Moms and Mums Club 2013 Part 3
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
[QUOTE=sadsoul2011;4049603]Other days it makes me resentful because it puts a strain on our relationship - tells me I should drink with him and have a little fun. Ugh!!!
This is how I'm feeling right now. I don't want the beer, don't want to go back to that life, and know I can't just have one (if I could, I would have!). But I feel like it's currently a strain on our relationship. It's almost like this whole thing just reinforces that he's the "fun" parent, and I'm not. I know my oldest sees it that way, like most kids of stay-at-home-moms (or dads), the working parent is more fun because they are not the discipline parent. I know it has nothing to do with how fun each of us actually is, but then I go and take the "fun" out of my marriage too. We have to find another way to make this work.
Edited to add that I have to figure out how to quote!
This is how I'm feeling right now. I don't want the beer, don't want to go back to that life, and know I can't just have one (if I could, I would have!). But I feel like it's currently a strain on our relationship. It's almost like this whole thing just reinforces that he's the "fun" parent, and I'm not. I know my oldest sees it that way, like most kids of stay-at-home-moms (or dads), the working parent is more fun because they are not the discipline parent. I know it has nothing to do with how fun each of us actually is, but then I go and take the "fun" out of my marriage too. We have to find another way to make this work.
Edited to add that I have to figure out how to quote!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
[QUOTE=Bebetter;4049626] ((Hugs)). I know it is unsettling and scary (at least it is for me). Right now I'm just continuing with the belief in my heart that I have to be sober no matter what. Even though it is resulting in a strained relationship at the moment I must continue on.
I've previously put together about 6 months sober and then threw it away - in a big part because I allowed my AV to use our strained relationship against me. Not this time! Chips will fall where they fall - they may all be in a mess of pieces around me but I will be sober when they do.
I wish I had an answer for how to fix it but I haven't figured that out yet.
At the moment I'm trying to be pleasant as much as possible (even though I don't feel like I'm fun). I tend to isolate myself at night (especially when I'm in a bad mood) - watch chic flicks, work on my crafts, sleep etc...
I've told my husband that this sobriety business is really hard - but, I really don't think he gets it. At least I know that I've told him why I'm sometimes 'in a mood'. Whether he gets it or not is up to him. He doesn't like to talk about it - I think because it shines an unwelcome light on his drinking.....
Do you have anything planned for the week/weekend? Activities may help to get your mind off the strain and resentment. Can you plan an unusual activity with your kids? Just shaking up the schedule can help! I bet you are a great, fun mom. You don't feel it at the moment - which is completely normal!!!! Make sure to plan some treats/something fun and relaxing for you after the kids go to bed!
Glad to have you with us! Keep posting! Everyone is so nice here!
Originally Posted by sadsoul2011 
We have to find another way to make this work.
I've previously put together about 6 months sober and then threw it away - in a big part because I allowed my AV to use our strained relationship against me. Not this time! Chips will fall where they fall - they may all be in a mess of pieces around me but I will be sober when they do.
I wish I had an answer for how to fix it but I haven't figured that out yet.
At the moment I'm trying to be pleasant as much as possible (even though I don't feel like I'm fun). I tend to isolate myself at night (especially when I'm in a bad mood) - watch chic flicks, work on my crafts, sleep etc...
I've told my husband that this sobriety business is really hard - but, I really don't think he gets it. At least I know that I've told him why I'm sometimes 'in a mood'. Whether he gets it or not is up to him. He doesn't like to talk about it - I think because it shines an unwelcome light on his drinking.....
Do you have anything planned for the week/weekend? Activities may help to get your mind off the strain and resentment. Can you plan an unusual activity with your kids? Just shaking up the schedule can help! I bet you are a great, fun mom. You don't feel it at the moment - which is completely normal!!!! Make sure to plan some treats/something fun and relaxing for you after the kids go to bed!
Glad to have you with us! Keep posting
! Everyone is so nice here!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
Hi ladies...
