Class of May 2012 part 21
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
back at ya, OLL! hope your Thursday is great too!
wow, I have the lowest level of stress entering into our busy summer work season that I've had in the 6 years I've had this job. my "problem child" coworker is being great to my 2 new seasonals, and actually being proactive on a project. if this is how summer is going to go i'm going to be stoked!!! i'm praying that he has had a real change of attitude and that this will be a good summer. that would be so nice. he's a nice guy deep down, so it would be so cool to be able to see him that way all the time. this isn't my first sober summer thank goodness, but it's the first sober summer I've had where I've been sober since winter. wonder if that's helping. sure can't hurt!
tanja, thank you for the kind words. I am feeling stronger. part of that is because i'm always happier this time of year. but the main reason is you all. when I've been sad, cranky, anxious, happy, or even just blah, you may mates have been cool and supportive. you encourage me to say what's on my mind, now matter how that might be perceived (which is always what I worry about). it's been liberating and VERY helpful!
Thank you, Mayans!
wow, I have the lowest level of stress entering into our busy summer work season that I've had in the 6 years I've had this job. my "problem child" coworker is being great to my 2 new seasonals, and actually being proactive on a project. if this is how summer is going to go i'm going to be stoked!!! i'm praying that he has had a real change of attitude and that this will be a good summer. that would be so nice. he's a nice guy deep down, so it would be so cool to be able to see him that way all the time. this isn't my first sober summer thank goodness, but it's the first sober summer I've had where I've been sober since winter. wonder if that's helping. sure can't hurt!
tanja, thank you for the kind words. I am feeling stronger. part of that is because i'm always happier this time of year. but the main reason is you all. when I've been sad, cranky, anxious, happy, or even just blah, you may mates have been cool and supportive. you encourage me to say what's on my mind, now matter how that might be perceived (which is always what I worry about). it's been liberating and VERY helpful!
Thank you, Mayans!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
Hi all.
I'm feeling huge waves of sadness this week. Sadness over my Dad who is terminally ill and all the 'could have beens', sadness that I'm powerless to create some happy ever after ending for my family. I was always the 'fixer', the strong one who sorted everything out for them. I took a huge step away from that codependent unhealthy relationship many months ago, but now those feelings are here again. I don't know how my Mum will cope. Her whole reason for living has been supporting my Dad through his alcoholism. I don't know how the dynamics will change now with my alcoholic drug addict brother. It's unsettling and just sad.
I'm trying to be ok with sad. I am trying to maintain healthy boundaries with them all in dealing with this. I am looking after myself and doing the gym and working on my recovery and still not smoking. I don't want to and won't drink over this.
But every day I'm on the verge of tears all day. Work is a struggle and I'm dreading each day and what stress it will bring. I'm starting to isolate, I don't want to talk to anyone unless I absolutely have to. I'm aware that these feelings can lead nowhere good, but I need to learn how to sit with uncomfortable and sad feelings and know that they will pass. Whatever happens, I will be ok. Sometimes it seems it would be easier to hide.
Sorry to be a misery. I will bounce back to usual soon I'm sure xxx
I'm feeling huge waves of sadness this week. Sadness over my Dad who is terminally ill and all the 'could have beens', sadness that I'm powerless to create some happy ever after ending for my family. I was always the 'fixer', the strong one who sorted everything out for them. I took a huge step away from that codependent unhealthy relationship many months ago, but now those feelings are here again. I don't know how my Mum will cope. Her whole reason for living has been supporting my Dad through his alcoholism. I don't know how the dynamics will change now with my alcoholic drug addict brother. It's unsettling and just sad.
I'm trying to be ok with sad. I am trying to maintain healthy boundaries with them all in dealing with this. I am looking after myself and doing the gym and working on my recovery and still not smoking. I don't want to and won't drink over this.
But every day I'm on the verge of tears all day. Work is a struggle and I'm dreading each day and what stress it will bring. I'm starting to isolate, I don't want to talk to anyone unless I absolutely have to. I'm aware that these feelings can lead nowhere good, but I need to learn how to sit with uncomfortable and sad feelings and know that they will pass. Whatever happens, I will be ok. Sometimes it seems it would be easier to hide.
Sorry to be a misery. I will bounce back to usual soon I'm sure xxx
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
Happy Thursday morning, my beloved boaters! One more day 'til that precious weekend, yay!
WeHav, you sound so upbeat, girlfriend! So glad that work and life are going well for you. I've found overall that sobriety gives me the gift of calm and more of a roll-with-it approach to daily events that used to be such a drama-filled challenge. Keep on with your awesome, kayaking self.
