift years ago when I came out of my really heavy drinking days- and even more so after reading eckhartt tolles "a new earth". After I read that book my whole way of perception changed. I think it's what people mean when they use the word awakening- like your mind body and soul becomes aligned with the present moment and it feels like a deep sense of joy. I think that's what you mean anyways.

SereneEdition

Yes Mel - sounds like it! Definitely has an "awakening" essence. I put new earth on my reading list - thanks for the tip.

Today I'm starting 7 habits of highly successful people and off to see bleneim palace and the cotswolds. Enjoying the start of the book as he outlines a framework about paradigms in a very digestible manner.