Class of March 2012 Part 7
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Glad you're back on track Hypo xxx
I have no idea what the format will be for these group therapy sessions. All I know is I'm terrified of public speaking still. I have to do a fair bit of it at work and sometimes I think I'm getting past the anxiety, then sometimes the nerves will hit me from nowhere. I can feel the panic rising and I have to keep giving myself little pep talks. Just last week I had to address a staff meeting...about 25 people I'm guessing, and I started feeling sick and was actually praying in my head..please God remove this fear!!! I got through it. Just.
I think I'm now just thinking I will do it HOWEVER I'm feeling about it. I don't attend many AA meetings now and rarely share. I had a panic attack at one last Summer and that worry has never left me really.
My sponsor told me that is old news and I'm to stop using that story as an excuse not to speak....so I have. But it's hard. What I keep saying to myself is that what I say might help someone else and it's not all about me.
I haven't heard any more about this group, but I will let you know when I do. I will probably be whining about it and acting like I'm 6 years old...ha ha, I'm good at that!
Sigh...another Monday morning. I wonder what this week will bring.
Have a good week guys xxx
I have no idea what the format will be for these group therapy sessions. All I know is I'm terrified of public speaking still. I have to do a fair bit of it at work and sometimes I think I'm getting past the anxiety, then sometimes the nerves will hit me from nowhere. I can feel the panic rising and I have to keep giving myself little pep talks. Just last week I had to address a staff meeting...about 25 people I'm guessing, and I started feeling sick and was actually praying in my head..please God remove this fear!!! I got through it. Just.
I think I'm now just thinking I will do it HOWEVER I'm feeling about it. I don't attend many AA meetings now and rarely share. I had a panic attack at one last Summer and that worry has never left me really.
My sponsor told me that is old news and I'm to stop using that story as an excuse not to speak....so I have. But it's hard. What I keep saying to myself is that what I say might help someone else and it's not all about me.
I haven't heard any more about this group, but I will let you know when I do. I will probably be whining about it and acting like I'm 6 years old...ha ha, I'm good at that!
Sigh...another Monday morning. I wonder what this week will bring.
Have a good week guys xxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I think it is totally normal to be scared of public speaking Jeni, especially if you have panic attack associations. I am like that with places I had panic attacks (basically everywhere eventually) but it is like being sober, once I had got through it again the association went away. Didn't you say ages ago that you were doing better with public speaking at work? Not to say that ever won't be terrifying though. My sis is an opera singer and her tactic for stage fright or for when I director was being a dick to her was to imagine them all naked, and with tiny willies. That never fails to amuse me 
I have felt my anxiety rising again this week, dunno if work is a big part of it too cos I was okay over the weekend. But I have been much more rational. I have been listening to my buddhist podcasts which really help me and I have been trying to focus on the bigger picture rather than focus on these tiny issues which are winding me up. It's all a learning curve...
How's you INH? x
I have felt my anxiety rising again this week, dunno if work is a big part of it too cos I was okay over the weekend. But I have been much more rational. I have been listening to my buddhist podcasts which really help me and I have been trying to focus on the bigger picture rather than focus on these tiny issues which are winding me up. It's all a learning curve...
How's you INH? x
Random Guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
I'm doing alright, pretty well actually considering, thanks for asking.
Sorry I can't really relate to the public speaking problems, sure I don't like having to do it, but I have had to on multiple occasions in my life. When I was in Africa I was the main speaker at the Marine Corps Ball, which means I was in uniform at a podium speaking in front of 300-400 people. All of whom were somehow diplomatically connected within the country. I was the color sergeant for my unit for about a year, if you've seen a parade with the military in it there is a group of four guys, two holding rifles and two holding flags. I was the guy holding the American Flag and giving commands to the others. Did that for a few ceremonies and such. That was probably the worst examples but I could name quite a few others.
Not talking this week because of my surgery has been interesting. I walk around with a dry erase board and write what I want to say on it. You would be surprised how many people stop talking to me and start signing themselves or start writing things down for me lol. I just point to my ear, give a thumbs up and smile to let them know that my ears work fine.
