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A New Day (Munchkin's Thread) Part 3

Old 05-11-2013, 05:54 PM
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A New Day (Munchkin's Thread) Part 3

last part here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-2-a-21.html

D
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Old 05-12-2013, 05:18 PM
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Thanks Dee for starting the new thread - wow part three!

Munch, I hope you had a nice Mother' Day.....congrats to DS on learning to ride a bike
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Old 05-13-2013, 05:35 AM
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Okay, that is ..weird. I posted kind of a long entry on Sunday and now it's not here.

Very odd.

Okay, whatever.
So its Monday.
Kind of had a good Mothers Day. Hubby forgot to get me a present so he kind of made it up to me by cleaning upstairs. Vacuumed, dusted, cleaned the bathrooms thoroughly.
I rested because I was dead tired. I didn't sleep well the night before as I woke up at around 130a and didn't go back to sleep till about 4am. Uggh.
Then we treated ourselves with clams and crabcakes for lunch and I think maybe one of the clams were bad because I wasn't feeling the greatest later on.
So I lay down for a bit and read a book.
Did find something that I'm very excited about. DH and I love playing games on his PS3 like Resident Evil and we noticed there is a new game out called "The Last of Us"
Its about a fungus that actually exists in real life but normally it infects insects and then causes the insects to just act oddly and then finally die where there are other insects of that same species so the fungus can then spread to other insects. Well this fungus instead in the game infects humans and then of course it becomes a teotwawki (the end of the world as we know it), and two characters, an older man and a younger girl have to survive amidst fighting military fema like camps, the infected in all varieties of stages and what not. Looks good, can't wait for it to come out!
Comes out next month.
Wanna hear something funny?
Okay this past weekend I got my first Klutch club box! YAY!
One of the items in there was a hangover kit that I guess you put in water and makes you feel better.
So DS picks up the black box with colorful markings all over it this morning and asks "is this ammo Mama?"
I looked at what he had picked up and laughed and answered "no, sweetie, thats for when adults drink too much alcohol and it makes them feel sick the next morning. Mama doesn't need it now because of course, I don't drink and Daddy probably won't need it anytime soon"
He accepts this with a nod and I turn back to making a snack for myself at work when I hear him say behind me "you should give it to Grandma, maybe she can use it"
:rotfxko
OMG Too funny.
I think our DS is now growing too. He was complaining about his legs this morning.
Oh and he's very proud of himself with his bike. I warned him after though.
I didn't want to scare him but I wanted him to keep this in mind.
I told him "sweetie, just remember. YOU WILL FALL. It will happen from time to time" hubby piped in and said he had fallen, A LOT and I nodded and said, I too have fallen many times from my bike and while it is scary when it happens and it hurts and yes, you do get cuts and bruises it does happen.
But then I told him "the most important thing is, first come to Mama, I'll put bandaids on your ouchies and make you feel better. But then next, get right back up and start to ride your bike again. Don't make your fear of falling make you stop"
I hope he keeps that in mind.
I don't want to raise a wimp. LOL
Well have a few things I need to accomplish this morning, so gotta run.

Still here and still sober!
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Old 05-13-2013, 05:39 AM
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Dee, I like your signature btw!
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Old 05-13-2013, 06:40 PM
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Munch, I don't think it's even remotely you could raise a wimp .....not a strong woman like you

Wow, interesting that DS mentioned Grandma needing the hangover kit. We adults think kids don't notice, but they take it all in. I'm glad I won't be remembered as Granny Kim, who always had a goblet of wine in her hand.

Hanging on by a thin thread.....that's how I feel. Counting down the days of school and checking things off my to do list. Plans beginning to take shape for me flying to FL to bring my Dad home. It will be good to have a change of scenery and spend time with my Dad. He is so proud of me for quitting drinking......still here and still sober
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Old 05-14-2013, 05:59 AM
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Originally Posted by Pondlady View Post
Munch, I don't think it's even remotely you could raise a wimp .....not a strong woman like you

Wow, interesting that DS mentioned Grandma needing the hangover kit. We adults think kids don't notice, but they take it all in. I'm glad I won't be remembered as Granny Kim, who always had a goblet of wine in her hand.