Welcome Bebetter! Glad you joined us. I know how it feels to be a little resentful towards hubby. My hubby is so supportive and doesn't drink much, but at times like this vacation when he does drink a little, I get resentful:-(. I shouldn't, but like today when he sat down on the deck to enjoy a beer, I momentarily got jealous.
Ugh....why couldn't I have been normal like him, and be able to enjoy cocktails without it spiraling out of control:-(. Thankfully, that didn't last long, and I look forward to the day I have no desire at all to join him.
Going to be a quiet 4th....just hanging out with the family and eating some ribs:-)
Welcome Bebetter! Glad you joined us. I know how it feels to be a little resentful towards hubby. My hubby is so supportive and doesn't drink much, but at times like this vacation when he does drink a little, I get resentful:-(. I shouldn't, but like today when he sat down on the deck to enjoy a beer, I momentarily got jealous.
Ugh....why couldn't I have been normal like him, and be able to enjoy cocktails without it spiraling out of control:-(. Thankfully, that didn't last long, and I look forward to the day I have no desire at all to join him.
Going to be a quiet 4th....just hanging out with the family and eating some ribs:-)
Marcher
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Florida
Posts: 3,235
Hi everyone! I'm getting on so late tonight!
Welcome bebetter and sunnyc5!
You are going to be disappointed about the cheesecake. I bought it from a bakery. It's a plain new york cheesecake. BUT! I am making the strawberry and blueberry sauce. Like this:
1 pint blueberries, 1/2 c, sugar, 1 tsp. lemon zest, a good squeeze of lemon juice, 1 T butter.
Combine in a saucepan and cook until blueberries pop and it bubbles and is thick.
Same thing for strawberry sauce, except use 2 cups sliced strawberries. Cook until thick and bubbly, mashing strawberries a bit.
You can do this with raspberries and blackberries (3/4 c. sugar) or peaches or pineapple chunks, you get the idea.
Put sauces in separate bowls or pretty teacups for serving. Voila!
Some cooks put Grand Marnier in it and light it on FIRE! I don't dare do that. Hahaha!
This is what we had for groom's cake at our wedding, 25 years ago!!!!!!
My ribs are in the fridge marinating in an obnoxious amount of dry rub! I found a recipe today the uses Coke to braise the ribs in the oven before going on the grill. Bizarre, but I think I'm going to try it!
Happy 4th everyone! Stay cool and stay sober and have fun!
Welcome bebetter and sunnyc5!
You are going to be disappointed about the cheesecake. I bought it from a bakery. It's a plain new york cheesecake. BUT! I am making the strawberry and blueberry sauce. Like this:
1 pint blueberries, 1/2 c, sugar, 1 tsp. lemon zest, a good squeeze of lemon juice, 1 T butter.
Combine in a saucepan and cook until blueberries pop and it bubbles and is thick.
Same thing for strawberry sauce, except use 2 cups sliced strawberries. Cook until thick and bubbly, mashing strawberries a bit.
You can do this with raspberries and blackberries (3/4 c. sugar) or peaches or pineapple chunks, you get the idea.
Put sauces in separate bowls or pretty teacups for serving. Voila!
Some cooks put Grand Marnier in it and light it on FIRE! I don't dare do that. Hahaha!
This is what we had for groom's cake at our wedding, 25 years ago!!!!!!
My ribs are in the fridge marinating in an obnoxious amount of dry rub! I found a recipe today the uses Coke to braise the ribs in the oven before going on the grill. Bizarre, but I think I'm going to try it!
