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Moms and Mums Club 2013 Part 3

Old 06-14-2013, 01:49 PM
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Lifebegins, send your decorator across the pond when you're finished with her! My furniture is so old, I call it all "distressed antiques"!

Kelly and sadsoul, Marriage is a tough thing sometimes. I don't know how long you guys have been married, but i know in the 25 years I've been married, there have been ups and downs. And "dry spells". But in my case, it's been mostly because of my addiction and now recovery. Not that he's perfect, but dang! he's just an amazing man. I'm the one rocking the boat. I've seen him look impatient and frustrated at me, and it makes me feel so guilty. This is why I believe he deserves an amazing father's day the whole weekend. I want to remember to "give back" to him, because I've taken so much lately. I know my recovery has been hard on him too. That's my situation.

And here I go rambling!!
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Old 06-14-2013, 02:03 PM
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Me Me - I want to get in line for the decorator!! Sounds awesome

Joy - keep up the 'ramblings' - love it. Thanks for commiserating!

I've been married for almost 25 years and we dated a long time before that. And, you're so right about the ups and downs. We don't ever consider that there is an option 'out' so we just go with it. I like to think that this too will pass ... but I'm beginning to think not. Maybe I'll get some good advice or some little trick to get his attention <<that doesn't involve me wrapping myself in saran wrap LOL ). In all seriousness though, he has medical issues that are affecting things - it's complex. We soldier on !!
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Old 06-14-2013, 02:12 PM
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Morning all. Will read all the posts soon. Day one and not feeling good!
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Old 06-14-2013, 02:17 PM
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Originally Posted by catgonewild1 View Post
Ladybug, I can tell you that in my early sobriety this was the type of thing I avoided like the plague. It killed me being able to see people having fun drinking and fighting my own cravings. One good rule of thumb is: if the party/event is geared around a real purpose *besides* drinking (i.e. banquet, wedding, funeral, birthday party, special dinner, etc.) then it's probably ok. If its whole purpose is drinking and/or music and your friends drink alot, then it is a slippery
This is sooo true. If it were a dinner, maybe, but not going to go drink club soda, probably standing up cuz it will be so packed, while drunk people bump into me and scream in my ear. No thanks. Thanks everyone for your advice and support, as always!

Cat, my only support right now is SR. I tried AA a year ago, but couldn't quite get into the whole "step" thing. Not that there is anything wrong with it. Just didn't work for me. Longest I ever made it while attending AA was 21 days. I have 40 days and counting this time around using SR The only people who know the truth about my alcoholism are my husband and mom. My brother, SIL, Dad and Stepmom all knew I was "struggling" last year, but now think I have stopped drinking because I am trying to get pregnant. Really wish I wouldn't have told them last year when I went to AA. Not real close to my Dad and think that only put more of a strain on our relationship. He has not once asked me how I am doing since and think he is just disappointed in me, but that's nothing knew and I could write pages about that relationship ....

Anyway, I think I will keep doing what I have been doing. Truly feel so grateful to have found SR and all of you!
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Old 06-14-2013, 02:17 PM
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Joy & SadSoul - so excited about decorating! Hubby has even bought new sofa's !! (we both work but I am the breadwinner so tend to buy all the home stuff & pay bills - so sometimes feel like I'm just a walking wallet. Which isn't fair as he pulls his weight by doing all the cooking etc). The fact he has bought the sofa's is just such a treat - I don't have to worry about that bill.

Ladies I have no words of wisdom except to look at what makes you unhappy & then see if in 6 months you still feel the same way. I know that when I've been drunk I have said some horrible things to my hubby that (a) I didn't mean and (b) couldn't remember the next day.

SadSoul you have such a long history together I hope you go from soldiering on to walking in step.
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Old 06-14-2013, 02:19 PM
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Originally Posted by Midlifecrisis View Post
Morning all. Will read all the posts soon. Day one and not feeling good!
Hope your day starts to feel better soon MLC.
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Old 06-14-2013, 02:31 PM
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On the whole marriage/husband topic.....I have only been married for 4 years so don't feel like I can much advice, but marriage is hard work. I watched my parents get divorced after 20 years of marriage. My mom found out that my dad had been having an affair for many, many years (he is now married to that woman). She always says the thing that killed them was they stopped communicating and "having fun". They simply grew apart. No excuse for my dad to have affairs, though,

Anyway, my point here is don't stop talking and be honest. If you are unhappy, have told them about it, and nothing changes than shame on them! In just 4 years of marriage my husband and I have had our challenges. My drinking hasn't helped, but husbands aren't perfect either Hang in there ladies and stay strong.
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Old 06-14-2013, 03:02 PM
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Communication is the #1 thing to get right in marriage! Even if it's a nod and a look. Verbal communication and the nonverbal is important. After awhile, you just know sometimes without saying a word. Texting doesn't count!

MLC, would love to hear from you!