Hanging on by a thin thread.....that's how I feel. Counting down the days of school and checking things off my to do list. Plans beginning to take shape for me flying to FL to bring my Dad home. It will be good to have a change of scenery and spend time with my Dad. He is so proud of me for quitting drinking......still here and still sober
Too true Kim. It was a reminder, no, actually a wake up call to me that to remember to watch what I say around him.
However that being said, I'm actually GLAD that DS knows all this and hears us talk about my Mom.
I hope he keeps it in mind as he gets older so he'll not have the problems I did with addiction/alcohol.

And Thanks! More times than not I actually get down on myself for not being STRONG ENOUGH!

Left early yesterday for appointment with my therapist which was good but I was in a fighting sort of mood, kind of so my therapist saw the more ticked off side of me yesterday.

Yesterday while at work my boss advised me that she would be pulling my lwop on Thursday which, while I knew it could happen, kind of annoyed me.
I scheduled a facial and haircut on Thursday and I have really been looking forward to it.
Since I knew that DH was not getting me a Mothers Day present it was kind of my treat to myself and now I'm a bit let down that that too is being taken away.
Keep your fingers crossed, prayers said that she does not take away my day off.

So you wanna hear something else that is kind of "providence with a capital P"?
Yesterday on a health & fitness site I wrote a blog about how FRUSTRATED I was that I could not seem to get off this plateau of 158-161 lbs.
I really am getting tired of it.
So anyways, I'm at the clinic when I see that they have this new Wellness Clinic set up. There are big signs that say "lose weight, feel great" type of idea.
So as I'm leaving my therapist appointment I almost caught the elevator when instead my feet grew a mind of their own and I turned right and walked over to the wellness clinic.
Now, on 20 June I have a half day full of testing.
They will be doing a metabolic testing, blood work, health assessment, body composition testing, etc. Next I will go through a health session teaching me about information regarding the human metabolism and then I will receive a meal template and strategies to help me lose weight.
(I'm kind of copying some of this verbatim from the sheet they gave me)
30 days later they will do a follow up appointment which will more or less cover again some of the basics and also see how I'm doing with everyone.
I really want to get to 145 at least before we leave here.
And you want to hear something kind of sad/bad?
I keep using the photos on Facebook of my sister in laws as a kind of motivation to lose weight.
Now that I know I will be seeing both of them come November I so want to look really good.
This is all because out of my two sister in laws. I'll call the first one "A" and the other "S" A has really gained a lot of weight. I really get along with A however sometimes she does annoy me because she gives in to everyone and everything.
I always jokingly compare her to a cocker spaniel. LOL
S just looks sick. I mean really sick. She's kind of thin but in each and every picture of her on FB she looks like death is all over her face.
DH and I remark on it a lot. About 11-14 years ago she went through a surgery that was somewhat like gastric bypass or stomach stapling.
She never re-learned how to eat healthy so she still eats crap but she can't eat much.
She's also on oxycontin along with her hubby and now a days (even though she is 2 years my junior) she looks like she's more like 50+. What's scary is their entire family is on some sort of drug.
From ritalin style drugs, to Oxycontin and other pain relievers.

So I guess where I'm going with this is when they see me I want them to really be shocked by the transformation. Last time they saw me in day to day life I was 170+ pounds, drinking heavily, unhappy because I was moving here to MD and I looked sick.
I really want to them.
I know if I show up at my parents looking great, Dad will pat me on the back, give me a hug and a smile and say "you look great baby!" which will make me feel very good but Mom won't really say much.
First, she's always kind of super critical of me but also if she says I look good then she has to somewhat admit that maybe its because of the fact that I do not drink anymore, that I see a therapist and what not.
I could be off on that assessment.