Big hugs of love and support to you, Teacher Jeni. You have much to handle, but you're doing it with grace and a strong sense of experienced perspective. I am so proud of you for staying solid to your smoking quit, sobriety, and commitment to your physical health! Wishing you and your family the best in working through difficult feelings and events.
Been a bit reflective, lately. This time of year often brings a time of review over the past few seasons for me. We're wrapping up a long cycle at work before a lengthy vacation soon, and since I'm often working at go-go-go warp speed, a vacay is just what the doctor ordered to chill out and regroup.
Hoping emotions even out for Mate Pach. Good news that kidney damage is on the mend, but will likely produce lasting scarring and slightly reduced function. Tough stuff for MP to come to grips with psychologically and health-wise, for sure. Weekends are the only times we can spend together with my late days at work, so that's apparently causing a strain. Ah, well... vacation in a couple of weeks to concentrate on getting back on relationship track. We'll see.
Have a gorgeous day in sober solace, May mates. Love and hugs to all.
WeHav, you sound so upbeat, girlfriend! So glad that work and life are going well for you. I've found overall that sobriety gives me the gift of calm and more of a roll-with-it approach to daily events that used to be such a drama-filled challenge. Keep on with your awesome, kayaking self.
Big hugs of love and support to you, Teacher Jeni. You have much to handle, but you're doing it with grace and a strong sense of experienced perspective. I am so proud of you for staying solid to your smoking quit, sobriety, and commitment to your physical health! Wishing you and your family the best in working through difficult feelings and events.
Been a bit reflective, lately. This time of year often brings a time of review over the past few seasons for me. We're wrapping up a long cycle at work before a lengthy vacation soon, and since I'm often working at go-go-go warp speed, a vacay is just what the doctor ordered to chill out and regroup.
Hoping emotions even out for Mate Pach. Good news that kidney damage is on the mend, but will likely produce lasting scarring and slightly reduced function. Tough stuff for MP to come to grips with psychologically and health-wise, for sure. Weekends are the only times we can spend together with my late days at work, so that's apparently causing a strain. Ah, well... vacation in a couple of weeks to concentrate on getting back on relationship track. We'll see.
Have a gorgeous day in sober solace, May mates. Love and hugs to all.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
Good morning, dear Mayans!
WeHav, you are spot on about how much the support here helps with our day-to-day challenges. I'm happy to hear you are having a more relaxed spell :-)
Jeni, our lives will never be perfect but they are better sober. Yes, we do face challenges on a regular basis but we are now strong enough to face them. Going through life reminds me very much of the time I climbed Mt. lafayette in NH one summer as a child. Every time I thought the peak we were approaching was the top, I'd find out that there was yet another peak beyond and so forth. It seemed never- ending and got kinda frustrating. Eventually, however, we did make it to the top of the final peak and I was exhausted but also was glad I had persevered. I now think of life as being like that. Always changing, often new challenges. It's not easy by any means but it sure beats the alternative of living in a drunken haze!
FP, I'm happy to hear you will have a long vacation soon. Sorry MP is going through difficult times. Chronic health conditions can be tough to wrap our heads around. I suspect that it's a reminder of our mortality and that isn't easy. I hope you two have a chance to sort things out. We're here for you!
Tanja, OLL, Kittycat, Shock, Michael, Auden, Babs, Emily, Bloss, and everyone else, I think of all of you and hope you are doing well!
AFM: that HS reunion brought up some old issues I had never dealt with. They had been overshadowed by other, bigger problems but this trip back in time brought them up full force. Luckily I did protect myself and am now working with my therapist on yet another old challenge. This is an old one that I suspect may be more common than I thought at the time. I never was part of the "in" crowd and as an immigrant, often felt extremely left out. That left a lot of scars and has, to a certain degree, shaped who I am. I believe my drinking started as a convenient (though hazardous) way to blank out the pain of my feelings about that and other events. So I'm working in therapy again to try to make peace with myself in yet another area. For me, life is definitely a lot like climbing Mt. Lafayette. I don't think I will reach the final peak until the end.
