Notices

Class of March 2012 Part 7

Old 10-21-2013, 01:27 PM
  # 181 (permalink)  
Member
 
hypochondriac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Oh congratulations INH! 9 months is amazing! How time flies though huh? x

Hux, that video scared me

Question... while I love the idea behind mindfulness I sometimes wonder if some of that 'forward planning' is useful. Doesn't that stuff help you deal with possible future scenarios? If we all lived exactly in this moment wouldn't everything hit us like a ton of bricks because we hadn't prepared for it?

I can totally see the the usefulness of it though, but I was just wondering if it was meant to be a tool we use when we need it or to try and make that a state of being?

So funny how we are all a bit the same though. I just described my '3 year plan' to my mum on the phone though so I think I may win the forward planning insanity prize Oh and I have already thought about how I will cope if the dog dies, and my mother...

I am feeling quite settled at the moment despite having lots on. I am doing step one with my sponsor now. Better late than never huh? I am finding that doing the reading and writing things out is very grounding for me. I will be doing something with my volunteer work every week now too so I feel like that will help consolidate my recovery somewhat too. I did a day today and I learnt so much. I am really looking forward to it, whatever I end up doing.
hypochondriac is offline  
Old 10-21-2013, 09:53 PM
  # 182 (permalink)  
Member
 
Huxley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 140
I think forward planning is good. Otherwise I'm just trusting the future to take care of itself, and I don't see how it can if I don't invest something today.

Slept so well last night, countdown to half-term c'mon c'mon!

The video is Macklemore! He wrote this about a relapse which is a bit less ansty

Starting Over - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis (feat. Ben Bridwell) - YouTube

love you guys xxx
Huxley is offline  
Old 10-21-2013, 10:05 PM
  # 183 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jeni26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
I think we need to plan obviously, otherwise nothing would get done, but we need to also accept when things don't go to plan and learn to 'go with the flow'. I'm a great believer in everything happens for a reason. Things don't necessarily make sense at the time, but if we learn to trust in ourselves and that we will be ok whatever, then we will.

Having said that this is day 3 of no chocolate and nothing much makes sense at the moment!!

Have a good day guys xxx
Jeni26 is offline  
Old 10-21-2013, 10:07 PM
  # 184 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jeni26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Oh, and I forgot to say, Lee popped into the May thread a while back to tell us he'd got his year!!! So pleased for him. His wife is also due to have their baby next month x
Jeni26 is offline  
Old 10-22-2013, 08:35 AM
  # 185 (permalink)  
Random Guy
 
InsertNameHere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Hey, hey, hey, just checking in ladies. Why did all the guys ditch out on me? Oh well, I was raised by my mom with a sister, I can handle the estrogen.

Jen quitting chocolate!?!?!? Why would you do that to yourself? Haha

Your mindset is one that I am trying to get into, with some minor tweaks. I am attempting to adopt the very few philosophies on life that I know from Taoism. Like you it seems to me to be a go with the flow process, however I am not really with you on "everything happens for a reason", so far I just think that things happen and if I reject or resist them mostly the only thing that effects is me. Not that everything happens for a reason, just that things happen, when they do , they are as they are, not as I think they "should be". If I can work towards accepting that I think that will take care of a lot of dissatisfaction in my life.

I stayed up the other night till past three in the morning playing a very geeky star wars based table top dog fight game. I was empire... I shot down the millennium falcon, with chewey inside Mwahahaha and killed Wedge Antilles. Its part of my recent campaign to get out of the house more and be social.

I also played pool at the bar, didn't drink of course, and wasn't really social except with the people I was playing with. I went initially because another Marine from AA (fairly new) was wanting to as he didnt want to go home (wife issues), playing again kinda gave me a bug to want to play more. I am a little hesitant to make a habit of that though, just because I don't imagine going to bars on a regular basis is a good thing. I am thinking of joining the local leagues though. That would be at bars as well, but before they really get rolling and with people that are there just like me to play a game. I used to be pretty good at pool, as even blasted drunk the only reason I went to bars was to play pool, with being a little social a side note. But I will talk to my sponsor about it because I don't want to be unjustly rationalizing something to myself. I wasn't tempted to drink in the least this weekend, but what happens if for some reason I am? I know the answer I would like to give, and think I would, but its risky.

Anyway, I was bored at work and figure I would keep the conversation rolling. Have a good one all!

PS thanks for the update on Lee jen.
InsertNameHere is offline  
Old 10-22-2013, 09:17 AM
  # 186 (permalink)  
Member
 
Huxley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 140
Originally Posted by InsertNameHere View Post

. Not that everything happens for a reason, just that things happen, when they do , they are as they are, not as I think they "should be".
Love this! Yeah, things are as they are, I'm a part of the process, not the hero of the story.