So anyways, still here. Still Sober. And today I plan to watch a few more episodes of a tv show I loaded on my kindle for some el cheapo entertainment.
Tonight I have to re-plant a moringa seed, DH & I need to work on the kombucha, we have to pack for the upcoming camping trip (this weekend!) and finish some laundry. Tonight for dinner is cuban black beans with mango, rice and leftover cornbread (which will probably be kind of hard as it was left over night in the oven. Turned off oven that is)
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Old 05-14-2013, 04:53 PM
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Where are you camping this week end? I know how much you look forward to these trips.

Weight wise, I've been holding steady for quite awhile now. I guess I've reached a point where I'd have to up my exercise or decrease calories, to lose weight......I imagine I might lose a few lbs over the summer If only I could give up chocolate!

Took a two hour power nap when I got home today and still feel tired. Only two days of school remain and I'm ready
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Old 05-15-2013, 06:04 AM
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This weekend is Elk Neck which has a beach nearby. Weathers looking good too!
We've been to this one several times before. Only negative to this place is it's very open and everyone is pretty close to each other.
Funny thing is first time we went there I got really sick and tried to sleep almost all day Saturday.
I'm hoping this time we can make it to the beach and DS at least can play in the water some.
Last night I was so dead tired. I finally fell asleep and then suddenly woke up at 130am to go to the bathroom. Next thing you know my mind was racing, as usual.
See my boss hasn't confirmed either way if I can have off tomorrow or not.
The thing that pisses me off about this is even right now, I am both the other office I am assisting and my own office and I am one of the few that will volunteer to do that.
And yet I'm the sh*tty employee who doesn't know anything, the employee that there is no way that I've worked for this company that long, the employee that simply could not have been a Lead before, yada yada yada. Yes, it does **** me off.
Sometimes it really sucks to be the loyal, easy employee who doesn't make a fuss on stuff, who volunteers to help out the office and then because of it gets run over because of it.
Oh well.
Well you wouldn't believe what I started reading again.
Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife. I forgot how much I like this book.
And now that I have over 17 months (May 8th) under my belt I can take different things out of it.
However when she describes her desire for an ice cold vodka martini, that feels a bit weird because I do not remember that as much. I've forgotten that somewhat.
However, I did notice how, like me, she never started out drinking a LOT.
Instead it was a glass of wine while making dinner and then maybe a glass of wine during dinner.
Then a month later it was a martini or two before dinner.
A bottle of wine during dinner.
It built up, slowly and surely.
Which is, once again, a reminder to never start to drink again.
If I ever get it in my mind (and the thought has popped in every so often the past few months) that "hell, I've been sober for this amount of time, a little drink shouldn't hurt. Its only a glass of wine!" I need to squash that thought immediately.
Because I too started at only a glass or two of wine.

So anyways, keep me in your thoughts/prayers or whatever that I get off tomorrow. I really would like to get this silver out of my hair and I really would like to relax with a facial, even though it is kind of an expensive extravagance.

Oh and big pat on hubbys back! HE IS DOING ACAP! (army career assistance program)
Last night he came home going on and on about how they told him that there would be a big transition, a mental transition, etc etc, yada yada yada.
Oh boy, who told him that before? Its okay, I didn't rub it in too much.
I just looked a bit smug.
He is now working the program for the next week at least. After this week I'm not exactly certain of his schedule.
Nice thing is now he no longer has the drive (for this week at least) back and forth to work. Instead he stays on the same post as me. Saving some $$ on gas. Like that lots!