Lots of love and hugs,
Sass
WeHav, you are spot on about how much the support here helps with our day-to-day challenges. I'm happy to hear you are having a more relaxed spell :-)
Jeni, our lives will never be perfect but they are better sober. Yes, we do face challenges on a regular basis but we are now strong enough to face them. Going through life reminds me very much of the time I climbed Mt. lafayette in NH one summer as a child. Every time I thought the peak we were approaching was the top, I'd find out that there was yet another peak beyond and so forth. It seemed never- ending and got kinda frustrating. Eventually, however, we did make it to the top of the final peak and I was exhausted but also was glad I had persevered. I now think of life as being like that. Always changing, often new challenges. It's not easy by any means but it sure beats the alternative of living in a drunken haze!
FP, I'm happy to hear you will have a long vacation soon. Sorry MP is going through difficult times. Chronic health conditions can be tough to wrap our heads around. I suspect that it's a reminder of our mortality and that isn't easy. I hope you two have a chance to sort things out. We're here for you!
Tanja, OLL, Kittycat, Shock, Michael, Auden, Babs, Emily, Bloss, and everyone else, I think of all of you and hope you are doing well!
AFM: that HS reunion brought up some old issues I had never dealt with. They had been overshadowed by other, bigger problems but this trip back in time brought them up full force. Luckily I did protect myself and am now working with my therapist on yet another old challenge. This is an old one that I suspect may be more common than I thought at the time. I never was part of the "in" crowd and as an immigrant, often felt extremely left out. That left a lot of scars and has, to a certain degree, shaped who I am. I believe my drinking started as a convenient (though hazardous) way to blank out the pain of my feelings about that and other events. So I'm working in therapy again to try to make peace with myself in yet another area. For me, life is definitely a lot like climbing Mt. Lafayette. I don't think I will reach the final peak until the end.
Lots of love and hugs,
Sass
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: springfield, va
Posts: 1,385
Good Morning All,
((Jeni)) - My thoughts are prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time. I think sadness and grief are two of the most difficult emotions to face in sobriety. You are doing the absolute best things you can for yourself by taking care of yourself. Don't even give a second thought to being on the verge of tears. Crying is a healthy and therapuetic way to deal with sadness. I also think that tending to isolate when you are hurting is natural. A woman in a recent meeting whose father is battling cancer stated that she was tending to isolate as well. But, the fact is that you recognize it, have shared with us and I am sure will find some solace with your sponsor and the fellowship.
Sas - I'm so sorry to hear that old issues reopened with your reunion. I am happy to hear that you are attending therapy and tackling these issues head-on. Your strength and commitment to sobriety is inspirational
FP - I am glad to hear that after working so hard that vacation time for you is coming up in a couple of weeks. Thank goodness MP is on the mend.
Wishing everyone a wonderful Thursday!
((Jeni)) - My thoughts are prayers are with you and your family at this difficult time. I think sadness and grief are two of the most difficult emotions to face in sobriety. You are doing the absolute best things you can for yourself by taking care of yourself. Don't even give a second thought to being on the verge of tears. Crying is a healthy and therapuetic way to deal with sadness. I also think that tending to isolate when you are hurting is natural. A woman in a recent meeting whose father is battling cancer stated that she was tending to isolate as well. But, the fact is that you recognize it, have shared with us and I am sure will find some solace with your sponsor and the fellowship.
Sas - I'm so sorry to hear that old issues reopened with your reunion. I am happy to hear that you are attending therapy and tackling these issues head-on. Your strength and commitment to sobriety is inspirational
FP - I am glad to hear that after working so hard that vacation time for you is coming up in a couple of weeks. Thank goodness MP is on the mend.
Wishing everyone a wonderful Thursday!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
FP-Sorry things are strained between the 2 of you, but it's early days still relationship wise. I'm hoping once the diagnosis has sunk in, and the 2 of you get to spend more time together, things will even out. Much love to you xxx
Sassy-I'm sorry your trip seems to have sparked off some deep-rooted issues. PTSD sucks doesn't it? My thoughts are with you xxx
Love to everyone else-wehav you are sounding grrrrrreat! Tanja-thankyou for your lovely words. HRB-great to hear from you.
Love you all very much xxx
Sassy-I'm sorry your trip seems to have sparked off some deep-rooted issues. PTSD sucks doesn't it? My thoughts are with you xxx
Love to everyone else-wehav you are sounding grrrrrreat! Tanja-thankyou for your lovely words. HRB-great to hear from you.