Your Star Wars game made me giggle

Sorry I can't say more, this is hard on a phone and in too scared to post at school since I found out they do monitor our Internet use, they really do

Had a brilliant day, will tell you guys about it when I can.

Love you all cxxxxx
Huxley is offline  
Old 10-22-2013, 03:44 PM
  # 187 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,046
back on deck guys - hope all is well here

congrats on 9months INH
D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 10-22-2013, 08:14 PM
  # 188 (permalink)  
Random Guy
 
InsertNameHere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
ForumRunner_20131022_201231.jpg

This is the game we played, that tie advanced I am holding is about two turns from being blasted to smithereens.

Welcome back Dee, thanks.
InsertNameHere is offline  
Old 10-22-2013, 08:36 PM
  # 189 (permalink)  
Member
 
Huxley's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 140
Cool!! I thought it was like a computer game, that rocks so much more

04:30 here, crazy windy and wild. Two days till half term c'mon c'mon. Have got up early to do a workout because its emerged I go a little off the rails without exercise haha!

Xxxxxx
Huxley is offline  
Old 10-22-2013, 10:31 PM
  # 190 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jeni26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Morning guys. Wet and windy here too Hux...and I've got 3 days til half-term...I cannot wait. I was speaking to 2 friends at the weekend and we were talking about alternative careers and perhaps setting ourselves up in business. Of course they have lots of talents...dressmaking, baking, decorating while I have NONE. So I'm not sure what I could bring to the whole deal. But I just cannot imagine doing this for the next 20 years...time to do something less stressful.

That game looks cool INH. I bet my H would like it. He used to be really into that gaming stuff before we got together, but the guy he used to do it with moved away and it sort of fizzled out. I must admit I was a bit relieved as I had visions of our front room being turned into some sort of battle zone permanently.

Have a good day everyone xxx
Jeni26 is offline  
Old 10-22-2013, 10:34 PM
  # 191 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jeni26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Oh and welcome back Dee...I did post it elsewhere, but you have been missed loads. Great to have you back where you belong. Take it easy though wont you xxx
Jeni26 is offline  
Old 10-22-2013, 10:57 PM
  # 192 (permalink)  
Administrator
Thread Starter
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,046
thanks guys

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 10-23-2013, 11:26 AM
  # 193 (permalink)  
Member
 
hypochondriac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Glad you're back Dee and hope you're feeling a bit better x

INH, I am glad you can handle the estrogen! By rights Lee should be posting here too but he abandoned us Please pass on a big hug from me Jeni x

I think those games a cool too INH. My friend plays warhammer and has it all set up on a big table in his front room with a massive barrier so his kid can't get to it and mess it up. I think that's cute, daddy and son fighting over their toys
hypochondriac is offline  
Old 10-23-2013, 12:11 PM
  # 194 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jeni26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Lee doesn't post much anywhere now Hypo. He just popped in to give us the news, then rode off into the sunset....

Sometimes I feel nothing more than a punchbag at work. I'm sure there must be some sort of backhanded compliment in this, but people think I'm more approachable than other members of the management team, so they come to off-load, rant and grumble to. I do listen and today I got an apology afterwards, but you know just sometimes it gets to me...

Plus it's day 4 of no chocolate...thanks for the photo this morning Hux....!!!xxx
Jeni26 is offline  
Old 10-23-2013, 03:06 PM
  # 195 (permalink)  
Member
 
hypochondriac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I think finding a balance with the people we work with is a massive challenge Jeni. Have you ever looked into 'boundaries' with other people? I have a book on that somewhere because it is something I have a slight problem with. But at work I think my manager takes a lot of the brunt of it because she has us moaning at her and my boss, whereas I just have her. I am not one to let things stew so I am an offloader I am afraid. I think getting that chance to let it all go or at least out there can really help.

