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Class of April 2013 Part 6

Old 10-29-2013, 11:47 AM
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Mornin' Goat, and Drake.

I'm the same way--a lot of times I feel like what I have to say is more journaling, and just typing out what is going on, or how I feel about things.

Helps I think though.

I don't know where I get my attitude about money--probably from a life time of not having it--but I always figure I can make more. I am definitely the one that doesn't do a lot of worrying about it, whereas my wife can fill days working out this account, or this budget, or this plan. Not ideal...but we work it out. I hope your finances get straightened out sooner than later. The jobs sound great. I'm glad you're no longer putting out resumes under the cloak of darkness.

I'm really glad you told us Drake. I hope that you feel like you can tell us anything--without feeling like you would let us down, or that we would think differently of you. For myself: I really try to come here each time with my slate blank. I don't think it does us any good to hold onto any negativity--and like a situation that happened a bit back: just say how you feel, and move forth.

I think like any group that is healthily dealing with issues like we all do, disappointment, and anger are all real feelings that can be dealt with in a good way, to help us all get ahold of those feelings in realistic, and non-addictive ways.

Good practice in a safe, and caring environment. Of course--we have Dee to holler at us if we get out of our element.

In all: I hope you feel like you can talk to us if you need to Drake. I do check in once a day, regardless of my posting, and I'm always just a PM away.

Drinking coffee this morning. I've a nice email from my Great Uncle who is a painter. He is working on some different things lately...wood carvings. My great grandpa Ralph was a wonderful wood carver, so I'm excited to get to talking more art with my Uncle. Talk shop as it were.

I am also excited for the game store to open...as a new game I've pre-ordered is coming out today. I think I mentioned earlier: I can always make more money. haha.

Be well, Bandicoots! Best!
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Old 10-29-2013, 07:46 PM
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It's really good to see everyone posting.

Goat, none of us mind you posting that everything is going fine, even if we're having a rough time of it. We want to hear about however things are going for you. We're not the 'Whiners Anonymous Thread' here after all, you don't have to have something to whine about to post. Good to hear that you have a second contract lined up.

Scoutie- I met a blue healer puppy today. It was so adorable. Made me think of you and BD. I kind of wanted to take it home, but I really can't have a dog with all the travel I do for work.

Drake- hang in there. There are aspects of my life that get me down, too. But I remind myself that although I see them ever so painfully clearly now that I'm not drinking, at least there is some chance that I will be able to deal with them and actually change things for the better sober.

I've felt a tad unmotivated regarding my recovery behaviors lately. Partly, I've just been busy which makes me want to ignore them. Even simple things like taking a few minutes in the morning to plan out my day, do a bit of journaling, read something motivating and fill out my health journal or making sure to do a bit of stretching or get a bit of exercise. Then I feel worse when I let those things slip.

Work is really picking up for me. I have a bunch of new contracts that have fallen in my lap. All one-time stuff that needed done yesterday. So, I feel a bit of pressure with more to do than I know how to handle at the moment. In a way it's good though. At least the pressure is temporarily off for trying to score new contracts.
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Old 10-30-2013, 10:29 AM
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I have been reflecting on my bad spell last week where I almost let some negative people and events lead me to drink and chuck all I have worked for. Yes, keeping sober is a choice, it is mine alone, but that choice is compromised by the evil that is the addict inside.

In the SR Tuesday chatroom meeting, the topic was "Expect the unexpected in recovery", or something like that. I shared that my unexpected was how little long time friends supported me and how people who really do not know me or have known me for less time are 1000% supportive. And unexpected that a fellow who calls me "the brother I wish I had" would let me drink and that a fellow I know only through church and because he works part time as a waiter/bartender at the pub would stop me.

Anyway, lots to chew on, keep the faith Class. Thanks for supporting me!

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Old 11-01-2013, 11:43 PM
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Ugh--sorry Drake, I had meant to reply to you earlier today, but...I found I wasn't signed in on my iPad and all that monkey business.

I was imagining myself in your situation, and with a person who would call me a brother. I imagined that my good friend, used to my years of unpredictability would probably assume the best maneuver would be to just let me have the drink--rather than incur the wrath, and most likely a serious freezing out period for speaking up.

Of course, I'm not projecting this to you--but this is most likely the scenario had it been me. Gave me pause to think on it a bit...my actual brother (who drinks fairly regular, and is most likely borderline) has been pretty supportive, and has started to throw out little feelers.

How did I quit? How do I watch a football game? What about parties? Do I miss it? Don't I want to just get drunk some days?

All questions I can answer--it's just the answer changes from time to time. When I'm thinking clearly, and effectively, I can answer easily:

I just did. Just like anyone else. I don't tend to go anymore. No. No.

It's when I'm dealing with adversity, or just feel like total shite that the answers get muddy, and they tend to change a little.

The answers for me, really...are quite simple: I don't want to go back to the way I was, ever: because I know how damned hard it was to start crawling out of that hole. Sure, a Sunday filled with the gang at the bar watching football sounds pretty dang awesome sometimes--but it's the Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays in between that are what got me where I am today...and that's finding old, new, proven, un-tested--just about any method I can come up with to stay sober...
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Old 11-02-2013, 12:43 AM
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I had similar situations.

I had friends - and they were good 'take a bullet for me' friends who genuinely believed that drinking was good for me....all I needed to do was 'dial it back a bit' and simply learn to stop/drink less...