Still here & Still sober!
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Old 05-15-2013, 02:18 PM
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I'm hoping you get to have your hair done and enjoy your facial. Tell Brenda big hello from me Think I may reread the book too - just love her I too started drinking slowly , still remember the fist time I polished off a bottle all by myself....was kind of in shock.....but soon became a routine

One day of school to go!! Whooo - hooo!
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Old 05-16-2013, 07:51 AM
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YAY Kim!!
Yes, after much arguing with my boss at about 330pm I am taking of today. See by the time she discussed this with me (via text btw) I had already confirmed appointments and I said as much.
Plus I told her that I do not plan to take any time next week so she'll have me all week next week to do both the other office in NY and our office. Her last word on it was "I should have asked her if the LWOP was okay or not" therefore absolving her of some of the guilt she probably felt for even telling me at 330p that I would not be off on Thursday. LOL
So today, dropped DS off at daycare, then ran and turned in bottles (soda pop that is), next ran to the farm to trade out the moldy loaf of bread DH picked up yesterday, next ran to Shoprite. We're going to have a seafood bake a la Joes Crabshack while camping this weekend. Going to do Snow crab, sausage, potatoes and corn with biscuits. Good news? No house to stink up since we'll be cooking outdoors!!
But damn it, I forgot to pick up some extra butter! GRRRR.
Also picked up some coconut latte waters that are super yummos, some Limonata (lemon soda) that hubby and I love but it is a treat that we tend to reserve to camping trips only because that stuff is EXPENSIVE! $3.69 for a six pack. I almost started looking for La Croix like Brenda likes to drink, but Shoprite doesn't carry it.
So next, taking a quick break and then going to run to the commissary for the forgotten butter and then to the PX for another glass jar that I like to use for storing more medicinal types of herbs. I just harvested a massive amount of catnip that we have growing outside. Its done drying, now just have to put it away and label it.
Next will be the yarrow. I noticed this morning its close to flowering.
Next will be laundry, and pasta salad to be made for tomorrow nights dinner.
And last, ahhh the spa.

My day (to make up for the lack of mothers day somewhat) to relax, have people pamper me, bring me water, make me gorgeous, do my eyebrows, do my hair, bring me tea. Whatever.
AAHHHHH.

Can not wait! Super happy about that!

So with that all said, its 1048a I gotta get running. I have a few more things to get done before that pampering commences!

This chica is still HERE & STILL SOBER!
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Old 05-17-2013, 06:11 AM
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OH ME OH MY! I am paying for the fact that I forgot to take my Allegra yesterday!
Headache, nose non stop leaking, face hurts. In fact it was funny, I was about to get into the shower when I thought back to the hangover days. My face used to feel like this when I had a massive amount to drink the night before. Even in January.
LOL
It was a physical reminder of why its so much better not to drink!

So the face pain, runny nose, watery & itchy eyes, the taste of blood in the back of my throat due to my overwhelmed sinuses, all of it. YUCK.
I woke up at 3 something or another in the morning this morning, had to go to the bathroom, layed back down and BOOM! Sneezing commenced. Yuck.
Told hubby I was an idiot for forgetting my Allegra yesterday.
Can't wait till we move back to Alaska where I will NOT HAVE THIS PROBLEM!
Today I'm a bit out of it too, very scatterbrained, thanks to the mixture of Sudefed & Excedrin.
Makes getting stuff done a tad bit more annoying because my brain is everywhere.
Had a bit of an oops yesterday at the salon & day spa. They obviously messed up in the appointment for my hair as they only scheduled me a hair cut and style, not the full color and cut like normal. GRR.
Oh well, no biggie. Was still nice. I left there looking 10 years younger. Then left and got my eyebrows done and a small pedi.
Got a silvery lime green on my toes.
The eyebrows were probably not such a great thing to do though because at the facial, the aesthetician applied a anti aging sort of chemical peel which after about a week leaves my skin very youthful look but immediately afterwards my skin is red and inflamed.
My hairstylist told me over and over I look like I've lost more weight.
Not certain on that one.
The scale does not show it.
My clothes are not noticably looser. I mean they are slightly but not a massive amount.
So it makes me go "HUH?"
Told hubby maybe I haven't exactly lost weight but I've just lost inches?
Oh well, not too concerned.
I am a bit frustrated that I haven't gotten to use a single of the free online exercise classes I got access to in my Klutch club box.
Hoping next week is better.