Still talking to that woman, so that's going well. She may be swinging down to see me here soon, and I'm pretty excited for that. It will only be a brief visit as she is primarily driving down to Phoenix where she is going to live and find herself a job. That is awesome however as Phoenix is only four hours away from me.
Meetings have been weird lately. In December it seemed like there were new people coming in every day, now in January there isn't hardly anyone. Add to that, we have a new crew of people whom are court ordered to be there whom aren't really contributing to anything their just being obnoxious and bumming smokes off of everyone. I am still going five days a week with rare exceptions being when I'm tired as hell and sleep through it lol. A couple of times it has been so slow I wrote down my share on my dry erase board and had someone else read it lol.
Honestly you two sound a little down, I hope it isn't too bad, it is a kinda crapy time of the year for a lot of people. The rush of the holidays is over and your still stuck with the prospect of a couple more months of miserable weather. Well here's hoping things take an upswing, or that I'm completely in the wrong. Either way, have a good one ladies!
Sorry I can't really relate to the public speaking problems, sure I don't like having to do it, but I have had to on multiple occasions in my life. When I was in Africa I was the main speaker at the Marine Corps Ball, which means I was in uniform at a podium speaking in front of 300-400 people. All of whom were somehow diplomatically connected within the country. I was the color sergeant for my unit for about a year, if you've seen a parade with the military in it there is a group of four guys, two holding rifles and two holding flags. I was the guy holding the American Flag and giving commands to the others. Did that for a few ceremonies and such. That was probably the worst examples but I could name quite a few others.
Not talking this week because of my surgery has been interesting. I walk around with a dry erase board and write what I want to say on it. You would be surprised how many people stop talking to me and start signing themselves or start writing things down for me lol. I just point to my ear, give a thumbs up and smile to let them know that my ears work fine.
Still talking to that woman, so that's going well. She may be swinging down to see me here soon, and I'm pretty excited for that. It will only be a brief visit as she is primarily driving down to Phoenix where she is going to live and find herself a job. That is awesome however as Phoenix is only four hours away from me.
Meetings have been weird lately. In December it seemed like there were new people coming in every day, now in January there isn't hardly anyone. Add to that, we have a new crew of people whom are court ordered to be there whom aren't really contributing to anything their just being obnoxious and bumming smokes off of everyone. I am still going five days a week with rare exceptions being when I'm tired as hell and sleep through it lol. A couple of times it has been so slow I wrote down my share on my dry erase board and had someone else read it lol.
Honestly you two sound a little down, I hope it isn't too bad, it is a kinda crapy time of the year for a lot of people. The rush of the holidays is over and your still stuck with the prospect of a couple more months of miserable weather. Well here's hoping things take an upswing, or that I'm completely in the wrong. Either way, have a good one ladies!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hi INH..no, I'm not down at all. Honestly. Sorry I gave that impression.
I have a stressful job that's for sure, but I'm so much better at handling stress now. In my job I'm responsible for all the kids aged 2-14 and the staff that teach them...about 40 staff I suppose. It does involve pupil, staff and parent support and as our kids have lots of challenges, they need lots of that! When we lose a child it hits us all hard. It is really sad, but we all stick together and carry on.
It doesn't bring any of us down too far because the kids need us to be strong for them. They don't understand what dying is or make allowances for people around them operating under emotional stress. No, they just carry on and so do we. That's exactly the way it should be.
I'm far from down INH. Things are going very well for me right now.
Ooh...your lady friend is moving closer? Aha...if it's written in the stars...
You're doing well with 5 meetings a week. I do one. But I spend lots of time on recovery related stuff. I'm sponsoring one person, and got 2 others I'm supporting daily but who are not ready to work the steps. I'm part of an online AA recovery group and visit there every day. Recovery is still central to my life.
How are you doing now Hypo my lovely??xxx
I have a stressful job that's for sure, but I'm so much better at handling stress now. In my job I'm responsible for all the kids aged 2-14 and the staff that teach them...about 40 staff I suppose. It does involve pupil, staff and parent support and as our kids have lots of challenges, they need lots of that! When we lose a child it hits us all hard. It is really sad, but we all stick together and carry on.
