DrakeCKC

Morning class! Nothing shaking here, or at least I hope. Got the review I needed to do in on time so that is done. My crazy condo building with the elevator repair nightmare is about to finally make a decision to start. That will begin another round of stupidity...

Have to take the old computer in for some check up and repair so I may be scarce for a day or so.

Have a great one! Keep up the great work class!

Babs1234

you have a great day too Drake and everyone else also.
Babs

DG0409

Well, day 101 no alcohol.

And..um, day 1 no weed again. A bit upset about it, but just going to focus on the fact that I am quit again today. Felt like a loser- it really bothered me as I was breaking my word to the people I told I was quitting, but more importantly to myself. Don't want to feel like that again... so different decisions next time. Partly, it was just a situation that took me off guard. Not going to wallow in being upset. What is done is done. I'll learn from it and move on.

Time to refocus on recovery behaviors.

Hope all are well.

DG0409

Oh, and one thing I am very proud of myself for is that despite being in a situation that also made me want cigarettes and alcohol as well, I didn't give in to either of those things.

Goat

You definitely should be proud of yourself DG! Not only because you didn't give in to the cigarettes and alcohol but because you keep trying with the weed.

DG0409

Thanks Goat.

Onto day 102 and day 2.

I'm glad it's Friday.

ScoutBall

Fridays are nice. To be sure.

Keep at it DG. You know from experience that you get better at quitting each time you do it. I'm confident you'll find your stride.

Worked till 10 last night--then hit the couch to relax, and read a bit. Fell asleep there, so my neck and shoulders are in a state of rebellion, as I was all propped up weird. Blue Dog woke me up with a very nice paw punch to the face.

Must have irritated the W. Seems I can't win. Work like a fiend = More money in the coffers. Which seems to be the main goal around here, so I don't know.

Different thread, different subject entirely.
Just pluggin' away.

DG0409

Hey Scoutie. I feel you man. These relationship thingies are tough.

Bf is driving me nuts today. Seems like we can't even get through doing something simple together without it being an issue or argument. Apparently he felt the same way as our latest task ended with him telling me he'd just finish it himself. I was happy to storm out the door and leave him at it.

Ugg. I feel depressed & bothered.

Think I'm going to just go take a nap. Maybe when I wake up I can pretend it's a new day?

Viperidae

Hi guys, Congrats on all the time. Geeez. I have like nothing.

Anyway, I'm doing ok. My meds are working so I have decent energy and am not raging.

Gosh having settled out 5 credit cards a year ago is really tough. Even with my dad as a co-signer they say no. At least Bank of Am. So we decided to apply through a credit union in town that my dad belongs to with a co-application. They said the judgement will be made on the person with the better credit. It could work. Bank of Am, was one of the banks I settled with, so they are not too keen on helping me out.

I saw a few things on Dr. Phil tonight that totally apply to me as far as addiction. 'Don't get over confident. Don't get arrogant about any of this. Watch out for self pity. Be humble every second.' Don't think about the regrets.

Arrogance is getting better, but has been a huge problem. Also, I love to live in my regrets, what I didn't do last month, last year, last 5 years. I also get waaayyy too confident. So I learned a few things that I really take to heart.

My energy gets way up there, at least I feel very high on the Prozac. I prefer it to the hideous depression, but I end up feeling super energetic and confident, plus regretting everything about previous years and feeling like a jerk, make me ruin it all. An overconfident jerk, who is drinking, is not who you want to be around.

Now my regrets lie in not having 100 days like you guys, and being moved out of my apartment and enjoying a volunteer job somewhere and swimming in tropical waters.

I know I just need time and I do not expect any solutions from you guys. I also love to be hard on myself. I am just writing as opposed to not writing on the advice of everyone here and all.

So I am working on stuff and sober.

Love you guys, and talk later or tomorrow. Watching Shark Tank. Also obsessed with Christopher Hitchens lately, reading his books and watching him on youtube.

