joygirl

Need some ideas for father's day gifts. Really must do something better than Aquavelva! lol
He has been AWESOME this year!!!!!!

JustSarah

Hey y'all, soooo I'm on day 3 - turned down wine today at my old neighbours house but didn't make a big thing out of it . Went to a Chinese medicine place here for some kudzu to see if that helps. Also bought some 'erbal pills to try and lighten my mood a bit - thought it was better than trying to order anti-depressants online . Sooo here we go - were off to Spain on monday for 2 weeks and I am determined not to wreck it by getting drunk

Thanks all - you're all totes amazing and I love reading this thread

Xxxxxxxx

joygirl

Day 3, Sarah! Yea! Have fun in Spain. You can stay sober!

Lifebeginsat41

Hi everyone -

MLC - hang in there!

Ladybug - I agree, stay at home with your supportive hubby.

Joy girl - ideas for Father's Day? Hmmmm - something special for a hobby he has? Or something unique? One of my hubby's favourite gifts from the past is a framed photograph of a beach where we went on holiday and had a wonderful time.

Cravings are lessening a bit now - they seem to run from 4.30 - 6.30 like clockwork of an evening.

Hang in there everyone.

Lifebeginsat41

thanks for this Sadsoul -

catgonewild1

We always get my husband clothes, just because he never buys himself any, ever! He doesn't wear cologne, doesn't need golf stuff or anything like that. So, unless I come up with some wild idea, it'll be polo shirts and swim trunks, lol.

Beavis

Ladybug- that would be torture for me right now. But I do find joy in watching drunk people. They are funny to sit back and observe. It's like watching a National Geographic episode. Here you see the male talking in a very loud voice and laughing at all of his jokes.

I'm going to Las Vegas in July with my husband and another couple we are friends with. We're dumping the kids at the grandparents. There is weird tension between the friends and me. They would fall over in their chairs if they saw me order anything non-alcoholic. He's one of those drink pusher types. I think they would enjoy watching me make a fool out of myself. So screw them.

Father's day...gotta think of something too. A family movie date to see Superman, have the kids make him something, BBQ tool set, fishing stuff, overnight bag, headphones, phone stand, watch, golf stuff. One of the best gifts I got my husband was a set of those little things that go in their shirt collar so it lays straight. I don't know what they are called. But they had little messages etched on them. You can buy them racey or not. I got the racey ones and he loves them.

catgonewild1

Spain sounds *wonderful*! Stay away from the wine.

ImperfectlyMe

Has anyone seen blackbird? She use to post with us daily

Spain sounds amazing!!! Skip the wine and get a cheap thrill in looking at all the beautiful men!

catgonewild1

Ladybug, I can tell you that in my early sobriety this was the type of thing I avoided like the plague. It killed me being able to see people having fun drinking and fighting my own cravings. One good rule of thumb is: if the party/event is geared around a real purpose *besides* drinking (i.e. banquet, wedding, funeral, birthday party, special dinner, etc.) then it's probably ok. If its whole purpose is drinking and/or music and your friends drink alot, then it is a slippery place.

My slippery place was last Sat. night at a neighbor's house with delicious wine and everyone drinking it. But it was a cocktail party. And I had no business there.

It's still very hard for me to get through my hard head that the "world" drinks. And 90% of them according to statistics drink socially. 10% are like us. So it will always be around us. We have to choose our battles.

catgonewild1

Oh, so I forgot to say what we've got going on this weekend: tomorrow shopping for Father's day and last minute things my daughter needs for camp which she goes to Sunday. Then she has a music thing in the late afternoon. Then she'll pack for camp, Sunday we'll go to church, probably out to breakfast, and leave around 3 pm. I will miss her very much. I'm used to being around here part of the daytime hours without her, but not several days straight.

Oh, and I had plans with my sponsor this afternoon but she got sick. So I need to go to a 7 pm meeting tonight. And get to at least one other this weekend.

Do all of you go to meetings and if so what kind? AA, women in sobriety, etc? Celebrate recovery?

Dollyangel17

I haven't gone to meetings YET. I had hoped to go this Sunday, but the weekend is going to be nuts, so don't think so. Hmmmm.....I always seem to come up with a reason not to go...maybe I should contemplate that.

ImperfectlyMe

I haven't done any meeting yet. SR has been my only support for the two months I'm sober

Lifebeginsat41

I went to my first (and only so far) meeting last Sunday Cat - and I will be going this Sunday too. There is also one on a Tuesday I am thinking about attending - I found it useful and I am being opened minded about it (or trying at least). I've also found it useful to download a lot of short books about giving up drinking.

Oh - and today I arranged with a decorator to completely re-furnish the living room!! So excited and I would never have done this before! I would have talked about it / moaned about it / dreamed about it - but not done it!!

catgonewild1

It's very interesting that so far most people have said they either have been to one meeting or are still contemplating. I (was) what they call an AA "re-tread", lived lots of different places, have had various amounts of continuous sobriety going back 20 years -- 3 plus years this time, 2 years twice, one year at least twice, then your 3/6/9 month etc. We've moved alot from state to state and city to city.

Some places I've liked AA, some I've barely tolerated it. Like here. But back when I first got sober, the treatment professionals called it "the only game in town" and I haven't been to an addictions counselor in ages so I wouldn't know now.