It doesn't bring any of us down too far because the kids need us to be strong for them. They don't understand what dying is or make allowances for people around them operating under emotional stress. No, they just carry on and so do we. That's exactly the way it should be.
I'm far from down INH. Things are going very well for me right now.
Ooh...your lady friend is moving closer? Aha...if it's written in the stars...
You're doing well with 5 meetings a week. I do one. But I spend lots of time on recovery related stuff. I'm sponsoring one person, and got 2 others I'm supporting daily but who are not ready to work the steps. I'm part of an online AA recovery group and visit there every day. Recovery is still central to my life.
How are you doing now Hypo my lovely??xxx
Random Guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Sorry I got the wrong impression Jen. I guess I need to read these a little more as I have only been skimming and then a couple day after come back and put something down. I have fallen far and away from SR as I used to do it. So that's probably my error. Glad to hear it is an error though
I don't know about being "written in the stars" lol, its just a damn site more convenient. Going all the way to Idaho is not a trip I can take very often. and hey no poking fun dang it, do you have any idea when the last time was that I liked a woman and she me? lol its been a while. I think I've talked about it here. Regardless though its probably a good thing we don't live too close, it has forced us to take our time through this initial infatuation phase. I'm not going to lie though I am very much looking forward to her coming to visit as she rolls through to Phoenix.
I used to go to a meeting every day, but have gotten away from Fridays and Sundays. Fridays usually because by the end of the week i'm a tired cookie and I just want to sleep. And Sundays because the meeting I would go to is a daily reflections meeting and seeing as how I am not huge on the "god" concept I didn't want to bring a detrimental message to people who are there just for that. I secretary two meetings now, but the second one I only took in lieu of finding someone else that wants to and is qualified. Though that probably means it will stay mine for the foreseeable future lol. Steps man o man steps, I very much stopped at three I guess there is no denying it after a year sober and no work done on four. I don't even meet with my sponsor any more for step work. haven't in a while. I don't know when or if I will but I suppose I should if AA is going to continue to be a part of my life, which so far I plan for it to be.
Well I am going to go, what with all this ancillary stuff going on in my life work has kinda taken a back seat and I have a test tomorrow I am very unprepared for, so I gotta study.
have a good one all I will try to post more often.
I don't know about being "written in the stars" lol, its just a damn site more convenient. Going all the way to Idaho is not a trip I can take very often. and hey no poking fun dang it, do you have any idea when the last time was that I liked a woman and she me? lol its been a while. I think I've talked about it here. Regardless though its probably a good thing we don't live too close, it has forced us to take our time through this initial infatuation phase. I'm not going to lie though I am very much looking forward to her coming to visit as she rolls through to Phoenix.
I used to go to a meeting every day, but have gotten away from Fridays and Sundays. Fridays usually because by the end of the week i'm a tired cookie and I just want to sleep. And Sundays because the meeting I would go to is a daily reflections meeting and seeing as how I am not huge on the "god" concept I didn't want to bring a detrimental message to people who are there just for that. I secretary two meetings now, but the second one I only took in lieu of finding someone else that wants to and is qualified. Though that probably means it will stay mine for the foreseeable future lol. Steps man o man steps, I very much stopped at three I guess there is no denying it after a year sober and no work done on four. I don't even meet with my sponsor any more for step work. haven't in a while. I don't know when or if I will but I suppose I should if AA is going to continue to be a part of my life, which so far I plan for it to be.
Well I am going to go, what with all this ancillary stuff going on in my life work has kinda taken a back seat and I have a test tomorrow I am very unprepared for, so I gotta study.
have a good one all I will try to post more often.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Wow, you are doing so much for AA, and still not worked those steps? Is there something holding you back? Not procrastinating are you by any chance? Lol.
I'm so pleased you are having some happiness in your life.
