DG0409

Day 76

Going to make a commitment to make some yoga classes this week. I really need to make myself get out of the house. I need to start interacting with more people.

I get too much in my head sometimes... I need to redouble my efforts at scheduling stuff and doing what is on the list of things to do.

ScoutBall

I hear that DG.
I'm not much for socializing anymore.
Doesn't help that a lot of our friends here are minor to major partiers.
I keep meaning to finally head to town and join a paddle club, but I've yet to do it. I want to...but I'm having a hard time prioritizing much outside of work.
For whatever reason, I just got slammed--which is good--but keeps me officebound, and I just don't want to do much.
Certainly doesn't help that the vast majority of clients I deal with are via email and phone--so I'm not even really meeting people that way either.
One of these days...paddle club. Will be good socially and physically.

Viperidae

Socializing? What does that mean? Also, I miss women. Having a girlfriend. My god, it's torture. Drinking was more important for a long time, and now I just feel terrible, and hopefully am going to recover. Being a 43 year old man with no job and no prospects of a job, and never really having had a job, does not go over well for self esteem, or to women.

Ok, so send a shout out to Thor for me because I feel physically awful again despite being on the prozac. I want bore you with the details. I'm going to stick it out and see what happens.

I just want to feel better. I'm not drinking though.

Good luck kids. And remember. One drink leads to 2 leads to 12. Then 3 days later another 12. So just forget it!!

DG0409

Scoutie- I have the same problem dealing with all my clients via phone. Sometimes I wish I had a normal job just so I'd see real people!

And I missed my yoga class last night cause I didn't keep a close enough eye on the clock.

Been struggling with depression & anger... I think maybe partly due to my attempts at quitting weed. I made it 5.5 days without it but have had a few slips since. The anger has been overwhelming. I can deal with it for a few hours, but after too long, it's too much. But all told, I'm probably smoking 1-2% of what I was at a few months ago, so that is something of a victory. If I wasn't such a perfectionist, I might even be pleased with it!

On the positive side of things, it is 11 weeks no alcohol for me and 25 weeks no cigarettes!!!

Soberpotamus

The Worry That You’re Doing the Wrong Thing Right Now : zenhabits

I think that might be it. This particular blog post is on the worry that we have that we are picking the wrong thing to do now... I guess that would be anxiety or fear that would cause frustration, lack of concentration and follow through on tasks... because we are too concerned that we should be doing something else at that moment... Lol, I'd say it's very much about perfectionism and how it prevents us from living in the now, and from moving forward. I know I struggle with it on a daily basis. It's keeping me from my creative writing. And sometimes from my meditation. It's so easy to say: Hey, I have too many other tangible things that need doing (laundry, dishes, groceries, etc) than to allow myself the self-indulgence in meditation or creative writing... see where that goes?

Soberpotamus

Here's my copied post from this morning, in the 1 Year and Under thread...

Day 84. Sipping on coffee, checking email, catching up here on the forum...

Everyone have a good weekend?

I've got my continuing care group at noon today. Will be leaving for that shortly. It only lasts an hour, and it seems we all have to fight for talk time in that group... rather frustrating. But it's free follow-up care, and I do love the counselor. She is great. And it's available to me for up to two years or longer, if I need it.

Going to pick up a pint of Haagen Dazs ice-cream that I got a raincheck for a few months ago. Yum. We are having a little birthday party for a dear friend of ours tonight. We've got him an almond buttercream cake so I'm either gonna get Rum Raisin ice-cream, or maybe Pineapple Coconut. I'm going by a sporting goods store to get him a moisture wicking outdoorsy shirt, he likes them.

Going to post the shared link to my Google spreadsheet where I update my daily habit change project: http://tinyurl.com/m8pasbo As you can see, the creative writing and the meditation aren't getting done! So... I need to revise my plan today at some point. It probably means I'll be scaling back the time I spend on each one, and doing it say, for 15 min instead of trying for 30. Until I can catch back up on the ones I'm not doing... and then go forward with them all again. The whole idea is to make the activity an automatic daily habit. Not something I fight with and procrastinate doing.

My husband and I talked this weekend about our 5 year/10 year plan for our future. We are pretty much on the same page. It's early in the sobriety game for me to be making any major changes, but I am considering a part-time job at this point... possibly even a full-time job. We have the goal of renting out our mortgaged home in order to buy a piece of land (in the woods!) and building a smaller cottage on that land (paid for, not mortgaged), and renting out our mortgage house to someone who doesn't mind living in the city. And eventually having the rental income for this home be a nice retirement supplement. That is the plan. And we did the math last night, looks like it can be done!