Happy 4th everyone! Stay cool and stay sober and have fun!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 196
Thankful
Oh It is so good to find you ladies...its tough trying to focus on your sobriety whilst being responsible for little ones and dealing with their emotions also!!! I work two days a week so thank god I have some refuge over the 8 weeks of summer holidays which In Ireland are usually spent indoors our weather is awful!!!! I have been trying to get sober for 4yrs through AA not getting very fart but I am trying AVRT now and its good! My husband and I have a very strained relationship due to the last four years with highs and lows and I feel we have a lot of work to do once I get and stay sober... after my last drink on 30th June he told my daughter who offered me breakfast in bed not to make it as I was a bad mummy and didnt deserve it.... 5 days on hes still not speaking to me.... its accurate to say that I hate him att he moment!!! and his attitude makes it hard for me to stay positive. I adore my kids they have never seen me drunk and they adore me and that is what I am focusing on to stay sober!!!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
Welcome Sunny. Sorry you are not getting much support from hubby...hopefully with time things will get better, and he doesn't bring the children into it again...as its not fair to them to say hurtful things about their mommy. Stay posting here with us, I find it very helpful myself.
Joygirl....I bet the ribs will be great. I have seen to a of recipe for cola marinated BBQ....steaks, ribs etc., and usually I read amazing reviews on them. We will be having ribs too today:-)
Joygirl....I bet the ribs will be great. I have seen to a of recipe for cola marinated BBQ....steaks, ribs etc., and usually I read amazing reviews on them. We will be having ribs too today:-)
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
I had dreams last night about drinking. I've never had dreams about drinking before, that I can remember. In one, I was back in Colorado (where I went to school), and I was thinking "How can I get through living so far away from my parents without drinking?" (My family is in Pennsylvania, where I live now). So, in my dream, I was biking to a brewery with my husband, just like we always did, and I thought "I'm not going to have anything." over and over. And when we got there, we filled up growlers and started biking home, and I realized that I really wasn't going to have any and I was okay with that.
Then in a later dream, I filled a huge glass with rum and coke, which is a drink I actually despise IRL. I leaned over to take a sip and felt enormous guilt, and then I turned to the sink and dumped it out.
Is my brain working overtime or what??
Today we are going to a BBQ at my neighbor's parents house on the Delaware River. I've never been there before or met many of the people going. I have some social anxiety, but think it will be okay. It's BYO, so I will be BYOing some seltzer. Tomorrow, we are heading up to my in-laws lake house in the Finger Lakes of NY, where alcohol will flow like water. I'm bringing my running shoes, some good books, and my resolve. Drinking with them is always escapist and never fun... it's difficult being with them, especially now that my mother-in-law is dealing with congestive heart failure. I'll have the kids to focus on, and my sister and brothers in law are really great people, so...
Then in a later dream, I filled a huge glass with rum and coke, which is a drink I actually despise IRL. I leaned over to take a sip and felt enormous guilt, and then I turned to the sink and dumped it out.
Is my brain working overtime or what??
Today we are going to a BBQ at my neighbor's parents house on the Delaware River. I've never been there before or met many of the people going. I have some social anxiety, but think it will be okay. It's BYO, so I will be BYOing some seltzer. Tomorrow, we are heading up to my in-laws lake house in the Finger Lakes of NY, where alcohol will flow like water. I'm bringing my running shoes, some good books, and my resolve. Drinking with them is always escapist and never fun... it's difficult being with them, especially now that my mother-in-law is dealing with congestive heart failure. I'll have the kids to focus on, and my sister and brothers in law are really great people, so...
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 1,219
Those drinking dreams are very common you will see. Lots of people post about their dreams:-). I have had them too, and in each one I remember feeling sad in the dreams. I look at it as a good thing...like a reminder if how unhappy I was when I was an active alcoholic.
Did you feel a great relief when you woke up and realized it was a dream?
Did you feel a great relief when you woke up and realized it was a dream?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Good Morning Mommies,
Happy July 4th (to those in USA)!
Hi & welcome, bebetter! This thread (and SR) is my lifeline. I always felt I was so alone in my drinking and thought I was definitely the only Mom of a 3 yr old who drank like I did. Although alcoholism isn't in my immediate family (great grandfather and some great aunts/uncles were alcoholics I am told) I am starting to realize that this really is a disease and something that I CANNOT control. I have been blaming myself and feeling so ashamed about my problem, but reading here as changed that as I see how many other people/parents out there struggle with the same things.