I think now, they meant no harm, they were simply misguided, clueless, or not wanting our drink-centric friendship to change.

I had to let a lot of those guys go.

It hurt at the time, on both sides, but now I figure I wasn't really being the authentic me anyway...which was a major part of the problem...my desire to fit in (and my desire to get wasted) often dovetailed nicely with other peoples intentions, but not for the better.

I started making new friends, or reconnecting with old ones I'd made before the drink took over.

I was saved more than once by what the AAers call a god shot and something always prevented me from caving...I'm so glad that happened...and my relief helped harden my resolve that being sober was the best way for me to be.

You wobbled, but ultimately you made the decision not to drink....you learned from the wobble...I'd call that a plus Drake

D
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Old 11-02-2013, 11:50 PM
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Yep, I think if we didn't wobble a little sometimes at this early stage of sobriety then we probably either aren't alcoholic or we are in denial and are only pretending we don't wobble. The fact that you didn't give in to the wobble even though it was a tough one is a major victory.
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Old 11-03-2013, 06:52 AM
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Scoutball- Congrats on 7 months. (Ok, I'm a couple of days late, but the sentiment is the same.)

I'm looking forward to being there myself in a few days. Seems like the last month has flown by!
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Old 11-03-2013, 03:31 PM
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As with a lot of things--I think things pick up speed as they grow. I really didn't even notice to be honest.

Numbers and I aren't friends...I tend to see things in colors and shapes.

But--thank you! One day at a time starts to add up. Wouldn't be here without you guys--and that is the truth.
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Old 11-03-2013, 04:13 PM
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I guess I missed it too....Congrats Scout!

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Old 11-03-2013, 04:16 PM
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congrats from me too scout

D
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Old 11-03-2013, 05:59 PM
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Hi class. glad this weekend is over, had lots to do and that always makes me anxious. But it worked well.

Unfortunately, Olive, my nut-dog, is not well. She is in the middle of a big seizure episode and its aftermath. She is all anxious, pacing and out of sorts. The medications cause her back legs to be wobbly. So I am playing nurse for a while until all is sorted out

Looking at 7 months this week on Wednesday. I find it hard to believe I have been that good. I started out thinking I would "moderate" my drinking and then just go a month or maybe 3 months sober and then all would be well. I know I can not do that now. You have all been a great help with it. Thanks!

Take care class!
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Old 11-03-2013, 06:02 PM
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prayers for you and Olive Drake.

D
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Old 11-03-2013, 11:45 PM
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Lots of comforting thoughts coming from me and Blue Dog, Drake.

I'm positive Olive is comforted by you being there and attentive. I am hoping this too shall pass, and she'll be ready for a good walk soon--so she can give the Universe a piece of her mind.

Give her some belly rubs from me.
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Old 11-04-2013, 06:57 AM
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Drake, I'm sending 'get well' thoughts to Olive as well.

Scoutie- I'm definitely a number person. Your anniversary is an easy one to remember for me as it falls on the first of the month.

Well Monday morning and I'm both looking forward to and dreading another busy work week. Which is actually a bit of an improvement over the times when I was just dreading it.
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Old 11-05-2013, 01:00 PM
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Got 7 months on 1st. I still am not where I want to be spiritually, emotionally, financially and healthwise. But I am better then what I was when I started. Am finishing my 4th step and it has not been easy to look at the mess I have made of my life so far.

But as my Sponsor says, I only have today. I cannot do anything about the past other than having it inform me about what to do in the future. 9th step amends are for this feeling. The thing is I can only do the 9th step if I do the 4th first!

But I am doing better. I had a schedule I had that got disrupted because I have started taking classes in Sep. But I have taken advice from my Sponsor and have started going to other meetings that he suggested. Meetings help. I have found the meetings where people talk about 164 pages of the Bigbook and the step meetings are the most useful for me. I have found one meeting where all we talk is step 11. I am not there yet. But I realized that I already have a HP from step 3 that I am using. There is nothing preventing me from doing step 11 now. So I have. I added some meditation to my prayer schedule every morning and that helps. The most important thing is I have pared down my life. I have just stopped doing many of the things I used to do before. I made an inventory of what are the important things in my life. Is this necessary. That helped clarify a lot. My life has gotten simpler and more manageable now. I am not as restless, irritable and discontent all the time as I was when I was just beginning in the program.

But the most important thing is that I go to meetings regularly. The fact that I am around others like me has made the most difference. We are social creatures and isolating will NEVER help me. I have to be around people who are going through the same thing as me and can HELP me.

I hope that the progress I have had so far, steadily, continues. I hope my life gets better. Not for me. But it gets better so I can be of service to the other people in my life.
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Old 11-05-2013, 02:00 PM
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Welcome to the April Class Badger!! And congrats on 7 months!!

I can relate to what you write- I'm not where I want to be yet either, but getting closer every day and a world away from when I started.
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Old 11-05-2013, 02:52 PM
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Congrats Badger

D
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Old 11-06-2013, 07:35 PM
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Hi class! I can not believe it is 7 months for me today. THANKS! for all your support!

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Old 11-06-2013, 07:41 PM
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congrats Drake - great achievement

D
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Old 11-06-2013, 08:08 PM
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Way to go on 7 months, Drake!! Congrats!!
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