Newatthis34

Have missed posting here the last few days but still going strong, Day 23 in fact!! Been super-stressed at work and have had a few cravings to get drunk to 'let off steam' but managed to stay focused and think it through enough to realise that I didn't want to deep down.

Facing a major challenge the next few days at work so fingers crossed for me guys that I stay true to my intentions to stay sober. And today is my birthday so I'm all excited for it to be the first sober birthday I've had in years. Many many many years (like maybe 20??!!! Feeling old now!)

Keep strong everyone.

CaseyW

Day five was mostly uneventful. Went to a couple of meetings, heard a lot of good stuff there. The noon meeting was especially good. I won't lie, the second meeting kinda bored me. It was a 12&12 study that for some reason focused on traditions instead of steps. I know the traditions are important but they don't make for the best meeting topics. Even the guy chairing the meeting seemed to realize this as he opened by saying, "I apologize in advance to any newcomers, as you might not really know what the f#&$ or understand the importance of some of what we're talking about tonight." Still heard a few good things though, and, most importantly, I got out of the house and out of my head for an hour during that crucial early evening time when I'm usually really starting to obsess on what and when I'm going to drink.

Spent most of the rest of the day sitting around the house with my headphones on picking out random records from my recently-neglected record collection. Since I start working again tomorrow, maybe I'll be able to start rewarding myself for my sobriety with a new record every now and then.

I did have a couple of minor thoughts about drinking yesterday, the first I'd had during these five days. Nothing that lasted, but I was just driving down the street and thought, "The W____ bar will be opening in a few minutes." Luckily I was able to answer myself, "That was a stupid thought. You're not drinking anyways" and the thought then passed.

Starting day six now. No big plans for today except to again make a couple of meetings. Probably try to study the menu from the new restaurant some so that I can have a leg up before I start tomorrow.

NorCaliGal

Happy Birthday Newatthis34!!

messyliver

Day 6 and i still have a thumping headache. Paracetamols are not touching me!

NorCaliGal

Beginning day 4. Woke up with another headache. Pretty sure its allergies though. So nice to know it's not a hangover headache, and that I can take something to help it (my hangover headaches were resistant to any aspirin, advil, etc.)

Finally got a text from my boyfriend this morning but only after I texted him first asking if he was okay. He said he was fine and had to be at work at noon. When I asked him what happened yesterday he didn't respond. Doesn't matter, I already know basically what happened.

Other than my headache, and worrying about my boyfriend, I'm feeling good. I know choosing not to drink is the best decision I've made in a long time - feeling positive about myself! SR is a great place for support an accountability.

Have a great day everyone!

NorCaliGal

Pamel you can do this. One day at a time. Tell yourself that this one day - today - you are not going to stop at the liquor store and you are not going to drink. Just focus on this one day. You can do it!

Pamel

Well, I went to my 7:30 AM AA meeting, a bit foggy but much better because of a good night's sleep. DID NOT make it past the liquor store (practicing honesty here) but a half bottle of wine is all I got. maybe that's progress?

I really hate this; I know so much better, but the AV is really strong right now. Sometimes I believe that having so many years sober inoculated me against relapse. I now thought (this morning) that I have to think of myself as a "beginner" and start really listening. Gawd, I have been at this a long time: 35 years to be exact of which 30+ were sober.

Sobriety is so easy to take for granted...

Trooper13

Pamel, you can do this, it is hard but can be done. I am on day 4 and still do not feel great but I do feel better. I go to my first meeting in a few hours. I have to say, as of right now, I have not had any cravings except for the first day. My detox has been so horrible that just the thought of going through that is enough to keep me sober...for now. I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS AND BELIEVE YOU CAN DO THIS!!! This is the third time around for me and I am really thinking the third time is a charm.

Pamel

Trooper, AWFUL detox is one great motivator. Be glad for it. Sounds odd, but my worst time has been this maintenance drinking. I really DON'T want to get drunk anymore; just enough to make the day more bearable. Not better, but "bearable". Bad idea, because I know so much better. I was sober for many years and took it for granted; then all it took was one glass of Champagne to get me started again.

AA is a wonderful place-be sure you tell your story honestly at your first meeting...or at least raise your hand and say that you are new, and ask for a temporary sponsor. (Really, no one will know you are new unless you speak up. Go early and ask for phone numbers.)

A lot of my "problem" is that I still look good, and it is so hard to admit that one is in trouble "again". I hope for the best for you.

Blubbie

Hi, everyone. I'm on Day 24! I went away for a long weekend and didn't have any urges to drink. I did think about how different the trip would be if I were drinking....different in a bad way. I actually went to the fitness center in the hotel and worked out a bit, I went swimming in the pool, I ate and enjoyed the food. Even packing for the trip was such a different experience while sober. It didn't take me hours since I was able to focus on what I was doing.

Pamel- I think it's a really good sign that even though you are struggling right now, you are coming on here and telling us. Keep working at it, I know you can do it!

sleeper1203

Great job everyone! You guys are such an inspiration... Each and everyone of you. Hang in there guys as we all are learning how to do this.

I'm on day 13 and very proud of that. Things are better. Fighting boredom though. Also, any suggestions regarding weight loss. I have about 50 lbs to lose, all put on in the last 7 yrs or so. I keep seeing posts about weight gain...ugh! Any suggestions are appreciated.

