Ladybug2

Babs, to be perfectly honest, what keeps me from going back to old ways is my daughter. She is only 3 and I don't want to look back with regret at not remembering/enjoying these precious years. I know everyone says we need to get/stay sober for ourselves, but my daughter is my biggest motivator. That being said, it hasn't been easy for me and I have had many slips, but I refuse to give up on long term sobriety. It is good you are realizing you have a problem and are taking action now, while your daughter is so young

JustSarah

Hi Babs, I think you're being so brave! It's so hard / tiring to pick yourself back up after a binge and the self loathing (for me) was almost too much to bear but you're right it does get easier with time if you can learn not to be your number 1 critic. For me, my motivation is my hubby and my 2 boys - I love my family more than I love myself and me keeping that keeps me going. I've done some awful things in the past and I can never take them back but i can change what lies ahead and without alcohol it will be a much more fulfilling life with self respect and respect from my family as they get bigger. I am so new to this and never thought when I set out in June that I would come this far but I have and that momentum also drives me

I am also a huge advocate of the Alan Carr 'easy way' book. It helped me understand the alcohol trap as well as enabled me to 'take drinking off the table' since finishing that book I have had one slip (in 3 months) and would recommend anyone try it.

I hope you can get there - I check SR everyday to keep me in check which may help you too. Keep posting as it really does help. You mums know more of my inner workings than most of my close friends

Good luck for today and all the days that follow

Hugs xxxxxxx

JustSarah

Eugh - struggling with mood swings today . 3 yr old is having a 'time-out' in his bedroom for being naughty and the baby is sleeping off his cold. Weathers rubbish too and I have the heating on. Also one final whinge - just trying to sort childcare for my return to work and for the 2 kids it's so bloooody expensive it's soul destroying! Had enough of today already :o/

Hope everyone else us hanging in there cxxxxx

Babs78756

Justsarah - read what you posted to me last night, a little reminder about the boys, even when its hard. Childcare... ugh. Are you in the States? I still cannot believe how much childcare is! Thank you for your suggestion on Alan Carr's book. I read your post in the middle of the night last night and went straight to Amazon and bought it.

Back at the office today. Guilty's got me out of bed and to the office early. My husband and I talked more last night and he said "we'll get through this but its going to take a lot for me not to worry sick that you're going to go out and get wine when I'm not looking." I totally understand his fears and concerns, I've totally taken the ability to trust that my daughter is okay when alone with me. Again, how did I become this person... it was incremental and now I've done things I could never even think of. He slept in the guestroom again last night. My throat is still so sore from the violent sick I got on Tuesday morning. I've barely eaten and feel yuck. I mean why do we do this to ourselves? Day 2 and voraciously reading everything I can on the web about moms, alcoholism, coping, recovery.... I don't know how I feel today other than just bad.. but I do know that I will not drink today.

splendid001

Hello all! Just wanted to introduce myself to this thread as it was recommended to me. I'm currently 34 years old and live in Texas with my husband and 27 month old daughter. I'm currently 15W4D pregnant with our second daughter. I began drinking about six years ago to self-medicate. During my first pregnancy I stopped drinking once I found out. Since this pregnancy I have had a little to drink and I'm here because I definitely need support from others during this time.

Hoping to meet other moms and moms to be as I have isolated myself big time. Thanks for listening!

JustSarah

Hi Babs - awww, I do hope you feel better soon - it's an awful situation to be in - I remember my hubby threatening to film me when I was at my vilest (thank god he never did) to show me the following morning how bad I was. After my last slip (nearly 4 weeks ago at a batcherlorett party) I think it took me a week to face the world again - bad didn't even touch the surface of what I felt, my saving grace was that hubby was at home with the kids .

As for childcare - I'm in the UK and its just ridiculous - I'm looking at about £300 per week for the 2 kids (on a 4 day week) EUGH!!

Hi Splendid, congrats on your pregnancy, you're at the right place! My baby is now 4 1/2 months old and I have a 3yr old too. Once I had the baby I got stuck into the wine big time (I had nearly 10 months to make up for right?!) anyways alcohol and POst natal depression are a horrific mix. I've never been a good drunk and the binging over the years really needed to stop so I joined SR in June and its been a godsend

Sorry for the long post anyways - I hope everyone's doing well my mood has got better after an avo nap

Xxxxxx

Dollyangel17

Welcome Splendid! Glad you are joining us. I am a 42 year old mom to a 6 year old daughter. I was always a "drinker", but started drinking daily after my daughter was born.