Oh and had a MASSIVE stroke of luck on Wednesday night. Forgot to write about it!
Late March, early April I worked a group of passengers. There was an error in billing and I billed it to each travelers own govt travel card rather than the Centrally billed account. Kind of a (as my boss puts it) comedy of errors.
Well anyhoo, I was about to be charged $75 per passenger. 26 passenger. I would not be personally charged, no, my AGENT sign would be therefore making my productivity drop massively, making me look like a liability.
NOT GOOD in a business downturn situation and I have been rather worried about it yet I knew there wasn't much else to do!
Well lo and behold, the main point of contact for the group contacted me on Wednesday and started singing my praises, thanking me profusely, yada yada yada.
Then he tells me whispering "we got full refunds for our soldiers!"
HUH!? WTF!
There was to be a penalty on these refunds of the tickets hence the reason we were going to have to do a change of form of payment hence the $75 change fee. And now. Nothing.
No change form of payment. Its all done.
Wow. This was like winning the lottery.
Even now, with my discombobulated brain, I still cannot seem to grasp it.
Even a $200 charge on a agent sign is not good at all and yet, I just escaped an almost 2000 charge.
HOLY <expletive removed>!
Well, gotta go tell the boss lady. Don't know WHAT her reaction will be.
Either happiness because not much work to do on it?
Or anger because I got out of it.
I'll report later. LOL
Still here, still sober and feeling yuck.
At least we're camping this afternoon!
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Old 05-17-2013, 06:19 AM
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Just checked with the boss.
She was eating her breakfast sandwich and said another employee told her yesterday.
She grunted "mmhhm. yes I heard. <name removed> still has to do the change of form of payment for the fees though."
And then dismissed me with a glance.
LOL
I guess she didn't like that I got out of it. Sad.
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Old 05-17-2013, 07:13 AM
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Going to doctor in a bit for my poison ivy, which might have a secondary infection from seeiping etc - ugh Driving me stark raving mad with the itching and burning!!!

Picked up a newf puppy we're watching till Monday for a rescue. He is adorable and Iposted a picture on the Whiners thread if you want to see it.

Have fun camping, enjoy the seafood and special drinks
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Old 05-17-2013, 07:20 AM
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OOOH YUCK! Poison ivy. DO NOT LIKE POISON IVY. My thoughts are with you!
I will! (if I can get the symptoms from the allergies to abate)
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Old 05-17-2013, 12:56 PM
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Doctor started me on steroids....said it's a bad case and I've developed edema around it Can't wait for them to take effect!
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Old 05-20-2013, 07:55 AM
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Hard to know where to begin.
I should have posted her last night because I was feeling antsy, yucky, nervous.
Didn't drink and its not as if my AV was piping up like crazy but still feel just antsy.
Could be that we just came back from camping, I knew this would most likely be the week from hell since I will be helping both our office and the other office up in NY out.
Hubby was being extraordinarily lazy which was putting me in a funk.
Next, hubby kind of got into an argument with his parents. They are super upset because we are planning on staying at a hotel when we drive through town. They do not like that at all.
First and most of all they want us to stay with them. Next if we do not stay with them then NOW they want us all to stay in a suite like room with them, so we'll all have seperate bedrooms but it means putting up with their usual stuff for three days, 24/7
Now here are the reasons both options to me mostly are negative. First is why we do not want to stay with them. At all.
  1. They are EXTREMELY filthy. Imagine walking into a house, taking your shoes off and your socks are filthy within 15 minutes. The bedrooms smell like mold, trash over flowing from the trash can onto the floor. Mold growing along the walls in the bathrooms, mouse and cat droppings in corners of rooms, trash all around different rooms, hoarder like conditions.
  2. Last time we stayed with them, we kept almost all our bags and what not OUTSIDE of the house in our vehicle. The one bag I did bring in (toiletries) I had the mistake of opening up later on which sent me on a path that was close to analphylactic shock when I opened it. I developed a very wicked cold from that.

