Dee74

we continue from here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...pt-5-a-21.html

D

KaytiP

"Sorry for all those hoops they're making you jump thru Kayti, but I am kinda glad too that they take things so seriously?"

They don't actually. Discussing this ongoing nightmare with my early recovery group counselor and my private counselor we have concluded the level of treatment I am getting from them, being up my butt in other words is likely directly related to the fact that I don't actually NEED them, that I had my plan set in motion before they came the first time and they didn't have anything to input as I was doing all the right things already. DCF is a group of control freaks used to families in need, used to making the plan and putting it in action, used to having their plan contested by families. They, however, are not used to strong families, with able adults who see their own faults and set forth plans to right them.
I have a friend who is in recovery who had DCF in her life because she used narcotics during her pregnancy and both her and baby tested positive for opiates at her birth. She has to actually call her DCF worker to come monthly as the woman is too busy to bother with her since they created her plan and she follows it to a T.
I have spoken at length with professionals about this, my therapist has worked with this woman before and has never heard of the things she is requesting I do. It is a common rule that you don't out your people in AA as you can damage the anonymity that they are entitled too, so for her to ask me to give her the name and number of my sponsor is unprofessional.
Yes I drank at a concert with 2 of my children and a friend and that is awful, however there was another adult there to finish the concert and drive them home so in the large scheme of things I don't think DCF has a need to be up my butt the way they are. There are people beating, severely neglecting, doing drugs with and traumatizing their kids yet they are going to brow beat me? Sorry but to me that is overkill.

KaytiP

Sorry if I come off as pissy I am just waiting from my pink cloud and tired of dealing with one problem after another, tired of hearing "it gets better" and thinking "really WHEN???". Yes I am sober and that is supposed to be better but honestly it just feels like I quit drinking and I just stayed in the same messed up world in which I drank to dull the pain of the never ending stress and just get to feel the full effects of the stress.
All I know is something has to give and soon, if I don't get some kind of good out of this sobriety, then what exactly is the point of it?

AllieB

Dee: Well, your writing here does a lot of good and is much appreciated.

ippochick

kayti, i hear you.

i am not seeing the benefits at the moment. all i have is a husband who is continuing his life while mine is at a standstill. he played football this morning and got home at 3pm (having been to the pub), put the telly on and snored at a football match while i spent 3hrs cooking dinner. he does this every sunday during the footie season (now until May!) and says he finds it gently amusing that it annoys me so much.

my relationship with my daughter has improved dramatically and i am not considering drinking. i am, however, doubtful that my marriage can weather this.

ugh.

KaytiP

I hear you. My husband has not drank in almost 10 years, he does not consider himself an "alcoholic" though and I know if he were to become employed elsewhere he would likely drink again, though I wonder if it would be to a lesser extent than he used to (he only quit because he had to for work). He just stopped drinking did the required class and called it a day. He doesn't get why I need support and go to meetings. Things between us have not changed overly much. I know that in AA they expect you to take full responsibility for your drinking and to an extent I do, but a lot of my drinking issues stem directly from him-he in the past 5 years dictated how much I could drink, what I could drink and when. In the last year (which was when my drinking increased and became secretive) he banned me from drinking proclaiming I had an alcohol problem. This brewed and awful resentment which did not help. I often wonder if I truly am an alcoholic, if I was in a great, supportive relationship with equality would I have gone to where I did? I never had any issues like this until he started dictating and I am almost 41 years old. I am kind of rambling here, sorry. It's not so much that I am craving a drink or want to drink right now, it's just the thought that this now defines me, that I will never have a champagne toast or glass of wine with dinner that bothers me. There were several times I could have gotten drunk but chose not to. I have never been a fan of binge drinking and only recently found myself ever doing it. My biggest issues is my meds and alcohol, they do not mix and I should have been smarter about that. Maybe that means I am an alcoholic after all. I don't even know anymore. I just feel isolated and alone having lost most of my friends, this is summer people are barbecuing and having drinks, out on the water, at the beach etc. I am sitting home doing squat. No one calls me, I have no life and am depressed. I see my shrink tomorrow, wonder if he will want to mess with my meds, this is my first time seeing hims since the "event" as DCF loves to call it...ok done whining and annoying you all! enjoy the rest of your Sunday.

Junegirl

Hello Junesters!

How is everyone doing? It's been quiet here the last couple of days...
I'm doing okay, but was having some cravings yesterday, after feeling okay for several weeks. I wonder if these will come and go. Is there a point when these cravings will disappear completely? Also, I've been avoiding certain places and people that trigger my drinking but I'm worried that I can't avoid these forever. So I guess I'm asking myself, now what? Sorry for the rambling. Hope everyone is doing okay.

June

Dee74

is your life really at a standstill tho Ippo - I look at your first post and I see a lot of growth and change?

I haven't had a craving in many years Junegirl so I guess they must go LOL...took a while tho....maybe the first year...for me?

D

Junegirl

I haven't had a craving in many years Junegirl so I guess they must go LOL...

This is music to my ears, Dee. I know I need to be patient. I'm only two months out so I can't expect to have it so easy yet. Still, some days ared easier, thankfully. Today was an easier day and for that I'm happy.
Something awesome I've noticed is that my daughter doesn't ask me what I'm drinking with a worried look on her face anymore. It's the little things that make this sooo worth it.