Love you all very much xxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
And thank you Dee for your words. I worry about depression, I've been in a bad way before and don't want to slip. For you to tell me it's normal and healthy to be feeling like this is so reassuring. I've never done normal or healthy with regards to emotions before xx
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
Jeni, yes, PTSD sucks! On the other hand, in order to survive as functioning individuals, we work through it. The only way out is through. It doesn't mean life is always a bowl of cherries, but it can be satisfying and we can have a measure of peace and happiness in our lives. Perhaps at least partly because we do have to fight so hard to get there, that peace and happiness is especially meaningful. It does not mean we always feel good! It does mean that we have the tools to overcome the bad spells. And yes, it is so very much worth all of the effort we put in.
Hugs,
Sass
Hugs,
Sass
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,002
Hey Mayans,
It’s been a stormy few days down here. Other than the weather things are going well. Therapy and my new med are helping me greatly. Work is good and home life is getting much better. I guess when my partner sees the time and energy I am putting in to making a better life, he is more willing to do the same. I think in the next few weeks he will go with me to therapy. Our communication is not the best and the therapist is trying to get me to work on our issues. Neither of us does a good job of this on our own. It is so much easier to get hurt, mad or frustrated and not deal with things. So I think having him there will force us to learn to deal with things like adults. This growing up thing over the past year is kinda cool but hard too. I’m so glad I don’t drink anymore!
Babs, Welcome to our group of Mayans and great job on your 90+ day achievement!
Tanja, Thanks for sharing your story about Steve. I believe there are angels in this world and he certainly sounds like one of them. I am so glad he was there when you picked up your 10-month chip because it must have given him so much delight seeing you and thinking he played a part in helping you. That was an amazing gift you were able to give him that night.
Sas, High school was a horrible time for me too. I would not even consider going to a reunion so I have the utmost respect for your strength. I have a feeling many of us drinkers were never too comfortable in high school. I think back to the post from Ginger Beer about the island of misfit toys and it still makes me feel like I am in the right place now. Big hug to you.
FP, I am hoping you have a great vacation and have some wonderful times with MP. Relationships are so tricky and I certainly am not the right one to give advice… Just remember time will tell you what you need to know. I am thinking about you!
Jeni, I’m sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I know when I start to isolate it’s a big sign I am going into a major funk. Since therapy and starting Wellbutrin this has not happened. I know some of us have been battling depression for years and drinking was just a way to get through some of the feelings. There are other options out there. I think it is ok and normal to be sad or depressed, but when it is your baseline it’s not a “normal” you need to accept. Maybe you can talk to your therapist and doctor about your continuing depression. Big hug Jeni.
OLL, Its FRIDAY! You’re almost done with the workweek. I love that you are getting into photography and signed up for and took the class. You really are pushing yourself and it sounds like things are working out beautifully. Maybe soon you will have your work in that gallery!
I know what you are saying about being overextended. It is coming to the point I need to start picking up overtime again.
Jane, Thanks for your post, it made me smile. I do regret my screen name a little but is also serves to remind me where I was and why I don’t want to go back there. It took a while but yes I feel like I’m “MovingOnUp”. Quitting drinking was the first and most important step that allowed all other changes to take place.
WeHav, Wazzup!!!! I am so glad your summer is arriving in a controlled and less stressful way. You sound awesome. Any more camping or kayak adventures planned?
Kitty, I hope you are feeling better and therapy is helping. I am so glad you decided to stay with us on this journey.
Aviva, It sounds like some people at that meeting need to check their egos at the door. If it’s important enough for someone to want to share then let em do it. How can these people in charge know what is going to help someone else? Like you said the off months held greater meaning to me too.
Dee, Wishing you well and thanking you again for your unending support of us.
Bloss, Lee, Shock, Emily and all other Mayans, have a great weekend.
It’s been a stormy few days down here. Other than the weather things are going well. Therapy and my new med are helping me greatly. Work is good and home life is getting much better. I guess when my partner sees the time and energy I am putting in to making a better life, he is more willing to do the same. I think in the next few weeks he will go with me to therapy. Our communication is not the best and the therapist is trying to get me to work on our issues. Neither of us does a good job of this on our own. It is so much easier to get hurt, mad or frustrated and not deal with things. So I think having him there will force us to learn to deal with things like adults. This growing up thing over the past year is kinda cool but hard too. I’m so glad I don’t drink anymore!
Babs, Welcome to our group of Mayans and great job on your 90+ day achievement!
Tanja, Thanks for sharing your story about Steve. I believe there are angels in this world and he certainly sounds like one of them. I am so glad he was there when you picked up your 10-month chip because it must have given him so much delight seeing you and thinking he played a part in helping you. That was an amazing gift you were able to give him that night.