I can't begin to explain what a difference there is in your posts over the last year. You sound so grounded and strong. You should go back and read some of your earlier posts...you would be amazed. Sometimes it's hard to see the progress ourselves.
You and Hypo sound so grown up now. Xxx
I'm so pleased you are having some happiness in your life.
I can't begin to explain what a difference there is in your posts over the last year. You sound so grounded and strong. You should go back and read some of your earlier posts...you would be amazed. Sometimes it's hard to see the progress ourselves.
You and Hypo sound so grown up now. Xxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
You didn't get the wrong impression with me INH, I am down. I am trying to be grown up and rational though Jeni My natural instinct is to throw my dollies out at every corner. Work has been tense and I am still winding myself up about stuff, and other people's stuff too! None of my business but I am managing to be defensive over my friend who isn't feeling too fab at the minute either. I think there is something in the air.
I agree that you sound so much better these days INH And I hope it goes well with this girl. I am not sure on my dating front, I think I got too excited too quickly and I am backtracking and being defensive now. Maybe I am not ready for that kind of emotional turmoil. I also think my tendency to just like whoever is nice to me means I am not thinking about my own needs often and definitely shows a lack of boundaries. My friend says I think too much, and that may well be, but I have such a shite history I do feel I have to watch it a bit. I am not rushing into any decisions though. This guy is coming out with me and some friends this weekend and I will see a bit more of him next week so I am just going with the flow for now.
I still want to do the steps too INH and am stuck on 4. I am going to email my sponsor tonight but with the counselling and work and volunteering etc... I doubt I will be making speedy progress.
My natural instinct is to throw my dollies out at every corner. Work has been tense and I am still winding myself up about stuff, and other people's stuff too! None of my business but I am managing to be defensive over my friend who isn't feeling too fab at the minute either. I think there is something in the air.I agree that you sound so much better these days INH
And I hope it goes well with this girl. I am not sure on my dating front, I think I got too excited too quickly and I am backtracking and being defensive now. Maybe I am not ready for that kind of emotional turmoil. I also think my tendency to just like whoever is nice to me means I am not thinking about my own needs often and definitely shows a lack of boundaries. My friend says I think too much, and that may well be, but I have such a shite history I do feel I have to watch it a bit. I am not rushing into any decisions though. This guy is coming out with me and some friends this weekend and I will see a bit more of him next week so I am just going with the flow for now.I still want to do the steps too INH and am stuck on 4. I am going to email my sponsor tonight but with the counselling and work and volunteering etc... I doubt I will be making speedy progress.
Random Guy
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Sorry you aren't feeling the best there hypo. This dating thing can be nerve racking at least from my perspective I know that. I assume its even worse for women as let's be honest men can be some major dick heads lol. Trust and believe being in the Marine Corps for ten years I have met some suave dudes that were complete sacks of **** when it came to women. However there are some awesome ones too, I hope you have found yourself the latter.
Oh man do I hear you on the steps not being done, the last two days I have sat down and had some talks with my sponsor about that. I haven't made him any promises and he didn't want any but he did remind me that part of step one is not only admitting I am powerless over alcohol right now, but also acknowledging the need to finish the steps to prevent "that curious mental blank spot" that happens to people with 20 years sober sometimes when they get away from what they know they need to do.
My "lady friend" as Jen so comedicaly referred to her is on her way down. I am super excited but also cleaning like a mad man lol! My place is a wreck and I can't have it this bad right off, I'm not making it slick and span as I don't want to lie to her about who I am but I am absolutely tidying up.
Well back to cleaning, have a good one all!
Oh man do I hear you on the steps not being done, the last two days I have sat down and had some talks with my sponsor about that. I haven't made him any promises and he didn't want any but he did remind me that part of step one is not only admitting I am powerless over alcohol right now, but also acknowledging the need to finish the steps to prevent "that curious mental blank spot" that happens to people with 20 years sober sometimes when they get away from what they know they need to do.