Have a good night, classmates.

AllieB

Hope everyone is doing ok. It's suddenly late fall where I am (despite it being August), and I'm dreaming about beef barley soups and sweet potato curry. I think I'm starting to take sobriety for granted...once every few days I find myself thinking, "a cider/glass of wine/old fashioned would taste good about now..." but it usually almost immediately trails off into "...ooo, or pie, I could go for pie." Or else "cider, eek, that reminds me I forgot to kill the spider I saw in the tub" or "old fashioned...I should really get on that diet thing, because I'd love to get back a figure that could rock a '40s costume for Halloween."
Don't want to get complacent, so I'm reminding myself here how lucky I am that those have been the extent of my urges lately. Hope everyone is doing well, and the quiet on this board is because the subject just hasn't been on anyone's mind.

Junegirl

@Allie, feels like fall where I am too, a reminder of the cold and snow that's coming...I'm pretty much where you are too with sobriety. I think about how nice it would be, but the feeling passes.

One of the great things about staying here and reading the posts by the newbies on SR is that it reminds me of where I could be again if I decide to even have one or two. I don't want to gamble away this great thing I have now. For what?
Today I woke at 7:30 full of energy and peace. No more fatigue, anxiety, regret, shame. It's a beautiful life. Okay, I'm sorry if I'm making you gag here. I'll stop my ramblings now.

Happy Saturday y'all!

June

AllieB

Lol. No gagging. But I can count on 1 hand the times I've awoken early and cheerful. My circadian rhythms remain heavily geared toward the nocturnal. I'm up at 7:30, but rarely happy about it.

I obliquely told two of my friends about my non-drinking, and was chuffed (can Americans use that word? I like it) that both of them basically shrugged and said, "oh, I wouldn't have thought you'd have needed to, but good for you if you thought it was a problem." I like non-issues. I still worry a little about perception...I dislike the thought of anyone knowing I have/had a problem, but it's nice to be out of the closet, so to speak, to a couple people. Nevertheless, I think my approach with 99.999% of the world is going to continue to be "not tonight for me, thanks" rather than "I don't drink."

1stepup

Hi all, gone a bit quiet here, just checking in to say im still sober and still trying to remain so one day at a time, things have gone well the last few weeks, had a great weekend for my eldest daughters birthday and my mums been over from Ireland for a week and she is happy to see me sober. Also got a contract extension in work for another 6 weeks. Im seeing these positive things as gifts for staying sober. Im getting to two AA meetings a week and they are helping. Hope everyones ok, too many to name but it would be great if all past classmates could check in and stay in touch.

stark6935

Still sober :|

I must be one of the few to make it out of this class alive.

Dee74

I still see folks around - I think the numbers are still pretty good Stark, even if the threads gone a bit quiet

D

AllieB

Well, we know Temp is around. Hi, Temp!

Junegirl

Hey, Stark! I'm here and doing well.
Allie, how's the job hunt going? I used to be more of a night person myself, but have gotten to be an early bird now that I'm a bit older. It's something I used to tease my older friends about and now it's happening to me. Plus, the sobriety helps with the energy level all around.
1Step, so glad to hear your good job news...congrats!
Tempe, how are you doing these days?? Still teaching barre? I'm turning into a tubbo because I've allowed myself more treats since I quit drinking. I'll be doing more exercise and diet starting this fall. It's too hot for me to exercise in the summer. Thank goodness it'll be cold soon. I'm more motivated to exercise then (yeah, even in inches of snow. LOL!)

Take care, everyone,

June

stark6935

Yeah, the summer heat wave is horrible right now. I don't mind exercising outside up to about 90 degrees, but beyond that it just sucks the life out of me. I'll be doing it late at night, or early morning until the temps go down.

AllieB

Right? Careful planning is required in the heat. I like heat better than extreme cold, but it's a close call.

Junegirl: me too. I tried on some old suits the other day. Forget about the darling short-skirted suits from when I was (briefly) a size 2...my stodgy size 8 suits are tight! Re job, I do have some call-back interviews with a potential employer this week...it's a bit outside my field and would change my career trajectory, but I'm interested and cautiously optimistic. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I've been the 2nd or 3rd candidate in line for a number of jobs, but I'd like to be the 1st choice candidate this time around. I'm a better (kinder, more interesting, more generous, more engaged with the world) human being when I'm doing something productive and learning something new.

Junegirl

Stark, don't know where you are, but our summer in New England hasn't been too hot. Still, I suffer if it's even over 70 degrees. I'm definitely a cold weather girl...

Allie, How were your interviews? Interviewing can be very hard!! I interviewed a candidate for a job a few years ago and the poor guy dripped in sweat throughout the entire thing. I knew that he was a very nice guy, so my heart just broke for him. He didn't go on to get the job. The sweating didn't make a good impression on the other people on the hiring committee...
Anyhow, I hope you get something great. I feel the same way about working. I absolutely need it for my mental health and personal growth.

Hope all other Junesters are doing well. This summer was a strange one for me. Big change in my life, as you all know. Looking forward to the fall, which is an easier time in many ways.

Take care, everyone,

Junegirl