Sas, High school was a horrible time for me too. I would not even consider going to a reunion so I have the utmost respect for your strength. I have a feeling many of us drinkers were never too comfortable in high school. I think back to the post from Ginger Beer about the island of misfit toys and it still makes me feel like I am in the right place now. Big hug to you.
FP, I am hoping you have a great vacation and have some wonderful times with MP. Relationships are so tricky and I certainly am not the right one to give advice… Just remember time will tell you what you need to know. I am thinking about you!
Jeni, I’m sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I know when I start to isolate it’s a big sign I am going into a major funk. Since therapy and starting Wellbutrin this has not happened. I know some of us have been battling depression for years and drinking was just a way to get through some of the feelings. There are other options out there. I think it is ok and normal to be sad or depressed, but when it is your baseline it’s not a “normal” you need to accept. Maybe you can talk to your therapist and doctor about your continuing depression. Big hug Jeni.
OLL, Its FRIDAY! You’re almost done with the workweek. I love that you are getting into photography and signed up for and took the class. You really are pushing yourself and it sounds like things are working out beautifully. Maybe soon you will have your work in that gallery!
I know what you are saying about being overextended. It is coming to the point I need to start picking up overtime again.
Jane, Thanks for your post, it made me smile. I do regret my screen name a little but is also serves to remind me where I was and why I don’t want to go back there. It took a while but yes I feel like I’m “MovingOnUp”. Quitting drinking was the first and most important step that allowed all other changes to take place.
WeHav, Wazzup!!!! I am so glad your summer is arriving in a controlled and less stressful way. You sound awesome. Any more camping or kayak adventures planned?
Kitty, I hope you are feeling better and therapy is helping. I am so glad you decided to stay with us on this journey.
Aviva, It sounds like some people at that meeting need to check their egos at the door. If it’s important enough for someone to want to share then let em do it. How can these people in charge know what is going to help someone else? Like you said the off months held greater meaning to me too.
Dee, Wishing you well and thanking you again for your unending support of us.
Bloss, Lee, Shock, Emily and all other Mayans, have a great weekend.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
Rock, good buddy, you sound so ... "grounded" is the best word I can think of. No, make that "awesomely grounded". You've always been a steadfast Mayan but now you are positively blossoming :-). The right meds and therapy can make a huge difference but they can't work if you haven't done all the hard work that comes before - getting and staying sober and working through all of the associated "stuff"! I am bursting with pride for your accomplishments and know that there will be more to come. (I wouldn't be surprised if FP has an elephant pic squirreled away for that!)
One of the very strong things about this group is the continuing commitment to our growth as human beings. It starts with wanting to stop drinking and then just seems to keep on going as we continue to grow. IMHO, not all threads have achieved this wholistic view that we have gradually come to. I love it and value each and every one of you!
Lots of love and hugs,
Sass
One of the very strong things about this group is the continuing commitment to our growth as human beings. It starts with wanting to stop drinking and then just seems to keep on going as we continue to grow. IMHO, not all threads have achieved this wholistic view that we have gradually come to. I love it and value each and every one of you!
Lots of love and hugs,
Sass
Sober Mammoth!
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,086
Finally Friday!!! Good lawd, what took so long? Lol!
You-Rock, it is SO nice to read a luxuriously long post from you! Wonderful that you're doing well and sounding great. Thank you for all of your messages to our happy gang.
Tons of flash flooding in our area. Almost didn't make it home with all of the road closures and barricades, but I'm glad to make it a night in while the weather wields its power on our tiny town. A good thing that happened as a result is that Mate Pach and I had a chance for a loooong talk over the phone about our recent ups and downs. Overall, the issues concern our mutual strong personalities, our opposite-ness in tastes and views, and the pace of time in our expectations for a relationship. MP is serious in trying to determine quickly how we'll work out as a couple based on our 2 1/2 months together. Conversely, I like to let events unfold and take things as they come at a slower pace since we've been together for only a short time.
So do opposites attract? Yes, we surely do. The tougher side is that opposites can take a herculean effort to compromise, understand, and accommodate each other. I'm fascinated with the process, but MP is frustrated in the immediate term. I laughed when MP declared being more into me than I reciprocated, because I've been feeling that I'm into MP more than it's being reciprocated! At least we're both into each other, and share mutual respect and care. A good start on a solid foundation. Thinking that directness in communication is essential, as opposed to assumptions. You know the saying, "Nothing easy is worth doing." We're hammering that pretty hard lately, but we cleared the air with no bloodshed and better understanding. If this couplehood had taken place a year ago with my alcohol-fueled/hangover hair-trigger temper, it would have been over right quick. Now I can approach most challenges evenly, calmly, and be ready for whatever results ultimately surface. In the spirit of kiss-and-make-up and starting off with fresh enthusiasm, I'm going to have some fun at the racetrack tomorrow and get to meet more of MP's family.