Okay, so those are the two reasons we REALLY do not want to stay with them in their house.
Now, here are the reasons why don't want to stay with them in a hotel where they are in the same "unit" as us.
  1. They get up at 5am and loudly slam items around, yell, get coffee going, wake us all up. Pretty much, they're inconsiderate.
  2. They stay up till 10p, keep the tvs on loudly, yell, and more or less are very inconsiderate again.
  3. My mother in law has a nasty habit of walking into private rooms when the door is closed, (bathroom, bedroom) to ask a question, wake up a sleeping individual, interrupt one on the toilet, in the shower, etc
  4. They tend to "follow" us from room to room, check out what we have and pretty much allow us no personal space or time at all which when dealing with them is a much needed thing.

Now, I've told hubby that currently our excuse is "we have to use up points" and if we do stay with them in this "lodge" in TN in their own town, btw, that will blow up the "use up points" argument and make it very obvious that that was not the case.
As it stands, my husbands brother & sister in law, and Sister and brother in law all know the situation. They barely let their own kids stay there but usually they try to PUSH us to stay with his parents because "it'll hurt his parents feelings"

So, yes I am worried about it. I have been praying about it like crazy.
Funny bit?
Almost the ONLY time hubby and I get into knock out, drag down fights is when his parents do this.
Bit more history. When I was pregnant (5 months) they visited us in Alaska. I cooked & cleaned and went to work each day. I would come home clean all the dirty coffee cups everywhere (FIL has a bad habit of getting a new cup each and every time he wants a cup of coffee, leaves newspapers scattered everywhere, leaves mess everywhere), I would clean up after MIL, cook chicken dinners, Alaskan seafood dinners, fresh bread, desserts, etc etc. My youngest SIL took over my computer so that outlet to sit down and rest was gone too. MIL & FIL would lie down on the couch which would leave no where for me (the pregnant lady to sit)
DH, as usual, was oblivious.
Finally half way through their stay I lost it and started laughing hysterically at SIL for something that really didn't warrant someone laughing like that. They all looked at me like I was nuts. I lit into DH that night yelling I am not f*ckn Cinderella!
I empty coffee cups all day long when I am home, I clean up all day long, even when I want to take a break and sit down I cannot, so I go upstairs to take a nap and MIL comes up, shakes me awake (I really wasn't sleeping, I was just taking a BREAK) to say they are going to a local place for dessert since I did not make them a dessert that night.
We've gone on vacation to Sedona as well with them. Oh my what a headache. First they "invited" my youngest SIL to stay with us in a one bedroom suite. We were sleeping in the bedroom, DS was sleeping in the living room. We found a solution that kind of unnerved them that time. We used our own points and paid for another timeshare for some more of the family. That would allow SIL to stay with her own parents, and all the other adults to each stay at their own timeshare.
Parent in laws were not thrilled. Next they repeatedly insisted they wanted to be there when we checked in, wanted to spend time with us THAT night. It was VERY important to them to see their grandson, IMMEDIATELY. DH had to tell them, "no, we just spent 8 hours on a flight with a 1 1/2 year old, we left Fairbanks at like 6am, we had a two hour drive, we're exhausted. We need a break"
We definitely didn't earn any brownie points for that.
The entire trip there was just bad all over. I was drinking heavily then and while I didn't get plastered there I kept feeling like I could really learn something, that I could really accomoplish something mentally there if my in-laws were just not there blabbing about how this stupid, silly area and its so called energy fields, how these people here who claim that they are spiritual know nothing because their spirituality is not about Christ, that they're all working with Satan here because they're all dealing in crystals, and CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY BUILT A CHURCH NEXT TO ONE OF THOSE "Energy Zones?"
And can you believe they advocate "MEDITATING HERE!?" dealing with the devil I tell you! All the while, following us, non stop, on and on and on. Made me drink even more. LOL
I went through lots of red wine there.
I think I want to go back to Sedona one day because I still feel as if there is something to learn there. There is a sense of some sort of spiritual energy there but, thanks to the alcohol and my in-laws blabbering, I didn't really ever pick it up.