That said my workshop staff are a massive problem to me. They rarely speak to anyone but each other. I am just paranoid they don't like me. And I don't think they respect me because they don't ask me about work stuff, they just seem to talk about it amongst themselves and I have to force my opinion on them sometimes. It has caused a couple of issues with work one of them has done but I find it hard to address it as he is really dismissive when I say anything. My manager is totally aware of the situation and has talked to him a bit. But my boss won't hear a bad thing said against them. We have both noticed this so it isn't just me being paranoid. I don't know what else I can do so I am just getting on with my work, which incidentally is going really well I know my boss intimated that I seemed to be avoiding some of the better jobs, and I made excuses for the reasons why, which were valid to a point, about being interrupted by the shop and finding it difficult to concentrate, but I also remembered that part of this is because I actively did avoid certain jobs when I was drinking because my hands were shaking in the morning. I am also a perfectionist and prefer doing jobs I know I can do well so I know I have avoided some of the work I do less often, cos I am terrified. It takes a lot for me to admit that somewhere cos it is a major failing of mine... Anyway, in the last couple of days I have done some scaryish jobs and haven't even flinched. I even did some work on a 55k violin and didn't even panic. Progress

Ranty ranty, sorry x

Well done on no chocolate Jeni! I have only had one packet of oreo cookies in nearly two weeks Me and a friend at work are doing this supersize superskinny thing because she is trying to gain weight and I am trying to lose it. We've both been making very slow but steady progress It has been good having some motivation and keeping track of it.

How is Nicky doing...? Has anyone seen James around too, or Marks? x

Hope everyone is doing okay x
hypochondriac is offline  
Old 10-24-2013, 10:19 AM
  # 196 (permalink)  
Random Guy
 
InsertNameHere's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
My phone app has ceased to work so I am having to do this the new old fashioned way.

Hm, as far as people at work I tend to keep my distance as much as possible. One of my faults is the thinking that I can't let you know me because if I do you won't like it and therefore use it against me. People don't intend to be hurtful But when they see waysthat your different they tend to tease/poke fun at. While not intending to be hurtful, when your self conscious like me, I take it as such. The end product is that I am very guarded (I didn't used to think that) and especially at work, I only let you see what I want you to see. Whenever I let myself out there to much, I tend to feel... not ashamed, though maybe a little of that, I think its more of a restraining, if that's an emotion. Like chiding myself saying, "now you know better than to put yourself out there like that INH.". End result is that people notice that I am standoffish so they don't approach me as much, and when they do I feel like I can't be myself because they won't approve or will think I'm weird. Outside of work I am starting I am the same just not quite as bad, I don't care as much for peoples approval outside of a professional environ.

As for personal stuff, I am getting a CT scan of my neck today. My voice has been horrendously hoarse for more than a year now so I finally gave up went to medical to get it checked out. I have to get a chest x-ray as well. All of this is just procedural though, meaning its not because they think anything its only to check it out and see what they do find, I am not anxious in the slightest so no worries there. Just looking forward to seeing what's wrong and being able to talk again reliably.

I also found out that after I get out of school I am not going anywhere. I have orders to an infantry unit here on the base I am going to school at so I might as well get nice and cozy for cause I am not moving for a few years. That's good and bad I suppose, good in that I am established here in AA, bad in that this place is a real **** hole lol, I am pretty good at being okay with living in crappy places though, this isn't the first time.

Well that all I have this morning, have a good one all!
InsertNameHere is offline  
Old 10-24-2013, 04:06 PM
  # 197 (permalink)  
Member
 
hypochondriac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Well it seems that most of us are just the same, I wonder if everyone thinks the same really and we just think we're the only ones...? I wouldn't say I am guarded at work but I am defensive as hell. I am guarded in my personal life though.

Glad you are getting your medical issues seen to INH. And like you said, there are some positives to being in the same place. Nowt wrong with stability x

Tonight I went to the Pub! No issues at all. Just went out with a friend who I hadn't seen for a few years. It was nice. Just watching a band and I took the dog out to the pub for the first time. She was a little over excited. I was surprised how it just didn't bother me at all though. There was even a drinks competition thing and the singer in the band had a pint attached to his mic stand. Those things would have narked me a while ago and I'd be bemoaning the lack of sober people. Actually my friend doesn't drink much and when we used to go out I would drink pints to his halves. He didn't flinch when I said I had quit, just said he wanted to too. There have been a few other people too who I have mentioned me quitting drinking to who haven't seen it as a big deal or took the mick. And more to the point I haven't been defensive about it. I think I am finally comfortable in my sobriety. More progress
hypochondriac is offline  
Old 10-24-2013, 10:06 PM
  # 198 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jeni26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
I was going to post about how I'm a different person at work and how half my life is a huge performance, about how I act the part etc...but I'm not sure that's really true any more. I used to feel I was fragmented into lots of different versions of me. The manager. The friend. The wife. The Mum. It was really quite exhausting being all those people and it led to a great amount of anxiety that I would be 'found out'... But I think part of my journey, a big part, has been about being honest and becoming comfortable with me. No more hiding or pretending. It isn't always easy but it is feeling more and more natural now.