We waited so long to have her, and lost 3 other babies prior to her birth so when she arrived I think I was filled with terror that something would happen to her. My method of coping with anxiety was to self medicate with alcohol.

Things got particularly bad the last 2 years when I also started drinking in the morning. Then things got bad quick!!

Anyway...we all know how hard it is, and are here to listen and help support you.

Congrats on your second pregnancy too...:-)

Babs78756

I live in Austin, Texas and this is a big drinking town... but it never ceases to surprise me when I see my boss cracking a beer @ 3:30, a communal fridge stacked with beer and wine and even some of the hard stuff in the cabinets. I'm sure it doesn't bother others and maybe they don't even really notice but the darkness around booze for me right now, doesn't make it easy to get my lunch out of the fridge, among the cases and cases and bottles and bottles of booze.... Sigh.

Ladybug2

Hi Moms,

Just checking in to say Hi. On Day 13 and still feeling strong and positive. Haven't really been having any cravings or struggles this time around, yet. Grateful for that, but I know it is only a matter of time until my AV shows up and gives me a hard time.

My daughter starts pre-school in a few weeks and I am starting to feel a little emotional about it. It is only 3 days a week for 2 1/2 hrs a day, but I have been home with her since she was 9 months so it will be a little hard. They really do grow up so fast Time for me to start thinking about going back to work?

Hope everyone is doing well and having a great Wednesday!

ImperfectlyMe

Welcome splendid! 35 year old mom of two girls here 7 and 4. Former win worshiper sober 4 and 1/2 months. So glad you joined us congrats on baby number 2

Lady bug I was so sad too when they started school but it only lasted about 3o mins when I realized holy $h!t I'm ALONE!!!!! Enjoy that you time it's wonderful. It's the best 6 hours of my week!!!!

Ladybug2

Hi and welcome Splendid! So glad you joined us

Bebetter

Welcome Splendid and congratulations on your pregnancy! I hope you find the support you need to stop drinking completely throughout your pregnancy. I know a glass here and there is no problem later on, as far as developmental issues go, but it sounds like it might be too hard to even enter into a trial of moderation. I know it would be for me... I was able to quit easily through all my pregnancies (though it did get a little harder with each one - guess the newness of it all wore off after 3!), but am guilty of drinking while nursing. I'm not worried about it, but it certainly isn't something I'm proud of. We're here for you!!

Babs - I'm so sorry you had another binge night. I know how awful you feel right now - how worried that you won't be able to do this sobriety thing, how much pressure you feel... and if you're anything like me, that pressure makes it worse. I am my worst enemy when it comes to treating myself with kindness and comfort, and that's just what we need. We don't need to indulge ourselves, but we should at least be nice to ourselves in coming clean. When I feel especially pressured, my mind goes kind of blank and that's when I let my primitive desires take over - drinking, eating, whatever comforts me fast. I think the key is to jump that blankness and habitually put something else in it's path... I haven't found the answer yet. It's been ice-cream so far for me, and I really am not happy about trading a drinking addiction for an eating addiction. I have a great fear of becoming obese (family history), and if I keep eating like I have been, I'll be there, and will surely become depressed enough to start drinking again. Ugh....

AFM - am feeling a slacking of my resolve. I'm somewhere around 45 days sober, and I just want a m-er f-ing drink. Really. Now. There is a 1/2 bottle of white wine (a big bottle, too) in the fridge outside. Why? I don't know. It's more than 45 days old, though. There are tons of bottles of liquor out there too, and a near full case of beer. I've had no great interest in any of it for the past 45 days, but I have to tell you - ONE glass of white wine sounds like heaven right now. No real stresses going on... just want to ease myself into the drink, you know? Don't worry, though. I'm not going to drink. My pride is too great, and I already beat myself up enough - I refuse to have something else to beat myself up over - failed sobriety.

Not tonight, wine!!

Bebetter

oh, and to top it off, my husband's vacay is ending soon, so he's totally living it up, and i'm annoyed and resentful! he had a huge whiskey and coke with lunch (I saw the coke on ice in his glass and knowing he doesn't drink soda, I asked - can I have a sip of that, or is there something in it?). and another before dinner... not usual behavior for him - he's a beer guy. and when he came for a kiss in the afternoon, I was mean and said "you stink like alcohol." because he did! annoying...

