woodhead

DP,
I believe so. All I can say is that going back will only cause misery. Hang in there.
Best,
W

LizG

Could someone please send me a link to a Southern-English / Standard English dictionary? I have never looked up so many things on the internet-s since joining this group. :-) Am I correct in assuming that the outcome for the frog is not good? … sigh … but it never is with you campin’, huntin’, fishin’ people, now is it?

On a similar topic … W, I betcha that if you placed that youth rifle thing-y and, let’s say, a children’s book about Matisse and his use of gorgeous, bold, primary colours side by side, the smart boy would go for the art every time. I have a decent collection (of books, not firearms, obviously) that I would hap- hap- happily lend. All in the spirit of developing a well-rounded young man, of course.

LizG

DP -- At the risk of misquoting Dee, I believe the simplest, yet most powerful thing I've read by him on this forum is that drinking changes nothing. The past couple of months have definitely held their share of challenges, but when faced with frustrations both big and small, I've tried to take a moment, calm down and remember this quiet truth. All the best to you. L.

woodhead

Liz,
The boy will definitely get his share of art and literature as those activities outrank hunting and fishing in my and my daughter's households by a good margin. We are not entirely uncultured down here. However, the outdoor activities and game cookery are the activities we southerners tend to emphasize as they romanticize and set us off from the more bland parts of our nation. You are correct, though - the frog does not fare so well when it's gigging time down here.
Best,
W

LizG

I'm razzing you, of course. You've mentioned you're a prof, so I assume there are loads of books beside the gun cabinet(s). The boy will get the full experience, then, redneck-shack-related and otherwise ... Excellent! My brother-in-law is an enthusiastic hunter & takes great pleasure in grossing out the bland city folk at family gatherings. I am familiar with your tactics, sir. :-)

woodhead

Good for bro-in-law! Books actually became a space problem around here, and I've given tons of them away. That problem is now solved with the Kindle App for the iPad - I love it, and am never without a book to read.

Gilmer

Hi, Dorothyparker. That's when my relapse happened--when I was going through a prolonged black cloud and I couldn't see my way out mentally or spiritually--plus I was really tempted to drink on top of everything else. I had a general attitude of "WTF?" I was spiteful toward the Lord because I didn't feel that he was doing his share to keep me in a good mood. So I relapsed--and it ended up blah and depressing, and I got compulsive all over again. With grace, I manged to stop the madness. Now I have 27 days instead of five months. When you all are having your 6 month anniversary party, I'll be sitting quietly on the sidelines, watching. (I'll be celebrating vicariously. I won't feel bad. In three days I'll exceed thirty days).

LizG

Gilmer -- There is little chance I would have made it this far without the support of this monthly thread. You were a huge part of that when I joined back in February. I lurked more than anything, didn't post much and revealed little, but I read every word written by people like you who seemed so much more comfortable in their emotional shoes than I was, i.e, warm, caring, empathetic, insightful. I joked about it once, but I really did feel like the village idiot of the group for a while; I was too foggy to sort out anything & couldn't rectify the fact that I was taking disproportionately way more from this mutual support system than I was giving to it.

So no watching by the sidelines, please! When I celebrate 5 months on the day you exceed thirty days, it's a group victory, 100%. Ups, downs, relapses, victories, milestones, disappointments and everything in between.

L.

LizG

Books became a problem around here 3 years ago; we moved into this house 3 years and one month ago. And still, with books up to the rafters and stacked on every horizontal surface, my first thought is, "Rats, W. lives in AL ... too far to go pick up some potentially giftable books ..." What is it with us -aholics? Nothing is ever done in half measure, huh?

woodhead

My boss once said to me "You never do anything half-assed do you?" He was referring to both the good and the bad. So, yeah, all my life I've tended to do most things full tilt until I spiraled them into the ground, including being a workaholic. I think many alcoholics are like that.

Greensleeves

Sorry I've been out of the loop: went on vacation with the family. To catch up with a few debates: okra is food, not snot. Fried pig skins are an abomination (sorry Wood), and some southerners eat green things without, as Paula Deen would say, a stick of buttah. I'm a fan of kale and Swiss chard, myself.