On and on, we've had several stays with them. The ones at our house are usually the worst for me because it means massive amount of work and stress for me. Last visit here, MIL took DS (who was 4 1/2 at the time) in a walk in a THUNDERSTORM all the while ignoring all my advice not to because it's looking stormy out. DH had to rescue them two blocks away with his truck all the while its thundering lightning and raining out. This is a "usual" thing for both MIL & FIL to do to me. Completely disregard my own wishes when it comes to my son. I do not allow him to have soda, almost at all. Last time MIL fed DS Mountain Dew.
GRRRRRRRR
AND this upcoming one will have the added bit. I will be sober.
So I know two things will happen here. First, I will NEED to take a step away from them at all costs if I don't want to massively blow up at them.
To maintain my sobriety and sanity.
And when we all go out I will not be drinking with my sil that I get along with.
Historically when we all get together my sil, A, and I get goofy together and laugh at the stupidness that is going on around us all while refilling each others wine glass.
Whether its I use the "I have to run to the gym or where ever!" as long as I get away.
Thank God we are only staying for three days. DH and I have barely to really talk about this simply because I didn't want to blow up. I knew I would do that and I think he knew it so he avoided talking somewhat to me.
Last night he was being cuddly, obviously wanting some "fun" and I was still feeling prickly. I fell asleep fast last night as I was tired too and wanted to kind of sleep on this.
I sent a prayer up to God that he can help me find a way to deal with this.
I'm hoping I see the answer soon.

Well, I have to run. My boss gave me the early lunch hour and I have to heat up my food.

Still here, still sober and just texted my hubby. Told him. I need a drink.
A pina colada without the colada. LOL
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Old 05-20-2013, 06:39 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
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Nothing is worth us taking a drink. Families are special stressors I'm flying to FL next week and will drive my Dad back to the mid west. I'm sure there will be things I enjoy, but also things that will stress me. I'm looking forward to getting back to my own home and beginning to enjoy my summer.

In my first marriage, I disliked staying at my MIL's house.....it was dirty and she was a heavy smoker. I tried every excuse in the book....till I finally told the truth....just said I couldn't rest well in her home and would stay at a near by hotel, with a pool for the kids and where would we all meet for dinner? Should have done that years before.

Dr. is ordering extra steroids for poison ivy, as it isn't going to clear up with one round. Watching the news of the tornado tragedy in OK - just heartbreaking
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Old 05-21-2013, 07:26 AM
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See that's the issue here Pond. Its kind of up to hubby to break it to his parents that "Guess what guys. We are not staying with you because you are filthy, your house is filthy, disgusting and we will not expose our son to that"
I've told my one sil in the past that I developed a really bad cold thanks to staying at their house and amusingly enough she agreed and says her hubby was disgusted when living with them too.

That's the difference between my parents and hubbys parents. First my parents house is pretty clean. Mom spends anytime not watching tv or drinking, cleaning the house.
Now it's not as spotless as when I was a kid but it's still relatively dust free, the sheets are clean, there is no mold, and its an environment (cleanliness wise) that I would feel okay subjecting my son to.
I don't like the alcohol bit but I will be there to shield my son from it and use it as a teaching tool for him in the future. (ex. putting him to bed talking about how grandmas voice is slurring and she's acting all funny. That's what alcohol does to you sweetheart. It makes your mind not exactly work right.)
Also my parents appreciate private space or personal space. My Mom or Dad would never even think to just walk in to an occupied bathroom or bedroom, at least without knocking.
I think what rankles my mother and father in law about when we stay somewhere where we are in a separate hotel room is they can't just waltz in. It bugs them that there is a locked door between us.
My sil who used to live right nearby my mother and father in law (about a 2 minute walk) used to complain because her parents would throw a fit when she locked the doors because they couldn't come to her house and drink the coffee and watch tv there.
When she wasn't home.
There would be no way I could live like that.
My God, I can only imagine, DH and I both get off from work, get into a little "afternoon delight" and in walk the in laws. Well HELLO!
LOL LMAO.
No THANK YOU!