But you know what? The biggest help to me was my sponsor who I talk to who I met in a meeting. And these forums. Huge help. Sometimes, for some people, women's meetings can be a Godsend. But I can definitely see a trend here that for women, online support is becoming hugely important. And that's great!!

catgonewild1

I wanted to start a subject that is huge with me and always has been:: anonymity and shame. Meaning, in this place I live now, people have only seen me drink once in three years, and that was at a party last weekend. No one else, ever. Never at any other party, drinking occasion, etc. In fact, for a long time I've thought that my daughter's friends' moms didn't like me much because most of them drink and I don't.

Now, I NEVER ever tell anyone why I don't drink. Never have. It's always "I take medication" (which is true, but it never stopped me from drinking on it in the past.) Or "I get headaches." But never "I'm in recovery."

What made me think about this was reading another thread where a mom had at one point posted pictures. I thought to myself: "Pictures??? Names?? I even shuddered to put my real city." I would DIE literally if people knew I even had 3 1/2 years of sobriety before I even relapsed!! But WHY? That's what I'm trying to figure out about myself. I shame myself for drinking. I shame myself and hide my recovery. Either way it's just shame and guilt.

My family and husband and two close friends are the only non-AA people who know why I don't drink. I just never would let anyone else in. Is the stigma of this disease so great that even if you have long-term recovery you have to hide it?

Or is it just me? Keep in mind I am 50 plus years old and raised in a very traditional ethnic family where guilt and shame were the way of life. But I'd love to hear others' views on how open you are sharing that you're in recovery.

Lifebeginsat41

Cat - hmmm. I saw my parents yesterday and my husband asked if I was going to tell them that I had stopped drinking (and about the incident that led to it). I decided not too. I have told 4 people - my husband, teenage son and 2 close girlfriends. They are helping me. I have no plans to tell anyone else and will go the 'headache' 'medication' or driving / early start routes in future. I see no point in wearing a sign - and yes, for me that is because of shame. I'm at an early stage and haven't had the sober experience you have had, but all I can say is do what feels right for you. You're the important one here.

kellyg

Cat - I haven't informed any of my friends - other then my oldest and dearest. Mainly only my family knows that I've quit. I don't feel comfortable telling people at this point although I definitely see the sense of freedom in not hiding it and just putting it out there. I suppose then you were about how other people will judge you. Funny, cuase I don't out much stock in what others think of me (only family and closest friends).

On another note - as per the usual my husband again shows me how little interest he has in really being there for me. Yesterday I had an awful fight with my Dad and I was in the middle of telling my husband about it when he literally begins to walk away from me. I asked him why he was leaving the room in the middle of what I was saying and made a remark similar to - see this is why we have problems - you just don't want to be bothered by me. And then he rolls his eyes and sits back down. Seriously, I can't even talk to my own husband about something that truly concerns me. WTF? Not three weeks ago I bought him a kayak he's been wanting for ages - and spent a lot of money on it - and he only said thanks - no show of excitement at all. He never wants to spend time with just me and to be honest I'd rather not spend time with him. For the last three years its been this cycle where I tell him I'm unhappy and he says he'll do better and then it's back to where it was a month or so later. I just don't know what to do anymore. I've asked him for a trial separation a year ago but he refused and swears he'll be better but it never lasts So much stuff going on with my son being diagnosed with a benign form of epilepsy and my dad being sick and it's just been too hard lately.

sadsoul2011

I only use SR for support.

I haven't told anyone except my husband that I've quit drinking and we really don't ever talk about it. I don't want alcohol to define me (and what people think of me). I usually just say 'no, thanks - not tonight' or (if pushed a little) 'no, thanks - really - it doesn't seem to agree with me lately ... makes me feel like crap'. Generally people lay off then and it isn't an issue any more.

Kelly - ((HUGS!!)) I feel for you - my husband does the *exact* same thing!!! We'll be talking (if I can corner him long enough to start a conversation) and then he'll just not answer OR he'll just wander away or turn on the TV.

Unfortunately, I don't have any good advice for you - just know that I understand. You'll have to let me know if come up with a solution.

I dread gift giving times. The kids and I got him a gift he should really like and are planning to make a super nice dinner and dessert etc... He will have next to no reaction at all. He would just as soon not have us do anything, I think. He'd be happy if we just let him hang out alone. Sigh!

It is very painful to want more from a relationship and have no idea how to make that happen... Not to mention that I think he is actually bummed that I've quit drinking because I'm not so much 'fun' anymore and rarely 'in-the-mood'. He uses that against me as the reason he doesn't engage more.

Well...I'm rambling here - sorry! I do love our support group - I don't feel so alone anymore.

BUT - enough sad stuff!! In spite of all that^^ I am looking forward to the weekend. So grateful that I'm going to wake up Monday sober and feeling good

joygirl

Cat, I haven't told anyone outside of family. But my problem is with pills, even though I did give up drink too, to be safe. But...

My son has a best friend who's father is a recovering alcoholic. I know because when I first met him he told me, matter of factly, that he was in recovery for several years. He just threw it out there like no big deal. And you know what, my first thought was, admiration! and respect! My husband and I both thought so. I never thought a negative thing about it. I probably trust him with my son more than any other parent. He even went on a cruise to Mexico with this family. My point is, you have no idea what people will think. And I think there are more than 10% alcoholic drinkers. Maybe only 10% ADMIT to it!

SR is my only support. I've never been to a meeting. Not available where I live.