My "lady friend" as Jen so comedicaly referred to her is on her way down
. I am super excited but also cleaning like a mad man lol! My place is a wreck and I can't have it this bad right off, I'm not making it slick and span as I don't want to lie to her about who I am but I am absolutely tidying up. Well back to cleaning, have a good one all!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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Originally Posted by InsertNameHere 
My place is a wreck and I can't have it this bad right off, I'm not making it slick and span as I don't want to lie to her about who I am but I am absolutely tidying up.
Well back to cleaning, have a good one all!
Well back to cleaning, have a good one all!
Ha ha... That just sounds like laziness to me INH!! Not going to tidy it TOO much because it might be seen as lying??
Just put in some elbow grease and make it look nice for your lady friend...
And I can recommend the steps guys...been through them twice now and am enjoying sponsoring. It has given me a new lease of life.
I've had a busy day, been out to a spa with my daughter , Mum and sister. Had a swim then spent the rest of the time in the sauna, steam room, and restaurant. I have decided this way of life suits me just fine....
Have a good week. Xxx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Sounds like you have had a lovely day Jeni
Haha, I have been much tidier since dating too INH. I still let it get a bit chaotic but at least I have a reason to clean up. I've had a nice weekend and the night out went well so I am feeling a bit less defensive now. I am pretty sure he's one of the good guys. We had a chat about how we both like having our own space and I think we are evenly matched on that front. I have a tendency to freak out to be honest at the start of a relationship (could you tell
), but I have already introduced this guy to 3 friends and not felt scared about it. Hope you have a good time with your lady friend INH x
I have a meeting about my volunteering tomorrow. They want me to facilitate a relapse prevention group For whatever reason this doesn't scare me, and it involves public speaking too! We shall see, I may freak out yet... x
Haha, I have been much tidier since dating too INH. I still let it get a bit chaotic but at least I have a reason to clean up. I've had a nice weekend and the night out went well so I am feeling a bit less defensive now. I am pretty sure he's one of the good guys. We had a chat about how we both like having our own space and I think we are evenly matched on that front. I have a tendency to freak out to be honest at the start of a relationship (could you tell
), but I have already introduced this guy to 3 friends and not felt scared about it. Hope you have a good time with your lady friend INH xI have a meeting about my volunteering tomorrow. They want me to facilitate a relapse prevention group
For whatever reason this doesn't scare me, and it involves public speaking too! We shall see, I may freak out yet... x
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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Aww thanks Jeni. It was more convoluted than I thought though, turns out they actually just wanted me to cover one, but the girl I have been working with wants me to take over hers so she can see clients. The good bit is that once they have okayed me to do that there is no reason I can't start my women's group. Basically now I have to write a proposal to be signed off by management and then I can start looking for a venue and get to it Next week though I will be 'observed' facilitating a group for which there is no material to work from as they are re writing it as we speak. So I am going to pick over all the old material and try and figure out what to do. A little bit scary.
I had an AA friend visit me tonight who's mum has just died
I don't think it has sunk in for her yet but she wants to keep busy while her partner is away so we are going to a meeting tomorrow. It's been a busy day.
How is everyone else doing? x
Next week though I will be 'observed' facilitating a group for which there is no material to work from as they are re writing it as we speak. So I am going to pick over all the old material and try and figure out what to do. A little bit scary. I had an AA friend visit me tonight who's mum has just died
I don't think it has sunk in for her yet but she wants to keep busy while her partner is away so we are going to a meeting tomorrow. It's been a busy day.How is everyone else doing? x
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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You're sounding way more positive altogether Hypo. Not sure I'd have the confidence to do what you're doing. I'm still a big girl when it comes to speaking publicly.
I'm good thanks..xxx
I'm good thanks..xxx
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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Well I went to a meeting tonight and I couldn't speak there so I still think public speaking is a problem for me... I think because this relapse prevention thing is in a more official capacity it doesn't bother me so much because I have to do it. Still flapping a bit about what I can talk about though. I basically have tomorrow night to sort something out...