Looks like some rain here today. How's everyone's Monday so far?

...might be copying what I post in here and put in the One Year thread, at least for now.. not sure the most efficient way to post in both, as I'm going to be posting the same thing anyway DG, I know you're posting in that thread now... are you posting different things in each thread? Well... maybe will just play it by ear.

DG0409

SoberJennie- I haven't actually posted in the 1 year and under thread since I posted to say I was joining. .. but I've been reading there. I feel a little like I'm not sure what thread I even belong to. I have different dates for every substance and am still struggling with the weed. I'm not sure Day 0 qualifies me to post in the 1 year and under thread... and my head is in such a different place with the struggle against weed than the people that really have time quit. I'm not sure if I count as sober or what.

There's probably some stuff you can copy and paste... and other stuff is more context to the thread. Like you said, maybe just play it by ear.

DG0409

Day 78 no alcohol.

Had a few slips with the weed over the last few days. Felt angry and depressed, maybe just me, maybe the time of month, maybe the withdrawal from not smoking weed... not sure but it definitely contributed to my struggling a lot.

I feel much better today, so going to give not smoking weed another shot... see how long I can go. I had 5.5 days before this weekend, so I think I'll try again. Might as well, especially as I know I didn't smoke enough to really reset the withdrawal symptoms or make myself physically dependent again.

DrakeCKC

Hi class! I have been a little distracted lately, lot going on, some good, some bad. Been down and overwhelmed by recovery and beginning to confront the reasons why I drank and became what I became, a roaring mess!

I will keep on and your support is so helpful.

Have a good day all!

triathlynne

Hi everyone. Trying to grasp at straws with my mental health. Lost it again last weekend and messed up my life big time. I am at an utter loss in my life, with everything, my marriage, my job, my friends. I feel I have no one to turn to. I am just extremely frustrated with myself in how I'm unable to cope with minor things. On the upside, as small as it may be I've stated taking herbal supplements for stress and anxiety, it's only been 2 days but last night I slept so well so I'm going to keep on this and keep checking in here and reading up on stuff. Thanks for listening. Perhaps I should move to C.O May?

DG0409

Lynne-- I don't think it matters which class you join so much as that you post there BEFORE you drink. We can't help over-much when people wait to post until after they've been drinking. We haven't had a post from you here since the last time you drank. While you're absolutely welcome in the April thread, you may find that the Class of June can relate better to where you are at in your journey. Heck, you're welcome to join the April, May & June threads and get all the support possible.

I am always happy to support others in their sobriety, but I simply can't offer much support in relapses.

Perhaps you might consider posting every day and keeping your class updated as to how you're doing. Remembering to be thankful and share the good days helps to keep us sober. Sharing when we're stressed helps to keep us sober. But posting after we've relapsed doesn't do much but let us have a pity party over it and remind everybody else why they don't want to relapse.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but how can we offer support if you don't post until after you drink??

Dee74

Welcome back Lynne

Maybe June thread would be a good thing to check out besides this one?
It's often better to be among people at the same point you are.

Are you using other support besides SR at all?

D

Goat

Hiya class!

I got my bracelet today for my 36 days house arrest. They were... odd... about what privileges they were willing to give me. I can go to my IOP class (which only lasts for another two weeks) but they only allowed me one AA meeting per week. So two weeks from now I'll only be able to leave my house one evening per week. On the other hand, they gave me the run of my entire property -- most people just get their house and maybe two steps out the door.

I spent most of the day working on pumpkins... Among my other businesses I have a very small pumpkin farm. It did very well last year, and this year I'm doubling the area devoted to pumpkins. So far I have been preparing the soil, and I would like to get them planted in the next few days.

DG0409

I am glad to report that I spent the whole day clean & sober.

Also made it to my yoga class. It was just what I needed today, too.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

Viperidae

Lynne, it's fine. Just try to get here more often.

Goat. Saw a T-shirt with a cute looking goat on it that says Stay Metal. I wanted to get it for you.

Well, I figured out that being the tough guy and stopping my Klonapin(Valium type med) cold turkey, and booze at the same time was idiotic. I thought the people that took 6 months or a year to taper off the Klonapin were cry babies. Well, I've been crying like a baby for a while. Booze is nothing compared to the Klonapin. It takes forever to taper off it. I talked to my doctor today and brought that up as a possible reason why I feel so bad and he said it can be a nightmare. The withdrawals don't just go away, they get worse and worse over months unless there is a slow taper. We are getting me back on it or something similar and I see him on Thursday to discuss a plan of action with it.