You know what's odd, though? In all of my new outward calm, I feel like it's in reaction to my years of being so out of control emotionally while drinking. I feel a little insecure to let go and really live now in the moments with pure reactions and emotions. It's as if I'm keeping a lid on getting too excited over anything, because I fear it could all blow up in loss of control again. I don't trust myself to relax too much, and I know that's also impacting my new relationship. Anyone else have those feelings or have insights to share?
Many hugs of love to all of you.
You-Rock, it is SO nice to read a luxuriously long post from you! Wonderful that you're doing well and sounding great. Thank you for all of your messages to our happy gang.
Tons of flash flooding in our area. Almost didn't make it home with all of the road closures and barricades, but I'm glad to make it a night in while the weather wields its power on our tiny town. A good thing that happened as a result is that Mate Pach and I had a chance for a loooong talk over the phone about our recent ups and downs. Overall, the issues concern our mutual strong personalities, our opposite-ness in tastes and views, and the pace of time in our expectations for a relationship. MP is serious in trying to determine quickly how we'll work out as a couple based on our 2 1/2 months together. Conversely, I like to let events unfold and take things as they come at a slower pace since we've been together for only a short time.
So do opposites attract? Yes, we surely do. The tougher side is that opposites can take a herculean effort to compromise, understand, and accommodate each other. I'm fascinated with the process, but MP is frustrated in the immediate term. I laughed when MP declared being more into me than I reciprocated, because I've been feeling that I'm into MP more than it's being reciprocated! At least we're both into each other, and share mutual respect and care. A good start on a solid foundation. Thinking that directness in communication is essential, as opposed to assumptions. You know the saying, "Nothing easy is worth doing." We're hammering that pretty hard lately, but we cleared the air with no bloodshed and better understanding. If this couplehood had taken place a year ago with my alcohol-fueled/hangover hair-trigger temper, it would have been over right quick. Now I can approach most challenges evenly, calmly, and be ready for whatever results ultimately surface. In the spirit of kiss-and-make-up and starting off with fresh enthusiasm, I'm going to have some fun at the racetrack tomorrow and get to meet more of MP's family.
You know what's odd, though? In all of my new outward calm, I feel like it's in reaction to my years of being so out of control emotionally while drinking. I feel a little insecure to let go and really live now in the moments with pure reactions and emotions. It's as if I'm keeping a lid on getting too excited over anything, because I fear it could all blow up in loss of control again. I don't trust myself to relax too much, and I know that's also impacting my new relationship. Anyone else have those feelings or have insights to share?
Many hugs of love to all of you.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: US East Coast
Posts: 14,285
FP, so happy it's time off for you! I don't think I have much advice (hah!) but do have a question. Have you ever been able to let go and live in the moment, etc? In other words, are you imagining what life should be like as opposed to knowing what life can be like? I think that the differences are important. Sometimes we romanticize the way we think things should be. Early times in relationships are rarely all that smooth. Is it possible you are simply going through very normal feelings?
Hugs,
Sass
Hugs,
Sass
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
FP- can it also be that as we mature we naturally become less emotionally charged about situations? When I think back to my early relationships they were full of angst and drama. It isn't always a sign that we are keeping a lid on things now, just that we are more comfortable in our own skin these days. This might not be related to alcoholism at all in the sense that the way you are now is the way you were always meant to be. Rational and calm. Alcohol just delayed that growing up process.
I don't know, just a thought.
I've had a lot of tears in the past 24 hours, and a few at work which is unheard of. I need...I don't know. I woke with such bad chest pains last night I almost woke H, but they passed. All sorrow and worry related. We've got a BBQ today and H has invited his brother and family and really all I want to do is be on my own. I know...I've got lots to be grateful for and I am. I really am. Just a blip.
I don't know, just a thought.
I've had a lot of tears in the past 24 hours, and a few at work which is unheard of. I need...I don't know. I woke with such bad chest pains last night I almost woke H, but they passed. All sorrow and worry related. We've got a BBQ today and H has invited his brother and family and really all I want to do is be on my own. I know...I've got lots to be grateful for and I am. I really am. Just a blip.
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