Anyway, struggled a bit last night as we went to an outdoor July 4th event at a local tiki bar. They had a good band and firework show and everyone was standing around drinking cold Coronas with lime. Stuck to Diet Pepsi with lime, but it was hard. Just felt kind of sad thinking I can never enjoy a cocktail again. Oh well, not the end of the world and feel good that I made it through. AV lost this time
Having in-laws and my mom over today for cookout. Supposed to be 90 degrees and humid, yuck. Need to go make cupcakes and potato salad. So used to doing that stuff with a drink.....
Hope everyone is doing well and feeling positive. Have a wonderful holiday/Thursday
Happy July 4th (to those in USA)!
Hi & welcome, bebetter! This thread (and SR) is my lifeline. I always felt I was so alone in my drinking and thought I was definitely the only Mom of a 3 yr old who drank like I did. Although alcoholism isn't in my immediate family (great grandfather and some great aunts/uncles were alcoholics I am told) I am starting to realize that this really is a disease and something that I CANNOT control. I have been blaming myself and feeling so ashamed about my problem, but reading here as changed that as I see how many other people/parents out there struggle with the same things.
Anyway, struggled a bit last night as we went to an outdoor July 4th event at a local tiki bar. They had a good band and firework show and everyone was standing around drinking cold Coronas with lime. Stuck to Diet Pepsi with lime, but it was hard. Just felt kind of sad thinking I can never enjoy a cocktail again. Oh well, not the end of the world and feel good that I made it through. AV lost this time
Having in-laws and my mom over today for cookout. Supposed to be 90 degrees and humid, yuck. Need to go make cupcakes and potato salad. So used to doing that stuff with a drink.....
Hope everyone is doing well and feeling positive. Have a wonderful holiday/Thursday
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 196
Dreams
Originally Posted by Dollyangel17
Those drinking dreams are very common you will see. Lots of people post about their dreams:-). I have had them too, and in each one I remember feeling sad in the dreams. I look at it as a good thing...like a reminder if how unhappy I was when I was an active alcoholic.
Did you feel a great relief when you woke up and realized it was a dream?
Did you feel a great relief when you woke up and realized it was a dream?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Nazareth, PA
Posts: 453
Sunny - Haha!! I'd definitely wake up from that one thanking god it was a dream! I know someone with triplets my daughter's age and... whew! You have to be militant momma to make that work.
Ladybug - Yes, I am in Nazareth. We are practically neighbors! I have a 15 month daughter and my other daughter will be 4 in 3 weeks. Very cool to know someone is so close to me going through the same stuff (though I bet there are a hundred more moms between you and me who are going through it too....). Yes... awfully hot today. Not sure what I'm going to make for the BBQ tonight, but now I'm thinking buffalo wing dip because it won't melt in the heat - it's already melted!
Ladybug - Yes, I am in Nazareth. We are practically neighbors! I have a 15 month daughter and my other daughter will be 4 in 3 weeks. Very cool to know someone is so close to me going through the same stuff (though I bet there are a hundred more moms between you and me who are going through it too....). Yes... awfully hot today. Not sure what I'm going to make for the BBQ tonight, but now I'm thinking buffalo wing dip because it won't melt in the heat - it's already melted!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Originally Posted by PeacefulRain
It was a sober 4th here!
It was a little hard, though. So used to partying on the 4th holiday and I was so up and down all day yesterday. Cranky and annoyed one minute and happy and thankful the next (but mostly cranky and annoyed). My husband kept telling me to sit down and relax which only made me more annoyed. I guess holidays that hold drinking memories (pretty much all of them!) are going to be hard for awhile? I hate how much alcohol has messed with my head. I just want to be able to enjoy these times with my family, without thinking and obsessing about drinking/not being able to drink. Hopefully, someday soon .... Day 6 today and feeling anxious. I slipped the last 2 Saturdays so worried about tomorrow. Will stay close to SR, though, and post if I need help.