Meeting was lovely tonight though and I want to go back a bit more often. I got a lot out of it tonight and saw a few people that really helped me so that was nice and bit emotional x
Meeting was lovely tonight though and I want to go back a bit more often. I got a lot out of it tonight and saw a few people that really helped me so that was nice and bit emotional x
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Join Date: Mar 2012
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You have so much experience to share Hypo. I know it will be ok. Is there anyone you can talk to who has run one of these groups before? They may be able to help you with a suitable topic to start off with.
Wish I lived closer, I would come and support xx
It is little Jack's funeral today. I dreamt about him last night..that he was laughing and running around with his friends. He never walked during his lifetime so it was such a lovely thing to see. Unfortunately that was then followed by me drinking wine at his wake...ugh....drinking dreams are always a sign of insecurity for me.
Love to everyone xxx
Wish I lived closer, I would come and support xx
It is little Jack's funeral today. I dreamt about him last night..that he was laughing and running around with his friends. He never walked during his lifetime so it was such a lovely thing to see. Unfortunately that was then followed by me drinking wine at his wake...ugh....drinking dreams are always a sign of insecurity for me.
Love to everyone xxx
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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But that fear is sometimes a good thing Jeni. Sometimes I think a little bit of anxiety is useful. It's when we're complacent that we get into trouble. I'll be thinking of you today xxx
I did ask someone but they just said whatever I like... they are in between material so it may just be a discussion group, but I am going to try and find some information which relates to what we were talking about last week which was shame about things people had done drunk... I have the kurtz book shame and guilt so was going to have a look at that but I am not sure I can introduce anything which hasn't been signed off by management so I may just see if the old material has anything useful in it...
Have a good day all xxx
I did ask someone but they just said whatever I like... they are in between material so it may just be a discussion group, but I am going to try and find some information which relates to what we were talking about last week which was shame about things people had done drunk... I have the kurtz book shame and guilt so was going to have a look at that but I am not sure I can introduce anything which hasn't been signed off by management so I may just see if the old material has anything useful in it...
Have a good day all xxx
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
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Hi guys.
I hope you all have a great weekend. I've had one of those unsettled nights, I don't often get them any more, but I had lots of vivid dreams about walking and running through woods, and getting lost.
I've got a day on my own today so I'm going to go do a bit of shopping and then have a relaxing read this afternoon. My life has been so busy lately...long working days, then I seem to spend lots of evenings working with others now. It's good stuff. It all helps with my recovery and I am so grateful for that. But today I think just for a little while I'm going to lay on the sofa and read...
How's it going with everyone else? Xx
I hope you all have a great weekend. I've had one of those unsettled nights, I don't often get them any more, but I had lots of vivid dreams about walking and running through woods, and getting lost.
I've got a day on my own today so I'm going to go do a bit of shopping and then have a relaxing read this afternoon. My life has been so busy lately...long working days, then I seem to spend lots of evenings working with others now. It's good stuff. It all helps with my recovery and I am so grateful for that. But today I think just for a little while I'm going to lay on the sofa and read...
How's it going with everyone else? Xx
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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Sorry you had a bad night Jeni, I didn't realise... a day of reading and no gym was totally justified x
I have had the last few days off work and spent them with 'the boy', haha, not being derogatory but Hux called him that and it's stuck... it's been nice. I don't think I am being emotionally weird anymore, I've had the odd moment where I've been thinking too much but I am just going with the flow. I have so much stuff going on at the moment and not to jinx it but it seems to be a good balance. Ha, not sure I could have ever used the word balanced in relation to me before...
xI have had the last few days off work and spent them with 'the boy', haha, not being derogatory but Hux called him that and it's stuck... it's been nice. I don't think I am being emotionally weird anymore, I've had the odd moment where I've been thinking too much but I am just going with the flow. I have so much stuff going on at the moment and not to jinx it but it seems to be a good balance. Ha, not sure I could have ever used the word balanced in relation to me before...
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Hypo has found balance....yay, bottle it, you could make a fortune!!
Jen meanwhile has uncovered another obsession/addiction that I'm going to have to tackle.
Sigh. When will this ever end?
Jen meanwhile has uncovered another obsession/addiction that I'm going to have to tackle.
Sigh. When will this ever end?
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