Dollyangel17

Ladybug...glad you are still feeling strong! Good for you. I know it will be tough having your daughter start preschool, but she will live it and it will be good for you too.

Bebetter....keep up the good work, and never mind that wine out there. At 45 days it likely starting to taste like vinegar anyway...blech! I know what you mean about kissing hubby with alcohol stench. My husband doesn't drink much, but when he does, the smell is nauseating to me!

Babs78756

Bebetter! You're doing great! I'm so impressed, your honesty and your strength! You'll power through tonight. No doubt! Reading your response to me... Ouch, I'm so embarassed. "I'm so sorry you had another binge." The sad truth in that simple statement. It is a sorry situation. God, sometimes it hits me. I am an alcoholic, like a real one. It's funny how it can sometimes play tricks on you "you made some bad decisions but nothing happened." The thought of what could've happened... This site is going to be a real lifeline for me and I'm so relieved to be here with you all.... Another day behind me.

Jbl347

Hello ladies. I know also what you're talking about with our men drinking and we are not. I don't mind it if my boyfriend goes out with his friends, like he did last night. When he came home and called me up, I just wanted to get off the phone. I am still a bit jealous and annoyed at the fact he can drink n hold it together, I can't. It's my boyfriends last week of vacation also. We are both teachers. He coaches high school football though so that starts next week. I'm in New York school starts for us Sept 4.

We are strong, and we can deal with and conquer many things! Look at your kids n just think as I do......would I want her to drink, or see me so far gone that I'm out if control????!!!!!!!
My daughters 13 yrs old so the answer for all including the mommies of young ones is NO WAY!
Have a great sober day ladies

Dollyangel17

Good afternoon moms! 107 days today for me, and feeling a little anxiety. Heading to an appointment with a gastro doctor. This is a followup to an episode that brought me to the ER over a month ago. My primary doctor doesn't think it's anything serious, but they still wanted me to have a consult with the specialist to see if any further investigating should be done.

I always get anxiety when I am having health issues....my mind just always goes to the worst possible scenario:-( That has always led me to drinking in the past, but staying strong. Hoping this doctor can put my mind at ease.

On the bright side...my weight watchers weigh in day was today, and I lost another 3.3 pounds! Down for a total so far of 31.6 pounds lost since I quit drinking:-)

I will be back later to check in and let you all know how my doctor visit goes.

Bye for now.

Bebetter

Oh Babs, I am so sorry my choice of words hurt you! I didn't mean to sound so harsh... I call what I did binging - that's how I drink. Honestly, most nights, I was drinking 5 drinks over the course of 4 hours or so, and wasn't smashed, but the reason I'm here is because of my more frequent binging... I think it's hard to quit that kind of drinking because you could be totally sober, or a decently moderate drinker (yes, I know my 5 drinks a day was heavy), but then whatever click goes off in your head and you binge a night and you're back at square one again. I know even last night, when I wanted that glass of wine that I absolutely could have 1 glass of wine last night and no more, but I would be hoarding the sips, wanting another but not having one, and the internal fight would be awful. And I know the next day, having that drink would give me license to have another. And then, a few weeks from now, I'll wake up hung-over.

Babs78756

Bebetter - no need to apologize! It's was a very simple observation of truth. Important because it's important to read and let it sink in. The message you just posted in so true for me in so many ways... I'll do the same thing, I'll have one drink one night and then tell myself "You had one last night and you didn't go nuts, you can have a few tonight." Then have a few and soon, I wake up hung-over have risked everything that matters in my life. No way to live. We only have this one life and I don't want to miss any more of it. I don't want schlep around with these issues following me anymore. I cannot have alcohol - the issue sucking anymore of my brain space or energy. Today, I will not drink.

JustSarah

Bebetter - 45 days is amazing - well done - you feeling ok now? Has the urge for 45day old wine passed now

Ladybug - that's great for you too - still going strong - yay

Dolly 107 days is HUGE, I can't even imagine getting that far how did the drs go?

How are you doing today Babs? Holding up ok?

I had a meeting with my bossman today about my return to work and am now looking forward to it. I've done my time at home with the kiddos and am actually looking forward to spending time with adults again. I'll head back on oct 1st and go from there - just need to agree my 4 day week with HR which I am actually really looking forward to. I think it will be a good mix with work / kids

10.10pm here - another day done - yay

Hope all you mums are well xxxxxx