I told hubby yesterday that look, they will never change. They will always do this. They have always done this. He was complaining yesterday that why do we always have to argue about this.
I told him its simple. They want to be able to tell you and I exactly what to do, where to stay, how to think. And now, we are adults. They don't agree with a lot of what we do and that's fine but they cannot expect us to do everything they want.
We are adults now. Not children.
Reminded him this is a good lesson for US in the future for our own son.
When he gets older and starts making many decisions for himself, we might not agree with them. We might not like it. But when our son is 18 it is our time to no longer interfere as much. It is his time to make decisions. They might be a bad or good decision but he will learn over time.
That's the way life is!
His parents will be upset. His parents feelings will get hurt.
His parents will be disapointed but you know what?
They will get over it. They always do.

So I believe we will stay firm with our decision to stay in a hotel in Memphis rather than staying with family. Only issue is I have warned hubby, they will do their very best to make him feel as guilty as possible. They always do. Every single time we visit. They all clobber him with guilt. His parents, his older sister, his brother. They tackle him and yell at him and tell him he is the worst brother, son ever in existance. And he sucks it in and doubts himself.
And it sickens me.
I have spent 20+ years telling him he's a great guy, a good husband, a wonderful man. The first 5-10 years of our marriage he really didn't believe me. He looked for bad things to fall into his life, believing that he deserved it. That he deserved to take the blame for everything. 20 years ago he would've probably said he feels responsible for the tornadoes in Oklahoma recently. It was that bad.
So when I watch them pound on him I so wish he would one day stand up and yell "I WILL NOT TAKE THIS ANY LONGER!"
Maybe one day in the future it'll happen? Don't know.
I hope it will but only time will tell.

Did have something to drink last night. A limonata. Shared it with DS. No, not alcoholic. Its a lemon italian soda pop.
I got some hugs. I talked with hubby, quietly. We went over our camping trip scheduled in August.
We unwound from our work day. Decompressed. Hubby started reading a book last night (cheated actually, he had the book read to him) all about homesteading. I'm reading a book about a guy who gets stranded when trying to drive home from a business trip.
DS expressed his desire to start reading Harry Potter. He's started reading "chapter books" as he calls them.
I'm very proud of him! Told him "chapter books" are lots of fun! Amazing stories happen in them and his brain will make it even more amazing because his brain can imagine even more crazy things than you can see in the movies!

Still here, still sober. And very grateful today.
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Old 05-21-2013, 09:53 AM
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Read a good post this morning on Newcomers from someone celebrating their one year sober anniversary This site is invaluable to so many, whether they stay, or move on.

I booked my flight to FL this morning for a week from today. I've got time to get organized and ready.

Picking up rescue pup in a bit - he had a little surgery to remove the wire from his broken jaw. He'll leave for his forever family Monday - so perfect timing for my trip to FL.

Paid some bills and balanced my check book. Haven't gardened much because of the poison ivy....which is starting to get better Need to get back to my daily walking....it's been hot and humid, and get my PI all flared up

Still here and still sober.....for 11 months today
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Old 05-21-2013, 11:29 AM
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YAY Pond!
Weird, Feeling very UP this afternoon. Don't know why.
Maybe it's the Vit B complex I took?
Just feeling chipper.

But I do have a headache. Grrr.
Very cool pond about the flight. Where in Fl you heading to?
Yeah, been hot and humid here. They haven't turned on the ac in our building. Heck they haven't even mowed the grass here on post. Its almost thigh high now.
Scary! Worried more now about snakes. Yuck.
Well gotta run. Made our reservation at Jellystone park in PA. Son is going to be sooooo excited!
I promised him he could do paintball this year. <rolling my eyes>
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