Hope everyone has a great day!

butterfly33

Checking in for day 4 - I'm still determined not to drink, that's the easy bit just now. Today and yesterday I've had little energy and motivation. My appetite is not great and I'm not drinking as much water as I did on my previous attempts. The thing that's getting to me most is how irritable I am. Everything seems to be getting on my nerves. My AV keeps piping in and telling me that a glass of wine would have me feeling less crabby in no time - I'm so wound up that I just tell the AV to ****off.
It's got me wondering though - is this me? Is this how I am sober? Am I really just a moody stress-head? Is this how I'm going to be now I don't drink? The AV pipes in again and tells me that's why people prefer me when I'm drinking.
I don't like feeling this way and I'm sure my kids don't like having me being so cranky. I'll keep an eye on it over the next day or two, hopefully it will pass.
Hope everyone's doing good today

safeandsound

Well put, FABL! I have to remind myself of those two things often. As to the being hard on myself, that is one of my strongest personality traits. Perfectionism sounds like a good thing, but it isn't--it actually leads me to sabotage myself and not think I deserve good things. I'm fighting it this time because it is so often what led to relapse. So today I'm trying to focus on the positive, working out a lot, eating well (except sugar), TRYING to take care of myself. Someone posted on another thread that there are lots of things to do for yourself, like getting a massage, taking a bath, getting out in nature. I need to do things like this, not only "treat" myself by buying things.

Got a weird email today from a guy friend who is close to both of us. This guy admits he likes me although he would never break up our relationship. The fact he told me that has always made me uncomfortable around him, and unfortunately when I lost my job, he was over and I got s***faced and cried a lot and hugged him several times. He has always been very supportive, but I wish I hadn't done that.

So he emails suggesting I just LIMIT my drinking. He's a heavy drinker, of course. He has invited us to his cabin for some weekend in August, where we usually drink all day and night. I'm not afraid I'll drink, but it bugs me that he seems to want me to. I emailed back saying a couple drinks is not an option for me--what's the point?? I'd just be miserable all night!! The whole thing strikes me as creepy. Have to write about it today to see if I get any feedback. I also can't say no to the cabin because I CONSTANTLY say no to his invitations, and he's a good friend to both of us. I also agreed a month ago. Am I over-reacting?

safeandsound

BUTTERFLY--sorry, I meant to respond to you in last post. In the situation I wrote about above, I think some people might find me more relaxed and friendly when I drink--for the first few. I have to remind myself it's a whole different story after that!

I was also super grumpy and angry when I quit, and it lasted at least a week. It did get better! And now that I'm sober, I'm able to own up to my actions and apologize for being irritated or downright angry. I've blown up a few times. We just have to be patient for awhile--my moods are all over the place. But when I hear that everyone else is like that, too, for at least the first month, I can accept it more. Hang in there!

forabetterlife

I just need to be selfish right now because I need whoever is reading now to remind me NOT to drink. I have the perfect mixture of feelings right now that typically leads to drinking. I'm frustrated with my ex-boyfriend, we are considering getting back together, and as usual, I want him to say and do certain things and when he won't I go crazy. I know I can't control people, places or things...it's the alcoholic in me that makes me try to.

My mother is coming over tonight and besides the fact that she is a huge trigger for me normally. tonight I also have to ask to borrow money from her. I HATE to do it but I truly am desperate. My ex-husband hasn't paid child support, I don't get paid again for a month, and I have bills and back to school coming up.

I'm beyond frustrated with my weight, despite my efforts eating well, exercising, and not drinking.

I feel like I'm all talk, strong as can be, saying all the right things, but when things get tough, I fall apart. I don't want to ruin even just these 5 days I have under my belt. I don't want to hate myself tomorrow and have to start all over again. I know drinking isn't the answer, but it's the immediate solution I've always gone to and it's tough to change.

sleeper1203

Forabetterlife

No matter how terrible you are feeling, you will feel 10x worse if you drink. Numbing yourself will NOT change your circumstances...mother, lack of $, responsibilities. It just will not. Hang in there, breathe, pull your big girl pants on and get to making a better, but different, life for yourself. You can do this! Keep coming back to SR.

SobrietyP

I know the month is almost over, but this is day one for me. Good luck to everyone. =)

Leshar

New

Happy Birthday!

Good luck as you face the upcoming work challenges.

Leshar

SandS

To quote Mandy Rice-Davies in the Profumo trial: "He would say that, wouldn't he?"
You've said he's a heavy drinker. To me, it sounds like he doesn't want to acknowledge his own heavy drinking. I imagine he may hope that you will continue to drink and thus increase the likelihood of being "affectionate" towards him again. I don't mean to suggest by any means that you have been inappropriate with him, pls don't get me wrong, but he's obviously into you, and is always, imo, going to hope for more.

If you go to the cabin, I'd make sure to stick close to your husband, does your hb know btw, that this guy's into you?
I dunno, I think that if this guy is a good friend to you both, that he was inappropriate in telling you of his affection twds you, thus putting you in a difficult situation, that's just not fair, imo. Don't beat yourself up about hugging him etc, under the influence, he knew you were drunk, and not acting in your usual fashion, I would imagine.

I wouldn't get into a prolonged email exchange either, just my opinion, that gives him currency to keep the interaction with you going. You can just be cordial, you've told him you're not drinking, no need for further explanations.

Getting out in nature is indeed very soothing so it might be fun to go to his cabin, and enjoy this sans booze.
Take care.

DoloresHaze

Hope everyone is ok today.

I remember about a week ago I said on this thread that I was going to taper down for 2 weeks and then quit for 30 days. HAHAHAHAHAAAA that was precious! That lasted about 2 days and I was back at my usual amount.

This has to be Day 1. I have to admit I can't control it anymore. It's either all or nothing.