I mentioned when I used to quit the booze and klonapin that I felt fantastic after a couple of weeks. He said it gets worse every time, and said imagine if I started drinking again, when I stopped it would be even harder, and I would feel even worse than now.

It's such an obvious thing, like the Prozac. I just tried to figure out any kind of other reason why I felt so horrible. Why wouldn't I just realize that?? I was very weak, dizzy, sleeping 15 hours a day, terrible hot flashes. Hopefully I'll be up and running next week? If this works. It is an easy fix to get me feeling better for now and klonapin is not harmful on the body like alcohol.

I played with those pills and booze for so that I ended up extremely physically addicted. Quitting and alternating between them was the worst possible thing I could do. Klonapin feeds the same receptors as booze, so it's a double whammy.

And if I am in a slow taper from the pills and I drink once, the whole thing is ruined. It will all be worth it to feel better.

Just say no kids. Take it from someone who had a serious relapse in this group that it is not worth that first drink. Your brain chemistry depends on staying off of it to get better.

Thanks everyone! Shouts out!

NotSoIvory

I used to smoke weed a lot. I always smoked to curb my irritability and bad angry moods. After quitting, I realized the weed was actually the cause of those bad moods that would come along when it would wear off. For me, the mood swings from quitting pot were even worse than the ones from quitting drinking. But it does normalize with time. I wish you strength in your battle and I hope you can conquer it. You seem to have a very stong sense of determination DG and I believe you are well on you way. The best of luck to you.

NotSoIvory

A bit sad tonight. Had to ask my addict brother to find another place to live for breaking the clearly laid out house rules about smoking pot inside my home. I didn't want it to come to this. He is so deeply buried, he doesn't seem to care who he hurts or steps on. It seems as though he takes the rules regarding substance abuse as a personal attack. We used to be so close. He used to be so smart too... but now he just seems so oblivious to everything. I was so excited to see him after all these years... Now it almost seems like it would have been better had we just kept our separate ways. Addiction is so destructive and tragic.

DG0409

NotSo-
That does sound very sad. I think you did the right thing though. It didn't sound like your brother was respecting you and your place very much. Hopefully he moves out without too much drama.

Goat, a pumpkin patch kinda sounds like fun! I assume it's part of your property so at least you're allowed out of the house to take care of it?

Johnny, hang in there buddy. Keep talking to your Dr. and working at this and you'll find the right combination of meds and a good tapering plan. It will be so worth it to get all of this worked out. And I read that somewhere too, that quitting drinking gets harder with each time. Binge drinking is supposed to be particularly damaging, I think. I know that last time I quit a few years ago, it seemed much easier. I was shocked by some of the things I faced this time. It wasn't how I remembered it at all.

Day 79 no alcohol for me. 90 is starting to seem a lot closer!

DrakeCKC

Hot HOT day here, but a got a walk in with my friend Gerry before it got too bad. We try to walk in a park 3-4 times a week. He is a great inspiration, been sober 30 years.

My 81 days pale in comparison!

Have a good day all!

Soberpotamus

Goat... that sounds lovely really, the pumpkin patch Bet that's fun in the fall. Glad they are letting your boundaries include this area.

Drake... great that you have a friend who's been sober that long! And that you are walking and exercising together like that.

NotSoIvory... sorry to hear about your brother. It reminds me, the way you've described him... I had a friend in high school who was so smart... highly intelligent... and he began to smoke pot... there was a decline in his mood and display of intelligence after that... sad really. I hope he's ok these days. Well, good for you for keeping your boundaries! Maybe this will help him see the reality of his situation in some way.

DG... yoga, awesome I miss yoga and keep telling myself to get it going again but I'm struggling enough as it is with the meditation. What type of yoga are you doing?

Johnny... wow, well that is a lot to go through at once. Glad you are hanging in there. So there are tapering you off the Klonopin now? Or it's already been done? I had a Xanax prescription for a few years in my late 20's/early 30's... I quit that cold turkey at the end. It was bad for a couple of weeks, but I continued the drinking... so maybe that took the edge off! Ha. (sarcastic laugh) I think I was only taking a .25 or .5 dose per day... pretty small, and just enough to deal with withdrawal, nothing really for "fun" at that point in the game... but it was rough for two weeks, let me tell ya! Ugh.

Lynne... Hi again. Hope you are doing ok. Keep reading the forum for direction. You don't sound in a good space at the moment... have you thought of what you need to do differently this time around? Are you ready to take a stab at things again? Are you getting support face to face?

Day 85 for me, I think. Guess I'll hit 90 this Sunday.