Hope everyone else had a nice, safe and sober holiday.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
Good Morning! Celebrated a sober 4th here too!
It was rainy and dreary in our area so we had a *very* low-key holiday. Kind of a blessing in disguise I think. I wasn't in much of a 'party' mood anyway. Had picnic food inside with the family. Watched movies with the kids. Watched my husband drink - ugh! But made it through - yeah! It actually wasn't that bad - just a let down compared to some holidays - not even a parade or fireworks because of all the rain.
Unfortunately, not much of a break before we face the weekend cravings/triggers -but WE CAN DO IT!
Now...I need more coffee ... I'm tired and dragging today for no real reason - maybe the rain, maybe having to go to work, maybe mentally worn out from yesterday, maybe all the above who knows....
I wish us all a peaceful, sober day!!
It was rainy and dreary in our area so we had a *very* low-key holiday. Kind of a blessing in disguise I think. I wasn't in much of a 'party' mood anyway.
Had picnic food inside with the family. Watched movies with the kids. Watched my husband drink - ugh! But made it through - yeah! It actually wasn't that bad - just a let down compared to some holidays - not even a parade or fireworks because of all the rain.Unfortunately, not much of a break before we face the weekend cravings/triggers -but WE CAN DO IT!
Now...I need more coffee ... I'm tired and dragging today for no real reason - maybe the rain, maybe having to go to work, maybe mentally worn out from yesterday, maybe all the above
who knows....I wish us all a peaceful, sober day!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
Originally Posted by sadsoul2011
Now...I need more coffee ... I'm tired and dragging today for no real reason - maybe the rain, maybe having to go to work, maybe mentally worn out from yesterday, maybe all the above
who knows....I wish us all a peaceful, sober day!!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,479
Luckily the 4th has never been much of a big deal for me. Thanksgiving and Christmas are gonna be my tough ones. I love to get in my kitchen, cook and drink.
Last night I had an awful drinking dream. I lived in Hawaii (woo Hoo there!) and I went to this moms group and got smashed. I left my kids at home alone. I got home and passed out on the front porch and woke up at 10:30 at night. When I looked in my husband was dressing my daughter for bed and I knew my life as I had know it was gone! Then the realization hit that I had left my two small kids home alone all day long all alone!
I was so happy to wake up!!
Last night I had an awful drinking dream. I lived in Hawaii (woo Hoo there!) and I went to this moms group and got smashed. I left my kids at home alone. I got home and passed out on the front porch and woke up at 10:30 at night. When I looked in my husband was dressing my daughter for bed and I knew my life as I had know it was gone! Then the realization hit that I had left my two small kids home alone all day long all alone!
I was so happy to wake up!!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 617
PeacefulRain - ((HUGS)) What a horrible dream! Definitely more of a nightmare. Wasn't it wonderful to wake up and remember that you're a wonderful, sober mom and wife? You're doing everything the right way
Hope you have a really great day!!
Hope you have a really great day!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 3,313
So strange PR - I had a drinking dream last night too. Nothing as bad as yours, but I dreamt my husband was going out of town (huge trigger) and then my mom, who is my only other source of support, told me she was going to be gone too! I was freaking out over being alone and wanting to drink. That day could very well happen, but hopefully not
until I am stronger.
What does everyone have planned for the weekend? It is going to be in the 90's here all weekend, yuck. My hubby took this afternoon off and we just took our daughter to the movies for the first time. Saw Monsters University - very cute and we loved the first Monsters. Next time we will skip the Hi-C kids drink It was nice to get out and do something different for a change.
until I am stronger.
What does everyone have planned for the weekend? It is going to be in the 90's here all weekend, yuck. My hubby took this afternoon off and we just took our daughter to the movies for the first time. Saw Monsters University - very cute and we loved the first Monsters. Next time we will skip the Hi-C kids drink
It was nice to get out and do something different for a change.
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