The only part of me that still wants to run away screaming is the daughter role. I just can't be me in that one, I guess because my parents have no idea who I really am and I don't want to share that with them either. They assigned me a role early in my life and I've played it for years. I stepped away when I got sober and now I should really be able to move back in as me now. But I just can't. Not yet anyway. This is still an area in my life that I struggle with, but I need to make my peace and let go somehow....

Yeah Hypo, going to the pub doesn't phase me either now.
Progress...yeah!

Last day at work then a week off...can't wait

Have a happy Friday xxx
Jeni26 is offline  
Old 10-27-2013, 04:16 PM
  # 199 (permalink)  
Member
 
hypochondriac's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I know what you mean Jeni I feel like the different me's are merging a bit more now too. I am allowing myself to think a bit more of myself and what I want now. In some respects I feel like I am more selfish in my sobriety than when I was drinking, but at least I am not making new resentments, or as many at least. And don't worry about the daughter bit for now. It is still early days in some respects and you have come so far already x

I have been having a bit of a headf**k the last few days which has largely passed now but I thought I would mention it anyway. A guy I see quite a lot has been flirting a bit and though I did kinda like him I have been pretty cool about it because I am not sure I am ready to go down that route. Well for a fairly random reason I ended up giving him my number and he has been sending quite sweet but suggestive texts. The thing is that I eventually got out of him that he is actually in a relationship. This kind of thing pisses me off at the best of times but I am annoyed at myself for going along with it for a bit and it has led me down the depressive thought route. Things like I am always gonna be the one on my own and that no one would like me enough to actually want anything other than sex from me. It is not the first time I have been propositioned by a married man put it that way. And to be honest the last 4 years of so all my 'relationships' have been very casual. I dunno, I guess I was hoping to redefine myself on that front. I am not desperate for a relationship or anything but the only people who seem to be interested are people who just see me in my former more promiscuous role. I don't have a problem with my past on that front, I have always been totally upfront and honest and have never slept with anyone I shouldn't, like anyone married (apart from once when I was lied to) but I stopped it because I didn't feel like people were being very respectful. I talked to a few male friends about this and they both basically said 'well what do you expect when you put yourself out there'. I guess the Madonna-***** complex is still alive and kicking.

Well there is nothing to do on this front except try and avoid a certain person, but I have to admit that it left me in a tailspin a bit. I think if anything it has proved that I am too emotionally needy to actually have a normal relationship, and that maybe it is gonna take a bit more celibacy before I get to the point of changing my behaviours. I am afraid that this abstinence isn't going to be a long term one so I will have to face up to it at some point. Any advice would be greatly appreciated It is not something I have really touched on here because it hasn't been an issue for a long time, apart from one date I went on when I was sober which ended up with three different dates in the same week... That's when I decided not to bother anymore. I wouldn't say I have any sort of sex addiction but it is definitely compulsive behaviour. Just another one of those cross addiction things.

How is everyone else? x
hypochondriac is offline  
Old 10-27-2013, 04:41 PM
  # 200 (permalink)  
Member
 
Jeni26's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,008
Hmm...well I'm not sure I'm the best person to give relationship advice. Before I met H I was completely promiscuous , lacking in boundaries and a bit of a psycho girlfriend I think! I veered between wanting to be totally in control and treating partners like sh*t, to being needy and clingy. I was very unstable and went from one dysfunctional relationship to another. It was only when I met H, who had his own clear boundaries and who proved to be a stable influence on me that I really settled down. Obviously, we then went on to have our own alcoholic codependent relationship for many years!

As for your current situation...not your fault! You couldn't have predicted he was already in a relationship with someone. Anyway who is cool and mature when they first meet someone? I think it may be that you just haven't met the right person yet Hypo. Do what feels right, and as long as you feel you are treating yourself with respect you should be ok.

If I'd have waited til I felt emotionally mature enough for a relationship before starting one, I'd still be waiting!!

Don't let it get to you xxx

I'm ok. Worried about our son who was so drunk last night he was sick over himself in the night. He is a concern to me. I did post about it a while back in the alcoholism forum but I got advice to kick him out which I though was a bit harsh. He's a good kid, but I just don't know what normal looks like as regards drinking. It's causing a bit of an issue between me and H because he just doesn't see it in the same light as me, and the pair of them were laughing about it. I felt like screaming at them both, but I didn't as I'm totally grown up now(?!). I talked to him later about it, but I know there's little I can do. Sigh. I hate alcohol, I really do.x
Jeni26 is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 2 (0 members and 2 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:03 PM.