Reeny, I do believe the dark nights feed the beast that leads to relapse. Hang in there and feed the light and the joy in you instead. When I'm struggling, that's what I try to do: make the conscious choices to grow the good in my heart and in my spirit.

Gilmer, I'm with Woodhead. You'll always be a part of our group, and your posts (the ups and the downs) have been an important part of our journeys. No sidelines...just celebration for each of us working on a better today and a brighter tomorrow.

Greensleeves

Whoops, I think DP made the note about the dark moments--sorry for that. Too much catching up in one day!

LizG

' guess I'm confusing people with the faux avatar :-) That was me GS, but I think we're all on board with the sentiment. Glad you enjoyed your vac.! Liz

Reeny

Thank you all for your support, SR friends. The dark days are part of it all, I know, and we shall hang in there together. Stay with us Gilmer - was that the reason you left for a while? Alcohol solves nothing but, as you say, dp, sometimes it just seems like a good, one off (ha!) alternative to treading the righteous path!

Gilmer

Hi, Reeny. The reason I left for awhile is because I got too obsessed with SR 24/7 and my husband blocked it for my own good. Then a couple of months later I went through a dark time and relapsed for about ten days. Now my husband sees that SR is good for me in moderation, so I go to the public library for up to an hour a day to check it. I think that works well.

LizG

‘just returned early from a lunch potluck organized by folks here at work. I completely forgot that alcohol is served at these events. The boss has always maintained that as long as people aren’t turning cartwheels up and down the corridors, a little bit of booze at noon hour is fine. OK, deep breath, move to the coffee / tea / pop, Liz.

The last potluck was in December; I quit in January, so never noticed that the coffee / tea / pop area has always been directly beside the alcohol, so now I have to pour myself a cup of coffee while standing centimetres away from the red wine. I admit it was a bit of a white knuckle moment, not because I was tempted to drink, but because I found myself in the presence of wine and was completely unprepared …

Lesson learned: I need to be a bit more attentive to social events, i.e., register the fact there will be alcohol & be mentally prepared to tough it out a bit. Meanwhile, gotta pull myself together 'cause I have to teach tonight … & the students deserve me at my best.

Gilmer

If I go into another nosedive, though, I will press to have SR totally unblocked in my house so I can get back the 24/7 access! When I'm needy, I'm needy, and SR is just the right combination of supportive and challenging.

dorothyparker

Yes the dark nights are hard and the triggers too but last Sunday, it was more a mixture of wanting to self-destruct, like, I felt that stopping drinking wouldn't erase all the bad stuff I did so I might as well just be a total all out drunk. It was this weird illogical thinking and Liz and Wood, you said it, there seems to be no half measures with us...

Gilmer, please stay around, this might not console you but your relapse made of these similar black thoughts makes me want to avoid doing the same. Well for today at least. Today I will be the listening gentle person I am sober not the enraged, rebel, eccentric person I was drunk.

I too am super grateful for SR. (I would use a smiley that smiles with a tear, is there one ? )

Dee74

The way I look at my 'bad stuff' now DP - everything I've been through, good and bad, bought me through to who I am today.

My friends have forgiven me whatever trespasses I made, most people don't even remember me as a drunk.

It didn't happen overnight but it did happen

You've come a long way - if they are some who insist on reminding you on who you used to be, then that's on them not you.

D

LizG

There are only two things I've been able to do in moderation in my life -- smoke (one / day for a decade during those artsy-fartsy graduate student years) and relationships (I don't think I'm many people's cup of tea. To quote my husband: "You're an acquired taste, dear."). But everything else? Oh yes, all done at break neck, full-assed speed, thank you. … one glass of wine to sip, savour and enjoy? put the stopper back in the bottle? make a bottle last a week? snort. never. I thought I could drink as I once smoked and relate, but nope. So I’m sorry, dear wine, I need a divorce. And it needs to be final; not one of those Liz Taylor / Richard Burton flip-flop affairs :-)