Viperidae

DG you can stop weed. Like Scout says we keep getting better. I stopped cigarettes and weed 3 months ago, so we are in different battles right now.

DG0409

Johnny- Thanks. And try to remember that the past is just that: past. Don't beat yourself up about not having as much time as the rest of us. There are several other people that were in our class, but relapsed. You're just the only one that has the balls to stick around so I think you should be commended for that. It's hard to admit that you tried and didn't succeed... and believe me, I know how it feels. I might have the not drinking thing down, but I'm back at day 2 without weed. But I know the important thing is that I'm back on day 2. I could have used my slip as an excuse to quit quitting. But I didn't. And I've managed 22 days without weed since I quit drinking. They haven't all been in a row, but it's a lot more than I ever had before... in fact, it's 22 days more than ever before. I know you've made it a lot of days without drinking as well. Give yourself some credit for that, ok? Keep at it. I read on here something I liked: as long as you pick yourself up one more time than you fall, you'll get there.

Dee74

Like I always tell people it took me maybe 15 years to pull my crazy train up to a full stop.

keep trying - that's more than half the battle.

D

Viperidae

Thanks. I'm trying to think that I have had 90/100 sober days instead of 0/100. Learning slowly. And cigs and weed is no easy thing to drop but I did that months ago, somehow. Still embarrassed, but whatever. I am just really happy that I don't get kicked out or judged by you guys and you are helping me and I appreciate that VERY MUCH.

I notice what a nice person I am when i don't drink. I am a really really nice guy.

--J

Goat

We have very little room to judge, Johnny... I first realized I had a problem with alcohol in about 1997, and I first entered an AA room in 2002. So my 90 something days sober looks nice right now, but my particular house of cards has fallen more times than I can count. Like I have said before, you only fail if you stop trying! And... we're all in this together

DrakeCKC

Good morning class, doing some catch up after a couple of busy days and computer malfunction. This old machine needs a tune up, or replacement. Hopefully just the first, as I do not want to change to Windows 8 or have to learn Apple.

Looks like we have some struggling times in the class, hang in there friends. I am going to be selfish and say I need you around!

Johnny, people have said the same about me in a way. They know something is up as I am not as moody or irritable as I was when I drank. I always thought I was just fine, but friends have told me I am a different person now, more calm and predictable.

I try to remember another day sober is a great victory and to stay positive.

A side note: got an email from a friend that a mutual friend is FINALLY getting into alcohol rehab. David is a severe addict and despite destroying everything, health, family, job and even being deported from a country where he was working (a long sordid story involving, drugs, sex and booze) would not quit. He looks like death and maybe weighs 120 lbs, skin and bone. Refused all help.... you know the story. Anyway, think of him as I hope this is a true new beginning for him.

I would have him join SR, but I know he pawned his computer for booze money...

Sorry to ramble, have a great day friends... Love to all!

NotSoIvory

Couldn't hurt, I know for me, SR was that final nudge I needed to find a way to commit after years and years of self destruction. Like Johnny said, the nonjudgmental support and honesty that hardly seems possible in the real world - that saved my life. I felt hopeless before I found this place.

NotSoIvory

I'm right there with you on this one today. That is exactly what I was thinking last night. Ugh. I must say, though, a good night's rest and not drowning it in alcohol really helps the perspective. I feel more equipped to handle it productively today.

DG0409

I'll agree that not drinking does help... at least nothing in my house has been broken since I quit drinking. And there isn't any more yelling.

NotSoIvory

I'm the same way. I can't tell you how many nights I spent wallowing in my past and being hard on myself, driving me to the brink of suicide. I know that not everyone is for AA on this site, but two of the promises of AA really strike home for me here.



"3. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

6. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.

Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them."



When I really opened up and HEARD these words, I welled up with tears, because I didn't think it was possible for me to achieve it, but as it turns out, it is, and I have seen it begin to happen. Try to be patient and kind to yourself Johnny, baby steps, but keep stepping forward is the important thing.

NotSoIvory

The alcohol seems to somehow feed and embellish these kinds negative of thoughts. ...