Lifebegins, I'm green!!!!
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Old 06-14-2013, 03:03 PM
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Ladybug, Same story with my parents. What a bum deal for us, huh?
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Old 06-14-2013, 03:04 PM
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Oh, and dinner tonight is Shrimp and grits! And chocolate chess pie! Ta dah!
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Old 06-14-2013, 03:22 PM
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Marriage is so hard. I've been married to a wonderful person for 15 years. We've been best friends and have been doing well until recently. We moved across country for his work. He travels out of town every week, has had several promotions and raises, and gets to go to all of these cool events and meeting a lot of people. I have a hard time not feeling like a whiny brat stuck at home trying to juggle my career with the kids, cooking, and cleaning. When he comes home late tonight, I'm probably going to be a jerk to him for being at this golf thing all evening. I don't even care to know what it is, don't call or text me with cool pictures. I've been a personal play date for a 7 year old all day. These are your spawns too. When I don't drink, I don't want to be intimate. Then he takes it personal. Maybe if I rant a little here, he'll get less of it. Man, I'm cranky. But I'm sober on day 2.
Our husbands deserve to be honored this Sunday for sure. They've had to deal with us.
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Old 06-14-2013, 03:42 PM
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Originally Posted by catgonewild1 View Post
I wanted to start a subject that is huge with me and always has been:: anonymity and shame. Meaning, in this place I live now, people have only seen me drink once in three years, and that was at a party last weekend. No one else, ever. Never at any other party, drinking occasion, etc. In fact, for a long time I've thought that my daughter's friends' moms didn't like me much because most of them drink and I don't.

Now, I NEVER ever tell anyone why I don't drink. Never have. It's always "I take medication" (which is true, but it never stopped me from drinking on it in the past.) Or "I get headaches." But never "I'm in recovery."

What made me think about this was reading another thread where a mom had at one point posted pictures. I thought to myself: "Pictures??? Names?? I even shuddered to put my real city." I would DIE literally if people knew I even had 3 1/2 years of sobriety before I even relapsed!! But WHY? That's what I'm trying to figure out about myself. I shame myself for drinking. I shame myself and hide my recovery. Either way it's just shame and guilt.

My family and husband and two close friends are the only non-AA people who know why I don't drink. I just never would let anyone else in. Is the stigma of this disease so great that even if you have long-term recovery you have to hide it?

Or is it just me? Keep in mind I am 50 plus years old and raised in a very traditional ethnic family where guilt and shame were the way of life. But I'd love to hear others' views on how open you are sharing that you're in recovery.
Yeah I have always been super shy and super closed but last year I stood up and church and shared my story of being an addict (at the time I had over ten years clean.). Then I relapsed! Thought about hiding it but then I ended up in detox so missing from town for 2 weeks (and everyone noticed because I live in a 400 person town with kids at school, soccer, ballet, Kindy, etc. so they saw my husband was doing all the things I should have been.

A few people who knew said 'oh what are you going to say?? You could say this or that....' But I decided, alot probably know half the truth, other people will make up stories and gossip anyway so I am just going to be honest with anyone who asks. And I have been. I'm not the only less than perfect person. I have alot to lose, I run the local pool, teach the whole towns kids to swim, help at school, ballet, soccer etc. but I'm not gojng to be ashamed and I'm not gojng to lie. Yes I struggle, you don't!?? I am leaving my reputation in gods hands and concentrating on getting better and being the best I can be.
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Old 06-14-2013, 03:42 PM
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Originally Posted by joygirl View Post

MLC, would love to hear from you!

Lifebegins, I'm green!!!!

Good morning lovely!
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Old 06-14-2013, 03:59 PM
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Hey there! Did you put your picture on earlier today? I didn't see it, if you did.

"I have issues", that should be the opening line for everyone joining this thread!
"Hello, I'm Joy and I have issues."

You are feeling like crap, huh? Well, I know exactly how you feel. And I know that you are going to start feeling better soon. Not a lot, and not quickly. But it will happen.

Please be gentle to yourself. Find something online to laugh at. Laugh really hard! Then something to cry about. Cry out loud for a while. Practice the feelings. A little at a time. They are a scary part of recovery, at least they were for me. Tell us what you need and we can try to help. I would send Mary Poppins over to you, but she has a long wait list!

Going for dinner shortly. You didn't think I was COOKING that, did you????Bahahahaha!!!
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Old 06-14-2013, 04:08 PM
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What's for dinner?


Yeah I had my ugly mug as my avatar for a few minutes!

Thanks. I'm not tooooo bad. Had 2 nurofen and several coffees. But headachy and sniffly but I don't expect to be too bad. Hubby has taken the 4 oldest kids to soccer as they had to pick up a few other kids and I couldn't fit in th car! So I'm home with the little one. We have music practice for church this afternoon. I am singing, lucky I will be 2 days clean otherwise I wouldn't feel right doing it.
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Old 06-14-2013, 04:13 PM
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Oh yes. I'm MLC and I have issues, ha.
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Old 06-14-2013, 04:21 PM
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Dinner is shrimp and grits and chocolate chess pie.

Beavis, You cranky little thing! You can cranky away all you need to here! When my kids were young, I used to jump in the car as soon as dinner was over and roll down the windows, turn up the music, and drive! For about 30 minutes, all by myself. I also used to do my grocery shopping at night, just to be in quiet aloneness. We need it!
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Old 06-14-2013, 04:22 PM
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Hi MLC! I didn't see your photo either

Hang in there, much better days ahead
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Old 06-14-2013, 04:32 PM
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I put it up again briefly
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Old 06-14-2013, 05:31 PM
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Ah....good evening ladies! Dress rehearsal done, and little girl in bed. Now it's moments SR time:-)

After rehearsal I took my Dolly to dinner and ran into my cousin and aunt sitting at the Restaraunt bar, do we were chatting with them . Now I sat at this very bar for 2 hours last week with just my cousin, and it was fine...no bother.

For some reason tonight...just standing there for a few minutes, I was uncomfortable and craving. I gave done a lot of drinking with my aunt in the past, so don't know if her presence was the trigger, but was very happy to go to our table!
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